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Review Requests: ON
1,098 Public Reviews Given
1,125 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Minimalist. Focus on technical. I also look at how a work would fit into the traditional publishing landscape. I don't use a template. Warning: I am Australian, and so cultural differences may apply.
Favorite Genres
Most, really.
Least Favorite Genres
Fan-fiction
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and essays.
I will not review...
I will not review porn, fan-fiction or pro-religious/OTT-pro-USA essays. No interactives either, please.
Public Reviews
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251
Review of Alone  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
A fun read!

I liked the build up of tension. The use of language and sentence structure really helped in this regard. The emotions were portrayed well without being spelled out.

I think my only issue is that last sentence.

"Also a dead bird." It just felt out of place after the rest. It was a little deflating.
"And there, amidst the glass shards, lay a dark object. I reached a trembling hand towards it, and grasped something soft and covered in warmth. I groaned and almost laughed. A dead bird. Just a dead bird." I don't know - that's just something that came to me quickly.

Anyway, the rest of the story is really well done, well-written and with a fine rising tension at its core.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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252
Review of A CITY OF GHOSTS  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.0)
The idea here is a really strong one. Layer of complication built upon layer of complication in the good ol' archaeological dig. This is the sort of concept that would make a rollicking novel.

You introduced the reader to the characters sharply (though the general rule of thumb is don't use parentheses for alternate names - put "Larry" in quotation marks instead), but the ages and what they were studying and details like that meant nothing in the long run. Vague indications of being young or old would have sufficed.

However, then it becomes all tell and no show. You tell us what is happening. This happened, then this happened, then this happened. While I'm there: Robots feels so out of place here; "automata" would have been better, and fit in with the way ancient worked these things. And why would a social sciences student go on an archaeological dig? But those just felt out of place to me.

What this feels like is an outline for a much longer work, where you can use the first-person narrative, and that person being told by others what else happened, if necessary, to focus all the emotions of terror and fear and excitement and everything else. That would also mean the ideas of these people, their ages, their fields of study, could become relevant to the story. For example, the social sciences student could recognise the fact that this dead person was a queen by the way the rest were place subservient to her, heads bowed, as she is looking at that sort of thing in one of her majors/subjects. At the moment, it reads like all of it was nothing. Even something as emotional as being engaged was mentioned in an off-handed manner.

So, like I said the idea is fine. Technically, I saw no obvious mistakes, so the writing is clean. It just lacked punch, to me, that's all.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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253
Review by s
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
An interesting... confessional? Memoir? Not sure how to classify this one.

As usual with your work, technically, I could find no issues. Edited well, expressed well, all ythe good stuff. It's why I read your work - I know I'm going to get something polished.

As to the set up of your work, again, I could find no issues. You have expalined your choices, you have put it into the context of your story, and you have allowed some of yourself come through.

I think my only issue was the length. it did feel like some concepts were repeated that were being shown quite well otherwise. Some edits could help maintain the attention of a reader. If writing this for yourself, that's fine; but it is in a public forum, so readers need to be taken into account.

Still, as usual, I enjoy your work.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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254
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
An interesting look at Barbra Streisand from your perspective. I still think she does the best version of 'Memory' from the musical Cats, and her version of my favourite songwriter Jim Steinman's 'Left In The Dark' is amazing.

As to this piece, it opens with a sentence fragment, which feels a little off. You need an "is" in there somewhere.

Some of the formatting of this piece also needs work - spaces where there should not be spaces, some carriage returns, some run-on sentences, things like that. A good edit will help this.

But I think the biggest thing this was missing was a "why". You mention briefly her singing gives you strength, but that's it. How does her voice affect you? How does it give you strength? What about it stirs within you? This is lacking an important piece of the puzzle - You. For this to work completely, we need to know more about you and your relation to Barbra from an emotional level.

Sorry if that sounds harsh; I do not mean it to be because I can feel in what you have written how much you enjoy Ms Streisand. But, as a reader, I just wanted more.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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255
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
I was in two minds about reviewing this. As an Australian who has more than once got in trouble for not doing the Acknowledgement of Country, and who has issues with Indigenous beliefs being thrust against us as truths, I can see where you are coming from. However, having also taught adult Indigenous males, I can also see the benefit for doing what we are doing.

So I am going to look at this from a purely technial point of view.

When it comes to the arguments you put forth, I think maybe quoting an abbreviated Acknowledgement of Country would help especially non-Australians understand where you are coming from. There is the implication here that people understand what you are talking about, which would not be the case with those from the USA for whom the world stops at its borders.

