I'm not a professional writer. I'll try to give honest feedback and try to help with your writing. Remember, it is completely up to you whether you change anything or not.
Hi there, this is Tam and I've reached the end of your novel. Took longer than I expected because of a few derailing events, but I'm here now and will do my best to give an overview of your novel. Hopefully this will be helpful for you.
Opinions for this chapter ▼
 First Impressions: I can tell you were in less of a hurry through this chapter, possibly because all the action has gone on past already. Now you've got more time to focus on the actual outcome.
This opens five years into the future of your novel and depicts Trinity Wells (or is it Trinity DeVega now?) with her four year old daughter called Nathalya. To this little girl Trinity gives a condensed explanation on what El'Anorath is. It also reveals that little Nathalya looks an awful lot like her namesake.
They keep a picture of Nathalya Harms in their home, and toast to her every year or so from what I gather. It's also their anniversary, so obviously they've got a lot of things to celebrate. It's actually kind of cute, this chapter, in a nostalgic sort of way.
It's also nice to know that Errol Errukson is unharmed, and now part of a new leadership on El'Anorath with his uncle. Kind of makes him the prince. He's also clueless as to what really happened to Nathalya Harms, but I guess there's no use in going into vast detail there. It's good to know, also, that the stalkers are beginning to overcome their differences.
It ends on DeVega's promise to take care of both his daughter and his wife. It's kind of a nice ending, too.
__  My Favourite Elements: I actually appreciated the dialogue between Trinity and little Nathalya in the beginning. The little girl really sounded like what she was supposed to be, and her comments were cute enough to make me smile. Also, was that the same poem Nathalya's father told her in the beginning of the story? I can't quite remember, but it seems familiar somehow. I'm a fan of resonance, so if it is good job.
 Nit Picky Stuff: Okay, so you did apprehend the matter of DeVega not killing himself, but I feel that it comes a bit late. I'd think the previous chapter was the best time to approach that, but that's my opinion. This is in the aftermath of everything, so those things that weren't explained in the moment are not really given all that much attention. This leaves some things to be questioned, even now.
On the other hand, there aren't so many typos in this chapter.
He put his bags down in the entryway and walked into the living room where he slumped lazily on the sofa.
Don't think that's necessary. Slumping kind of puts me in mind of laziness, and it makes the sentence feel redundant.
Kale found his way upstairs, daughter in hand. He walked to the end of the hall and knelt to place his sleeping daughter into her bed.
A bit overused. Maybe 'the sleeping girl' would be better in place of the second 'daughter'.
"Thank you," he said as he had said to Orion.
This is awkward wording. Maybe just 'he said as he had to Orion' would work.
 Last Word: This pretty much sums everything important up, although I feel there were a few things that still feel like cliffhangers. I'm glad Trinity and Kale were able to escape alive and continue their lives, and the latter has even risen to considering position. I don't know what position, but it does sound important. Nathalya isn't necessarily dead, but she's not as free as anyone else either. Her monumental decision isn't put into great detail, either. Kind of sad.
 Plot: Nathalya Harms is one of the few remaining ghost agents in the Alliance. She is reassigned to go to the planet of El'Anorath to join the Juliette unit if I recall correctly. She is warned against going because it's an all out war, and no one is likely to come back from the group she was told to join. She intended to go by herself, but her friend Trinity Wells insists on going with her.
Together these two go down to the surface in a shuttle of some kind to reach their unit. However on their way they are attacked by unknowns and shot down. Nathalya and Trinity jump to safety, mostly because Nathalya took charge - as I recall Trinity just freaked out - and they land somewhat jarringly on the ground.
Though Trinity Wells twists her ankle, they are largely unharmed and rush back to the crash site. Here they are given a bloodstained letter from one of the other passengers, who then dies. The letter is supposed to be sent to Toomes, and at this point I have no idea who that is.
They're picked up by Alliance soldiers before too long and they meet DeVega, who takes them towards their unit in Juliette. It seems he's from that group as well, because once there he sticks around. Upon their arrival they are given some time to rest and freshen up, then are briefed on a mission of attack.
This battle goes badly at first, and is nearly lost until Nathalya reveals certain abilities she has as a half-blooded Calari. Again, at that point in time the reader has no clue what that is. It kind of flew over my head at times. But back to the story.
Nathalya's abilities don't go past the enemy men. A group of stalkers - werewolf-ish guys who are minus the human part of the werewolf spectrum as far as I gathered - comes to attack the unprepared base, but are stopped by the Corrinites. They want to talk and arrange a momentary cease fire if Nathalya will come with them.
