This is part of the TS Eliot package from "Invalid Item" door prize win.
Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
FIRST IMPRESSION: Yep, hormones! This piece flowed very well and showed plenty of emotion. I know a lot of people who want to escape the country life just like this. I guess I never was one of them. I love raising my kids in a small town where I know everybody and I can let them play outside without worrying they'll be kidnapped, ran over or shot in a drive by shooting.
THOUGHTS: You use great imagery, actions and thoughts to evoke a feeling of sympathy and compassion for your character's situation. We feel for her stress, her desire to have something more. My eyes stayed glued to the piece, wanting to find out why she felt like she hated her husband and why she was asking so strangely. I don't know why I didn't think pregnancy. I have been there twice and acted just like this. Of course, I did hate him. I loved the understanding way you allowed the husband to react to his wife's news and how he was willing to change their life to make her happy. Great job.
ERRORS: There are no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. for the great work here.
FAVORITE PART: I enjoyed seeing the compassion and understanding the husband felt for his wife and what he was willing to change to make her happy. Very nice.
SUGGESTIONS: There is nothing I would suggest changing or improving. Nice work.
RATING: I rate this for story/poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment.
This is part of the Emily Bronte package from "Invalid Item" door prize win
Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
FIRST IMPRESSION: Nicely written. I enjoyed your reference to Mother Nature and how you humanized her. Nicely done.
THOUGHTS: Good imagery, descriptions and comparisons. I had no trouble following or visualizing the scenes.
ERRORS: There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, repetitions of words, or overly repeated information. for the good work here.
FAVORITE PART:
animated in a storm’s symphony,
rain, in tempo with the wind instrument This makes me long for a good spring shower.
SUGGESTIONS: There is nothing I would suggest improving or changing. Well done.
RATING: I rate this for story/poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment.
Happy Writing,
Sara
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This is part of the Emily Bronte package from "Invalid Item" door prize win.
Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
FIRST IMPRESSION: Great imagery, descriptions and thoughts. I could picture everything just fine.
THOUGHTS: I enjoyed the flow of words and your selections to make a good read. I had no trouble picturing a person swimming then studying each stone in turn, looking for the perfect ones. Good job.
ERRORS: There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, repetitions of words, overly repeated information or other problem areas. for the nice work here.
FAVORITE PART: you tug at fanciful poems,
and browse through the stones’ quiet magic
SUGGESTIONS: There is nothing I would suggest changing or improving. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing.
RATING: I rate this for story/poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment.
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Happy Writing,
Sara
I'm a proud member of Simply Positive, "The WDC Angel Army" and Images in Ink
This is part of the JRR Tolkien package from "Invalid Item" door prize win.
Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
FIRST IMPRESSION: Good poem. Well written with good rhythm and rhyme. I enjoyed the theme of this piece. I agree that the soldiers who risk, and sometimes sacrifice, their lives are truly heroes.
THOUGHTS: You did a good job of expressing your opinion, and pointing out that soldiers are indeed people just like me and you. only they go to extraordinary lengths to defend the country they love.
ERRORS: There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly used words or repeated information. for the great work here.
FAVORITE PART: My favorite part is how you humanize the soldiers, by describing them as people you and I have every day occurrences with. Most people forget that soldiers are normal people.
SUGGESTIONS: There is nothing I would suggest changing or improving. Good work.
RATING: I rate this for story/poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment.
Happy Writing,
Sara
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I'm a proud member of Simply Positive, "The WDC Angel Army" and Images in Ink.
Hi ShellySunshine I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid as part of Simply Positive. This is Review 5 of 10. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
FIRST IMPRESSION: Great descriptions. I like the mixture of rhymes with longer, more descriptive passages written from both people's points of view. Very interesting technique.
THOUGHTS: I think you did a good job with this piece. The poems filled in the emotions, whereas the passages allowed us to see the actions, the basis of their skating. The title selection is a good choice as well
ERRORS: There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly repeated information or repetitions of words. for the good work here.
FAVORITE PART: My favorite part was the poetry. I think you have a wonderful skill at working the rhyming and making it flow flawlessly with the rest of your story.
SUGGESTIONS: There is nothing I suggest changing or improving. Well done. Keep up the good work.
RATING: I rate this for story/poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment.
Hi River McKenna I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
FIRST IMPRESSION: Great rhythm and rhyme. The poem flowed well and covered a large amount of time period and emotion in a very small portion. Great work.
THOUGHTS: The poem goes from being happy and carefree to depressing and realistic when a loved one is lost and there is nothing the friend could have done to help.
