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 Welcome to your Rogue review for review challenge week
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following category's.
1. The Creation - ( 4/5)
Hi there and welcome to WDC. I have to say your story was strange. Actually, repulsive would be a more apt description.
But, here's the thing, it also showed an element of genius. Now before you go quoting me for calling you a genius, I didn't. But I think this piece shows a degree of unique creativity normally saved for those brilliantly torment souls who become best selling authors.
The idea is brilliant. I think the main character is probably a fledgling serial killer but hey, it's a story right? Right?
As much as it is creatively brilliant, it is also somewhat unstructured and undisciplined. That is, it lacks refinement.
When I look at creativity in writing, I look for a unique idea, or an idea that is uniquely told. I look for characters that are fulling developed, believable, fitting for the story and fully utilised. I look at setting and whether there is adequate sensory ques to create a full and rich story. I want to be able to see what the characters see, feel what they feel. I want to be right there, on the journey with them. I want to see a good strong plot and storyline. I want to see well-crafted events that have been designed to feed the reader action bringing about conflict. Then I want to see adequate conflict resolution. I want to see the whole thing created and packaged for the reader.
When I read your piece the first thing I noticed was your unique story-telling method. You use first person which is difficult to pull off and yet you do. The problem is you write as though you expect the reader to understand the disturbing psychological ruminations of your main characters mind. Trust me, most won't. That's the thing, if you had written this in third person point of view you could have provided more insight to this insane young man's mind.
And yet....it is so brilliant. What a quandary you have created for me. I want to give it a five but I don't think it's quite there yet.
2. The Chores - ( 4/5)
Your tense usage is rather erratic. Sometimes present, sometimes past. This is annoying for the reader and distracts from the ambiance. You use words very well but many of the basic requirements for a good or even great (as this could be) short story are missing. There are structural issues. This piece, so dark and powerful, needs really strong support from the plot and storyline. You haven't provided it. There is a lack of setting as well. Don't tell us that it is dark and hot. Describe it. Tell us how it feels to you.
Lets look at these sentences.
You said:
"The room is dark and the air is heavy. It is hot and cramped. I felt the vibration of the amps against my pant legs. I reached up to wipe the sweat from my forehead as the singer let out an ear-piercing howl."
Should read:
The room was dark and the air was heavy. It was hot and cramped. I felt the vibration of the amps against my pant legs. I reached up to wipe the sweat from my forehead as the singer let out an ear-piercing howl."
or in present tense:
"The room is dark and the air is heavy. It is hot and cramped. I feel the vibration of the amps against my pant legs. I reach up to wipe the sweat from my forehead as the singer lets out an ear-piercing howl."
again, this time with setting:
"In the darkness of the room, I feel the vibrations from the amps while the heavy hot air wraps me in a sticky straight-jacket. I fight the cramped surroundings to lift my arm, wiping sweat from my forehead as a howl rips from the singer's throat"
Can you see what I mean? Create an image within the minds of your readers and they will love your work.
3. The Reception - ( 5/5)
I feel sick to my stomach as I admit that I love it. I should be repulsed. It isn't the topic or theme that I love so much as the originality, the daring, the offensiveness and how you present it. It feels like a mad man trying to explain his insanity. Haunting, well and truly haunting.
I want you to write more, please, write more. I want to see what you are capable of. I want to see that same genius made to dance with each stroke of your pen.
Final Rating - (4.3/5) *Score is based on Average of the three category's
Comment
I have no idea who you are, how old or whether you have any writing knowledge. I am including some tips that may help you out.
The basic elements of a short story are:
• plot: the events that happen and how they are arranged.
Chose events that are interesting, moving, dynamic or meaningful.
• setting: where things happen
Use imagery and descriptions to build a three dimensional world.
• characters: the people in the story
Create characters that will work well within your story. Think about what they look like, what their interests are, how they would react to situations.
• point of view and narrative voice: whose point of view the story is told from and the way the author chooses to tell it
Choose one point of view and stay with it.
• types of prose: exposition, dialogue and other kinds of writing and their uses
Always separate narration and dialog. Make sure your narration is clear.
• scenes and half-scenes: when and how to dramatize the story
Develop your scenes as though you were planning a day trip. Decide what will happen first and why
• form and structure: what shape the narrative has and how the pieces fit together
Be consistent with your structure
• types of story: stories can be about characters, ideas and other things
Decide what it is you want to show your reader.
• genre: categories for fiction, including things like mysteries or fantasy or realism
This is where you decide on the flavor of your story
• reading and revision: the importance of reading other people's work, and how to make yours better
The most effective way to learn how to write well is by reading. Read, read, read....
Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
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