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A well written piece. Your words are colorful and very descriptive, allowing the reader to easily paint a mental picture which enhances the experience. Your piece has steady flow and great overall structure. The way you describe the beginning of a new day makes it seem as though it could not be anything but perfect. It would be great if the beauty, excellence and purity of night's transformation to daylight would carry over and make the remainder of the day just as wonderful. That sounds like wishful thinking, but we should always hope for it. Thank you for sharing this vibrant, strong piece with the rest of us. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
This is a nicely written piece. It flows really well and your rhyming is perfect. Your words paint a sad picture, but are very effective at allowing the reader to feel the emotions this piece offers. You keep things going at a steady pace and manage to hold the reader's attention. You did a great job of showing the progression of events, starting with the fallen people that have lost their souls, to the pets/animals of their lives succumbing to the same fate. Death has gripped this place and does not seem to be letting go any time soon. Nicely done! Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
I liked the idea behind this piece. You wrote it with a lot of positive emotion and love. My only issue is, and it may just be me, is that most of the piece is a bit repetitive. Repetition is not always a bad thing, it just depends on how it's done. I myself have repeated a particular phrase, though in a much longer piece. I guess it's all in the perspective of the reader. The words you used were great and showed how much the person cares for their significant other. I just think that sprinkling in different words with similar meanings may have worked better. This is merely my opinion, please take it as such. With that said, the words you chose did have nice, steady flow and structure. Your message of eternal love did indeed come through. Keep up the good work and positive direction. Write on!
This is a short but sweet piece written with positive and warm emotions. Your words are colorful and descriptive which allow the reader to form images in their mind and feel the depth of your piece. It flow well and has great structure. You managed to say a lot with very little, not always an easy feat. My favorite part is the last two lines. They provided the perfect ending. This piece may be short in stature but it high on quality. Great job! Keep up the good work and positive direction. Write on!
You did a great job with this. The rhyme scheme remains consistent throughout and the rhythm is solid. The piece has a steady flow and is very well structured, following the abab pattern very well. Your words are quite colorful and descriptive, really pulling the reader into the scene. This makes for a more enjoyable read. The piece is full of light-hearted and positive emotions. Your sense of happiness really shines through. It is apparent that your stroll through the woods brought on a wonderful experience and a friendship was forged in the process. Why can't all walks end up this positive? Most walks through the woods I hear or read about involve a mask wearing murderer and a lot of weapons . Thanks for the enjoyable read. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
This is a really good piece for being only 55 words. The ending made me laugh. Getting all hot and bothered at the dentist's office is pretty funny, especially when he's about to numb your mouth. The piece flowed well and had solid structure. You managed to fit a lot of emotion into it such a short read, something not easily done. I pictured this woman getting turned on, and then my imagination lead me to bet that when the needle pinched her mouth that all those passionate thoughts disappeared. Your piece could definitely be the start of a great story. I enjoyed it very much. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
It might help if I knew what tercet or tetrameter meant . My technical knowledge of poetry is below minimal. What I do know is, this is a nicely written piece. Your rhyming scheme is great. The piece flows well and has solid structure. Your tale of the teeth had me chuckling a bit. The picture you put at the end gave me that "ugggh" kind of reaction. The words are intelligent and the tone is light-hearted even though it deals with a child's fear of the "deadly dentures". I was easily able to form mental images that helped keep it all together. Nicely done! Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
This piece is full of real, negative emotion. Your bitterness is clearly displayed. There are people out there that think being a dad is a part time job, when it is convenient for them to be a part of their child's life. That is not only unfair but pathetic. You showed a strength and desire to move on and be better than he is. That takes determination. The piece flows well and has sound structure. The only issue I have is that you showed a consistent rhyme scheme in the first two parts then went to free verse the rest of the way. It did not detract from the overall quality, but I was just curious as to why it occurred. That said, you have a strong piece here that stands up strong. Nicely done! Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
This is a nice start to a story but I think it would be better served made into a long free verse poem or perhaps prose. The piece is full of dark emotion and imagery. Your words are very descriptive, letting the reader easily form vivid mental pictures of the scene you are portraying. The flow and rhythm are steady and it has solid structure.
I think in the first line that maybe"....steel that held her to her place." may be better as "steel that held her in place". This is merely a suggestion, please take it as such. The character in this piece is portrayed very well. Her suffering has just begun. Nicely job! Keep up the good work and positive direction. Write on!
This piece is simple in nature, but it presents a caring look at a potential relationship. Your words are not complicated and the flow is decent. There were a couple of minor issues. The first of which is your inconsistency with capitalization. Even though this is a poem, it is still important to remain consistent throughout. There are also places in which a comma or period would be appropriate. I will point out what I'm talking about below. I'm not an expert but I am going to try to offer suggestions. I normally do not attempt this but in this case I think I can handle it.
In the first stanza, replace the comma after 'night" with a period.
