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Review Requests: ON
1,076 Public Reviews Given
1,103 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Minimalist. Focus on technical. I also look at how a work would fit into the traditional publishing landscape. I don't use a template. Warning: I am Australian, and so cultural differences may apply.
Favorite Genres
Most, really.
Least Favorite Genres
Fan-fiction
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and essays.
I will not review...
I will not review porn, fan-fiction or pro-religious/OTT-pro-USA essays. No interactives either, please.
Public Reviews
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76
76
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I really enjoyed this. The sort of a tale some old guy at the pub would regale the other regulars with, new-comers coming in and listening with open mouths, not daring to ask any questions, while everyone else who had heard it all before just nodded along.

I pictured the whole scene as I read it.

I know this is mainly tell, and not show, but for the oral tradition story that it apes so well, I think that works. the words you used for the instruments were quite ingenious. This is a fun work.

Love it.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
77
77
Review of No Love Lost  
Review by s
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I have never heard of this poetic form before, but it looks like it is an interesting one to write to and you have done a really good job of utilising the form.

The poem itself is a sad look back at a love gone wrong. None of the rhymes felt forced, and the tone and mood of the poem matched the idea behind it really well.

The only line I felt was odd to say out loud was "And you don't care." Experimenting as I spoke it, "That you don't care," came off the tongue a little better, but that is just my opinion and is hardly a fault in the poem.

So, really well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
78
78
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi Jeff. Again.

After reviewing your last piece, this one caught my eye.

It made me laugh. I liked the whole Devil being thwarted by an errant M/W mistype, and the beliefs of the person being seen as real to the Devil so that he can do nothing against them.

However, would a Seventh Day Adventist be happy accepting anything from the Devil? Would they be happy with ill-gotten gains? I know you needed them because of the tenet you footnoted, but the rest of the attitude of Ronald feels like it goes against the rest of their beliefs.

Technically, an errant capital 'T' was the only mistake. To find one little thing like that is so nitpicky of me, and I apologise.

Still, the story did make me laugh. Nicely done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
79
79
Review of The Good Old Days  
Review by s
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi, Jeff!

We've not interacted much beyond you reviewing some of my work, so seeing your name on the anniversary list gave me the opportunity to reciprocate.

This piece grabbed me by the title. It was an interesting look at your time in WdC. Your coming up through the ranks felt like it just happened; I think it undersold the work you must have done. It also felt odd in relation to the prompt. Was your dream to be a moderator at a website?

Those are small nitpicks, granted.

Technically, I could see nothing amiss.

So a good, if brief (and I understand word count limits in activities) look at your past.

Thanks for all you do around here and happy anniversary.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
80
80
Review by s
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Well, this didn't go where I thought it was going to go! I always enjoy reading something that subverts my expectations.

There is more than a little Good Omens about this, and the title should have been a giveaway but wasn't.

The characters have an interesting dynamic. Though with the harder task, Dave is more laid-back; it works in the context of the tale.

Technically, I could not see anything amiss. Really good to read something like that.

This was a great piece of short fiction that works and brought a smile to my face. It's probably even sellable.

Great work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
81
81
Review of The Perfect Love  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
A sweet poem about the sort of unconditional love a dog owner feels from their pet. And, for many, it really is the truest form of love they encounter.

As a poem, it is a nice little one, with a good rhyme, and no forced rhymes. However, saying it out loud is a little awkward because its syllable count does not feel it matches, denying it a constant rhythm that this sort of poem feels it should have.

Apart from that, it is a fun poem, and one that I think could work for all ages.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
82
82
Review by s
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
This is a strong piece! Though a few years old now, it is still completely relevant and maybe should be placed into one of the newsletters to remind writers why this "show don't tell" mantra is important.

Technically, it was perfect; I could see no issues. Well done!

Your example was great. I liked the way you built it up from an over-explained and over-described piece (so often do I see that!) to a dull section to a scene that works. Showing these steps really makes the concept work.