You call universities "ideological indoctrination centers", which I think needs some explanation. Having graduated in 2021 (with my 3rd degree; I am over 50), only a few subjects did push this ideological concept. Some did, I agree, but not all.

Apart from that, your arguments are well put forth and logically constructed. Your own Acknowledgement of Country, therefore, is a a piece that is a fitting conclusion to your work. However, again, having the original to contrast against it might give it more impact.

When it comes to grammar, et al., it follows the stylistic elements of Australian literary magazines, and so I could find nothing to fault.

So, as to whether I agree with you or not, that is beside the point. The fact is I was drawn to this again and again, and so your arguments and your writing work as a persuasive piece of writing.

Well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
256
256
Review of Extinct  
Review by s
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
This is an intriguing opening to what could be an interesting story. The idea of the people being "punished" by not being allowed to have children is verging on the horror/fantasy genre, and this could go well.

Your descriptions on the whole worked well. You have painted some good images with words, and you have built the tension nicely. There is a sense of irgency that wortks throughout.

Now, WdC is about helping writers, so with that in mind:
* Is the lad's name Erik or Erick? You use both.
* You need to look at your punctuation. A lot of errors, especially in apostrophe use, direct speech, and commas. A good edit is needed to go through this.
* Erik's father burst into the church, then they were outside, then he was taken into the church. There needs to be consistency in place.
* Do they worship gods or God? You mention both, but if you are talking the Christian god, then you need to remember when capital letters are used in God, pronouns and possessives.
* How close was the hall these men were at with Erik's mother? It seems the way it is written the whole town could have walked there and been on guard, especially if this was something they were all hoping for. That felt like it burst the tension that you had built up so well beforehand.

That seems like a lot, but if you want this to be the best, then you need to look at the basics of writing.

Having said that, you have avoided info dumps about everything, you have avoided overlong descriptions of the people, only mentioning things that are relevent, and you have let the story flow without extraneous descriptors, all of which are huge positves.

There is a good story here, and the use of words is well done; it is in the technicalities where some polish needed.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Job  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
An interesting story. The idea of aliens collecting information through human disguises was well-done and you didn't harp on the description of the creature, just the points to indicate that it is definitely not human. That lack of info dump makes it so much easier to read.

The fact they acted like humans indicated some degree of cultural contamination, which was interesting to see.

But, for as much as I liked the story, the punctuation of the piece needs a lot of work. Especially in direct speech and using commas, there is a lot of room for editing here. I recommend getting hold of the book Elements Of Style by Strunk & White. It's short and even though it's dry, it has everything you'll need.

Still, the story itself was a good one. You have the ideas and imagination, now to sharpen the tools.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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258
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice piece of flash fiction. I didn't see the ending coming, which is always a pleasant surprise. The captain's exhortations are quite amusing and the ending is almost a dad joke.

When it comes to the technicalities, this needs work:
“Oy Matey, what on earth do you think this is? He asked, “there ain’t a cloud in the sky?”
I would suggest:
“Oy Matey, what on earth do you think this is?" he asked. “There ain’t a cloud in the sky!”

There's a few other commas missing throughout as well; this just needs a thorough edit.

Still, good story. I needed a laugh today. Thanks for that.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
259
259
Review of Winged friends  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi, I found this for anniversary reviews.

This is a sad little vignette with a moral or message that could well be applied to many people. There was a sense of depression about the story, and that made the moral seem a little fatalistic.

One thing that felt missing was the niece's response to the bird being taken by the crow. They were her birds, and yet it was all about the narrator. I feel some of her reactions could have strengthened this piece.

Still, a nice piece, and technically very good.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
260
260
Review by s
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi, I found this thanks to anniversary reviews.

As I do this, there are two flash pieces in this collection.

You have taken to the art of the flash piece, telling a tale in very few words, very well. Technically, I could find no errors, and these were easy to read.

The first one was a really strong one. Dante and Annaleise managed to have their own characters even without many words, and the ending made me chuckle. Really well done.

In the second, there was something that didn't quite ring true for me - he was in a busy office yet could hear the footfalls? They could have been in his mind, but that was not really alluded to. That drew me out a little.

Still, good works of flash. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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261
Review of SNOW  
Review by s
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I found your port because you are the featured author, but I am glad I did and stumbled across this.

Nicely done piece! Technically, this was very strong. No errors that I could see, and a good flow.

But what I liked most about this was that it was an anthropomorphisation of Snow without making it human in attitude. That is something that is not done well in any level of writing, and yet you have nailed it. The way you have centred on a single pilot and their plane adds something to the tale as well; this is not just a description but actually tells a story.

