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Review Requests: ON
1,075 Public Reviews Given
1,102 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Minimalist. Focus on technical. I also look at how a work would fit into the traditional publishing landscape. I don't use a template. Warning: I am Australian, and so cultural differences may apply.
Favorite Genres
Most, really.
Least Favorite Genres
Fan-fiction
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and essays.
I will not review...
I will not review porn, fan-fiction or pro-religious/OTT-pro-USA essays. No interactives either, please.
Public Reviews
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Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


This is a fun little poem, expressing everything that a 5 year old is inundated with in that first day of education.

The constant meter and rhyme made it so easy to read and I can imagine this being used with children. If you can find an artist, a picture every 2 or 4 lines and you can have that magic 24 pages that children's publishers like for a rhyming book.

The only line that didn't quite feel right was "I kick a ball. I throw a ball"; the repetition of "ball" does not work to me. Maybe something like "I kick and toss and throw a ball" - still 8 syllables and no repeating. Anyway, that's me.

I also think the lines near the end about Fern should be earlier in the poem, so when Fern draws a shark, we know who she is, and why she is named.

Anyway, those are small things in a strong and enjoyable poem.

Good luck going forward, and happy anniversary!


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Review of Alea iacta est  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi!

I am a sucker for alternate history, and was at one stage a scholar of ancient Rome, so you caught me straight away. An interesting concept here, that Brutus would take over after Caesar's death. But even if Octavian died, what of the other two members of the triumverate - Marc Antony and Lepidus? Antony would have the Egyptians behind him, and probably the Greeks, Lepidus had the armies loyal to Caesar. Brutus might think he would be ruler, but I can't see it happening. He had too little experience in war, and would be wiped out by a Duumverate as opposed to a Triumverate. In my opinion.

So, that's my problem with the story's core.

As for it being a quick-fire flash fiction piece, it is really well written. I saw no errors, and it flowed well. You used scene breaks to avoid head-hopping and everything else made sense from a logical point of view. It was an easy and fun read.

Happy anniversary!


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Review of FROZEN FLAME  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi.

Looking through your port for an anniversary review, I saw you were after reviews for this work. So, here I am.

First, I can relate to your sentiment here. After my marriage broke up, I contacted an old flame, and we tried a few dates and... it fizzled. Shame.

As for the poem, it is fine and puts across the idea that some old feelings never die.

Having said that, there were some bits I was not sure about. I found the phrase "my youth prime" awkward; two nouns together did not feel right. The same with "Come not nigh me" - I was not sure what you meant with that one. And the use of the word "quell" did not feel like it worked.

Still, the concet of the poem connected, and the rhythm and rhyme worked well, making it easy to say out loud.

Nicely done.


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179
Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Thank-you for entering the March poetry round of the horror writing contest! My review will focus on my judging criteria.
1) The mechanics. It must have a consistent rhyme (AABBCC, ABCB, AABCCB, etc.) and meter.
A constant meter from stanza to stanza of 12/7/7/10 – this took me only two stanzas to get the hang of reading, and then it flowed very nicely. And the ABBA rhyme scheme was consistent throughout with no forced rhymes. Nicely done.
2) The tone. That is, the sense of horror, terror or unease.
It seems like a series of wishes until the end, which just makes it feel desperate, which makes for a decent sense of unease throughout.
3) Technical aspects. Spelling, grammar, syntax, etc. must all be as strong as possible. Use of punctuation is optional
There was some punctuation used, but that meant the punctuation that was missing (mainly commas) were noticeable. The rest of the technical aspects were strong.
4) If it tells a story or vignette, I will be a happy judge.
Going through different killing methods to escape a horrid person, only for the final denouement to be something rather gruesome and violent made for an intriguing tale.
Final thoughts:
A good, strong piece here of violent revenge set into a poem of a different form that works well. Good work.


