Hi, I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Blazing Hot Reviews. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This was a good poem about friends and how they enrich our lives. You used a broad expanse of examples and allowed the reader to clearly picture the scenes and feel the feelings, emotions and gratitude. You kept a consistent rhyme and rhythm, without deviating from your poetic form. I found only one misspelled word. There were no grammatical errors, typos, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. Well done. Thanks for sharing and keep up the good work. Have a great day.
Hi, I'm happy mommy and I found this item on the review request page. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This is a good start to a poem. You had a good story idea in mind and tried to make sure you stuck to it. However, some of your lines were rough and felt so forced, like you only made them like that so they would rhyme. I have sent you a seperate, private email with some of my thoughts and suggestions for areas to improve. I hope you find them helpful. I think with some revisions, this could be an excellent piece. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Feel free to email me if you have any questions about my review or if you'd like me to re-read this item after revisions. Have a great night.
Happy Writing,
Sara
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Hi I'm happy mommy and I found this item on the review request page. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This was a very good poem, that allows the reader to get a good idea of what you are. I especially like the last two lines. Great use of words to create a nice read. I did have one issue with a line. I have listed it below. Other than that, I think this piece works very well and gives a good message. There were no grammatical errors, typos, or misspellings. Thanks for sharing and have a great day. Keep up the good work.
Line Edits:
Shall I say that all we have, all we have made, I don't know about your repeat of this exact phrase. I wonder if it would work with just saying it once or finding an alternative substitution for one of the phrasings?
Happy Writing,
Sara
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Hi Noa נעה I'm happy mommy and I found this item on the review request page. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
FIRST IMPRESSION: Very well written. I had no issues picturing any of the scenes, connecting with the characters or sympathizing with his situation.
THOUGHTS: I could easily picture each scene and follow along with the words. They flowed nicely and the ending was great. You did a great job of including the fear, the paranoia, the anxiety, confusion of your characters. would like to know what happened next but I think it's good to let the reader come up with their own ending. Some don't like a happy ending while others do.
ERRORS: There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words.
FAVORITE PART: I loved the ending of this story. And how you surprised everyone by what was really in the package.
SUGGESTIONS: I have no suggestions for changes or improvements.
RATING: I rate this for story/poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment.
Happy Writing,
Sara
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Hi Ben Langhinrichs I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid as part of Angel Army. This is 8 of 10. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This was a good story. I enjoyed how you allowed the woman not to overreact and she whooped their butts! I would have liked to see why the man is in debt in the first place and how many loan sharks he owes. Also, who's Slim? Roommate? Friend? How did they meet? What made Johnny trust him so easily? The descriptions, dialogue and actions were great. I laughed when I read the karate scene. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. There is nothing I'd suggest changing or improving. Well done. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Have a great day.
Happy Writing,
Sara
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Hi, Ben Langhinrichs I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid as part of Angel Army. This is 7 of 10. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This was a very good story, full of imagination, description, behavior, details, actions, and senses. I like how you remember to inform the reader what the music box was. You did a great job of capturing the behavior and attention span of a young child. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated words or repetitions of information. Well done. I have no suggestions for changes or improvements. Well done. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Have a great day.
Happy Writing,
Sara
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Hi, I'm happy mommy and I found this story at the bottom of this week's romance/love newsletter. I thought this to be a cute story. You did a great job of incorporating the genres seamlessly into the story. I followed it easily and have no suggestions for improvment. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. The settings, descriptions, dialogue, and action all work great. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Have a great night.
Happy Writing,
Sara
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Hi I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Simply Positive. This was a good piece with very descriptive words and imagery. I had no trouble following the story or picturing what is going on. Congrats on your win. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Have a great day.
Hi I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Simply Positive. This was a good poem. I love anything about vampires and werewolves and this was my daily fix. I did feel that you repeated the word moon a bit too much and I'd like to see you eliminate the second too in the first line of the second stanza. I think that might make it read better. Other than that, no suggestions. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Have a great day.
Hi, I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Simply Positive. This was an interesting story. You did a good job of making the two characters different from each other, despite their same name. I will comment that you need to capitalize the word I. There were a few of those not done. And at the end, Kits needs to have an apostrephe. Kit's. I am a bit confused why the past version didn't use the sand to get back to his own time. What happened to the man in the future who was from the past? Thanks for sharing and have a great day. Keep up the good work.
Hi Ben Langhinrichs I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid as part of Angel Army. This is 6 of 10. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
That sucks! The poor turtle. I always feel sorry for these slow moving creatures, especially when they get stuck on their backs. I'm impressed with your ability to write a great and descriptive, believable, consise story in such a short span of words. I'm not sure I'd be able to do that. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. Well done. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Have a great day.
Hi Ben Langhinrichs I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid as part of Angel Army. This is 3 of 10. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
Well done with this story. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information, repetitions of words or other issues. I would like to know how old the character is but other than that, this story is great. You include a lot of descriptions, and feelings of desolation, lonlieness and sorrow. I could feel everything, including the cold snow. Thanks for sharing and have a great day. Keep up the good work.
Hi Ben Langhinrichs I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid as part of Angel Army. This is 2 of 10. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
Very good story. You do such a great job of providing a good dose of information, descriptions, actions, behavior, back-story, feelings, and plot in a short amount of space. I had no trouble following along with the story. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. Well done and keep up the good work. Have a great day and thanks for sharing.
