Hi, I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review to return the favor for my own review. This was an adorable story I loved it. I would love to know what she ended up doing with the land. The descriptions, actions, behavior, and thoughts were awesome. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information, or repetitions of words. Well done. There is nothing I'd suggest changing or improving. I hate people like the grandson. He gets what he deserves from his grandma and daughter. LOL. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Have a great day.
Hi, Tehuti, Lord Of The Eight I'm happy mommy. After reading your story, First Wife, I knew I wouldn't be able to resist reading another similar piece. This was a well written story, full of description, mythology, love, feelings, emotions, guilt, thoughts, and behavior. I enjoyed watching how the Queen felt bad about her behavior and decided to confess her actions to the Crocodile God, only to be forgiven. Nicely done. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. I wouldn't suggest changing or improving anything. This was a great read. Thanks for sharing and have a great day. Keep up the good work.
Hi, I'm happy mommy and I found this story the sidelines of my screen. The title caught me and I had to read. This was an interesting story and a creative use of the prompts. I had no trouble picturing every scene though I did become a bit confused when you started referring to the god of truth. I'm not familiar with the gods you used, maybe because they were made up, but I didn't know if the god of truth was the messenger or her husband. One other small issue I had was with lotuses. I thought you meant the bug until you mentioned petals. Other than that, there is nothing wrong with this piece. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly used words or repeated information. Well done. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Have a great day.
Hi, I'm happy mommy and I spotted this on the side of my screen and had to read it. This was a well written and heart breaking story. I was surprised by the identity of her father. I never expected it. This piece had lots of great details and it flowed well. You covered very aspect of her life, from her troubled birth to her death. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated words or repetitions of words. Way to go. I don't know if this is a true story or not, most likely not but you never know. Either way, it was an emotional story that impacted the reader. Thanks for sharing and keep up the good work. Have a great day.
Hi, I'm happy mommy and I found this under Online Authors. Title got me and I had to read. This was a well written poem. I could easily picture the kind of dress you want as we all have one or have worn one at some time in our lives. I enjoy the format you used to write this. No grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. Well done. I wouldn't suggest changing anything. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Have a great weekend.
Hi, I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as requested. This was a good piece, although there were a few grammatical errors. Your second to last paragraph was written in present tense, when it should have been in past like the rest of the story. Also, I'm not sure about the ending. Is the maturity he gained the knowledge of everything after he died? And I'm also not sure about the events leading up to the accident. Was he drunk or not?
The descriptions, actions, thoughts and lesson of this story all work very well. I could picture most every scene, save the last, and could easily feel the boy's regret for what he'd done. Well done with this piece. There are a few extra line edits below. I think with a brief edit, this piece could be great. You really want to avoid using adverbs. They weigh down your story. Try using more active words like jumped, acted, responded, struggled in desperation rather than struggled desperately. I hope this makes sense. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Have a great weekend.
Line Edits:
adrenalin adrenaline
My intoxicated friend slumped in the passenger seat groansgroaned helplessly,
Hi I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers.Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
You kept a consistent rhyme and rhythm with this piece. I could feel the anger you have at the world, at the people who get you into trouble, at yourself. Your words. The ending is a good one. How you say it hasn't happened but it could. To be realistic that anyone could experience these troubles is a good start to avoiding them. I think if you added some punctuation at appropriate spots, it would make the words more effective and powerful. There are no other suggestions. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Have a great day.
Hi I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers.Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This was a good story. I would have enjoyed seeing some dialogue added to it so that it's more SHOWing and less TELLing but it still has good descriptions and behavioral characteristics. I could clearly picture everything. I would recommend spacing your sentences out so the reader is better able to keep up with their place. Maybe if you told this story from his point of view rather than a narrator's, it might be a great work. Keep up the good work. Have a great day and thanks for sharing.
Hi, I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This was a good poem full of emotion, description and good word choices. I am having a bit of trouble understanding what you meant when you talk about throwing it all away and things being different as day and night. But it still reads very nicely . Thanks for sharing and have a great day.
