Ideas (take 'em or leave 'em )
Was something wrong, I wondered This question needs more separation and pause... ideas...
Was something wrong? I wondered (Or) *Was something wrong?* I wondered
They talk a good game about reuniting families, but they don't tell you that they lie in court in order to make sure some children that should be returned aren't.
This is your strongest statement, the one at the end of the piece, because it gives your current position after all you have learned. I'd like to see you think it through and make it strong and filled with courage. I know it is hard to think of ending on hope, but perhaps you could end on something like it.
'Child Protective Services talks about reuniting families, but there are things left unsaid. Children are not returned to loving, caring parents. Would you help me to find a way to be allowed to raise my own children?'
I don't presume to put myself in your shoes or know your situation, but I know that writing things down and getting the word out to others is important. In a piece like this, you must be very careful to state facts as often as possible. Yes, it is an emotional plea, but governmental agencies are powerful and you must operate from a similar position of power to get anywhere at all!
Typos
I know, something for everyone!
did what we were suppose to supposed
recieve letters and pictures of them. receive
will want to see Howard and I again. me
Thanks for sharing this story with us!
Write on!