NOTES/ERRORS: Yes! he exulted, I know those guys!.
Capital the 'h' on "he." Remove the period after the exclamation mark.
SUMMARY/THOUGHTS:
It's going! It's going!! It's GONE!!! You hit a homerun with this story. Congratulations! I was fascinated by the topic and clicked. Actually, I chose random read and this story was given to me. I'm glad. I enjoyed the ending where Jeff had his final thoughts of his proteges or buddies and his fate will follow theirs. Great write! Thanks for sharing!
HELLOEmmist THOUGHTS
I liked the story. I love the suspense. As I was reading through this I kept thinking, "This must be fantasy." When the coronavirus first broke out, there was no way for hospitals to test for positivity. Often times, they just guess. It wasn't until later April and early May that testing became readily available. Great write!
HELLOGuriya THOUGHTS
Not bad. I'd say this was written in whole with minimal breaks. There is one verse that is a bit rough: They always being rejected until driving a lot. The rhyming pattern of ABAB is consistent throughout, but this verse is wordy, particularly at the end with, "driving a lot." Consider revising.
HAPPY MISTAKES
Perfect! None that I found. Keep on writing!
HELLOSeuzz THOUGHTS
I love UFO lore. I've been trying to study the thing, but the only scientific explanation is that it is a hoax started in 1947 when media first made fame of it. For me, I'm like, but in ancient times, cavemen made paintings in caves that depicted UFOs and other worldly beings. Later on, many wrote about them in journals and articles before radio/media came into play. Who knows, but every time there are UFO sightings, there are Bigfoot sightings as well. I guess they all travel by portals when the atmosphere is right. That would be my only recommendation, add Bigfoot to your story. Great write!
HAPPY MISTAKES But Jack didn't crawl away with him. When Chris looked back, he didn't seen his friend, only a shadow writhing on the ground.
HELLOAnni Pon THOUGHTS
A prose/reflection on the current pandemic. I like how you referred to the virus as 'the king.' I also like the use of a picture of a chess pawn with a crown on top to re-iterate your connection/metaphor.
I can't say I'm a fan of the topic as the current pandemic has taken many lives. Too many times have I encountered people in my community coming up to me to discuss recent losses. I gave food to my community the entire year and to hear these stories on a daily basis was truly disheartening.
HAPPY MISTAKES
None, great write! Keep on writing!
HELLO🌕 HuntersMoon THOUGHTS
I loved it! To be quite honest, I was scared of the photo included in your title at first. I was like, "is this comedy or horror?"
The poem itself really hits home with me. I know a lot of people who live in single and double-wide trailers. I also know they're prone to love at first sight so that whole "close blood-related" is pretty accurate. Great write!
HAPPY MISTAKES
None, it's perfect! Keep on writing!
HELLOL.A. Grawitch THOUGHTS
It's good. I enjoyed the entire piece.
The thing I didn't really enjoy was the first paragraph. It was an inner monologue of the main character. I would probably use a larger font or a different color to make this portion stand out and to let the reader know that it's the thoughts of the main character. Other than that, Nice on!
HAPPY MISTAKES It isn't about the people that you know, or the life experiences that you've had, insanity is just a part of the person you are.
Add a period after, "had." Capitalize, "insanity."
You're missing a period at the end of the 4th paragraph.
I did well with interview process, add, "the" before, "interview process."
HELLOwinklett in the woods THOUGHTS
I enjoyed the use of the number system here in your poem. It's very creative. The thing that confused me was the purpose of each thing you used for each number. At first, I thought it was farm animals. Then Number seven uses something else. It's like the poem uses some animals and emotions in no particular order.
HAPPY MISTAKES
None in terms of punctuation and grammar. The only thing I would recommend is to use a constant theme throughout. If this is a poem geared toward children, it would be best if repetition and a theme is used.
HELLOTheBusmanPoet THOUGHTS
I loved it! I think it's nostalgic. It reminded me a lot of 7th grade. I remember we wrote a lot of poems and read them out loud. I remember watching movies and listening to music for long periods of time after school to get inspired. Braveheart was one movie I often went back to for inspiration. The sheer brilliance of the character William Wallace was truly a great writer's block breaker. Great write!
HAPPY MISTAKES
I did not see any. Nice job! Keep on writing!
HELLOSerena Blade THOUGHTS
I'm astonished. A poem about jealousy in a relationship. I had to read through this several times, but I think this is the inner monologue of the woman in this relationship. The verse: I just wish you realized this. Instead of pretending feelings don't exist is an indication of this. Men don't really cater to emotions. Men are, in certain situations, like robots. I would know because sometimes I feel robotic in certain scenarios and situations. Great write!
HAPPY MISTAKES
The word, "wont" should have a apostrophe. I noticed you used it twice without, but it might be intentional.
The usage of periods throughout the poem creates sentence fragments as the next verse should be combined with the previous verse.
HELLOBen Langhinrichs THOUGHTS
I love it! I enjoyed the last two verses as it defines how the character is or has became a "farmer." To tell you the truth, I did not expect the poem to be about having "writer's block" and how it has lead to a one-hit wonder. Great write!
HAPPY MISTAKES
I did not find any. Nice job! Keep on writing!
HelloGrandma Penguin needs help THOUGHTS:
I loved it! It made me chuckle. The subject was the reason I clicked. I thought, "An anorexic vampire? I have to read this!" Yep, it didn't disappoint. It was hilarious. Great write!