I also like the way you start each paragrah with another part of Snow's "personality".

Sorry that I can offer no advice, but just know I really enjoyed this.

Great work!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I found your port while looking for annversary reviews, and this poem struck me.

I'm not sure if it is meant this way, but I had 3 different readings of it. The straight forward "this is an animal" reading, a supernatural (therianthrope) reading, and the reading of a person who becomes not pleasant at night after a few too many drinks, in the company of friends. Any of these ways, it works, and this layered meaning is a real strength of the poem.

However, I read poems out loud, and the rhyming scheme (that constant "-ite" sound) meant I wanted to give it a rhythm that the syllable count did not have. This is a personal thing, I admit, but it did make the poem feel awkward to me.

Still, a good poem and one that tells a creepy tale.

Good luck going forward!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
263
263
Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This is a good little story about hating the night, and the reasons behind it are sound. There is something about the description of the final death scene that rings really nicely with its inherent gore-horror.

My only issue is it felt too short. I think the build up could have been extended to really paint the picture of a loving couple, some conversations, descriptions of actions, that sort of thing, to make the final ending come as an even greater shock than it does.

To explain: the paragraph that starts "A giant fist..." is so strong. If we could have similar descriptions for the happier times earlier in the night, then I think this tale could have had more impact.

Still, a fine tale.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This is an interesting horror story. The idea is reminiscent of a few stories I have read, but there also seems to be some sort of allegorical meaning behind it with people sticking their heads in the dirt.

The jump to the memories was a little awkward. It starts with him holding the orb, then four years ago, but then it was last year. The time felt a little over the place. However, the response of Jeter felt muted. He was remembering his own family sticking their heads in the dirt and becoming human plants and his emotions did not feel like anything serious. It just lacked a punch to make it feel more visceral.

As for the competition, Halloween felt a little peripheral.

Technically, this was fine. A few missing pieces of punctuation, but that was all.

Good story!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Paige  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
An interesting little story. It is a style I have seen a bit, and so I did guess the ending, but that did not take away from the story.

As an all-dialogue/dialogue-only piece, it works quite well, and the scene shift at the end was well delineated.

I think the only thing I would say here is you have only half punctuated the direct speech where addressing someone is concerned. e.g. "I love you Paige, I always will. " should be "I love you, Paige, I always will." It might seem a little thing, but it can change the meaning of what is written.

There were also a few other punctuation errors and then there was "feeding you a home"... he fed her an entire house? And she ate it?

Still, a decent take on an old trope.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Power and Games  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
Fun little bit of flash fiction. I would argue with the conclusion, but it was pretty much the same thing my ex told me, so...

I think you have handled the restraints of flash fiction well with the telling of this story. However, one line didn't quite work:

“Excuse me?” Janet said, she was the only other person in the room, and she had just walked in.

It runs on and the punctuation feels off.

I'd suggest something like:

“Excuse me?” Janet asked. She had only just entered, and quickly realised she was the only other person there.

It's not brilliant, I know, but it is the same word count.

Anyway, still a good story.
Good luck with the contest!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
267
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Review of Lend Me Your Ear  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
This reminds me of an anonymous quote - we no longer have dialogues but intersecting monologues.

Could your brief work here have asked why this has happened? What has caused it? Is it social medias with their one-way communication? Is it an increasingly partisan society? These are the sorts of things that could have built up something to get to the core of a problem you describe well.

Technically, there are a few punctuation errors. And "...of tha attentivee earr..." shows that maybe an edit was not done?

Still, an interesting piece, one that I feel could have been fleshed out a little more.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
268
268
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a nice version of the ghost girl trope. There is a sweetness about it and the affections of the two characters that makes it easy to read.

Now, WdC is about helping writers, and so, in that vein:
* In the opening paragraph, the word "suddenly" does not fit with the tone. It just isn't needed.
* The finding of Lily with the noose lacks a sense of urgency. You tell us that time slowed and his muscles ached, but there is no real show of the desperation he must have felt. This could have been drawn out, with more of the physical - the 5 senses - utilised.
* You need to punctuate direct speech properly; at times it changes the meaning of what you have written a little.
* The ending felt odd. He has a sort of wedding band tattoo, and he is panicking like he is comes out of nowhere, considering his emotions the previous night with Lily. It doesn't quite work.

Now I say this, and it seems harsh, but there is a definite potential for this story to be creepy/eerie.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Ding Dong  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
I liked this. The idea behind it and the concept made me laugh, and this is the sort of thing I might do.

