Type: Poem
Plot and Setting: Looking at an abused woman through the eyes of love, desiring to help her.
This is a very well-written poem about a very sensitive subject. Many of us feel helpless when confronted with situations where others have suffered. You look on with the eyes of compassion and listen with ears of love. I appreciate your writing this down for us, to stop us in our daily lives to think of others.
Additional Comments: SUGGESTIONS, IDEAS...
I like what you have done here. I also feel that a little tweaking will help it. You are a very good poet.
Spelling, punctuation and grammar challenges: posesses possesses To comfort and protect is Gods job.God's job, eleviate alleviate
NOTE: The typos I found, I replaced corrected in red text. The punctuation and grammar challenges I found, I replaced with green text. All other comments, questions, thoughts and/or plot challenges, I listed in blue.
Write on!
Very well done! Keep it up! You certainly have an ability to show things to others!
Author : xx_freak187_xx
Reviewer : SilverValkyre loves YOU!
Type: Other -- I think you could easily state this as an essay or prose.
Plot and Setting: At the mirror or the reflective window or even a pool of water.
This is an interesting terse style. I believe you have reasons for the way you wrote it and the meaning is very clear. Your philosophy is intriguing, for you are pretty clearly the one who is the speaker, or at least have the same opinions.
Additional Comments: SUGGESTIONS, IDEAS...
x-cept the what u despise. The meaning could be clearer if this was stated "accept what u despise."
Spelling, punctuation and grammar challenges:
These items are tossed to the wind for a special purpose in this poem.
NOTE: The typos I found, I replaced corrected in red text. The punctuation and grammar challenges I found, I replaced with green text. All other comments, questions, thoughts and/or plot challenges, I listed in blue.
If you decide to make this longer, it could be an interesting study, but in that case, I believe it would be useful to edit carefully for meaning.
And I just went to the Learning Tree, your new Web Page and I am in awe of all the stuff you have gathered and the awesome presentation thereof!
Not only have you made a great resource for Newbies, but you have given all of us "Midnight, where do I go?" WDC addicts some great choices of articles, contests, all kinds of stuff!
I went to the webpage and was a dumbo... Clicked 5 for the rating and didn't fill out the review! How could I be such a dummy!?! Oh, I know, it was the bottle of Romulan Ale at the bar/guest book of
Oops!
Ideas (take 'em or leave 'em )
Typos and Grammatical Challenges I know, something for everyone!
Thanks for sharing! Write on!
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This is an interesting poem; well-written and thought provoking! To me, it is poetry if it awakens something within the reader's mind. This poem provokes thought, but I did not find completion. I knew from the subtitle that you intended it to be a poem about spiritual birth, but I didn't get that from the poem.
Additional Comments: SUGGESTIONS, IDEAS... Perhaps it would be useful to expand this poem a little further and take it from being so abstract to teaching or enlightening the reader to what you are trying to say. I like it, but I would like there to be more of it!
Spelling, punctuation and grammar challenges:
I didn't find anything I would suggest changing in the poem itself. The spelling is perfect, the punctuation and grammar are the poet's perrogative and have been used very well.
I really enjoyed it!
Write on!
Thanks for sharing!
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Spelling: red text. Punctuation and grammar: green text. All other comments, questions, thoughts and/or plot problems: blue.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1106012 by Not Available.
You are off to a good start! Keep going! I'd like to see more action at the beginning or more thorough description of what is going on. War is a strange beast and not always easy to describe, but people leaving their homes and the ones left behind are often dismayed at the activity. It is a great opportunity to give the reason this group is passing so close to their home, if in fact it is.
Ideas (take 'em or leave 'em )
face as if ashamed to look upon the goings on below. goings-on or replace with events.
Tarem glanced up at him briefly. Then lowered his gaze. Second is an incomplete sentence.
Keep it up and good luck with the contest!
Write on!
Thanks for sharing!
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Hi!
Folders are the doorways from the Main Entrance to the Wings that hold the different categories of our stuff! Portfolio impact is greatly governed by getting the reader interested.
Blessings should pour into your life with the love you give! What a wondrous thing to share your beautiful son with us! I'll mark this as a favorite and return often, making my way through the goodness and grace and hilarity (I'm sure, I've read about spiders) and real life.
Thanks! Write on!
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Yep, you are good at this. Analogies are really rather cool things to play with. I have found that once I come up with one, I may have to disregard some of the specifics to make my point, emphasizing the ones that work.
I see you doing that here. Very intelligent and comic use of experiences and reactions of those who are controlled within a system they cannot relate to. At some point in the beginning, things made sense. After the end of the race, when life has changed, one sometimes regains a sense of what is important in life.
I'm glad you escaped! Now where are you? Writing sitcoms?
Thanks for sharing! Write on!