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180
Review by s
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Thank-you for entering the March poetry round of the horror writing contest! My review will focus on my judging criteria.
1) The mechanics. It must have a consistent rhyme (AABBCC, ABCB, AABCCB, etc.) and meter.
The rhyme was fine, but it took me a couple of readings to get into the meter of the piece. It was relatively constant from stanza to stanza, and once I got my head around that, it did make it easier for me to read.
2) The tone. That is, the sense of horror, terror or unease.
There is a sense of horror about it, but it does feel almost like a song-song style, a nursery rhyme almost.
3) Technical aspects. Spelling, grammar, syntax, etc. must all be as strong as possible. Use of punctuation is optional
Punctuation was used appropriately, and everything worked well in context. Excellent work here.
4) If it tells a story or vignette, I will be a happy judge.
The story of a child whose fears might or might not have a basis in reality is a good story to work on for this sort of thing. Nicely done.
Final thoughts:
A fine poem written in a form it took me a little while to get used to, but once I had it, I saw how it worked. And the child being afraid of the thing under the bed is a universal fear. Well done.


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181
Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Thank-you for entering the March poetry round of the horror writing contest! My review will focus on my judging criteria.
1) The mechanics. It must have a consistent rhyme (AABBCC, ABCB, AABCCB, etc.) and meter.
Thhe rhyme of ABCB was consistent throughout, but the meter, the syllable count, was not. For example, stanza 1 is 8/9/6/8, the last stanza is 8/4/8/7.
2) The tone. That is, the sense of horror, terror or unease.
You managed this quite suspenseful, especially with the idea that these men do the Devil’s work.
3) Technical aspects. Spelling, grammar, syntax, etc. must all be as strong as possible. Use of punctuation is optional
There was some punctuation used, but some missing, so this was inconsistent. The rest, from a technical standpoint, was well done.
4) If it tells a story or vignette, I will be a happy judge.
This is a strong story, well told, about men accepting that the Devil is helping them and willing to do his work.
Final thoughts:
The idea here is great, and works really well; there’s just a few little things that need working on to make it fulfill the criteria.


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182
Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Thank-you for entering the March poetry round of the horror writing contest! My review will focus on my judging criteria.
1) The mechanics. It must have a consistent rhyme (AABBCC, ABCB, AABCCB, etc.) and meter.
To be honest, I had to look up what a licentia was. You set yourself a tough task, and yet you accomplished it well. The meter s constant at 8 syllables a line, and the rhyme is maintained, with the required repetition as per the form. I would say, though, that food/good is a bit of a forced rhyme.
2) The tone. That is, the sense of horror, terror or unease.
I think you did this well, and reducing from 11 to 8 syllables certainly helps in that regard. There is a definite sense of unease about it.
3) Technical aspects. Spelling, grammar, syntax, etc. must all be as strong as possible. Use of punctuation is optional
Not much punctuation used, but what was was used appropriately. I don’t think there was any missing, either. You even managed to keep the repetition going well within context throughout.
4) If it tells a story or vignette, I will be a happy judge.
A man who did not want to change into a werewolf, butt does so anyway, and then attacks and kills – yep, a good story that works well in a poem.
Final thoughts:
You set yourself quite the high bar, and I feel you reached it. Nicely done and a strong entry to the contest.


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183
Review of Bloody Wedding  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank-you for entering the March poetry round of the horror writing contest! My review will focus on my judging criteria.
1) The mechanics. It must have a consistent rhyme (AABBCC, ABCB, AABCCB, etc.) and meter.
All lines were 10 syllables +/- 1, and the rhyme was a constant pattern. There were a few forced rhymes – “arrives”, when the rest was in past tense, for example – but in general it was strongly constructed.
2) The tone. That is, the sense of horror, terror or unease.
In general, this was well done, A few times word choice made it come across a little corny (“this man had just wrecked”), but the tone was generally upheld throughout.
3) Technical aspects. Spelling, grammar, syntax, etc. must all be as strong as possible. Use of punctuation is optional
You used minimal punctuation, but what you used – and the subsequent use of capitalisation – was done well. None was missing; it was what had to be there.
4) If it tells a story or vignette, I will be a happy judge.
Yep, a story of deadly vengeance and subsequent haunting a story as old as time,, and dine well. My only question would be a fourth floor – not many mansions have four storeys, and who could see into it that high?
Final thoughts:
Good entry into the competition, doing what I asked for and doing it well. Nicely done.


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184
Review of Midnight  
Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Thank-you for entering the March poetry round of the horror writing contest! My review will focus on my judging criteria.
1) The mechanics. It must have a consistent rhyme (AABBCC, ABCB, AABCCB, etc.) and meter.
Strong rhyming scheme, no forced rhymes, and some great uses of words (loved townsfolk/convoked). The meter was all 7/8 syllable lines and so was consistent throughout. Great.
2) The tone. That is, the sense of horror, terror or unease.
The tone was well done, The choice of words, the long syllable sounds – it all gave for quite the unease.
3) Technical aspects. Spelling, grammar, syntax, etc. must all be as strong as possible. Use of punctuation is optional
You used punctuation, used it properly, and it all works in the context of the poem. Very strong.
4) If it tells a story or vignette, I will be a happy judge.
A poem about a revenant – works for me as a story.
Final thoughts:
This is a really strong and very good entry into the competition. Nice work!


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185
Review of Them Woods  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank-you for entering the March poetry round of the horror writing contest! My review will focus on my judging criteria.
1) The mechanics. It must have a consistent rhyme (AABBCC, ABCB, AABCCB, etc.) and meter.
Rhyme was okay – the different format of the stanzas near the end made it awkward – and the meter was generally good, but some lines had too many syllables to hold into the meter of the piece. It was not everywhere, but enough to make saying it a little awkward.
2) The tone. That is, the sense of horror, terror or unease.
Well done in this regard. I especially liked the way you told the poem’s story as a monologue, using a person’s dialect. That worked well, and did increase the unease.
3) Technical aspects. Spelling, grammar, syntax, etc. must all be as strong as possible. Use of punctuation is optional
Again, this was fine. You only used commas and apostrophes where needed, and all were used fine, and you maintained a consistent voice in the dialect use.
4) If it tells a story or vignette, I will be a happy judge.
Going hunting, encountering an unseen entity, feeling the fear, fleeing – perfect story for a poem meant in to invoke that sense of unease.
Final thoughts:
The only thing that did not quite fulfill the criteria was the consistent meter, so this was a very strong entry, with a nice unique aspect to it in its voice. Well done.


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186
186
for entry "Deranged Bride" 
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Thank-you for entering the March poetry round of the horror writing contest! My review will focus on my judging criteria.
1) The mechanics. It must have a consistent rhyme (AABBCC, ABCB, AABCCB, etc.) and meter.
The rhyming is mostly good, with the only forced rhyme being Tress/Dress; we generally talk of tresses, not one tress. But the meter does not quite work. For example, the syllable count of the opening stanza is 12/9/8/6, the second 10/9/9/8, etc. Ut did make it hard to read and get into at times.
2) The tone. That is, the sense of horror, terror or unease.
This works. Until the end. We have a jilted bride covered in blood, and then a headless nun appears and the bride screams. But I was under the impression, especially as she had “shackles”, the bride was already dead. I was a little confused and it did drop the sense of unease.
3) Technical aspects. Spelling, grammar, syntax, etc. must all be as strong as possible. Use of punctuation is optional
All really good. Nothing to complain about here. You used a few commas in lines, and they were all spot-on.
4) If it tells a story or vignette, I will be a happy judge.
As I said back in section 2, the nun thing made me confused. There was a fine stry going until then, but it lost me.
Final thoughts:
With just a little tweaking, this could have been so much stronger as a horror poem. It is still definitely horror, it just felt like you maybe were trying to cram too much in.


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Review of Forgotten World  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
Sad poem about the decline of the Earth. All too apt... unfortunately.

One little error - Lets should be Let's in the final stanza.

Reading it out loud, which I do with all poetry, the rhyming scheme made me want a more consistent rhythm or meter, so I did find it awkward to read and get into the flow of. Also "up" and "amok" is a bit of a forced rhyme. This is, of course, on me.

So, a good poem with a strong message, yet one I found hard to read.

Good luck going forward.


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Review by s
Rated: ASR | (2.5)
This is a very brief look at one of the more interesting figures in America's political landscape.

