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1,406 Public Reviews Given
1,464 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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26
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Review of Trumpets Sound  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following is only my opinion. Take what you want and pitch the rest.

In my opinion, the strongest aspect of this poem is the lilting beat. Because of that the rhyming doesn't seem forced. I also like that it is in three stanzas, which can be symbolic in and of itself. Each stanza represents a different period.

I have no suggestions for improvement.

Regards,
Ms. J
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27
27
Review of Berserk  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The following is only my opinion. Take what you want and pitch the rest.

Well, I'd say this guy was having one of those days. I liked the way you described the moment he snapped. You captured the emotions and image very well. I think the strongest aspect of this piece is that we all have those days at work where we would love to snap like this.

Regards,
Ms. J
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28
Review of Jesus  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
The following is just my opinion. Take what you want and pitch the rest.

This is a good way to express your admiration for Jesus. I like the chorus. I was wondering about it being too much over and over, bu your explanation of the style made sense.

I like how the speaker recognizes his/her weakness and turns to Jesus for help.

Regards,
Ms. J
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29
29
Review of Tickled Pink  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following is only my opinion. Take what you want and pitch the rest.

I like this foray into the many sides of the color pink. You've made a good use of metaphor. I also like the images you create to show us pink in different situations. You've done a good job of giving something abstract a form. I have no suggestions for improvement. I enjoyed the read.

Regards,
Ms. J
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30
30
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following is only my opinion. Take what you want and pitch the rest.

I found this to be an interesting and mysterious beginning. I'm not sure that I believe it to be the writings of a thirteen year old. It seems too polished in some places. Your mysterious hints here and there make the reader want to know more.

Regards,
Ms. J
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31
31
Review of Frog's Run  
for entry "Frog - Chapter Two" 
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with Novel Review Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Title: Frog
Chapter reviewed: 2
User name: Six Guns


Plot:
We've got our inciting incident- Ira killed a white man. This does not bode well for our little troop.


Characters:
I'm wondering why Frog's Father would be so accepting of a lighter skinned slave. Is there a past there? Is he lighter skinned? I think that's an interesting dynamic to explore.

Grammar:
Commas and the like. They are marked in the line by line.

Style/voice:
Same as with Chapter 1. When you revise, polish that sentence fluency.

Setting:
Described well enough for me, but I'm not terribly big into description.

Overall:
You've done a good job of getting the ball rolling and establishing Chester as a bad guy. Good read!

Regards,
Ms. J
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32
32
Review of Frog's Run  
for entry "Frog - Chapter One" 
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with Novel Review Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Title: Frog
Chapter reviewed: 1
User name: Six Guns


Plot:
We meet Frog, a slave, and a new comer, JoJo.

Characters:
I like the names you've given them. I also think you've made their speech natural and fun. I like that Frog seems human with multiple sides to him.

Grammar:
There were some comma issues and a run on sentence. I marked them in the line by line- nothing that a little polish won't take care of. *Smile*

Style/voice:
There were some place where you used passive voice- overuse of helping verbs. (It's one of my writing demons) It shouldn't be cut out completely, just avoided.
Also, your flow is choppy. When you revise, mix up the sentence structure. An overwhelming majority start with the subject verb pattern.. Many of your sentences start with the same word. I would go through a paragraph and read it out loud. Sometimes that helps with the flow. Also, you can list the first words in each sentence to see if they repeat. After doing some revisions, you'll get in the habit of mixing it up as you write.

Setting:
I thought the description of the slave cabin was great. I also like how you showed us it was so small by talking about the inhabitants and the overcrowding.

Overall:
You've got some really interesting characters going here. They seem unique and more importantly, realistic, human. I look forward to reading more.

Regards,
Ms. J
"Invalid Item" 
33
33
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The following is just my opinion. Take what you want and pitch the rest.

I really like your use of sensory details in this piece. It creates vivid imagery. For example, I can see the flower petals falling.

Your use of yarn as a metaphor is also nicely done!

Also, I think your theme will be one that many people can relate too. So many of us have had the experience of loving someone without receiving love in return.

Regards,
Ms. J
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34
34
Review of White Twilight  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following is just my opinion. Take what you want and pitch the rest.

Suggestions: every where= should be one word.

I think the strength of the poem is your use of personification. It makes quitting seem like something live and breathing with motives! That makes the subject kinda scary! *Smile* Your strong use of personification drives home your theme.

Regards,
Ms. J
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35
35
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following is only my opinion. Take what you want and pitch the rest.

This want an interesting piece to read. You did a really good job of using the senses to invoke the imagery. I could picture the house and the journey through it.

I also like you use of symbolism.

I did find you line breaks interesting. They weren't really traditional for prose, more stanza like. It wasn't too distracting though.

Your twist at the end was great! Nicely done!

Regards,
Ms. J
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36
36
Review of Our Moment  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The following is only my opinion. Take what you want and pitch the rest.

This was an interesting piece to read. The emotion of love is very hard to describe. It's kinda like nailing jello to a tree. However, you use of symbolism has made the description more tangible. You've taken on an abstract concept and done a nice job explaining what it is.

Regards,
Ms. J
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37
37
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
The following is just my opinion. Take what you want and pitch the rest.

Suggestions:
the little girl replies.= up until now, you used past tense. The shift threw me for a loop and took me out of the story.

I do like the last line and the girls wish. It is a very good way to honor her grandmother.