The second stanza has a couple of issues. No words said for a week maybe two, (Change the comma to a period)
we add each other online, "Oh no now what to do!" (Capitalize the "w" in "we", change the comma after "online' to a period. Add a comma after "no")
We both like the military I can talk about that (Put a period after "military" and "that")
but if I do what if he thinks I'm whacked? (Capitalize the "b" in "but" and add comma after "do')
Third stanza: I gave him my number, said "Any questions...do call"(Put a period after "call")
he gives me his in return, I look at the clock on the wall. (Capitalize the "h" in "he")
almost eleven and probably too late tonight, (Capitalize the "a" in "almost" and replace the comma with a period.)
I'll call him tomorrow, "Okay thanks, good night"
Fourth stanza: After a couple days of talking over the phone,
There's a super bowl party in his youth pastors home,(Change the "T" to lowercase)
I'm invited to go, My parents don't say no.(Change the comma to a period)
I'm thrilled and can't wait even though,(Move the comma to after the word "wait")
it's not a date... I don't hesitate.
Fifth stanza: We go and I meet his fam(Spell out the whole word "family, it sounds better)
His youngest sister shows me "kitty cat land"(Period at end)
the dog comes over to investigate(Capitalize the "t" and put a period at end.)
"time to go pick up the others, or we're going to be late"(Capitalize "t" in "time")
Final stanza: We go and have a really good time(Needs a period)
one of these days this guy is gonna be mine(Capitalize the "o" in "one". Replace "is gonna" with "will" it flows better)
He's a hottie and has really nice style,
but he's also respectful to me,(Change comma to a period){?c}
I believe I'm going to be with him for a very long while.(This needs to be shortened a bit but I currently have no suggestion)
These are minor issues that can be easily corrected. The piece has a good foundation and is capable of getting stronger. Keep up the good work and positive direction. Write on!
Your piece presents an interesting concept of being able to choose our own God. Buddy Hackett?? That would have been quite comical. How about Abbot or Costello? Anyway, the choice you made and the scenarios that may have been possible were pretty good. I'd love to see football with no off-season and I totally agree with rap going away quickly. Metal should be the music of choice. The piece has steady flow and rhythm. The structure is solid and your rhyme scheme was consistent, though in the third stanza you had the rhyme all the way through. The reader can follow along easily and not get sidetracked. Overall, you did a good job with this. Keep up the good work and positive direction. Write on!
This piece brings an inanimate object to life. The diary is portrayed as a person that is confided in and is always there when you need them. That gives this piece a more personal feel instead of just referring to the diary as a mere object. For a lot of people, their diary is more than just a book of pages with words on them. It becomes an extension of their own mind and being.
The piece has steady flow and fairly good structure. Your words are descriptive and paint a nice mental picture, allowing the reader to visualize the diary's appearance as they go along. You keep everything together nicely and do not deviate from the subject. Nicely done! Keep up the good work and positive direction. Write on!
Your words flow well as you weave your short ode to love. The simplicity of this piece does not detract from the quality. You managed to say quite a lot with few words. This stems from the mental images that can be formed when reading this. The reader's imagination does the rest. The piece is full of positive emotion and warmth, showing how wonderful it is when two people are drawn together by the powerful force known as love. Nicely done! Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
It seems the question of love will never be answered between these two. You say this is not quite a follow up but I beg to differ. It seems to follow the other piece nicely. Here these two people are, now washing plates and having that same conversation again. The piece flows fairly well and you managed to keep the verbal exchange between the two characters interesting. The ending was comical with him uttering the words she wanted to hear then pointing out to her that it was April Fool's Day so in fact he did not mean it. He got a nice swift kick for his actions. Nicely done! I'd like to see more of this continuing saga of unannounced love. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
Your piece has pretty good flow and structure. Your wording is descriptive and colorful. The piece is full emotion and the main character seems to be struggling with an inner conflict. You present your thoughts well and manage to keep everything together nicely. My favorite line is the opening one. It is very powerful and a great way to start out. It definitely caught my attention. Silence can sometimes be worse than anything you could ever say. It is a non-verbal show of disregard and disrespect. You did a good job showing that here. Nicely done! Keep up the good work and positive direction. Write on!
This piece is full of gloomy, melancholic moments. There is also plenty of love felt here too. The darkness of this piece is a realization that some people lose their desire to live their life when the ones that mean the most to them have passed on. Your words give the reader a sense of the inner pain you feel after losing your father and having already suffered emotional turmoil from the loss of your mother. It is never an easy road to travel when you have to find ways to console yourself after such painful losses. The stress it puts on the mind can sometimes be overwhelming and a constant source of sadness. You presented that very well with this piece. Nicely done! Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
Good rhyming scheme decent flow and good overall structure. Your piece seems to be about a tree that was struck by a vehicle and caused either a death or extreme physical trauma. It has a few minor issues. The word 'use" should be 'used'. In the fifth stanza, the second line would sound better as "Wish that you could see" and the third line would fit better if it read as "This chainsaw is my cure'. These are merely suggestions. Overall you did a decent job with this. Keep up the good work and positive direction. Write on!
