Sometimes when I am reviewing I find myself wishing I could see more authenticity, more genuine emotion. As a writer I understand that fiction is untrue by its very nature but that shouldn't be a barrier to an author's opportunities to inject a little 'truth' from their own life experiences. You have mastered the art of authenticity. Reading this piece I absolutely felt the words as they sprang from your heart. The honesty and depth of feeling made me thoroughly appreciate your presence here on WDC. Thank you for having the courage to open your heart and allow us the gift of your words.

Poems about death are notoriously difficult to pull off. Although they are often easy to write their difficulty lies in expressing the attributes and emotions in a fresh new way. That is what poetry and the writers of poetry strive to do: reveal something to the reader in such a way to create a different perspective, response or image to a familiar thing.

This poem suffers from an over familiarity brought about by using words and images that have lost their ability to impact the reader. Unfortunately you have used the drowning in blackness imagery which has been so overused that the whole poem has become impotent. The words talk of an extremely powerful time yet they do not show that time in a fitting manner.

Intellectually I know what you are saying but the word choices failed to create any emotional reaction.

The other factor that affects this poem's impact is the mistakes in word choice. For example, the poem is titled "Given In" but the word 'given' has been mistakenly used instead of 'giving' and this error is repeated in the body of the poem. Also the word "pummeling" is used but from the context of the sentence I think the right word is 'plummeting'.

With some work on finding a fresh perspective and correction of word choice errors this poem could be very good. Keep striving to strengthen your writing skills and I look forward to seeing more of your work!

This is a deeply emotional poem that speaks of a friend's most terrible struggles. From reading this poem I can tell how deeply you care for your friend and I am sure she was very touched to have received this.

Given that this poem is written directly to her as opposed to a general reader based audience I think that the content could benefit from some changes. Firstly, because this poem addresses Amanda directly, I personally feel that there isn't the need to itemize the traumatic experiences as she will be well aware of them. Instead, you could talk more of how you felt for her during her trialling time. The absence of your own emotional response to her suffering robs this poem of that additional emotional depth and also fails to support the theme of this poem which is "I am there for you". The first two lines include 'I' statements which is why I think the poem needs to continue with that personal approach.

The other suggestion I have is to consider writing this poem without the restraint of rhyme. Such a personal poem needs words chosen for their ability to convey the intended emotion rather than their ability to rhyme with the previous line. I have personally found that my poetry comes across as much more authentic and honest when I write in free form. There is nothing wrong with the use of rhyme but do be aware of how it can affect the overall feel of the poem.

Out of everything you have written in this poem the last line is simply beautiful!

"Your sweetest music is yet to shine."

How quickly people forget the weight of their words. This poem accurately reflects both the mothers torment and shame and the child's hope that this time will be different.

There is such sadness in those words.

I think you have conveyed the message well and presented the poem in a well-attended manner.

Thank you for sharing your work with me.

Congratulations on being selected as one of this week's Simply Positive Review recipients.

I found this poem to be extremely sad even though the message the author is promoting is warm and full of love. It is commonplace to see such poems written but mostly as a tribute to a lost loved one. This poem was written by and about someone still very much alive yet it is clear that the author was not so secure in her longevity at the time of writing.

I cannot begin to imagine what it must be like to face ones mortality with such clarity that poetry such as this is written. If I had a friend facing such a crisis I'd be torn in two. How do you comfort someone who is dealing with a situation that I would feel so reviled about. I can not and will not consider such a day exists.

Thank you so much for allowing me to read and review your work.

Congratulations on being selected as one of this week's Simply Positive Review recipients.

This poem is a delightful story of that most elusive of fairies - the tooth fairy. The story within this poem is solid with a well-formed plot. This really helps give the reader the complete experience.

The poem is listed as Fantasy rather than a Children's which is appropriate given the complexity of the language.

I noticed the poem is written in a/a/b/b rhyme scheme and for the most part it is very well maintained. The only stumbling block for me was the inconsistency of the rhythm. Typically poems such as these are written with a controlled syllable count. This doesn't mean that all such poems must conform but there is a reason why they have been structured to meet this criteria. The shorter sentences and upbeat tempo really suit a regular beat and because these types of poems are generally written for children the use of structured rhythm was a must. I think this poem would have read much better had the syllabic measure been consistent.

If counting syllables isn't something you like to do then an alternative is to moderate the placing and use of stressed and unstressed syllables. In particular, the last word on each line and anywhere that a pause is required are locations that will benefit from a measure of stress management.

Even with the awkward rhythm the poem made an impact because the plot is strong and there is an excellent use of subtle imagery. Both myself and my three-years-old daughter enjoyed it.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your work.

Congratulations on being selected as one of this week's Simply Positive Newbie Review recipients.

I love the parallels you draw based on perspective. They are very effective. The second person point of view however doesn't work very well. This piece would have been much stronger if you had been the one owning the statements, declaring them.

Even a rant poem can benefit from some imagery or metaphors for that added dimension. Sometimes a well chosen image can speak volumes over words.

Great start and keep writing!

Congratulations on being selected as one of this week's Simply Positive Newbie Review recipients.

I love the creativeness of the idea behind this piece but I really struggled to make sense of it. The language is heavy and overly wordy so the meaning is drowning beneath adjectives and adverbs.

This is supposed to be a conversation between the night sky and a secret admirer but the piece opens with:
"My eyes yearned to have a glimpse of her,"
Her? Why search the night sky for the daylight? (if that is who 'her' is)

"He told me how he missed his beloved, the moon" - if he is the night sky how is it he could miss the moon?

"I stood in silence listening to his heart
then with a childlike playfulness I asked -
"What makes you look so dark and beyond reach?" - this line doesn't sound childlike or playful.

"He smiled eloquently and said" - eloquence is a manner of speech not a physicality.

I love your creativeness but pretty words without meaning and purpose don't make for great writing.

Congratulations on being selected as one of this week's Simply Positive Newbie Review recipients.

Well done on creating this lovely poem. It is well-worded with a consistent rhythm that reads very well. I appreciate that you took the time to check the editing as this piece is perfectly presented.

My only misgiving is that it feels a bit 'Hallmark'. It reminded me of something I might read on a card or inspirational post-it. That in itself isn't a bad thing at all but the emotional dryness left me a little thirsty.

I look forward to seeing more of your work!

Congratulations on being selected as one of this week's Simply Positive Newbie Review recipients.

I absolutely love your enthusiasm! Just reading this made me want to join a rally or something

This piece would really shine if you took some time to check the spelling and grammar though. Every time the reader stumbles over spelling mistakes etc they lose that emotional connection; they lose focus.

Edit Points.
"Our rights tell us that we are granted ;Life ,Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." - 'Life' and 'Liberty' don't need capitalization, the semi-colon isn't needed at all.

"But people will not except the people who are different." 'except' should be 'accept' and it should be 'those people' not 'the people'.

"I am black
I am white" - I don't understand why you have both when you are celebrating your uniqueness.

"I love to where pink" - 'where' should be wear

"I’m Bisexual
I’m lesbian" - When you use classifiers such as these you really need to use just one. Basically by using both you are contradicting yourself.

"I am not going to be changed for anyone." It should be either 'I am not going to change for anyone' or I am not going to be changed by anyone'.

"Why should I have to change just to be accepted by just one person if I love being myself." - watch using 'just' so much and this sentence should end with a question mark.

"I may be different ,but at least I’m of proud of who I am, I love just being myself around friends,and I'm not afraid to speak my mind. I wasn’t born to fit in i was born to stand out." - this should read "I may be different but at least I'm proud of who I am (fullstop) I love just being myself around friends (no comma) and I'm not afraid to speak my mind. I wasn't born to fit in (semi-colon ;) I was born to stand out.

Thank you for sharing your work and your enthusiasm.

Congratulations on being selected as one of this week's Simply Positive Newbie Review recipients.

I love the way you have harnessed imagery as a poetic device here. The imagery is apt and well-suited to the theme but I felt like each stanza was a repetition of the first. No new ideas or feelings were introduced so the poem weakened as it progressed.

The idea of keeping the same thematic imagery throughout is a good one but it must be given new words to speak. Look at exploring those feelings of being forgotten from different angles to find the additional material for this piece.

Overall, a great start!

Congratulations on being selected as one of this week's Simply Positive Newbie Review recipients.

Writing in a language other than ones native tongue is a huge challenge let alone the added difficulty of expressing oneself fluently and with creativity. Even so every attempt should be made to check for basic grammar and punctuation problems. It appears to me that this has not been done here.

In spite of the language issues and editing notable by its absence I was able to feel the passion behind your message. I keep thinking how beautiful your writing would be if language and editing were not a barrier.

I believe you have a wonderful writer's voice that cannot be heard yet and I look forward to reading your work once you have embraced the disciplines that must accompany the art.

Congratulations on being selected as one of this week's Simply Positive Newbie Review recipients.

I really love the title of this piece. It's a great lead-in for the poem. The poem expresses the writer's dream world where fear has no place but also expresses a deeper theme of sorrow at not being able to experience the joy of the dream world all the time.

This poem tells the reader everything she needs to know but the emotional impact is less than ideal because imagery is sacrificed in favor of information. Using imagery that evokes emotional responses is a tool that delivers information and creates atmosphere.

Edit Points.

Stanza 1 line 2: This line is longer than the others and slows down the pace. This can be improved by removing words that don't affect the meaning.

"Beyond this golden path
And past the trees that are (of) green
I’ve hidden a world
That remains unseen."

Stanza 3 line 3:
"Locked away fantasy’s," - should be 'fantasies' (plural)

Stanza 4: The phrase 'my world' is repeated twice and two lines start with 'and'. Try to find fresh ways of saying things or ideas that need repeating.

"But when the sun comes up
My world disappears
And I walk away from my world
And back to my fears"

Thank you for sharing your poetry and keep writing!

Congratulations on being selected as one of this week's Simply Positive Newbie Review recipients.

You know, this poem is really quite good. There is an honesty and bluntness to it that really adds strength to the poem.

The thing is, I totally get the whole pledge allegiance imagery. For women/girls who battle with eating disorders I know just how religious their dedication to thinness can be. I've seen AB girls(anorexia and bulimia) idolize an anorexic girl who was skeletal. The AB girls saw only beauty.

I'm not saying this poem is really good because its about an eating disorder but rather that you found a strong original voice with which you told a familiar story in a really fresh way. Those are good skills to have.

Keep writing and sharing your work. It's a pleasure to read.

Congratulations on being selected as one of this week's Simply Positive Newbie Review recipients.

Hi Lela. Writing poetry isn't as easy as some people might think and all too often a 'poem' is put together without much in the way of substance.

The message of this poem is really clear...'my boyfriend dumped me, life sucks so I'm going to kill myself'. I think that if you took some time to look at what really happens inside you when you are heart broken you might find it is something quite different.

The truth is that this poem is really lacking in fresh material. The broken record just keeps whining. Take some time to really examine how you feel about something then try and find a different/new way of describing it in a poem. The challenge is to avoid simply stating the facts and avoid all mention of being swallowed by the darkness/blackness

Keep writing Lela and keep exploring ideas!

Congratulations on being selected as one of this week's Simply Positive Review recipients.

I'm not one for romantic notions, generally avoiding anything even remotely sweet but this poem took no prisoners. Lured in by lush images of plump lilac plumes and heady aromas I naively stepped forward into scene so heart-warming that even the cold old stone in my chest thawed.

I am so impressed by the weaving of words into images and sentences that write a novel's worth of impact. This was a 'wow' moment for me. Simply stunning work.

Thank you so much for the privilege of reading and reviewing your work.

Congratulations on being selected as one of this week's Simply Positive Review recipients.

What can I say in the wake of such finely crafted poetry? Ken, every time I visit your port I am reminded that there are those who see through different eyes. Your beautiful work communicates ideas and images found in a world I am blind to.

Your poem did exactly what it was supposed to do. It made me forget I was reading to review and, instead of presenting itself as a collection of evocative phrases, it manifest itself fully and bodily as a living, breathing expression of life.

You really are a master craftsman and I want to thank you for allowing me to borrow your eyes.

Congratulations on being selected as one of this week's Simply Positive Review recipients.

Isn't it strange how people choose to face life. Some bounce forward all smiles and sunshine while others carry a storm on their brow. The thing is, what we see on the surface often has little to do with what lies beneath.

This piece speaks on an interesting topic which would have benefited from additional word count and refinement of the structure. At times I wasn't sure what it was that you wanted to say or what it was about people that you struggle to understand.

You have a lovely natural style about your writing and given the appropriate framework would create works most easy to read.

Thank you for sharing your work.

Congratulations on being selected as one of this week's Simply Positive Review recipients.

In this piece you have mastered the art of creating a hook. That first line is a great teaser and is true to the story's content.

It is refreshing to read a dragon fantasy story that brings originality to the plate. The idea of using the dragon's own skin as a means of defense is great.

My only suggestion is that the ending would really benefit from extending. In the last two lines so much is said that could be explored further. For example,Jonathon has a sobering revelation that is shared with the reader in the last two lines but I would have loved to see this play out in the cave during the battle. This is an important time for Jonathon's character and one rich with possibilities.

Even with its brevity this story was a pleasure to read. Thank you for allowing me to read and review your work.

Hi there. I am reviewing this piece as it has been selected for this week's Simply Positive Newbie reviews.

This poem presented me with a problem. I read it at least a half dozen times trying to put my finger on what it was that kept tripping me up. I took a break and came back to it and saw the problem straight away. It feels, for me personally, to be contrived and disingenuous.

The thing is, it's clear to me that you've written your fair share of poetry and most people will just be all 'awww that's so sad/romantic etc' and on the surface it is but I don't feel it. It's almost like you've side-stepped the real anguish of a lost love and replaced it with a token offering.