It started confusingly. You said his father was buried when he was 78 hours old, then said he died two months before his birth. Why did they wait two months before burying him?

A serial killer intentionally kills at least three people. As far as I was aware, Oswald killed JFK and Tippit (sp? this is from my memory). How was he a serial killer? Assassin, sure. Murderer, definitely. But serial killer?

You did not touch on any aspect of "why", despite saying so in the second paragraph. All you did was make a supposition in the final paragraph that he hated JFK because of JFK's arrogance. Where did that come from? How is that an excuse to kill someone with the degree of care that Oswald took to execute the act? It did not follow.

Technically, grammar was fine, despite a few spelling errors (e.g. "assasination"), so that was okay.

The final paragraph felt out of place, a sudden jump to the assassination after detailing Oswald's own murder. The opening and final paragraphs were little bits of docudrama which stood in stark contrast with the rest of the information.

Overall, this was an odd piece. There is so much here that could be easily expanded upon.

Good luck going forward.


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189
Review of Carved in Stone  
Review by s
Rated: E | (2.5)
This is an interesting concept of a modern adventurer being deluded as much by greed as by technology.

The story is well thought-out and makes sense.

However, this is all tell and no show. It feels like the outline for a much longer work. For example, you tell us that the narrator dodged all this intricate danger, and yet that was it. We did not get a chance to feel the danger, the excitement, the "will he or won't he" tension. It was just there.

So, the idea is strong. The delivery is skeletal.

Good luck going forward.


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Review of Renewal  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
While I don't know much about poetry, this followed all the rules of sonnets I recently learnt.

I speak poetry out loud, and I found the first time this was a little odd because I wanted to rhyme but the broken sentences made me stumble. However, the second time I went through it, knowing how it was going to come it flowed better. So it just took me some getting used to.

One question: should "seasons chill" be "season's chill"?

As to the content, it seemed to encapsulate the coming of spring quite well.

So I am going to say - good sonnet. Well done.


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Review of Suitcase  
Review by s
Rated: E | (5.0)
A short poem, but you say a lot in those few words. The invisible suitcase is such a good metaphor.

It is something I think too many of us can relate to in some way.

I can offer you nothing by way of improvement; this is perfect the way it is.

Really strong piece.

Good luck going forward.


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Review of In the Night  
Review by s
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This took me a couple of readings to get what I think was the gist of this. There is some confusion to me in the action. However, you do have a decent turn of phrase that amps up the tension nicely, and so I decided to review it. There is a good story here.

Technically, there are a few issues. Some of the direct speech needs better punctuation. Every time a new person speaks or does something, no matter how little, it is a new paragraph. And standard for internal thoughts is to put them in italics. Some of these issues did make it difficult to follow and read at times.

Story-wise, the introduction of the bear as having once been the mother's own came a little late in the story for me. And, like I said, the ending took me a while to get (but that is most likely on me).

I will say again, though, that you cave some good descriptions and you did some good show against tell where the mother's emotions were at.

Good luck going forward.

So, I can see this being a good story, but it does need a thorough edit and clean-up.


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Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
Interesting essay. Just to be clear, I think it is a sport and more worthy of that epithet than esports.

So, to your essay. It is well set out as an essay for the most part. I am not sure why some opening sentences and one closing one are separated from the rest of their paragraphs, though. It needs a tweak in presentation.

When it comes to the crux of your argument, you start in the first paragraph by defining sport, which is good, but then you state chess is a sport in the very first sentence. So you are placing the bias of this essay on the table, then in the last paragraph you declare it is up to the reader to decide. That is not a good way to end; you have proven your point - just say it's a sport, and in that opening paragraph, it might be better to go, instead of:
"Though many sports involve much physical exertion, there are also those that require less action and far more mental energy; chess being the latter."
try:
"Though many sports involve much physical exertion, there are also those that require less action and far more mental energy. In that case, can chess be considered a part of the latter?"
What that does is indicate what the central point of your arguments is going to be without stating that to be the truth from the outset.