She requests time to think about it, but in the end she decides to go (much to the fury of DeVega), and departs with them the next day. The agreement is a total ceasefire, but this doesn't work out quite the way it's planned since the Corrinites were planning to backbite them the whole time. It turns out they only wanted Nathalya, and one of their number has the same sort of powers as she does.
Nathalya is essentially kidnapped and dragged all the way to the Corrinite capital to meet with their leader: Tessom. It turns out that Nathalya is descended from a Calari princess who had the power to use the great titan Orion who - if used wrongly - could do a number on the planet. Tessom wants to utilize this monstrosity, and to do that he needs Nathalya to give herself up to it.
Of course she disagrees, and she is thrown into prison for a while.
In the meantime the Alliance's Juliette base is attacked. As far as is discerned, Trinity Wells and DeVega are the only ones to escape. They smell a rat, and decide to go after Nathalya in case she's in danger (who am I kidding, of course they knew she was in danger!) and walk all the way to the Corrinite city to find her. To do this they need to trick the guards and change their clothes, but in the end they manage to get inside.
That leads to a long period of waiting, whereon Nathalya gets ill (food poisoning? Something worse?) and her friends team up with a Corrinite that has doubts about the rulership (and a crush on Nathalya). Together they devise a really risky escape plan, that miraculously works.
Once they've got her, they come up with a REALLY risky way to leave the city. Once there they take different paths from their rescuers and go back to the Alliance to attempt to find and destroy Orion. The bloodstained letter comes back into play again when Nathalya meets Toomes, and through this message he discerns the location of Orion.
Nathalya is given a group of specialists - troops if you would - to find this Orion, and they are ready to depart in a few days I believe. DeVega, however, is going his separate way to try and free those remaining of the Juliette unit who are imprisoned in enforced labour in Tessom's mine - which is an attempt to locate Orion as well. They say farewell, and each depart.
Their mission doesn't even start out smoothly, but they get a good distance out before they are confronted by stalkers. These are probably the first stalkers the reader gets close to in the entire story, since the first group were kind of hard to figure out. There are enough of them there, and they will put trespassers to death.
But Nathalya works out an agreement with them by threatening their leader with her Calari powers, and they are supposed to lead them out of the forest - as long as they never come back. The deal only works one way. But before they get that far, they are attacked by another group of stalkers.
Instead of running for their lives (which probably wouldn't have worked anyway), Nathalya's group helps the stalkers they were originally with fend off their enemies. This battle is probably one of the best ones in the book, and also forges a sort of understanding between them. They've got friends among the stalkers.
It's arranged that one of the said creatures will lead them to Orion's resting place, since they have a fairly good idea where it is. So the group heads off in that direction with their new guide.
They're led down a narrow path and through rain, bad traveling conditions, and so on, before they reach a river. Though they try to cross, Toomes and Falston I think fell into the water and were swept downstream before anyone could save them. From there they decide to travel across in the drone.
This works - kind of - and they're free to continue onwards, but in the middle of the night they are approached by two people: the missing members of their party. Once everyone is ready, they all move on.
In the meantime there is a brief flash to the side that shows Tessom's failed digging attempts, Nathalya's upset father, and DeVega's near tragic end. That - I might add - is a beautiful moment.
At last they reach the Calari ruins where the titan is supposed to be kept, and they're met by a... shade thing. A remnant of some kind. This thing explains the history of the entire story in a very concise manner, and even gives Nathalya Tessom's real reason for wanting Orion. Orion isn't the destroyer of worlds, it protects them.
Before she can decide just what to do they are attacked by Tessom's group. Trinity Wells - ever Nathalya's devoted friend - voluntarily tries to lead them off, but her attempts are unsuccessful. The rest of Nathalya's company are brought to their knees and executed one after another before her very eyes. Except Shepard, who retaliates and buys Nathalya enough time to jump next to Orion.
She manages to activate the massive titan, and joins with it to protect everyone on El'Anorath. Tessom tries to override her ability and control the titan, but she's too angry and hurt and everything to be swayed. She destroys the ruins, but still manages to locate her friend Trinity Wells - still alive thanks to her little endeavour - and carries her to safety where DeVega is.
Then Nathalya leaves, forever a part of that massive titan. I guess you couldn't say she was unhappy that way, though it's hard to tell since she doesn't get another perspective from there.
Lastly DeVega and Trinity are married, and have a daughter named after Nathalya. They know the truth, but Errol (the Corrinite who helped them save Nathalya Harms) doesn't, and wishes he could see her again. Still, a beautiful ending.
 Characters: A brief overview of the main characters. I might forget less important people so bear with me.
Nathalya Harms: She's the main character of the novel with a long backstory despite her age. She's part Calari and has abilities beyond those a normal person would have. She's got titian hair as I recall and wears black, thin rimmed glasses because of a mistake on Trinity Wells' part years ago. She's caring, pretty, and generally acts like she's not afraid of anything. Lets not forget stalwart determination. She is the titan Orion in the end.
Trinity Wells: Nathalya's best friend, and partly - I believe - the reason why they both ended up in the military. At first she comes across as very feminine and lacking in the department of bravery, but as the story progresses she becomes a regular heroine and bold besides. I'm not sure when this change took place, but she's really different at first than she is later. She's got black hair, and has some great moments in the story.
Kale DeVega: Military army type at first. He's got rules, standards, and the whole nine yards. At first I thought he was an extra, but as he showed up more and more his character fleshed out. Unlike the others I have no idea where he's from originally or what his motivation is. He disagrees with Nathalya once at least, but seems to come to terms with it because he's willing to listen to her later on. He's got brown hair, and has one striking moment of weakness through the story. It makes him seem more human.
Mr. Harms: Er... I actually forgot his name, but he's Nathalya's father. Seems to be the type that likes to joke around. He loves Nathalya like no other and must have been struck pretty hard by her disappearance. He appears very few times in the story and I don't rightly recall what he looked like (or if he was even described) as his parts were minimal.
Errol Errukson: Corrinite soldier who forfeited the military after he discovered what was being done behind his back, and just how much he didn't know about. It may or may not have had something to do with Nathalya, who he had a crush on. He helped turn their leadership towards the better, but he never found out what happened to Nathalya.
Nathalya's Group: They went with her to find Orion and lost their lives in the process. They had the stern leader type, the crazy about weapons one, the scientist, and even an extra man that I can't quite recall leaning in any particular direction. Except maybe profanity in language.
Juliette Unit: They weren't around for long, but I got the impression of a bunch of rookies being led by an uncertain man and a veteran. Most of them were killed, and those that were not were captured. There isn't any real detail pertaining to whether or not those that worked in the mines escaped, or if they were executed once the Calari realized there was nothing down there.
Stalkers: These guys show up twice, really. The first time they're as a distraction, and a point of the enemy's powers. They seem to be wolfmen of some sort with an Indian type of lifestyle. Their tribes are a bit split up as a result of all the warring, but I'm going to assume they patched most of that up after Orion gets free. They don't seem as bad as they're painted out to be in the beginning, and Nathalya even befriends a few. Brusko was their guide.
Tessom: He's the antagonist, although I don't get a whole lot of feelings from him other than strong resentment, and he wants the titan Orion to take revenge on those who 'left him behind?' I think? He only poses a real threat while Nathalya is in his clutches, and when he shoots a lot of his captives. Otherwise I can't say I was all that frightened of him, which might need some work... I don't even rightly recall what he looks like.
Extras: There were a lot of characters, too many for me to list in this fashion. Highlighted were the Lieutenant that was a Calari (and killed by Nathalya), the nurse who took care of the main character when she was ill, Errol's uncle, and the man on the ship Nathalya was on at first.
 Dialogue: Mostly good, but there was some tension in places there really shouldn't have been. Sometimes it didn't match the situation as well as it could have, and this isn't to denote your writing. Dialogue, action, and description are all written differently. Of course real people don't use perfect grammar while they're talking, and they even tend to shortcut as much as they can to get their point across without sounding like a preschooler. That doesn't mean you have to make them say stupid things, mind you, just get them to relax those tense muscles when they're used to one another.
 Grammar: I have really bad grammar, and I couldn't tell you if yours was terrible. It read off okay in my mind, but I'm pretty sure it could use some work in a few places. My limited knowledge allows me to know this much. I have heard that reading aloud can help solve this issue, and although I really wouldn't be caught dead doing so with four brothers and two parents near me, you might be able to work something like that out for yourself. It's worth a try.
 Favourite Elements: You managed to add a very fantasy backdrop to your sci-fi novel without throwing anything off kilter with it. I enjoyed the mysterious elements surrounding Nathalya, the history of El'Anorath, and even discovering the reason for the war going on there. There were some interesting plot twists going on as well, and I was surprised by several of Wells' interventions. My first impression of her denounced her as mildly incompetent with weapons, but I was proven wrong and it didn't feel like something that came right out of left field.
You gave Nathalya a few interesting quirks of her own (she likes some alcoholic beverages), and her friendship with Trinity is believable and solid. They seem to lean on one another.
I also liked the way she goes with Orion in the end. I could picture that in my mind, and it's pretty fantastic.