ERRORS: There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, repetitions, or overly repeated information. Way to go with this.
FAVORITE PART: Remember when your thoughts turned gray
yet subtle it seemed at first
SUGGESTIONS: There is nothing I would suggest changing or improving. Very nicely done
RATING: I rate this a for story/poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment.
Thanks for sharing. Keep up the good work and have a great night.
Hi Brenda L. Long I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
FIRST IMPRESSION: Love the description of the house. Sounds beautiful.
THOUGHTS: There's too much information about each of the supportive characters. It would be better if these things were spaced out and "SHOWN" throughout the story rather than burden the reader with so much now and have them grow tired of reading.
ERRORS:
A balcony surrounds the entire house on the second floor and each bedroom has a sliding door to it. On both sides of the house, on the first level. I believe this is a typo. I think it's supposed to go with the next paragraph? The view is absolutely incredible and you can see for miles.
FAVORITE PART: The wonderful description about the house. Also, most of my family are volunteer firefighters where we live and my children are 1 year 5 days apart, my son being the oldest.
SUGGESTIONS: Space out the information given. Learn to SHOW the scenes and details of your home, your family rather than TELL which is sure to bore the reader.
RATING: I rate this a for story/poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment.
Keep up the hard work and thanks for sharing. Have a great night.
Hi C.C. Jones I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Simply Positive. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
FIRST IMPRESSION: Some of this piece was good and rhymed and flowed very well. All together with it strung together like you have it makes it a bit more difficult to read and enjoy. You need to learn to break it apart a bit more.
THOUGHTS: It rhymes very well once you take the time and break it apart like it should be written. I'll give you an example of this below. I'm not sure about your part about lost people, flat tires. and quit hitting me. I'm assuming he's being smacked for something he said but what?
ERRORS: iCAPS I didn't mean it
There is no moon tonightBreak here out come the vampires
Lost people, flat tires Break hereand she wants to fight
It would look like this There is no moon tonight Period
out come the vampires CAPS Out
Lost people, flat tires Comma
and she wants to fightCAPS And
FAVORITE PART: These lines are humorous and descriptive.
When we feed it I wanna hear you scream
You're the only fish I eat
SUGGESTIONS: Break down your poem where it would rhyme at. Keep a consistent rhythm and rhyme if you want it to be a rhyming poem like you have written. Always make sure to capitalize the word "I" and use punctuation.
RATING: I rate this a for story/poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment.
Hi Taizia I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
FIRST IMPRESSION: Written for a prompt from the Writer's Cramp! I saw this prompt and thought there would be no way to write an interesting piece on it. You have proved me wrong.
THOUGHTS: This piece was humorous, descriptive, easy to follow and connect with. I thought the dilemma was terrible, then you dropped the ending on us. I wasn't expecting that. Your title ties in very well with the theme of your story. Nice selection. Way to go.
ERRORS: There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, repetitions of words, overly repeated information or other problem areas. for the good work
FAVORITE PART: I did, didn't I?
SUGGESTIONS: I have no suggestions for improvement. This piece was excellently written.
RATING: I rate this a for story/poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment.
Thanks for sharing. Keep up the good work and have a great night. Happy Writing,
Sara
Hi janeeyre I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Simply Positive. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
FIRST IMPRESSION: Great descriptions. Very interesting poem idea. Nicely written. Title fits theme of poem.
THOUGHTS: I enjoyed this piece. You do a good job of showing the scene with good imagery and descriptive words for the reader to use. Nicely done.
ERRORS: crowds,CAPS Crowds since it's beginning of new sentence and line humans streaming like ants..
wrestlingCAPS Wrestling since it's beginning of new sentence and line for food, wriggling,
FAVORITE PART:
Imagination takes wings,
Dreams aspiring to be fulfilled,
Wealth flows in.. Such is the vision of Delhi,
In the minds of a Hippie,
SUGGESTIONS: See the ERRORS part for things to fix grammatically. Other than that, there is nothing I would suggest changing or improving.
RATING: I rate this a for story/poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment.
Thanks for sharing. Keep up the good work and have a wonderful night.
Hi fyn I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Simply Positive. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
FIRST IMPRESSION: Very interesting piece. I thought you were just writing about the mythological creature. The more I read, the more personal the piece seemed to come.
THOUGHTS: Very good descriptions, comparisons, thoughts, and progression of this piece. Every line led the reader further in, keeping them reading on. Each piece was extremely easy to picture, but not written in simplistic terms that would bore the reader if it kept going on for a long length of time.
ERRORS: There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, repetitions of words, repeated information or other problem areas. for this.