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Oooooooooooooo... this one stings. Reminds me of jobs I have left and jobs I have stayed in a while. Well-written and not abusive of any particular group, it acknowledges that anyone in any category may leave and never come back. Stories circulate, but the one who left is rarely heard from again.
I didn't really find any typos or grammatical challenges, but I found a lot of interesting analogies between 'the j.o.b.' and being in a locked facility!
Thanks for sharing! Write on!
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Hi!
Folders are the doorways from the Main Entrance to the Wings that hold the different categories of our stuff! Portfolio impact is greatly governed by getting the reader interested.
You have a great sense of humor and a very cute ability to use it. I understand using laughter and sarcasm to combat depression. We have to giggle or we might cry. I appreciate your including these things on your port. They do have a place on WDC, for sure!
OK, so I was just wandering through the Reviews given today and Scottiegazelle had reviewed your essay and was cracking up.
Now, I have to tell you how difficult this is to give you a 5, for I am a spider lover, too! I think they are marvelous and don't use paper cups or envelopes, just my bare hands to catch them and take them out. They don't have any reason to bite me and I am fascinated by them and just about everything else that moves!
I read your hilarious statement of Arachniphobia to a friend who used to be afraid of spiders. We laughed like crazy!
Thanks for sharing! Write on!
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Hee Hee! You did it! You made a silly poignant Jabberwocky poem. And you sent me to the dictionary to see about Jabberwocky. It says it is nonsensical speech or writing from "Jabberwocky" a poem by Lewis Carroll. Well, duh. I just wondered it it would tell me more than that. It has a zillion synonyms to its definition of idle, incessant or unintelligible talk: gibberish and twaddle and chattering; you know, jabberwocky.
I like it, but I find it difficult to critique. However, I think the word newdents is brilliant. We go to school for twelve years and we come home with new dents every day until we are formed into an acceptable shape to pass through the ceremonious exit door wearing a cap and gown.
Yep, I like it.
Write on!
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Hi!
Folders are the doorways from the Main Entrance to the Wings that hold the different categories of our stuff! Portfolio impact is greatly governed by getting the reader interested.
I love it! What a cool Port of Call! It really gives you a chance to show off your stuff at the front door! I have gotten so much positive feedback from this arrangement in my own port!
I absolutely love the Cobalt Blue! Have you read this one?
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Love is a beautiful thing. Loving an animal with your whole heart always leaves you open to the sorrow that comes when it dies, since you know the chances of the dog outliving you are few. So we love.
This is an excellent little article. I liked how you made it mysterious from the beginning, it could have been anyone you loved. It starts out like you loved a human and when at the end it is revealed that the object of love is canine, it made me smile with the bittersweet smile of one who loves and keeps on loving dogs and cats.
I found no typos or errors. I like it!
Write on!
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It's good to read something from you this morning. You have done a very good job of writing this article. It's always amazing how much experience can be packed into so few words.
Your descriptions are packed with words that open up the experience to others! Good job! A lot of these things you will remember your whole life and they will make a difference in how you perceive things. You really did venture into the past with the reenactment; your mind and imagination made the trip.
I like it!
Ideas (take 'em or leave 'em )
Typos and Grammatical Challenges I know, something for everyone!
Write on!
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This is a good poem for a wilting and dehydrating flower and for a wallflower as well. Wall flowers are people who stay in the chairs by the walls during dances. Left out. Not showered with love.
Your little flower is an amazing metaphor for the lives a lot of us live. We wait for someone to come along and give us some kind of life. When we get a little love and light, we attempt to store it up, not knowing how to produce it ourselves. When we learn how, our lives are changed.
I find no errors in this little piece. I'm sure you could make it different and some of the changes you make might make it better somehow, but I like it.
Write on!
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This sample of the bittersweet joy of our parents finding youth and health again in the world beyond the veil is comforting. You did a lovely job of conveying your feelings and thoughts.
Funerals are difficult things and we know there will be one for each of us. Many of us know "I'll Fly Away." I'm glad it was a comfort to your mother, I'm sure this belief and poem have been a comfort to you and others as well.
Thanks.
Write on!
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What a sad story. Some stories have to be shared, but I wish no one ever had to experience things like this. I appreciate your writing it down to get it out, whether it was your story or not. It makes me unhappy. I know it is someone's story.
You are a good writer. Keep spreading your wings and writing.
Write on!
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You have a wonderful ability to express simple things with awe. There is a sweetness in this poem and it is not just the berries! The images are awesome.
Ideas (take 'em or leave 'em )
It seems a bit scattered, however. The rhymes seem forced when the images don't really match. Since you have the ability to create such great visual stimuli, you can now just play with the lines. Move them around and match up the ones that match in subject matter, rather than rhyme. Then reform the poem. That might not work at all, it just feels like it might to me.
Typos and Grammatical Challenges I know, something for everyone!