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PLOT -
Did it make sense? Did the chapter flow or was it choppy? Did anything stand out that needs clarification? Point out anything you feel necessary.Interesting story. He tries to escape but in the end surrenders.
SETTING -
Could you picture the scene in your mind? Could you taste, touch and feel with the characters? What would you suggest to enhance the scene and make it come alive? Wonderful descriptions and actions. I could picture each scene with ease. No issues here.
CHARACTERS -
Were they believable? What didn't you like, or did you like about them that stood out? I'd like to know what he did that made the villagers realize he had a demon in him. And what he felt as the demon came near him. What was so bad about it that frightened him so?
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
Point out anything you notice. Was the dialogue believable? In tune with each character? Nothing to comment on here. Well done.
MY POV -
An overall opinion of what you've read.For book chapters - Would you read more of this story? Why or why not? Very interesting story idea. Congratulations on the win. I enjoyed this read. Thanks for sharing and keep up the good work. Have a great day.
Hi, I'm happy mommy and I read this to see who else participated in the Beginning, Middle, and End Contest. I thought this was an interesting piece but that last line confused me a bit. Did the Reverend jump or Ellie? What made her like she was in the first place? I would have liked to know how she killed her family. The descriptions, actions, thoughts, behavior, and dialogue were good but I was left with a few unanswered questions. Like why they were walking in the first place instead of driving and where they were coming from, going to. What was the significance of the house? Other than that, this was a good read. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. Thanks for sharing and keep up the good work. Have a great day.
Hi Kåre Enga in Montana I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid as part of Angel Army. This is 10 of 10. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This was an interesting piece to read. I like how you swapped point of views so we can see a variety of experiences. The thoughts, emotions, behavior and feelings about the same thing vary and provide an eclectic choice to read from. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information, or repetitions of words. Well done. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Have a great day.
Hi Kåre Enga in Montana I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid as part of Angel Army. This is 9 of 10. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This was a great piece. I'm not sure about the introduction though. You make it sound like men don't do it because something bad happens when they do. Not that this man is doing it to be kind for his sick wife. Great descriptions, actions, behavior typical of a couple in this situation. I found no issues to comment on. Well done. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Have a great day
Hi Kåre Enga in Montana I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid as part of Angel Army. This is 7 of 10. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This was a good story but I got so lost. There were no quotation marks to signal what was dialogue and what was action. For a while, up until the end, I thought you stopped telling the story about a woman and was talking about the first person's actual experience. You might want to go back and fix this so other readers don't have such trouble. Other than the grammatical errors, this was a good story with good descriptions. Thanks for sharing. Have a great night.
Hi Kåre Enga in Montana I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid as part of Angel Army. This is 6 of 10. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This is by far my favorite of your work so far. It was so easy to picture a lonely cowboy out on the range. I felt his feelings, emotions, pain, loneliness, as if it were my own. The words flowed together perfectly and the imagery very easy to picture. I found no errors in this piece and there's nothing I'd suggest changing or improving. Well done and keep up the good work. Thanks for sharing. Have a great day.
Hi Kåre Enga in Montana I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid as part of Angel Army. This is 5 of 10.Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This was a good poem with a consistent rhyme in the first stanza. I did become a bit confused at the end. I have no idea what you meant by she hasn't dried out yet. Perhaps it's a sports fanatic thing where they like to insult the referee's for making bad calls against their team? I don't know. I liked seeing her spirit though and her loyalty to her team. The poem flowed well. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information, or repetitions of words. Nicely done. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Have a great day.
Hi Kåre Enga in Montana I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid as part of Angel Army. This is 4 of 10. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This had some amazing visuals! I loved how you wrote this. There were some rhyming lines going on. Each line flowed into the next flawlessly. I had no trouble picturing the gems you spoke of. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. There's nothing I'd suggest changing or improving. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Have a great day.
Hi Kåre Enga in Montana I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid as part of Angel Army. This is 2 of 10. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This was another well written piece. I appreciate how you gave us the note at the bottom to explain your format and the created word. The descriptions in this piece were very well written and work great. I like how you broke this down, giving a pause to make the piece impact more. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. Well done. There is nothing I'd suggest changing or improving. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Have a great day.
Hi Kåre Enga in Montana, I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid for Angel Army. This is 1 of 10. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This was a well written piece. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. You showed the life of a misunderstood teenage girl. I liked how you showed the other side of her, the one nobody bothered to see. The title fit in well with the content of the story. Well done. There's nothing I'd suggest changing or improving. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing.
Hi, I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review to return the favor for your review of my own item. I hope you find it helpful. This was a good piece. I thought it would be horrible from the way you talked but it was really good. I'd like to know a bit more about the small things they were talking about. Were they really Turquoise Salamanders or children? And how did the man really die? Other than that, I think this piece worked very well and I have no suggestions to change anything save that and the possible grammatical error below. Thanks for allowing me to read your work. Very good job. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Have a great day.
Line Edits:
need to expectshouldn't this be accept? his decision and move on!"
Hi, I;m happy mommy and I found this at the bottom of a love/romance newsletter. This was too cute a story! I loved it. I'm the same way about being in love with a country boy, only mine doesn't wear a Stetson. i couldn't imagine being attracted to a man who wore a suit to McDonald's. LOL. The descriptions, thoughts, actions, behavior and emotions worked very well together. I had no trouble with any of this. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information, or repetitions of words.Well done. Keep up the great work. Have a great day and thanks for sharing.
Happy Writing,
Sara
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