So, I think this should be read by people who are serious about writing fiction.

Great work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
83
83
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
There is very little to say about this piece.

It is a piece based on description, and all senses are involved. There is genuine emotion there, especially at the end, and the whole feels sad and yet hopeful.

Technically, it was perfect.

I don't know what else to say except this is one of the netter pieces I have read on WdC.

Really well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
84
84
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi, and happy anniversary.

I know this piece is a few years old, but you managed to pack a punch in a short amount of words. The ending caught me by surprise, and I can usually see where stories are headed, so great work.

Technically, it was clean, but some verb tenses are a little muddled. Also, God needs a capital in this case, and should be separated by commas, as he is being addressed.

Now, the story itself was strong. You did not info-dump, you let things happen organically, and it let to that final denouement. This was a sad story, and, really, in the years since you wrote it, what has changed? That only makes it more depressing.

Good work. And good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
85
85
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
Now, I am looking at this from the perspective of someone who used to teach just over this age group (yes, I taught 4 year olds… all the way to 14 year olds). These are the 4 I thought had the best potential to be engaging books.

1 – TRACTORS
I would not bother with the rhyme to open as the end does not rhyme, and there is no constant rhythm. Also words like “yield” are not normal; vocab for a youngster.
         Maybe do a brief history about the fact tractors were amongst the first vehicles, once pulled by horses, then powered by steam.
And Tractors swath Another word that is not usual for this age vocab.
The list of descriptors is good.
They work in summer, winter, spring, and fall
I would stop here for description, and not bother with colours or try for that rhyme again.
You asked about an ending?
Tractors work hard.
Without tractors, we would not have the food we have.
Thank you, tractors!



2 - THERE ARE MANY KINDS OF TRUCKS
This works nicely as just a list of trucks. My only comment with this one would be a closing.
         How about:
There are many kinds of trucks.
Can you think of any more?



3 - BIG TRUCKS TRAVEL OVER LONG ROADS
Again, as a list, this works well. Perfect for the age. I don’t think, however, the following fit:
And beets
Things for pets
And even dogs
Also, the last line does not feel it fits.
         Possibly:
Would you like to go in a big truck one day?



5 - BIG TRUCK DRIVE BY MOUNTAINS
This one is really good.
         Again, just a closing comment to tie it up.
Big trucks are everywhere.
Have you seen a big truck?



So, more along the lines of consistency within the telling and closing them out comfortably. I made points of the language that is not usual for this age group (but you know the children; then again, you could extend beyond family). As for things like punctuation, etc., keep it basic.

The two I did not comment on I was not sure what it was, but they did not grab me, especially if I was still a teacher. They just did not feel like they worked for me. However, these four work quite well.

One last thing, “for boys” is not something I would utilize. I came across a lot of young girls who were into their vehicles. (One girl I taught currently races dirt track cars…) Just worth considering, especially if you decide to take it beyond family.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
86
86
Review of The Omega  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


This was an interesting look at something beyond the understanding of the main character, just living through rumour and rales. I really liked the way you did not confirm or deny anything happening in the Omega, and just let it rest as the imaginings of a teenaged boy. I also liked the way you introduced his age; smooth and not info-dumped.

Technically, there were a lot of punctuation and capital letter errors, too many to list them all. This does need a thorough edit. Also, watch verb tenses.

As far as the story itself, we had memories of the main character (not naming him works, by the way; it is a good way to hint at the dehumanisation process), some feelings like cold tendrils, one time where sounds dominated, and a lot of his thoughts, but what could he taste on the air, or coming up from his stomach? What could he smell? How was his body reacting, his heart, sweat, things like that? You could have really upped the dread of the piece by going for all sensations.

I also liked the way there was no real ending, just a sense of impending doom. Always good for a dystopia.

Of course, these are my opinions. Take what you want.