 Setting: A few of the settings that jumped out at me in your novel will be written out here. We'll see what I remember.
Space Port Constable: Really, this is where the whole story begins. It makes me think of a large vessel that is held in place above this mysterious El'Anorath place. I pictured it to be kind of grey toned inside kind of like Deep Space Nine, though between you and me I never was as fond of Deep Space Nine (not because of the station itself). Clean cut, tidy, and pale grey. That's my impression of it.
Forest Crash Site: I think green, leafy, and foreign would cover most of this in one go. I kind of pictured something more like a jungle, but maybe a bit drier, so not really like what we've got around here in Canada. Leafier. Fuller. Maybe with a path here and there. The shuttle's site I got the impression of the destroyed craft and pieces of scrap metal flung everywhere. Disturbing.
Juliette Base: Brown. Packed dirt with sparse grass. Overlooks some kind of precipice. Lots of high-tech mobile buildings that are also toned to be brown. Forest in the distance. That's what I imagined, though I never thought about it much since you didn't really elaborate.
Corrinite City: Layered, so it's like a large tier on the bottom, a smaller tier above that, and so on. Makes me picture a Colosseum from Rome, but bigger on the scale that people can LIVE on each of these tiers. Oh, and the people dress colourfully, like butterflies (if you pardon that term). So it would look pretty fantastic overall.
Orion's Ruins: Grey wastelands with the skeletons of destroyed buildings scattered about. Lots of rubble, crumbled bricks, and dust floating around on the breeze. Time of day gave me the impression of twilight, but I'm sure that's inaccurate... the underground levels were cobwebby, ancient, and dusty besides. Like a high-tech cave with a massive... thing... inside.
 Suggestions: My first thought is: what did Orion look like? Just now I realized I have no real idea what it's appearance is, other than the fact that it must be humanoid because you mentioned it had hands. You might want to go into that.
Putting that aside the middle chapters are your best parts. The Corrinite city had the best grounding going, and the most action takes place. Yet, it also doesn't seem madly rushed as the beginning did at times. I'm no expert, but I'm under the impression that this is a sign of the pacing being offbeat. What you should probably do is slow down a notch earlier on (and a great load later on) so you can get in the details that are important. I don't mean filling it with hugely flowery descriptions, but just those details that are necessary would be helpful here and there.
Near the end I didn't feel as satisfied as I could have. Tessom doesn't give me that madly intimidating sensation - and that might be a result of Nathalya not seeming to care about her friends. Where is the emotion that she ought to be feeling? Why were these last few scenes so rushed through? Tessom cannot kill Nathalya right out - it takes away from his impact as the antagonist. You might be able to make Nathalya uncertain of this, at least.
Also I can't help but notice there was a battle suit thing in the Juliette base before they were conquered. What happened to this thing, anyway? When it first showed up I had thought - and perhaps even hoped - that it would take some important role in the story. Yet as far as I recall it was only used once, and I didn't even get to see it. That makes it feel like it's an addition that didn't need to be there, or was forgotten about.
You often tell us something happened, then fail to give a visual on it. Instead of telling us the characters have done something, take a moment to think about how that would look and try to describe it instead. Give it a bit of movement, and you've got something that - y'know - is active. That'll make your story pop off the page more, and allow the readers to get more involved with Nathalya.
I'm not sure what the exact point of Nathalya's father's scene near the end was. The withdrawal order is important, yes, but that could have been heard from someone else who held more importance in the story like DeVega. As it was, I felt almost as if I'd been jerked from the story at present and flung into something that didn't matter nearly so much. Failing this, Tessom could know about it, and his scene could be expanded instead. Make me fear this guy.
 Overall: Cool story with lots of action and hidden truths, and revelations. So on. I wish there had been more in a few places, since it felt like they were just the bare bones, but overall it has the makings of a good novel. My dad always told me the story is the most important thing, not the floral descriptions. Get what matters in there, and make it matter to the reader as well. So far you've got a good start. I won't lie to you and say it'll only be a short while before you can publish it, novels are a lot of work and it'll take time to get that far from this stage, but it is better than my first (four?) rough drafts ever were.
Liked it, needs work, but it's well on its way overall. Your main characters are pretty strong. I like the Calari thing going on and the stalkers - though I wish I'd known what they were earlier.
If you have any further questions about anything I might have missed - which is unfortunately quite possible - don't hesitate to ask. Trust me, I don't bite.
Keep writing!
~Tam
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "
. If you ask me, for the most part you weren't so bad politeness wise. If you felt happy - mean as that might have been - about something or not, it's kind of hard to help those feelings. 
