A heart is hurt and thus the author's thinking, life etc has deviated from the default being that he was. Now he believes that the girl who loves him in the present, is only capable of changing him i.e. to bring him back to the cheerful days , he was once in. And he is confident that only she can do that and only she will get the rights to do that...and if she doesn't then who will?? This last stanza really caught my eye...
Ideal comparision of Ocean with a loved one gone away. The vastness of ocean tells us that the loved one had a big heart. The silent waves of the ocean says that he love of author's life was always harmonious. All in all, the beauty of ocean in all respect is compared to the lost love. But, when the waves are cold, the ocean reminds the author that the body of his loved one is also lying cold in the grave... This is really touching.
A couple of place needs editing
1. The Ocean feels as worm warm
2. The Ocean carry's carries my salty tears
This poem comes from the heart of the author who is suffering the break-up of his parent's relationship.
And its natural. In such situation, the child suffers the most. There is so much anguish in the tone of this poem that the author wants to break free and find a moment of peace. The last stanza strikes the most as the author asks for support from the reader, who is not aware of the depth of his pain.
This is a wonderful piece of poem.
Something positive has prompted the birth of this motivational poem.
The state of mind is well compared to the train's behaviour.
And your Handle says it all. "I.M.Strong".. yes you are.
This is a nice poem different from others.
There are a few places in this poem where I would like you to have a re-look.
1. The train never haves to stop --- It needs editing. The train never has to stop
2. Today I became that train and started travelling down the track -- Today is present tense and became is past. It can be written as Today, I have become that train and have started travelling down the track
3. Will and Must dont go well together. either you can re-write as
(a) I will not look back, I will move forward
(b) I must not look back, I must move forward
These are only my suggestions as a reader and not a critic. Accept the ones that are helpful to you and discard the rest.
Well, Mohit, You have a wide head upon your shoulders. And your writing proves just. Being a newbie and posting this deep insighted article is a matured move.
I like the way you have described the virtues of living life. Just that it needs some support in form of a deeper explanation. Supplementing this whole idea with a few examples will be like adding Honey to Milk Isn't it?
Just re-look at this sentence " Both are in the same ocean of life" - Do you think you need some editing here??
These suggestions come to you from me as a reader and not a critic. You can accept the ones useful to you and discard the rest with a smile
It was nice reading this article. Would love to read more from your end.
I can very well relate to this one as I wrote something in the similar tone.
A memory is lived all over again while the author takes a stroll on the beach, remembering the beautiful past with a loved one right at the beach.
There is somewhat "low feeling" all over the place as the repetition of the line " I stroll alone", consumes most of the poem. The wait is getting longer for the author to be patient anymore.
But there is a hope to walk together and marking the sand with a couple's foot prints !!
A poem written right from the heart has left me impressed.
Every son/daughter remember their fathers the most when they themselves become parents. Every father on this earth is an example of God. A God who stays with us all our life, teaches us the best ways to lead a happy and sane life. Fathers are those special angels sent by God, to shower their shimmering blessings on us even after they are gone.
This emotional tribute left me misty eyed. Every child on this earth should read this poem.
There is a pain, a confusion in the writer's heart and mind. He/she loves her/him but he/she is unsure of her/his love.
Unsure of what the potential lover's mind, the writer is boggled down by his own confusion. At the same time he does not want to lose the love of his life. He is so much in love that he wants to wait for a lifetime for her to revert the love he expects.
I liked the line "But you have my heart on your sleeve" - very imaginative...
The rhyme and Rhythm is good, only some structuring is required according to the rhyme. This is only my suggestion.
The power behind the eyes to make it see is Almighty. The power behind the ear to make it listen is Almighty. The power behind the nose to let it smell is Almighty. The power behind the taste-buds to let it know the taste of the food is Almighty. The power beneath the skin to feel the touch is Almighty. Though till date no one has seen God, he does exists. And he exists within us. At the time of the Big Explosion, God was one. He thought lets be many. But how would he manage to be many from one? With the help of Maya or Illusion.
Think about this one : A seed is sown. Proper fertilizers, sunlight and water is provided. And a plant grows. Now how did the plant grow? Because of all these? Or because the Almight wished for it to grow? We breathe today, who knows we will breathe tomorrow? The Almighty knows.
By writing all the above I am not proving my point, but just letting you know my thoughts.
This essay is a very useful read. Everyone must read this to udnerstand the atom and molecule of life and things that are happening. Science and Nature are a part of God itself. The smiles, that we see on people's faces when they realise their dreams, is a scientific measure that God exists.
God is Super Power and its difficult to measure his specifications about existence. But I am sure that with the advancing technology, one day we may measure GOD.
I really liked reading this specially because I am inclined to such articles naturally.
Any comment here in this review is not meant to hurt the author's sentiments. It takes a lot to write such article in detail. And I respect the author's opinion as well. Apologies in advance for any absurd hurt.
For a Flash Story this is awesome. The use of words in prompts is unique.
The story teaches a lesson as well; that it is wise not to run behind the treasures and wealths. Life's biggest treasure is Life itself. Once gone, no other material is going to win it back.
I liked reading this. And the hidden message as well.
This poetic story talks of a woman who models for advertisements of products ranging from head to toe. She meets a rich man and they marry. They are in this wonderland type fairytale marriage with all the luxuries and materialistic world where one fine day destiny has something else for her as her husband's empire crumple and fall. She is left with nothing but a change of profile. She lives now in a small town, with her kids and a second husband who is mostly outdoors. But the crux of the poem is to say that leading a simple low profile life can bring contended smiles and peace rather than high profile limelighted life.
A story is well expressed in a poetic way has a hidden message for all of us to learn.
Aspirations are good, but going crazy behind chasing them ruins the making. Instead have aspirations that one can reach for.
There is a blend of ecstacy and pain in the poem. The first half talks of the pink peppy love and all of it in expressions and feelings. However, towards the end, the author's fears of being alone while the loved one is leaving, is surfaced very well.
The last line hits the reader's mind. All of the descriptions in the poem is because of "you"
and "it's just you" punches,
There are a few places in this poem that needs your re-work. These suggestions come to you from me as a reader and not a critic.
Take the ones that matter and discard the rest
1) In the 5th line god should be God.
2) In the 3rd stanza, 9th line it should read " Fall from my face".
3) It feels like my hearts broke - well there is only one heart. Apostrophe required.
Overall it was good to read a poem so different in construction like this.
A very emotional touch to this story comes with the fact that a brother still searches for the glass at his old age and thinks about his sister and her beautiful smile. The memories of childhood shine through the Glass Jar's coloured glasses. The "Little Rainbow" is very cute as a thought.
The story goes well with its sentimental flow.
There is one line which needs some editing. " Somehow, she always knew "where" to look for the glass of her color."
Keep Writing !!!
whooaaa !! I can imagine this. Being an Indian too I know how it is. But your fantastic way to put that every relationship into a converational writing is just mind blowing...
We call everyone with their respective relation-names, and yet we remember who is our siter-in-law's nanand's devrani.. hahaha
This was really great to read. I thoroughly enjoyed it to the core.
Thanks for sharing this on WDC!!!
Overall Impression:
A childhood memory is exhaustively explained with shades of excitement of welcoming a new pet to the family. This story is written with an emotional touch as the author just says towards the end that "We Didn't miss him much.. But he left an impression on me".. this line says it all. Some memories should not be named. And one such memory was this eagle to the author.
What I liked about this item:
The scene of the father running around the garden to let the eagle fly is awesome.
Selfless nature is seen here as being human and unknown to the tricks of flying, still he wants to teach this wild bird to fly.
The welcoming of a new member is done just as it is a family friend. The warm hearted family is pictured here.
Suggestion/s (if any):
None I enjoyed reading it as much as I can see that you enjoyed writing it.
good job
Write On!
Cheers!
Overall Impression:
There is a pain of lonliness, a pain of a lost love. A love that was so comoforting and cozy is now nowhere to find. Suddenly there is a void in life and the author has come to senses that she/he is not into a relationship. She/he as accepted the effects of her/his mistakes and as a result she has decided to move on in life. Trying to live life, but with a hidden pain....quiet eyes and silent lips.
What I liked about this item:
I loved the construction of the poem. The second stanza repeats as the fourth and this impacts the poem. The flow is good, the rhythm goes well. The frank acceptance, that life has been the way it is due to one's own chosen mistakes, is evident in the line " And now I choose my mistakes myself, I live them out on my own".. There is a conscious decision to live life on the terms that "lets own the responsibility of a mistake". This impressed me well.
Suggestion/s (if any):
There are a few places your poem needs editing. These are brought out to you from me as a reader and not a critic. You can feel free to take the ones that matter the most and discard the rest.
1) In the first line there is a little typo error ill. It should be I'll Isn't it? What do you say?
2) In the thrid line of the first stanza im should be I'm...
3) Similarly, I would like you to edit the fourth line as well.
4) In the 3rd stanza, 3rd Line - i've can be made as I've.. isn't it?
Pls dont worry about these as these are just typo errors. Everyone of us here face them. Its not a big thing to be worried about. It happens. Its natural.
I wanted to bring to your notice so that it may help you to be better next time
There is a great potential in your writings as the words say what they mean.
Overall Impression:
A funny story about a girl getting irritated by the buzzing of a mosquito. Atlast she finds it and finishes the story
What I liked about this item:
A 55-Word story is difficult to write as a writer has to convey everything from the idea to message. You have done a great job with it. The girls anguish, her irritation and strong desire to get rid of the insect is shown everywhere. The flow goes well. The content, strength and sentiments are maintained throughout.
Suggestion/s (if any):
My only suggestion to you is to Keep the thoughts flowing..
let them evolve as words and mark their presence on paper
As they say that there are musical concerts all over the place when one is in love. lol..
No hunger, no sleep and the mind wanders from place to place in search of that someone special everywhere the eye traverses.
Haiku is a difficult form of poetry and in it you have explained this difficult situation with great ease. This is remarkable.
Kudos !
Write On!
Quite a hilarious read for me. I had roars of laguhters all throughout this read. This happens with all of us and I can relate to it as I am on the threshold of turning 30. I wonder how all hubbies are all the same lol.... Every lady lives her life not for herself but for her husband, her children, her family. And in this , she finds bliss until she finds one day that she did not have one moment to live for her. She cannot rewind her life and make changes, but she tries to live life, from the time of enlightenment, to the fullest.
very true
Overall Impression:
This story seems to be the author's real life one and it is very heart touching. At the same time it shows the inner strength of the author to lead a life away from heartaches. Her beauty was unmatched as she lead a selfless life and gave up on all materialistic things and people she got hurt from.
What I liked about this item:
Rather than doing tit for tat, the author chose a path of self-healing, self-inprovement which moulded her future to shine as gold. The strength and courage of the author is evident from her story and decision making powers. The author has seen a lot in her life and has nurutured writing as her getaway passion.
The words marked their presence in the reader's mind. The impression so strong that it reflects the author's pure heart and the feelings that are residing in it since its conception.
Suggestion/s (if any):
None My only wish for the author is to have a happy healthy prosperous life ahead.
And please keep writing, your words really make a difference big enough for others to change.
Overall Impression:
A person experiences a fantasy meet with fairies and he is left awestruck with the chance encounter with the fairy and their wonders.
What I liked about this item:
A perfect for fantasy genre. That life is as colourful as a rainbow is the hidden message the fairies showed the person as well as all readers. Life is a complete circle as the bubble globe and its too fragile for hearts with love within it
Suggestion/s (if any):
There are a few places in your poem that needs some editing. I would like to bring it to your notice. You can take them or discard them, its the author's wish completely.
1)The first line needs editing such as The grass was green
2) In the 6th stanza, thrid line the sentence can be editied as
it seemed too fragile
3) A typo error space can be removed from the word "It" in the first line of the 7th stanza.
4) The last stanza needs editing in the same respect as stated in the point number 1 above.
These are just a little typo errors, and everyone experiences it. Its nothing big to worry about. Just that I thought I could help you to fine tune this beautiful poem.
Overall Impression:
The writer's mind is going through a lot many things at the same time, and hence this poem is conceived. Beautifully. There is a ray of hope associated with some dejections as well. There are little skepticisms which come along with a feeling called love. And that is very well brought out here.
The writer is sure that one day a new door will open, but at the current moment he/she is not sure of what the other potential partner has in-store for him/her.
What I liked about this item:
A mix of emotions blend well. The flow of the poem is good. The words themselves explain everything. There are a lot of ideas in between the lines which leaves the reader pondering.
The poem is knitted well. I enjoyed reading this one
Suggestion/s (if any):
My only suggestion to you is to "keep the thoughts going"
Hello "DS", I am here to review your item "Mr. Grumps".
I am a contestant in "Invalid Item" , and I have chosen you as one of my reviews! Welcome to WDC! I wish you a pleasant stay here
Overall Impression:
This detailed article describes in and out of "Mr. Complains" Though it was very funny to read, it really exposed the negativity of Mr. Grumps. We all have come across such people atleast once in our lifetime so far. But we never braved ourselves to go ahead and write down an entire article on the Kudos to the writer for doing this great job.
What I liked about this item:
Right from his arrival at the airport, to his return back, Mr. Grump's personality traits have been explained in detail very lucidly. It just grasps our attention and keeps the flow good throughout the read. Very informative piece of read for potential travellers, as they will now be able to easily spot Mr. Grumps on their trip.
Suggestion/s (if any):
None I really enjoyed reading it as much as I assume you enjoyed writing it
I have rated this item of yours with a 4.5 STARS and I am attaching some gift points as well for this brilliant effort
Hello "intomyarms" I am here to review your work "You were my everything"
I am a contestant in "Invalid Item" , and I have chosen you as one of my reviews! Welcome to WDC! I wish you a pleasant stay here!
Overall Impression:
This is a poem painted with strokes of love and longings for a loved one to let him notice how much the writer loves him. Every small aspect of their relationship has been fondly remebered and cherished by the writer. The feelings expressed here are deep and intense. A reader can feel the love just by reading this cute poem.
What I liked about this item:
The format and the construction of this poem is good. The free verse is beautifying it further. The words used here are chosen with great care. There is an innocent touch to the write-up
Suggestion/s (if any):
There is only one place where I found an error and I would like to bring it to your notice. You can take the suggestion or discard it Its totally the author's choice
"Now i understand how much I love you."
I should be capital isn't it?
Apart from this, your poem was flawless.
It was a very good read indeed.
I am rating this poem of yours with a 4.5 stars and I am sending along some gift points for your brilliant effort.
Overall Impression:
A woman, unwinds herself from the perpetual home chores, finds satisfaction on WDC. The sense of contentment that she gets on this e-world of her's is beyond words to describe.
What I liked about this item:
Over a period of time WDC is so much into my blood that I can relate to this poem very well. It describes the state of all women here on WDC. Really great to read this...
Suggestion/s (if any):
None I really liked reading it
write On!
Cheers!
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