And good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
87
87
Review of The Flat Mate  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This was a decent story, with the creepiness upping as the tale went along. Not so much outright horror as possessing a definite sense of dread. Better yet, I thought I could see where it was going, and then the ending came out of nowhere. I like twists like that; great work.

Technically, great. I couldn't see anything wrong. *Smile*

The only thing that confused me was who left the note - Peter or Jeckyl? One little thing.

I think this might even be sellable to the right anthology or magazine.

Well done and hood luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
88
88
for entry "Best friends" 
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I love me a good drabble, and so when I found a few in your port I had to read them... and I couldn't help myself, so here is a third review.

I did not know the prompt, and really did not see where this was going, but the ending gave me a hint. I did have to check the prompt to make sure I was right, and I was, so it worked. I know it is difficult in so few words, but another hint could have helped. Still, that underlying creepiness came through well, and the hints of home life (the line of beer cans - excellent) work really well.

Nicely done in so few words.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
89
89
for entry "Reveal" 
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I love me a good drabble, and so when I found a few in your port I had to read them... This is the second one.

This was one I could not see where it was going. The gender reveal thing was weird, and the fact it was skin colour and not gender felt a little off. However, it was certainly a different take on a classic trope, and it did bring a smile to my face.

Nicely done.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
90
90
for entry "Babysitting" 
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I love me a good drabble, and so when I found a few in your port I had to read them...

This one was great. I could see where it was going, and then the stuffed duck appeared... but you threw in the rattle and I knew.

Still made me laugh.

Really well done in so few words.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
91
91
for entry "~ Basic Training ~" 
Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


It's been a while since I reviewed something of yours, so anniversary time seems like as good a time as any!

I knew you were in the services, but did not realise how late (comparatively) you entered. This was an absolutely fascinating look at the ins and outs of basic training and life in the forces without belabouring any points. It was told in a short, sharp and shiny manner, which made it so easy to read.

Little things like kneeling to open a lock box might not seem like much, but they show just how different this life was.

Technically, this is one of the better things of yours I have read. Very clean.

I liked this, and you should write more about your times serving if you can engage like this.

Well done, and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
92
92
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Wow.

This hit with a punch.

The start felt like a standard story of a parent telling the tale of a dead child and the feelings and past. It felt like the sort of story someone would share at a coffee shop or bar or something.

But when you changed to present tense for the final passing in the hospital, the emotion felt like it intensified tenfold. Coming from the muted beginning, it hit harder, and made the emotions grow more than I think they otherwise would have.

I think the only thing that did not feel like it worked was twins being kept apart and not knowing their sibling. The angle between them was fine, but the lack of knowledge was jarring to me.

Technically, it seemed fine. I could see nothing amiss apart from the odd missing comma here or there.

But this ended up being a powerful piece.

Well done and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
93
93
Review of Summertime  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


While, on the surface, this was a sad story about death, there was also that element of hope and of holding onto cherished memories through the song.

I cannot imagine what it would be like to lose a child, and the fact you can write about it shows a strength in you, plus sharing something as personal as the song you shared together.

It did feel a little muted, but I cannot blame anyone for that in this situation.

And I think this version is my favourite version of the song as well. Good choice.

Thank you for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
94
94
Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, this is my judging notes for the Horror Writing Contest
1) The concept.
A really good twist on the Christmas ghost story. I like me a good subversion.
2) The tone.
While your descriptions were top-notch, there was a muted feeling in the horror. I think it was that things went too fast, so the build was rushed.
3) Technical aspects.
Nothing wrong that I could see.
4) How well it tells a story.
Strong. The only issue was we didn’t get a feel for Martin being a Christmas curmudgeon. It was told to us that he was, but he didn’t come across as particularly un-Christmas-y.
5) How well the prompt is integrated into the story.
The Christmas ghost story – perfect.