Why can't it ever be a simple yes or no? That's the question posed here in this piece about two people that are married but are questionably in love. I love how you interspersed the actions of the two of them preparing a pie with the actual argument of whether or not the husband loves his wife. That was a nice touch. I found it rather comical to witness these two bickering while making dessert. Your piece was lighthearted even though it was about a serious subject, that of love. It has pretty good flow and overall structure and you managed to keep my attention throughout. I really liked the ending when the husband replies "Ask me next time." to his wife's inquiry, effectively ending the conversation. Nicely done! Keep up the good work and positive direction. Write on!
That was a bit comical. All that suffering through getting dressed, not eating, and finding a spot to relieve yourself, all for shooting a little squirrel. A deer would probably been more worthy of all that hassle. Your piece had a nice steady flow and good overall structure. Your words were descriptive and painted a mental picture that was often funny, especially your experience in that snow suit after firing the gun. You showed a nice balance of good and bad feelings. The ending was nice and seemed to offer a bit of relief from the morning that probably should not have been. The husband showing a sense of humor after his moments of frustration added nice depth. One thing is for sure, sometimes its best just to stay home. Good job! Keep up the fine work and positive direction. Write on!
A very gripping piece about the reality of combat and the taking of a life. Your piece definitely falls into the category of literary darkness. Your words are few but strong and fill the piece with powerful statements that describe what happens during a time of mortal war. The piece has great flow and structure. You captured the harshness of death very aptly. The warrior's lack of remorse for his action shows a cold, chilling side to his character. Killing can be intoxicating for some people that view it as an ultimate triumph over their foes. You did a nice job depicting this scene. The reader can easily form mental images of what is taking place, making for a more enjoyable read. Good job! Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
Your piece is full of dark emotion, of which love is one of. Love covers such a broad spectrum that it is almost impossible to not feel it in some capacity. Your words capture your feelings well and are very descriptive, allowing the reader to not only enjoy the piece but get a bit of insight into your views on the powerful entity that love is.
I agree that loneliness can be one of love's harsh side effects. It is a feeling that has crept into the deep recesses of our emotional foundation and brings with it a sense of social isolation. It is important to us to feel wanted or loved by others and when neither of those are true it can be psychologically devastating. Reality is not always a kind place. That's why we often find ways to try to escape it.
Your piece has steady flow and sound overall structure. It is a fitting testament to the fact that love, as great as it is, is not always a positive thing. Nicely done! Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
A poem about a typical teenage crush on one of the sports jocks. Your piece, though very short, manages to say a lot. You do a good job of presenting your thoughts in such a limited piece. The emotion rings through and the reader can sense the feelings that are had for the so-called "unattainable" relationship with Mr. Basketball. The piece has nice flow and structure. You kept things simple but that very simplicity worked rather well this time. Nicely done! Keep up the good work and positive direction. Write on!
This story needs a bit more seasoning. It has potential to grow but I think a little more background on each of the characters would have been beneficial instead of just introducing them and going from there. That is something I had to learn myself as I had done the same thing before. It adds more to the story if more is known about each of the characters involved. I am by no means an expert on story writing but I can offer advice and some helpful tips that were given to me in the past. Your piece has decent flow and structure but it needs some reworking. You do show the ability to present your thoughts properly. I think you can make good progress with this piece. keep up the good work and positive direction. Write on!
The poem itself is not bad but the way you have it spaced and structured is in serious need of reworking. The subject matter is positive and the thoughts are presented fairly well. It would be better though if you straightened out the piece's appearance. It looks scattered and is not easy on the eyes. The reader has to constantly refocus where the next part is instead of just reading. If you bring it all together in a neater fashion the quality would definitely improve. Just a thought. I do believe this piece has the potential to shine but it must first be polished. Keep up the positive direction and write on!
This piece is well written and is filled with the kind of raw, positive emotion that only a person truly in love can conjure up. Your words are colorful and descriptive with a serious but heartfelt tone. The reader really gets a sense of the love and caring you have for your significant other. True love is such a wonderful feeling and not everyone is lucky enough to be blanketed in its warmth. It is something that should be embraced and cherished for as long as you are blessed enough to experience it. Nicely done! Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on!
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. Thanks for the enjoyable read. Keep up the great work and positive direction. Write on! 
You showed a nice balance of good and bad feelings. The ending was nice and seemed to offer a bit of relief from the morning that probably should not have been. The husband showing a sense of humor after his moments of frustration added nice depth. One thing is for sure, sometimes its best just to stay home. Good job! Keep up the fine work and positive direction. Write on!