NOTES/ERRORS:
I thought a summer of freedom lay ahead of me, but there was talk at the dinner table of extracurricular activities to prepare me for university.
Add, "a" before, "university."
I’d watched the branch grow for over a decade, stretching further each year for my window, as if silently daring me.
I believe, "for" suppose to be, "from."
Daring me to leave behind the family that had accepted me, raised me so lovingly alongside their own son, and made sure I wanted for nothing.
That last part, "made sure I wanted for nothing." Consider revising. I'm not sure what you met here. Also, "the family that had accepted me, raised me so lovingly alongside their own son," you should consider adding, "biological" before, "son" if you're indicating that the main character is adopted.
My classmates have been twittering about the big opening night of a new club, Castle, for the last few weeks.
Use italics on, "Castle."
Turning away from my house, I cut through the dark night towards the town centre without looking back.
Consider replacing, "looking" with, "glancing."
The inside of Castle is like nothing I've ever seen before.
Consider italicizing, "Castle."
Someone knocks into me, breaking my trance.
Replace, "knocks" with "bumps."
The bar’s length is guarded by a crowd three bodies deep.
Add a comma after, "crowd."
He pours multiple drinks side by side,
Add dashes to, "side by side."
If he’s made a mistake with any of the orders, no one has noticed.
Change, "has" to, "would have."
“Hi, I’m Kaira. You’ve never been to a place like Castle before, right?”
Italicize, "Castle."
“Luce. Cute name. Don't worry, I know some of the staff here at Castle. I'll look after you.”
Again, last time I will mention this, italicize, "Castle."
She pats me on the back in an oddly motherly gesture, then ruins it by handing me the next drink, this one a pale pink, cloudier than the last.
The part, "this one a pale pink" replace, "a" with, "is."
Conscious I don’t need it my hand reaches out on auto pilot and closes around the icy glass.
You're missing some commas/periods here. First, add a comma after, "Conscious." Add a period after, "it." Capitalize, "my."
She tugs at my arm, pulling me away from the safety of the bar and onto the crammed, heaving dance floor.
The word, "heaving" probably should be, "heavy."
I'll stop here as my review is becoming lengthy.
SUMMARY/THOUGHTS:
Keep in mind, I'm not a professional reviewer or novelist. Take my words with a grain of salt.
My thoughts on this novel so far is...what's the purpose? The way a novel or a story with several chapters should begin is by introducing the main character and giving him/her depth immediately. This can be done in the first chapter or in the prologue, if you include one. The parts I read from your story/novel doesn't "hook" me or encapsulate me to read further. Consider adding a prologue that introduces the main character better and setting him/her up to the main problem of the story.
KEEP ON WRITING!
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