While you are clearly more comfortable portraying this in a poetic format, I feel it might have had more impact as a short vignette. The poem lacks a little punch, especially at the denouement.

Of course, that is my personal opinion, and it really is an opinion here. Beccause, apart from that, this is an enjoyable piece.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Loose Ends  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
I found this story while looking for horror tales, as that's sort of my thing.

To start, I like the way this story has an open ending. Many do not like that, but to me it helps make a story more disturbing and ups the creepiness factor.

Now, WdC is about helping writers, and with that in mind:
* There are so many punctuation errors here that to list them all would make this impossibly long. You need to give this a thorough edit. If you are unsure, you are on a writing site - ask. Or grab Strunk & White's Elements Of Style.
* The sentence structure is repetitive. For example, in the opening paragraph there are 5 sentences. The first starts with Leslie's name; the rest start with "She". Mix it up to keep a reader engaged.
* We need more of what Leslie is going through. To make something create terror/horror, the audience must be engaged in all aspects. You tell us what is happening, but what is Leslie going through mentally? What thoughts is she having? What are her physical reactions? Without that, it feels muted.

Anyway, I do like the idea, and I like the way there is a time jump, and I like the open ending. There is a huge amount of potential here.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Enemy Revisited  
Review by s
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Yes, I am reviewing this because I was looking for anniversary reviews, but this story is really good and hooked me in.

I did not see the ending coming, so well done there. The idea that this could all be in the hero's mind and him questioning himself at this stage of life did come to me, but I am glad it is left ambiguous. The idea of the hero after it is all over is one that has always interested me.

There was very little amiss with this tale. There were some punctuation choices I would have changed, but I do believe they are choices.

Yeah, I liked this one.
Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Murphy's Law  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
Ah, the sort of poetry I like - rhyming with a constant rhythm, telling a bit of a story, humour included. The syllable count was spot on, and none of the rhymes felt forced. The aside about the middle name made me laugh out loud, not going to lie.

So, yes, I enjoyed this.

However, it did feel like it overstayed its welcome by 2 or 3 stanzas. The same thing was being said, just with different words. I think some careful choosing and culling would tighten it up, in my opinion.

Anyway, great poem, my preferred style.
And good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Real Estate  
Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Nice tale! Technically very clean and, even though once he started about the killings, I did see the ending coming, a good build up through the story.

One thing I did really enjoy was the way it was presented as the patter of a real estate agent. While that did make it a "tell" story, it added to the piece in a way that may not have worked any other way as well.

Having said that, I did feel the ending was muted. He "nicked" the husband, but the lady's reaction was not really given. I think maybe something about asking her to calm down before talking about the dress, as if the dress is the main issue, would have helped. I know we're seeing it from the antagonist's eyes, but that did feel like it lacked a punch.

Apart from that, I did enjoy this.

Nicely done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Gush Me No Gushes  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Yes, I am doing this as part of anniversary reviews, but I like this.

I agree with you about the reviews, but I do feel there is something you may not have considered. Some people - and until recently I was in this boat - only review things they like. This can be because the abuse is not worth it, revenge reviews are not unknown, and there is a desire to be supportive and not be perceived as a negative grump.

On the other hand, I do agree completely that the "fluff" reviews from the reviewers who use the same words and phrases all the time do not seem to serve any purpose.

Technically, this was really strong. I don't see that often enough on WdC. There was a logical flow for the piece. So, in that regard, I am going to gush. Sorry.

I am not sure if the addition of Ezar's commentary at the end helped your original piece. It did support what you said and laid out some alternate commentary, but I am not sure it works overall. That is, of course, my opinion.

Anyway, look, I enjoyed this. I agree with you and you have put it forth in an easy to read and understand manner.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*

While this is done as an anniversary review, I have read this before reviewing it now, as something about this piece draws me in.

This is an interesting look at the concepts.

I have heard others say that of you are "dating", your are testing the waters and are not exclusive until there is an indication from both parties that is what they want. However, I was brought up that "dating" "officially" indicated a degree of exclusivity. Still, I think you have explained that point well.

Where I was lost was your definition of "courting". I did not get a real feel for what you exactly meant by the term, and I feel in this sort of op-ed, you do need to define your terms.

Having said that, the structure of the piece made sense and the ideas did flow into one another in a logical sequence.

There are quite a few punctuation, homophone and spelling errors (e.g. betraiel should be betrayal) in this piece. It does need a thorough edit, and some of these did draw me out of what I was reading.

So I feel this is a good start to what could be an interesting op-ed.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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