Unconfined ocean ragged high, and free. Unconfined ocean raged
high and free.
It would be good to read this one aloud to feel and hear where the commas and periods naturally exist.
Good job! Keep it up!
Write on!
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You have a vivid imagination and this is a good story, but it needs some work. First of all, it needs a title. We have the genre of horror for people to tell what genre it is.
Ideas (take 'em or leave 'em )
My idea for a name would be something like 'Alone Again'.
Also, there are a lot of misspellings and lazy sentences in this story. It would probably help to reread it, preferably aloud, and find a way to slow it down and make your points stick.
It is often difficult when you have a story idea to get it written down. The thoughts are traveling so quickly through your mind that you rush to get it on the paper. However, after it is on the paper, it needs work to get it ready for the reader to enjoy reading and feel you have carefully prepared it for them.
You have made a good start here! With a little work this could be a good story.
Typos and Grammatical Challenges I know, something for everyone!
Since this piece is so short, I am only going to pull the phrases and correct the word. I usually pull the entire line to the word in question.
it turned scolding hot scalding frightened. when frightened. When noticed the phonelinephone line Karmen shreeked at the top of her lungs. shrieked The man plunged down his armsAwkward, plunged is not the right word Karmen new that knew Karmen knew that she had to back inIncomplete? It appears you have left out a word touched Teds neck Ted's
Loneliness is one of those universal emotions and you have done a good job of evoking it in my mind and heart. I am with this speaker night after night wishing things were different. Wishing for a perfect love, a lasting love, remembering something that might have been.
Ideas (take 'em or leave 'em )
Again, look at using punctuation only when it is necessary. You give a poem the shape you do so that the person will see the hesitancy, feel it, make the stop. You don't have to give them a comma or period at the end of every line.
Typos and Grammatical Challenges I know, something for everyone!
Poetry is so personal and so universal. This poem is intriguing to a part of me, but the logical and imaginative parts cannot agree to the meaning of it. This poem seems to be about regret and wishing to go back and right a wrong. It even seems to end with the right being wronged.
However, there is this one stanza that stopped me cold. Now, you will read my typing and see me say very often that making the reader stop and think is good poetry. However, this stanza just confused me (quoted with the last of the preceding stanza to preserve the line of thought).
Let me go back.
So I may use,
My fold and blade,
To give to you,
What I can never again.
I just don't get it, in the context of the last stanza. But that's okay, it's poetry. It feels there is a word or phrase left out of the last line.
Awesome. This is packed with emotion and the words support a feeling of captivity and then release. I like it.
Ideas (take 'em or leave 'em )
One idea I've had a few times in your poetry might be pleasant to try here. Center the words on the paper and see if you like the shape of the poem.
The punctuation makes the reading of this poem ragged. Perhaps you could take it and write it out as prose, take out all the extra punctuation, then rearrange it as before (or differently, if something else works).
Play! Words are our toolbox, but also our toybox. We are the wordcrafters!
Typos and Grammatical Challenges I know, something for everyone!
Not yet did I long for it;
I knew not of why they cried.
This is an awkward phrase.
But my screams of protest,
were only binded to my soul.
I don't believe binded is the correct word, 'bounden' would have the meaning that the screams of protest don't go very far out, they are adjacent to your soul and probably only heard by you.
I love unicorns! I like this poem. You have evoked the imagination again and that is the thing I believe poems are for!
Ideas (take 'em or leave 'em )
Typos and Grammatical Challenges I know, something for everyone!
You think I know not,
Of what you seek?
I think this would read better without the comma or the word of.
But I know,
That you didn't vanish-
Like the wind into space-,
Because you stand there.
Remember that cute little long dash I gave you earlier? You'll need it in places like this, if you decide to use any punctuation at all. Here is my suggestion for this stanza:
'But I know
You didn't vanish
Like wind into space,
because you stand there'
I would keep the spacing, but not put in a period until the end of the poem.
Okay, this one leaves me speechless. I am counting out my gps... okay, enough! Thanks for sharing this slice of your inner world with us. It is exceptional and memorable. I love it!
Ideas (take 'em or leave 'em )
There are some rough spots, but they are rough spots on a diamond, not rough spots on a bit of polished glass. Read this one through aloud. Discover your magic all over again!
Typos and Grammatical Challenges I know, something for everyone!
Leaving an agrimony in its’ stead. its stead
So that even in death, your dreams,
Would remain forever next to my own.
This phrase would have a greater impact without the comma after dreams.
My favorite part
Even if you denied me all over again.
Even if you began to hate me, fear me.
I will know that what you say isn’t true,
Because it isn’t by your voice that I truly hear, it is by the sound of your heart.
Thanks for sharing! Write on!
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Hi!
Oops! 
I know, something for everyone! 
I'm glad you escaped! Now where are you? Writing sitcoms? 