Hi I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Simply Positive. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This was an interesting format you used. I've never seen a poem done like this. The words make an impact on the reader and are very visual. I had no trouble following along. The word choices were good and work well with the poem as a whole. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. Nicely done. Keep up the good work and have a great night.
Hi I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Simply Positive. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This was a very interesting read. For some reason, I enjoy reading and watching things about volcanoes. This happened to find right in. The descriptions were great and eassy to picture. I can feel the struggle, the worry you must always feel as you live in such a worrisome area. I hope all continues to stay good. Have a nice day. Thanks for sharing and for the image. So beautiful. Keep up the good work.
Hi I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Simply Positive. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This was a good poem that very well showcased the differences between two teachers. It rhymed well and flowed nicely. I had no issues with this piece. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Have a great day.
Hi RedButterfly I’m happy mommy and I’d like to thank you for entering "Invalid Item" You have won second Honorable Mention. This was a very good piece, written from the perspective of the prince. You used wonderful descriptions and thoughts to weave a story of romance and rebellion. I could feel the magic shooting from the story and inspiring me to fall in love. Great job. I enjoyed seeing the prince’s reaction to the expectations brought on him, and his reaction to the mysterious princess, who caught his heart without knowing it. There is nothing I would suggest changing or improving. There were no major grammatical errors, and you followed the prompt creatively.
I rate this for story/poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Thanks for sharing and have a great day. Keep up the good work.
Hi Dr M C Gupta I’m happy mommy and I’d like to thank you for entering "Invalid Item" . Although you did not place in the top, I’d still like to show a sign of my appreciation for your entry, and to give you my thoughts. This poem was very descriptive and complex. It seems that you weaved in two different nursery rhymes. I appreciate that you included your format at the bottom. Without it, I would not have been able to fully judge your format. Although most of your lines flowed well, a few of the words did not rhyme as you had intended. I have marked them. You did, however, keep a consistent syllable count. For that, I congratulate you.
I rate this for story/poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Thanks for sharing and have a great day. Keep up the good work.
Hi kindred I’m happy mommy and I’d like to thank you for entering "Invalid Item" . Unfortunately, you did not follow the prompt and therefore did not qualify for the prize, however I would still like to show my appreciation of your support and to give you my thoughts on this piece. Although not a re-telling of a common fairy tale(as far as I could tell) this was an interesting piece. I enjoyed the basis of it, but I found it hard to distigush which characters you meant were talking as they commented on each other’s stories. You kept using numbers of people and such. This makes it much harder for the reader to picture the scene and the character speaking. You should have given each one a defining characteristic or something so that the reader wouldn’t struggle with this. Also, you repeated a few phrases too much for my liking. Like, spoke to me in a voice that I could not tell whether it was from a man or a woman. Perhaps you could have just shortened this down by saying nuetral? Or non-gender specific? I would have liked to know the answer to his question at the end too. Other than that, there this story was enjoyable.
I rate this for story/poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Thanks for sharing and have a great day. Keep up the good work.
Hi Sandy I’m happy mommy and I’d like to thank you for entering "Invalid Item" Although you did not place, I’d still like to show my appreciation for your support and to give you my thoughts on your work. I found this to be a very descriptive item. I do not know the story of the Ice Princess, so I really can’t say whether or not you followed the prompt, but I can say that you used good word choices to make this a good read. I like how you used the varius animals as the audience to a show put on by the Ice Princess, who turns out to be an angel. There were a few grammatical errors, which you will find in line edits.
I rate this for story/poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Thanks for sharing and have a great day. Keep up the good work.
Hi Just an Ordinary Boo! I’m happy mommy and I’d like to thank you for entering "Invalid Item" You have won an Honorable Mention. This was a very interesting rendition of Bad Hansel, Evil Gretal. I enjoyed seeing the irony you used by saying the old lady tried to eat them but really they just killed her in cold blood. Such bad kids. They make my demon children look like angels. The descriptions, actions, dialogue and creative alternation make this an interesting read. There were a few grammatical errors, which you will find in line edits.
