Hi!
My name is Denise and I am a Reviewer for
I like the subject matter and the emotions expressed in this story. To add a better flow to the piece, the incomplete sentences could be punctuated differently or made into phrases of complete sentences. Reading this aloud would probably help get more of a feel for places in need of a little help.
Ideas and those nasty typos!
The coccoon was soft but firm. cocoon
How she longed to see those peaks; to fly among those clouds. Just a question from an inquiring mind
; how did she know she could fly?
So the little butterfly ate and fed and became strong. Ate and fed are the same -- perhaps ate and drank or ate and rested?
entertained the idea of settling down with many of the butterfly communities Maybe with 'one of the many' or 'with one of the butterfly communities'.
So enourmous it seemed to her miniscule body. enormous
Finally , When at last her wings gave out when
With a little determination, she eventually pulled herself through the layer of clouds, At this point of the story, I believe 'a little determination' is an understatement.
Then slowly, almost deliberately, it descended into the clouds below. "almost deliberately' doesn't match the flow of words and I find I am unable to understand the meaning of this statement.
The adults, at first interpreting the children's gleeful yells as imaginary exaggeration, noticed it soon after. 'imaginary exaggeration' is awkward, maybe something which means the exuberance of youth.
I like this bit of prose! Let me know when you have worked on it a while and I'll reread it!
Write on!