You see, this poem reads oh so smoothly (well mostly) but when I stop and make the text be accountable to the theme then I find discrepancies. For example, the poem opens with a grieving man who feels uncertain and barren over the loss of his true love. Next he moves to the mirror and examines the crystal tear but sees it as a reminder, a beautiful scar. Right there is where your words betray the poem. Right there I stop believing in the emotion and see it as a conjured story. The tear had just been 'born', the wound is fresh, the pain - vivid. It is too soon for scars let alone an aged beautiful scar.

In truth, it doesn't matter whether this poem is borne from experience or imagination but the reader must never be able to tell the difference. Do you see? I don't care if you lie to me, just make it smell, taste, sound and feel like the truth.

I would love to see this poem stripped of romantic notions and emotional tokens because you obviously know how to use words, that much is clear.

I look forward to reading more from you, honestly.

Hi there. I am reviewing this piece as it has been selected for this week's Simply Positive Newbie reviews.

I have to give you a big thumbs up for working so well within the restrictions of the form and meter. I know how challenging this can be.

I have to admit that the first stanza really didn't make a lot of sense to me. I'm not sure what you were trying to say there as I could bring the ideas together to any reasonable conclusion.

The second stanza reads much better and it makes sense so perhaps I can redeem myself a little.

I don't know whether the first stanza confusion in my failure to understand or your failure to communicate your ideas but do bear it in mind that communication is a duet.

The theme of the poem is heroism and although I can see your point of view I felt that leaping from Herculean heroes to present day then using the absence of such mythic heroes as a substantiating argument didn't work for me. I don't believe that real heroes have any connection to idealized fictional characters.

Overall this poem has presence and could be a real gem if the misconstruction can be sorted.

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your work.

Hi and welcome to WDC. I am reviewing this piece as it has been selected for this weeks Simply Positive newbie reviews.

It is clear to me that you handle your words well and know how to weave them to create effect. I cannot fault the word choice as such but as a collective I found the poem didn't speak to me with fresh breath.

When writing poetry about certain emotions it can be very easy to lean on old favorites such as 'darkness' 'cold' 'empty'. Dressing them up with reference to good ol' Styx doesn't promote their use.

Your strong skills in language need to be born on new wings because I truly believe you have within you a poet's heart. There needs to be much undressing to find that voice which is authentically your own and I for one will be waiting to hear what it says. Well done.

Being able to construct a character out of thin air is not as easy as some people might think. The history we choose to give our character must mesh with the persona and even the physical attributes. There is a need for synchronicity because our characters are the product of multiple instruments, each lending their qualities to produce a song with all the complexities of a symphony.

After reading your character profile for the WDC Survivor Challenge all I can say is sweetheart, you sure got some music in your words.

Thank you for gifting us your words.

Reviewing this piece is really difficult for me. My initial response is to award a higher rating due to the emotional nature of the poem. But ratings aren't just about emotional responses. I looked at the key elements that are considered the staples of poetry and how these were utilized to deliver the content.

To say what is or isn't poetry is beyond me but this definition best fits what I believe poetry to be.
Merriam Webster defines poetry as:
"writing that formulates a concentrated imaginative awareness of experience in language chosen and arranged to create a specific emotional response through meaning, sound, and rhythm."

All poetry, regardless of form (or lack of), style, genre, or era should seek to create an emotional literary experience beyond that which is derived by the sum of its words.
The problem for me is that this poem derives its emotional impact almost purely by its topic alone. The reader is told what is vile and reprehensible rather than being allowed to feel for themselves.
The poem begins with an old warrior chief watching a Conestoga wagon train. This sets the scene for the poem well. The second stanza tells us how this image of approaching pioneers makes him feel but from the second line of the second stanza the poem changes focus. The poem shifts from the internal emotional storm felt by the old warrior chief to an omnipotent yet emotionally biased viewpoint of historical events. I am not saying that the views shared aren't accurate or even justified but rather that the shift of focus fractures the readers ability to form an emotional reaction beyond the volatile topic.

I would have loved to see this poem continue from the old warrior chief's perspective and to have shared in the undeniable agony he must have felt for his people.

The old writer's adage "Show, don't tell" isn't just for writers of fiction but for the poet as well.
The second stanza tells us that "Anger fills his body, giving way to dread and consuming despair." This is a prime opportunity to employ imagery and show the reader what this may look like, even in part. There are many more times where the reader is told information rather than shown a provocative image.

What really stands out about this poem is the obvious passion you have for this topic. That in itself was one of the things that made this poem so hard to review. How do I express an opinion about something you feel so strongly without offending you? I do it humbly.