HAPPY MISTAKES:
I found some of the words, not to my liking, particularly the ones that were used after the quotations. Other than that, it was great! Keep on writing!
HelloProsperous Snow celebrating THOUGHTS:
It's good. It is a great inspirational piece. I loved the way you used your capitalization throughout. Nice work!
HAPPY MISTAKES:
None, this piece has reached the level of perfection! I'm glad you posted for all to see. Stay positive! Keep on writing!
Hellokatwoman45 THOUGHTS:
A nice homage to tiger lily flowers. When I first read the title, I thought of the album of the same name by Natalie Merchant. I thought of the song, Wonders from that album and tied it to your poem. I guess tiger lilies are a great wonder to nature, just like the song
HAPPY MISTAKES:
Nadaa, it's perfectly executed! Great write!
HelloSunBear THOUGHTS:
This usually doesn't happen when I read a newbie, but your poem was pure excellence. Like, "Wow!" I was amazed. You got some serious skill.
HAPPY MISTAKES:
None, grammar wise. My only recommendations would be to use paragraph indention or stanzas; space the writing out in the format of a poem and use stanzas/verses. Other than that, great write! Keep on writing!
HelloElisa the Bunny Stik THOUGHTS:
It was a little short to my liking. I think some expansions are needed like what specific type of weeds or plants do you like to grow and why. I liked the concept of planting a garden. I think some clever language usage can be used with this theme. Of course, if this is for one of those 1 star review contest then I guess it's perfect.
HAPPY MISTAKES:
Consider expanding and adding a few more verses to make it feel like planting a garden is like crafting a painting.
Why I chose your piece? It was requested and I don't ever think I had a review request before in my 12 plus years on this website. I am truly thankful!
What I think of it? It has great potential. The concept of 'nature vs. technology' is a great topic. For one, I've never seen it explored or even used.
The problem with using this topic is that you're comparing two very different things; almost like polar opposites. One is abstract (nature) and the other is a media (technology). Of course, there are similarities with both as well like they grow and change over a period of time and they can be touched physically in certain forms.
Your poem is a great starting point. The things I would recommend are complex. They involve using smaller themes in your poem such as with nature: Earth, wind, and fire. This can be paired or compared with technology: Interfaces, mediation, and usability.
You should include stanzas to do this. I'd say 5 verses per stanza. Stanza 1 can be focused on Earth, Mother Earth and how she envisions things in nature where everything is truly a circle of life vs. interfaces and how they only organize things through calculations and programming. This is just an example. There are many more playful ideas you can compose with this, but I'll leave it at that.
Any errors or mistakes? None that I saw. Great job! Keep on writing!
HelloDr M C Gupta THOUGHTS:
Amazing! You know how a broadcaster at an NBA Dunk Contest go, "It's OVER!! Let's go home!" That's what happened here after I read this poem. This is truly a masterpiece. Great job!
HAPPY MISTAKES:
None. Masterpieces don't have mistakes, only stakes, and it is used to place for prizes. Write on!
Why I chose your piece? It was randomly chosen for me (random read).
What I think of it? This is a hidden gem. The fact no one has read or review this yet makes this a hidden gem. I liked it, especially the ABAB rhyming pattern throughout. You also managed to use effective words in those rhymes. Nice job!
Any errors or mistakes? None, it's perfect! Keep on writing!
HelloJeff THOUGHTS:
"I liked it a lot," as Lloyd Christmas would say. I would consider adding some color to your stanzas. Use green, yellow, and red, the colors of a stoplight for each stanza. I only say this because the three stanzas intensifies after each and using color would be a clever way to inform the reader that things went from cold (light blue or green) to cautious (yellow or light-green) to bad things happening (red)
HelloNatsby THOUGHTS:
It's got potential. As I read through this, I thought, "It's missing color." This is something I would strongly recommend. Add some color and a few additional line spaces and this poem would be grandiose. Here's what I mean by color and line spacing:
Failure is a close friend
Always at my feet
Order is an acquaintance
We met in '99
Love is an uncaged bird
It often passes by
Of course, it doesn't have to be red and blue, but something that separates two train of thoughts between each verse; like there's a conflict happening between two people with different perceptions (angel and the devil, etc.).
HAPPY MISTAKES:
Last verse, the word, "Its" should be not be capitalized.
HelloKalai THOUGHTS:
It's good! I liked it. Consider adding a few verses about rebirth and reincarnation. I know Gandhi, during his lifetime, believed that people were resurrected through another person either at birth or at childhood. There are countless documentations and literature on this. There are even YouTube videos that discuss such reincarnations.
HAPPY MISTAKES:
The verse, "We have come". The period for this should be inside the quotations.
HelloTim Chiu THOUGHTS:
I thought it was well written. One problem I did have with this is there are no emotional connections. I feel a poem about raising the prospects of children for future generations should have a stronger deeper message or meaning. Reading through this felt like a prologue to the beginnings of an epic novel. Maybe it could sway its use for that.
HelloKingsSideCastle THOUGHTS:
I love the game of chess! It's an art, but upon closer inspection, it's a game of memorization. I love how you covered the basics in such a short poem. Amazing job!
HAPPY MISTAKES:
The only thing I saw was the word, "Strong." I'm not sure I would capitalize that. Maybe color code the chess pieces to make it more dynamic. Just a thought. Great work all around! Keep on writing!
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