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 Welcome to your Rogue review
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following category’s.
1. Creativity - ( 3.5/5) *Score is based on average of the following five sub-category’s
Originality and creativity of the theme; Is the story line unique or uniquely told.
Hi there. This is a non-fiction piece regarding the failure to render gratuity. I like the topic choice and I think that presenting it in the second person narrative is quite effective.
( 4/5)
Deliverance; Did the writer bring the theme to fruition. Was the theme fully developed.
You have presented your argument well but I feel that you haven't sufficiently addressed the issue from all aspects. For example, addressing the fact that many servers have wages that take tips into consideration so by failing to pay a tip, they are, infact, being short waged.
( 4/5)
Development; Did the characters and plot develop in a meaningful and cohesive manner.
N/A
( /5)
Structure; Was the piece structured in a manner that supported the theme, plot and characters.
There was a lack of introduction into your piece. generally speaking, when writing a non-fiction piece, you would introduce your topic before going into 'story-telling mode.
( 3/5)
Setting; Was the setting successfully created in a manner that supports the theme, plot and characters.
N/A
( /5)
2. Technical - ( 2/5) *Score is based on average of the following two sub-category’s
Sentence structure; Did the structure of the sentences create a fluid read.
There were numerous issues with the way you structured some of your sentences. Some were fragmented. That is, they lacked both a predicate and a subject combination. Other sentences just felt awkward and didn't flow very well.
( 2/5)
Grammar; This includes punctuation, spelling, tenses etc.
You have some issues with spelling, tenses and grammar. Here is my suggested edit points.
It's Friday, the end of the week. You're(Your) break from it all.
The hustle and bustle of the week, taking the kids to school, pumping gas, dealing with the egocentrics of the world, whatever. (Fragmented sentence)
You go home, shower, get dressed,(add 'and now you are') ready to enjoy some great food, inviting atmosphere, and some long-awaited relaxing time with your family or friends
It's a choice thats(that's) possibly a little more than you had planned but what the heck, you deserve it.
You're(Your) meal arrives in a reasonable amount of time,the meal was(should be 'is') excellent just as you had hoped, the service was(should be 'is') great, your drink stayed(should be 'stays') full the entire time, which is vital to most with their dinner, and you are feeling full and satisfied. (This sentence needs restructuring. try 'Your meal arrives in a reasonable amount of time, is excellent just as you had hoped, and the service is great. The server keeps your drink full and you are feeling full and satisfied.)
You pay the bill and pocket the .69 cents, thank the server and go on your way. (You pay the bill, pocket the .69 cents and thank the server as you go on your way.)
that you are gracious(should be 'grateful') for the service you recieved ('received')?
It is sad to see that server gratuity is no longer commonplace(,) in America(,) today.
patrons because "they can afford it" (double quote marks are only used for direct quotes. It should read- patrons because 'they can afford it')
Personally,(add I think) it has nothing to do with whether you can "afford"(replace double quotes with single quotes) it or not. If you can afford to go out to a nice dinner which requires a server to tend to your every need during your meal, then you should budget in the TIP, if you recieve (receive) good service.(This whole sentence is too long and awkward. It needs restructuring)
( 2/5)
3. Reception - (3.5 /5) *Score is based on average of the following two sub-category’s
What I loved about it.
I love that this article addresses a very important topic. You have made a great effort. Well done.
( 4/5)
What I didn't like about it.
I felt like it was a little preachy. I think it would help to include so additional information to show that servers need the tip and that it isn't just a respect thing.
( 3/5)
Final Rating - ( 3/5) *Score is based on Average of the three category’s
Comment
A great effort. Keep writing and presenting such stimulating articles.
Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
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Awesome characters.
The dialog is well written for Elera but there are some questions regarding Yvette. You wrote this:
