Hello Foxlet, and welcome to WDC. Except for the drugs, fighting, and pulling the trigger, this brought back memories. Very dark, fog shrouded memories.
I am male-to-female transsexual, but I have not had my complete surgeries yet. I am still in transition, on hormones, and living 24/7 as the female I should have been at birth. My earliest memories of being female go back to when I was 3½ years old.
When I was in my pre-teens, I lived with the people who were my baby sitters in Des Moines, Iowa, where I was born. But they lived in Calumet in the upper peninsula of Michigan, when I began to remmember, from that point forward. They were decent, upstanding, understanding people, and I think if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't have the attitude I do today. My mother was just the opposite tho. She always yelled at me, like everything was my fault. She kept telling me that I was a boy, when I knew I was a girl, deep inside. I tried to live my life the way other girls lived theirs. My mother had me see a psychiatrist, and when he asked me when were we going to talk about my problem, I asked him what problem, and he said about me dressing like a girl. I said I didn't conider that a problem, and he shouted so loud, they heard him in the waiting room. What he said was, "get out of my office! I never want to see you again!" I was 11 years old, and My mother told me not to worry about it, that she would take care of it. I never gave it another thought, and a year and a half later, I was being sent to the Wisconsin Child Center in Sparta, Wisconsin. They called it a residential treatment center, but it was nothing but a slave farm for kids. They then sent me to the Winnebago State Hospital (now the Winnebago Mental Health Institute), just 3 miles north of Oshkosh, Wisconsin, 2½ years later, because the girls in Sparta, would sneak me clothes to wear in my room. That was when I was 15, and I was forced to stay at Winnebago until I was 18, because I had no legal parents. The superintendent tried unsuccessfully for 3 years to get my mother to rescind her decision to sign away her parental rights, and take me back home. She refused each time. I was allowed to go on home visits tho, and I usually did that by stealth. Dr. Treffert would ask me if I had my mother's permission, and I would say yes. I loved my mother, even tho she never loved me, and I still love her memory, not because of what she did, but because I look just like her. I am proud of that. I guess I always did forgive her, but she could not handle a transsexual child. That is too sad, because my sisters are following in her footsteps. Oh well, what's a girl to do? Anyway, if it weren't for these very decent people in Calumet, when I was in my pre-teens, I probably would have ended up like David.
Thnx for sharing Foxlet.
With best wishes always,
your friend,
Barbara |
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