Regards,
Ms. J
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38
38
Review of Worlds Apart  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The following is just my opinion. Take what you want and pitch the rest.

I do think this is a romantic poem. It is hard to describe what happens when you touch your soul mate. Sometimes I just need my husband to hold my hand for a moment or two, and I feel better. My only suggestion would be perhaps putting some punctuation- periods in it. However, it is a poem and isn't required. I was just thinking the periods would help the read know where one thought ends and the next begins.

Regards,
Ms. J
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39
39
Review of heeeelp!  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following is just my opinion. Take what you want and pitch the rest.

me and Ruudyard= should be Ruudyard and me. Although, the other way does lend some voice to the piece.

This is a fun piece full of descriptions that involved more than one sense. I hope you get out of that icky place!

Regards,
Ms. J
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40
40
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following is just my opinion. Take what you want and pitch the rest.

Not only were you able to complete one ABC story, but two! That's an accomplishment! I think of the two the second is my favorite. I like the idea of the Braniacs running a muck and that nothing comes from the examinations.

Fun pieces. I don't really have suggestions for improvement!

Regards,
Ms. J
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41
41
Review of Nightmares  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
The following is just my opinion. Take what you want and pitch the rest.

“That must not be comfortable” he remarks You switched from past to present tense here. Keep it all in one tense, otherwise it jolts the reader out of your story.

I immediately recognized as decaying flesh.*Paragraph* My heart rate skyrocketed and a dagger of icy fear I would break up the paragraphs a little more. White space gives the impression that it is easy to read.

I like your twist at the end!

Regards,
Ms. J
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42
42
Review of Beaten Down.  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
The following is my opinion. Take what you want and pitch the rest.

This is a piece filled with raw emotions and a strong theme. My only suggestion would be to take a look at the punctuation. There are many places where I would have used periods instead of commas. It will make the sentences short and choppy, but I think that kind of flow would be appropriate for this piece. The punctuation, as it is, took away from the meaning for me.

I like that last line. It is powerful and really drives the theme home.

Regards,
Ms. J
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43
43
Review of Shoes  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following is just my opinion. Take what you want and pitch the rest.

I found this to be a interesting piece. I did question some of the punctuation. For example:
I don’t care if you get your shoes from American Eagle or Journeys or Goodwill – I would go with a period here they’re your shoes, period again? they tell your story, and that’s good enough for me.

What a fun way to look at someone's personality. It made me think of the shoes I had in my closet and what they say about me! *Smile*

Regards,
Ms. J
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44
44
Review of The....  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
The following is my opinion. Take what you want and pitch the rest.

I find your use of imagery interesting in this piece. You create a sometimes strange landscape that the speaker is traversing. To me it represents a journey of self discovery and coming to terms with the end of a relationship. I may be off, but that is what I took away from this poem. I only have one suggestion and that's punctuation wise.

Please, oh, please!- I would add those commas for the reader to pause.

Regards,
Ms. J
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45
45
Review of Lilac Time  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
The following is my opinion. Take what you want and pitch the rest.

You had me at lilacs. They are my absolute favorite. You have done a masterful job of using imagery in this piece. You have used the senses well. I can picture the bush, the flower, and the couple as they enjoy the garden together. Thanks for the great read.

Regards,
Ms. J
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46
46
Review of Dark Spaces  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
The following is my opinion. Take what you want and pitch the rest.

I like your use of personification. It makes the argument something like an ugly beast. I also find it interesting, the way you ended it with the possibility that it will rear its ugly head again. Arguing can be a never ending cycle. I don't have any suggestions for improvements. I think you've done a fine job.
Regards,
Ms. J
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47
47
Review of Stars  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following is my opinion. Take what you want and pitch the rest.

With Fabulous Stars, the beat was what grabbed my attention right away. You've managed to use rhyme in a way that doesn't feel forced. You also done a great employing the poetic devices of simile and personification.

I think the first poem is the stronger of the two. It uses more of the poetic devices and creates a vivid image for the reader. I'm not saying the second is bad, just that the first is the more visual of the two.

Regards,
Ms. J
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48
48
Review of Dear God 3/3/2011  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following is my opinion. Take what you want and pitch the rest.

You passion for the subject comes through clearly in this piece. The theme I took away from it is that God is all around us and in all things.
I don't really have any suggestions for improvement. Your voice in the piece comes through nicely.

Regards,
Ms. J
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49
49
Review of Charlotte Corday  
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with Novel Review Group  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Title: Charlotte Corday
Chapter reviewed:
User name: Wrath of Kahn


Plot:
Charlotte is led to her death

Characters:
They are coming across well and vividly

Grammar:
There were a couple of places that I suggested some comments and sentence combining.

Style/voice:
I would dump some of the hads. I suggested a few alternate wordings.

Setting:
Well described

Overall:
Great beginning. I would like to read more.

Regards,
Ms. J

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50
50
Review by Ms. J
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
The following is my opinion. Take what you want and pitch the rest.

I do have a few suggestions. There are several typos, letters left out here and there. Those can be easily fixed. Also, I would spell out numbers 1-10. Then, I felt the first sentence in your second section switched tenses and should say saw instead of sees.

You have a good twist at the end. I think there is a much deeper story in between the two sections. Perhaps it is something you could turn into a larger project. *Smile*
Regards,
Ms. J
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