You mentioned the Australian chess leagues. Why? Australia is such a small player in world chess. I mean, I made a final in Adelaide in 1986 and I can't play the game for peanuts. Better to mention the bigger countries and how many chess competitions there are, to show how popular the sport is.

And finally, using the chess bodies declaring chess as a sport does not work as an argument. By that logic, the Earth must be flat because that's what the flat-earthers say. I would find other, independent from chess bodies or people to quote - and there are a few out there - to add weight to your case.

Technically, this felt fine. No errors that I could see.

Now, this review may seem harsh, but I feel there is a very strong essay right here, it just needs tweaking.

Good luck going forward.


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Review of Consumed  
Review by s
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi,

Saw thos on community newsfeed so I thought I'd have a look.

I have trouble reviewing poems like this because I am not 100% sure what I need to be looking for, so I will speak only as it affects me.

It affects me; I can relate to it; this is me all over.

The only line I didn't get was the "film" line, but that's on me.

A short poem, but one that impacts.

Nicely done.

Good luck going forward.


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Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I found this while looking through your port for your anniversary.

A well-put poem on the idiocy that is Q-Anon.

Now, I read poems out loud to get a feel for them, and this one was a little awkward in the middle, the "rabbit hole" stanza especially. Apart from that, this was a fun poem and one that has a lot to sat in a short amount of words.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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196
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I found this while looking through your port for anniversary reviews.

This poem is a sad little one about the differences in perception between a couple.

In general, it worked well, but this line left me confused. Does "Something is on brain..." mean "Something is on your mind..."?

Also, the question mark shouldn't be after "online", it should be after "mine" in stanza 2. Reading this through the first time, that left me confused until I worked out what was what.

You brought up the spirituality question in passing; it felt almost tacked on, but I would think it would be far more important than that.

So, a really strong and emotional poem with impact, but I was left with some questions.

Good luck going forward.


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197
Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi. Found this in your port for anniversary reviews.

This was an intriguing tale. I wasn't sure how it was a Western until the end when you had a denouement that I did not see coming.

Technically, I saw no mistakes. Rare here at WdC and so well done.

As for the story, I can also find no errors or anything like that. It flowed well, sat in the flash fiction model nicely, and had such a strong ending.

Sorry I can offer no advice; this is just too well done.

Good luck going forward.


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Review of Scrambled Eggs  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Interesting little flash fiction, about what can matter when things are about to come to an end.

Technically, it was fine. Some missing commas, but that was about all.

Story-wise, it was a sharp little vignette, and it was the sort of story that worked well in the flash fiction confines; much longer would have drawn it out too much.

However, I do think some more reminiscences about the breakfasts of old, when he was younger, sprinkled throughout, would have made Charles' final statement resonate a little more, and add to the emotional impact of the piece.

Still, well done

Good luck going forward.


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Review of The Watchers  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


An interesting horror story. I do like stories with open endings like this, and you managed to get a good sense of terror at times in the body of the work.

Technically, there were a lot of punctuation errors. This needs a really thorough clean-up. You also kept shifting between past and present tense. Pick one and stuck to it throughout the story; swapping makes it feel disjointed.

As for the story, it does work, but the opening sentence about this being based on a dream does not work as a part of the story. Dream or not, it does not matter - just let the story stand on its own. Yes, it would add a bit or surrealism to this tale, but that is fine. Apart from that, it felt good. There were a few times when you used tell instead of show, but these were few, and when you did show, you demonstrated a good descriptive flair.

So, your imagination and story-telling are good; this needs some cleaning.

Good luck going forward.


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Review of The Shipwreck  
Review by s
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Okay, I really liked this. As a satire, it was funny in its own way and it did hit the mark well, that some people don't see why they should help others when "no-one" helped them.

Technically, it felt fine. Maybe a couple of places where I wouldn't agree with punctuation, but that is a personal preference. Still, a very clean piece of writing - I don't see that often enough at WdC.

And as a story, it worked well. I think there was a bit of tell instead of show, but I also think that in a piece like this - and a flash fiction length - showing us the events would have drawn the story out and lessened its impact, so, I reckon it works.

Really well done.

Good luck going forward.


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