Despite being set now, it read like a Victorian work, especially in the beginning. Nicely done.
Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
95
95
Review of The Portrait  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, this is my judging notes for the Horror Writing Contest
1) The concept.
This is one of those good ol’ ghost stories that were told and collated by Lord Halifax at the end of the nineteenth century. I have read something similar, but you have done it well here.
2) The tone.
The tone when same returned was just right, but when Ralph came, it became muted. There should have been more concern, more fear in that section as they realised just what had happened.
3) Technical aspects.
Nothing out of place at all. Well done.
4) How well it tells a story.
Like I said, it reads like a Halifax tale. The story is well done.
5) How well the prompt is integrated into the story.
The Christmas gift idea is good, but a little tenuous. Maybe if that was the reason he wouldn’t leave the painting in the barracks fire, it would have tied it up better. Still, it does come across okay.

This was a good little ghost story. With some tweaking, there could be some real eeriness in the ending.
Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
96
96
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, this is my judging notes for the Horror Writing Contest
1) The concept.
Fantastic and unique take on the idea. In fact, the idea of haunted or possessed Lego is something new that I have not seen done before. Well done.
2) The tone.
This was not so much scary as funny. There was no sense of terror throughout. The tone was too light.
3) Technical aspects.
Pretty good. Watch how titles are presented. Genetic should be generic. Lots of places where full-stops should be commas or semi-colons, and a few misused capital letters. Karma is the spelling (Kharma was a wrestler). Exorcism (not exocism).
4) How well it tells a story.
The story is fine. Very definitely a story and one I can relate to all too well.
5) How well the prompt is integrated into the story.
Not too bad, although more possession than ghost.

The conversational tone was a nice touch. I need to say that I also liked the opening pre-amble.
Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
97
97
Review of A-13  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Interesting little horror-styled tale. The idea behind it was really good, and the delivery was well done in a flash fiction format. The character of Emlyn was portrayed well, even in so few words.

A couple of things:
- clarify that it was Emlyn who said she painted over the sigils; the paragraph was focused on Avira, so it took me a couple of readings to work it out.
- the jump between feeling sick for the rest of her shift and getting home, I feel, should have been separated better
- would a news report say where the fire started? Wouldn't it be more likely they'd show it and Emlyn would recognise it?

So, some little things there... in my opinion.

Still, it was a fine story. And, technically, it was very clean.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
98
98
Review by s
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


You did really well bringing a sense of melancholy into your words here. The story was sad and depressing. It started as a "tell", but then the "show" took hold and it became intense. I think that works - going from something a little distant into the more personal as it progresses.

The ending was abrupt, but that was okay. And it was not spelt out, but there were enough hints to know it was a final and defnite ending - so, well done there also.

Your use of physical descriptions of how the nartrator was feeling was also done well.

Technically, I could see nothing wrong, another bug up in this piece.

This was a really good piece of flash fiction. This is the sort of work that could find a home outside of WdC.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
99
99
Review by s
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I got caught up reading your flash fiction pieces and realised I had to give you a review, so here I am.

You have a nice way with these micro-stories, weaving a tale in a few words. It's something I enjoy as well, and it is good to see that idea carried forth by others on WdC.

This one is something that too many parents could probably relate to - thinking back on that good moment when faced with the not as good ones later on. The use of italics to take us back in time worked nicely, and the whole comes together really well.

Technically, there was nothing I could see out of place.

Really strong. There are an increasing number of markets for this sort of story. You should seriously consider them.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
100
100
Review of How?  
Review by s
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I'm not sure if this was a tale of hope or of depression...

Doesn't matter - this was a really strong look at the final contemplations of a man who knows that his life is going to end, he can see it coming, and he has timne to consider everything. And it all made sense as the sorts of things that would go through someone's mind at a time like this.

Technically, it was very clean. I saw no errors. Great!

One small quibble - this sentence did not make sense to me: "It all contributed to the fountain of knowledge holding the nuclear altar." I think I know what you were getting at, but it reads odd to me.

One sentence out of 500 words.

So, strong piece, and really well done.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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