I like the stanza placements as they seem to be all over the place resembling the tides/waves of the beach. It adds another level of character to the poem and it is very creative! Nice job! Two stanzas sit to the right and both are about coffee. The middle center stanza is walking on the beach using some human senses to describe the atmosphere there. The two left stanzas cater more to emotions and doubt. Overall, great poem. It didn't receive a perfect score due to the simplicity of capturing the moment about walking on the beach with enjoyment, coffee in hand.
One small step for man, one giant leap for woman. Excellent writing you have here. It's never easy to write a 50 word story, or poem. This captures the monumental moment where a female astronaut steps foot on the moon for what is probably the first ever for women. Obviously, a major moment and you capture it well. The initial build with effective keyword and key phrase usage such as "darkness," "gazing up at the stars," "standing here alone," "eyes welled," and "heart raced" really encapsulates the reader into a world of mystery. And that mystery is revealed in the last line through a quote from Houston that completes the story very well. Nice approach, nice job, excellent work!
It's a good story that is symbolic. My favorite line is: they say broken hearts just make more pieces to love the next one. This almost reminds me of an essay. In many ways, it is and that line is the thesis.
The overall structure of this story, or essay, is superb. I love the metaphor you use with the flowers and how they were tied to a certain past boyfriend; each section of flowers represents the unique traits of one past boyfriend.
Overall, this was very well written. I can't complain too much other than to say the length was a bit short for my taste. Nevertheless, it is the thought process that counts and this merits overall excellence. Great write!
Excellent! I love the story! It is well written. I love how you began with the Werewolf and the problem/idea of eating humans, but do not reveal the vampire until the end. Nice technical writing approach there! And with nothing but dialogue too! In terms of errors, there is an extra period in dialogue 5. Other than that, amazing! I usually don't give out 5 stars unless the writing is that good and took me by surprise. This did both. Nice job!
Errors/Suggestions:
I noticed an inconsistent use of commas throughout this poem. You have them on the first verse, but none after that. I cannot be too harsh as poetry isn't about proper punctuation.
In terms of the poem, my only suggestion is to add more stanzas to further glorify winter. You have a good base as is. It just needs further development to strengthen the poem. Perhaps you can use the five senses as your guide in writing the other stanzas. Just a suggestion, nice write!
Errors/Suggestions: I think, "anymroe" is suppose to be, "anymore"
"tem" suppose to be, "them"
"Stopp" should be, "stop"
"its" suppose to be, "it's" (this error is in several areas)
I love the two character tension dialogue in this story. It was very effective as both characters define the issue with a sad resolution. My only dislike was the officer's name, Bob. I think Bob is too basic or simple. Officer McCarty or Officer Lewis would be better options. Sometimes, authors or writers will add another layer of character development simply by using a name that defines a trait such as leadership or strength. Just a suggestion. Nice Write!
Positives: It's technical, well-structured, and pays homage to a legendary author. Well done! Well written!
Errors/Suggestions: There are no errors in terms of grammar and punctuation. The only suggestion I can make is to highlight or bold Charlie boy Dickens to emphasize the name as the poem is about him.
I can see the message is strong in your writing here. The pandemic, especially in the beginning, was difficult to grasp as too many people dealt with the complications of Covid-19. No one knew how the treat it. Everyone assumed that once you had the virus, you were on borrowed time. I feel for the grandma in this story. She has overcome many obstacles in her life, but none greater than the Covid virus. To have her make it through and to read letters from the 3 children was a nice touch and a great way to end this story. Nicely done!
Positives: Good poem, strong message, great theme!
Errors:
The word, "theft" should probably be, "thief" as it sounds awkward in that verse.
The word, "lose" should be "loses" to create a better flow.
"hes" should be, "he's" you have this error is several places.
"whats" should be, "what's"
"din't" is a typo, "didn't"
"there" should be "they're"
"hes" should be "his" on the last stanza, first verse.
The last verse of the poem should have an exclamation point to indicate emotion/frustration.
I've been around a long time here on this website (on and off 14 plus years). I don't believe I have ever come across your writing before. It's nice to see poetry in it's most complex style or form. Your ghazal is spot on in format. In terms of message, I think it showcases guilt in spirituality well. The person/character narrating is begging the Lord for forgiveness for, apparently, breaking all 10 commandments. This would mean the character is a criminal that committed murder, cheated on his or her spouse, worshipped another god, etc. I find that fascinating to imagine, that forgiveness is always an option as long as guilt is admitted and acceptance in moving forward is established by the individual. Nice write!
Why I chose your piece? I chose your piece randomly and I have to say it didn't disappoint.
What I think of it? I think it is great! I'm not religious, but I respect all types of religion and culture, especially in writing. Your poem here pays homage to a man who sacrificed himself in order to let the world prosper.
Any errors or mistakes? The only thing I didn't like or would recommend changing is the verse: Remember I went to be with my Father to sit beside him on his Throne. I would change this to: Remember me as I sat beside him on his Throne. The reason why is to keep it consistent with the rest of the poem that begins each verse with, "Remember me."
HelloIceSkatingSugarCube THOUGHTS:
A very interesting metaphor/simile you have written here. I wasn't sure if the poem was about a horse or a car. Either way, a clever play with words. My favorite verse has to be the last one, "boy oh boy, my legs are pooped!" This confused me as originally I thought the poem was about a car then now I think it's a horse. Good write!
I don't have any suggestions for improvements. I think it's great as is. I just want to say thank you for allowing me to have join your amazing group in the past and to give me the courage to be myself when I reviewed items. I love my tenure and run with your group. Unfortunately, I don't feel I am worthy anymore to be in your group as I am not a consistent reviewer/user. With that said, attached will be my appreciation and gratitude. Thank you for everything and thanks for the memories!
I have to admit, when I first read through this, I thought about human trafficking. The last verse reassured me that it wasn't, "A smile plays about her lips." The woman in the poem is a slave, but for romance and role-play, not because she is held against her will having to pay a lifetime debt. Thank goodness! Great write!
Hellofeyre st. clair THOUGHTS:
Your poem was given to me randomly through, "Read & Review." I like your poem here. I think it has great characteristics; meaning, you include detail that is superior to a poem of this magnitude. I believe this is my second review on your work. I'm starting to see a pattern here. In poetry, you display great skill. I feel the emotions in your writing and it is good.
HAPPY MISTAKES:
None, it's perfect! Keep on writing!
HelloWord Weaver THOUGHTS:
Excellent haiku you have here. It hits all the right notes. It is in 5-7-5 syllable format. I love the topic you chose, a flood. Usually when I read haiku's, they're about love or heartbreak. Yours is dark considering that floods are no laughing matter. I like it! The only thing missing are the results aka casualties, but that could be a haiku for another day. Great write!
HAPPY MISTAKES:
None, it's perfect as is. Keep on writing!
HelloSandraLynn Team Florent! THOUGHTS:
"He was very sneaky" prompt was properly used. Your poem was written well. It has great flow. There were two characters in your poem. One, the main character being sneaky and two, the burden the main character is experiencing trying to sneak. The only thing missing is the environment. I think with a little more environmental detail/description, it would really make this poem complete.
HAPPY MISTAKES:
No grammar or punctuation errors, only the suggestion I made above.
HelloDon Two THOUGHTS:
Yeah, we all have our days of feeling lazy; hence, the Bruno Mars song. You have a nice poem here. The metaphors and similes you used throughout is well done. The length in which to describe these events or similes are laid out nicely. Your poem flows well. There really isn't much to complain on. Nice write!
HelloKanishka THOUGHTS:
A brilliant review! I never knew who Shakuntala Devi was. This is actually the first time hearing about her. I'm glad you spread the awareness of her excellency. Now, I want to read literature about her. I also want to watch the movie. Your review was pretty well written and detailed. So of your arguments landed well like how women don't have any role models to look up to like men do and how personal and professional don't mix well. Nice job!
HAPPY MISTAKES:
The word, "demonise" is suppose to be, "demonize."
HelloI am here to stay THOUGHTS:
I like your poem. It's very sad, but meaningful. It has the right kind of ingredients to stand out. Those ingredients include: Depth, meaning, and flow. I like the depth, you use words like, "broken" and "pieces" to reiterate your points that someone broke you and has those broken pieces in which you'll never be the same person again. Nice write!
HAPPY MISTAKES:
My only criticism, if any, would have to be the way the poem is structured. By structure, I mean the spacing could be better. There are sections where the poem just breaks off into the next line like verses 5, 9, and 10. The last verse is two sentences/verse. Those two, should on their own lines.
HelloKitbok THOUGHTS:
Stanza 2 and Stanza 4 are similar. They both discuss God creating humans. I would probably combine these into one stanza. The only thing that's missing, and this is something I still haven't found an answer to, Who created God? Who is God's father or creator? I asked these questions once to a Christian and she responded, "That's his business." So I guess God created himself I suppose.
HAPPY MISTAKES:
Nadaa, it's written as perfect as could be.
Hello💟Crissy~Hijacked THOUGHTS:
Great story! You should become a writer . In all seriousness, I really enjoyed the planning that went behind crafting this story. I'm pretty sure it took some time to develop the characters' morals and traits. The antagonist Max is very well developed. In fact, he's better developed than the main protagonist Andrew. That's not necessarily a bad thing. You know what they say in Hollywood, if your villain is stronger than your hero, then you have a great movie at hand. Look at Terminator 2, Avengers: End Game, or The Dark Knight. These movies are masterpieces because the villain is truly stronger/better than the hero.
HAPPY MISTAKES:
I didn't find any, but a few sentences disrupted flow for me such as: "I don't work to pay my family's bills," he said to Max, "but I work when I want something that I can't buy." The reason I highlighted this particular sentence is because a boy, whether in elementary or middle school, would not have the courage to say something to his bully. Often times, they're silent.
Hellospidey THOUGHTS:
Only a story can make a grown man . I have to say, I wasn't expecting the outcome. Most stories I read, there is always a happy ending. But those stories are fiction. Yours was nonfiction and had realism in it. I guess, in a way, there was a happy ending; that the years of suffering through pain and misery had ended and grandfather was finally at peace. Great write!
HAPPY MISTAKES:
None, it's well written. Keep on writing!
HelloJourney to find my voice THOUGHTS:
I came across your story by random using, "Read & Review." I enjoyed reading it. My favorite part/sentence/line is: I agreed with her contently, while considering how God takes his paint brush and uses the most brilliant colors of ink when he paints. I'm no Christian, but I thought this sentence was beautifully written indicting that God creates masterpieces when he paints.
I also loved some of your transitional phrases; particularly after each spoken dialogue such as, "I corrected" or "I called" or "she exclaimed." These are simple by principle, but are a major weakness in a lot of people's writing. Because of your excellent transitional phrase, your entire story flows nicely.
HAPPY MISTAKES:
None, my only suggestion is to add color to your story like with, "purple" and "red."
Hellofyn THOUGHTS:
I tried to picture this sung as a hardcore hip/hop song. It doesn't have the rhyme or flow of a rap song. That might be a good thing considering this song is paying homage to your father. I, too, wish sometimes I could send an email and ask him for guidance. I guess Heaven's phone lines are busy as they probably still have dial-up.
HAPPY MISTAKES:
Nothing seems out of the ordinary. Great job!
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. I have to say, I wasn't expecting the outcome. Most stories I read, there is always a happy ending. But those stories are fiction. Yours was nonfiction and had realism in it. I guess, in a way, there was a happy ending; that the years of suffering through pain and misery had ended and grandfather was finally at peace. Great write! 