I rate this for story/poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Thanks for sharing and have a great day. Keep up the good work.
Hi JudyB I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid as part of Angel Army. This is 10 of 10. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This was a good piece. I enjoyed seeing how you used the prompt and I could easily picture every scene. Dora reminded me a lot of my best friend, who struggles to find a man too. Too bad I can't find her a guy like this. If only real life worked that way. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. I had no trouble following the story or picturing each scene. Well done. Thanks for sharing and have a great day. I hope you have enjoyed getting this port raid as much as I have enjoyed giving it. Keep up the good work.
Hi JudyB I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid as part of Angel Army. This is 9 of 10. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This was a very good piece, completely different than anything I've read of yours but it was amazingly written. I had no trouble feeling the woman's fear, her confusion, disoriented thoughts, and disbelief. I would never want to be in this position. It's funny how we never really know a person. Psychos can look so normal, until their holding you hostage. I'd hate to know what he did with the bodies after they were dead. EEW. Good job with this piece. I think it's one of my favorites by you. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. Nicely done.
I rate this for story/poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Nicely done. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Have a great day.
Hi JudyB I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid as part of Angel Army. This is 8 of 10. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This was a descriptive piece, about two men being stranded. I enjoyed seeing them take the appropriate measures to survive although I would have liked to see how they made it home, I don't think the story suffered from not knowing. There was one mistake I found. It's listed below. Other than that, there were no issues. The story was easy to follow and picture. Well done.
I rate this for story/poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Nicely done. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Have a great day.
Line Edits:
Donning them quickly, they took a rope, attaching one end of it to each of thrtheir vests
Hi I'm happy mommy and I looked this item up as an example of the 100 words contest. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This was a well written piece. You did a good job of not repeating any words and i got inspiration for my own entry from reading yours. There were no issues to address. Nicely done. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Have a great night.
Hi JudyB I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid as part of Angel Army. This is 7 of 10. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This was an informative and well written, descriptive piece. I had no trouble visualizing any of the scenes or understanding the life of a Viking woman. I could not imagine being in their shoes. No computer! I'd die. I've never wondered about how the women lived but after reading this, I wonder why it never crossed my mind. Good work with this. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. Nicely done. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing.
Hi JudyB I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid as part of Angel Army. This is 6 of 10. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This was a well written and emotionally trying piece about a parent's worst nightmare. I had no trouble feeling your fear and seeing the scenes playing out. I could not imagine going through this situation myself. I would never think to do the things you did other than call 911. Thankfully, you kept a level head and did not panic in a time of need. I hope this was a one time thing and there was no permanent damage from the event. Thanks for sharing your terrifying experience. Keep up the good work and have a great day.
Hi JudyB I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid as part of Angel Army. This is 5 of 10. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
Again, I am so sorry to hear the stuff you have gone through in your lifetime. It seems unfair that one person should have to endure all of this. I try to avoid fighting in front of my children, and I think all parents should. Too many therapists make their money dealing with children who society claims is screwed up, when in reality, it's the parents who aren't right and corrupt their children's minds as a result.
This was a well written piece about your childhood. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. There is nothing I would suggest changing or improving to this piece. Well done. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Have a great day.
Hi JudyB I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid as part of Angel Army. This is 3 of 10. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
You followed the prompt very well with this piece and wrote an enjoyable, and believable story. I had no trouble visualizing each scene. You captured the little boy's excitement very well and the older sister's dismay at her baby sister's appearance. There is nothing I would suggest changing or improving. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated words, or repetitions of words.
I rate this for story/poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Nicely done. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Have a great day.
Happy Writing,
Sara
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for story/poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Thanks for sharing and have a great day. Keep up the good work. 
I've never wondered about how the women lived but after reading this, I wonder why it never crossed my mind. Good work with this. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. Nicely done. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing.