This piece does evoke an image. I think there are some very nice details here. Specifically, I like the tequila bottles in back pockets. Thanks for sharing the image.
I was not familiar with this style of piece, but just looked it up. It's very cool! I must try one or two.
But that's beside the point. I enjoyed your content very much. I cannot tell if this is written to someone who has just left the author's life, or left life altogether. Maybe it fits either way? Regardless, I find it meaningful.
I found this to be a very nice piece. I can imagine her. Actually, I thought there may be a "punchline" where she turns out to be a statue, but my hunch was incorrect.
Pretty rough on yourself there, E. Maybe getting outta that bottle would do you some good?
April 7 is also my daughter's birthday. She's turning ten tomorrow. So if you can't claim some happiness for your own birthday, take some from hers. She's out to set this world on fire, in a positive way!
You've done a nice job of expressing what is so hard to put into words.
I have to stop reading the reports and watching the video clips. Having lived in Japan, I can imagine the terror. The Japanese have a very different way of dealing with disaster. Neither right or wrong, very different from Western countries.
I like some of the suspense that you've included here. There are plenty of word usage problems, like "...could see know one..." and some run-on sentences. It is fairly rambling language. And, just personally, I find the ending too much of a reach. A "cold water cave?" Definitely hard to imagine without knowing more. And why a "clay cutter?" I feel like I'm being left out of a lot of details.
I think if you watch your word usage, and take time to expand your descriptions, you will have a more engaging sytel. You have a gift for suspense.
I found this story fun and engaging. It's a little ironic that his name is Theodore. I believe that's one of the chipmunk's names in the famous and annoying musical group, Alvin and the Chipmunks.
There isn't much room for detailed description in flash fiction, which I always find challenging. This one could use some more space for elaboration.
This is a very touching piece. I know that it's very personal for you, but I thank you very much for sharing it.
Two weeks ago, I lost my grandmother. 89 years old, married to my grandfather for 73 years. He is lost now, convinced he's reached the end of his life. I can relate to much of your emotion here.
This is a poignant little tale. You've introduced a subject that would normally need significant exposition to be believable, in very few words. Belief is not required; you've gotten your point across. Thanks for the great writing example!.
"Please remember that I am an author, just like yourself, and as an author I am also reviewed by my peers, and I know what it feels like. Please remember that these are only my opinions, and they are respectfully given to you. You may do with them as you wish-- only you know what is right for your writing!" - I like to restate this - it's very important, in my opinion.
I think that this piece addresses a central issue for the modern world, at least the rich part of the modern world. As someone who has been very lucky in my life, I struggle with materiality, and see it developing in my child, as well. Thank you for addressing it.
Your writing is harsh in its criticism of material dependence. Yet, it offers a solution that results in becoming again "an innocent child." And the final line asks the reader to take action, to "shed."
The negative, darker parts of the piece sound a bit like a threatening preacher to me, which I personally think is a bit much. I love the solution proposed, and the call to action.
I enjoyed reading this very much.
RG
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rgeorge911
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.20 seconds at 8:54am on Apr 28, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