FAVORITE PART: Two lines that really appealed to me.
Strange what gains importance;
what is valued so highly one risks everything not to leave it behind.
Somewhere in Ohio, I ate an ice cream cone because I wanted one.
SUGGESTIONS: There is nothing I would suggest changing or improving. Keep up the excellent work.
RATING: I rate this for story/poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment.
Thanks for sharing. Have a great night. Happy Writing,
Sara
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Hi Miss Darkchild I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Talent Pond. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This piece was well written with good descriptions, actions and thoughts. I like how you use the designer names to strengthen the woman's addiction to high price clothing items. I can feel her struggle with her addiction and how she almost caves in before gathering enough inner strength to step away from the temptation. Nicely done. There were no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly used words, repeated information or other problem areas. Nicely done.
There is nothing I would suggest changing or improving. I rate this a 4.5, for story structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Keep up the good work. Thanks for sharing and have a great day.
Hi Charliemac I spotted this story under the 'read a newbie' and wanted to check it out. I live in west Tennessee, and I love reading about the Civil War. Shiloh is an excellent battle park to visit, especially if you get to visit the red pond, died to signify all the blood that stained the water after the battle. You did a wonderful job with this piece. I love the way you use the character to show the descriptions. Excellent work with that. I also like how you express the thoughts of the young soldier. There was no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly used words or repeated information, or other problem areas.I rate this a 4.5, for story structure and entertainment combined. Keep up the good work. Thanks of sharing and have a wonderful day.
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Hi Windfell I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Talent Pond. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
Good work with this poem. You used good details and descriptions to help the reader visualize the battle scene. I can picture the flag, standing tall and proud, whipping in the wind, waving at the departing souls rising from their useless physical cages to be free. Nicely done. Keep up the great work.
I rate this a 4, for poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Keep up the good work. Thanks for sharing and have a wonderful day.
Hi Wyn - missing III I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid to fulfill your package prize in "Invalid Item" This is Review 10 of 10. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
I enjoyed this piece. You did a good job of showing the passion the couple experiences and engages in. The descriptions are wonderful and very easy to picture. I found no issues to remark on. The rhythm and rhyme were consistent, with creative choices for your ending words. The poem flowed nicely and had a great ending. There were no repetitions of words,no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, repeated information or other problem areas.
I rate this a 5, for perfection. This is based on poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. This is your final review. I hope you have enjoyed receiving this port raid as much as I have enjoyed doing it. Keep up the great work, thanks for allowing me to delve into your work. Have a wonderful weekend.
Hi Wyn - missing III I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid to fulfill your package prize in "Invalid Item" This is Review 9 of 10. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
Another great poem from you! I love reading about fairies, and you did a wonderful job of writing with an accent. The details and actions were great to be written in a rhyming fashion. I could never accomplish something like this, though I hope that one day I might be able to get close. You keep a consistent rhyme and rhythm, with a good flow. The poem progresses nicely and I love the ending. The entire thing was very cute and entertaining. Nicely done.
There were no repetitions of words,no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, repeated information or other problem areas. There is nothing I would suggest changing or improving. I rate this a 5, for perfection. This is based on poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Thank you for sharing this poem. I completely agree with your words. Keep up the great work and thanks for sharing.
Hi Wyn - missing III I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid to fulfill your package prize in "Invalid Item" This is Review 7 of 10. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
Another great poem! You did an excellent job of creating a very creative item from the prompt given. I enjoyed it, especially the surprise ending. The descriptions and dialogue were great and accurate for how a person would act if they encountered someone from the future. You kept a consistent rhyme and rhythm. The poem flowed very well, progressing nicely to an awesome ending. There were no repetitions of words,no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, repeated information or other problem areas.
I would not suggest changing or improving. I rate this a 5, for perfection. This is based on poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Thank you for sharing this poem. I completely agree with your words. Keep up the great work and thanks for sharing.
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Hi jarich I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Talent Pond. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This piece was very good, very creative. I enjoyed the way you used the prompts to create a heart wrenching story about looking into tomorrow instead of living in today. The man lost all he worked for, all he loved, because he tried to give his wife the best he could, the things he thought she wanted. Great work. The descriptions were wonderful and the displayed thoughts and emotions were well written. You connect with the reader and make them feel something for your characters. The story started well and flowed nicely, progressing to a sad ending. You use very good comparisons and actions.
There is nothing I would suggest changing or improving. There are no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly used words or repeated information or other problem areas. I rate this a 4.5, for story structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Thank you for sharing. Keep up the great work and have a great day.
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Hi Lakeyia S. I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of the Talent Pond. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This poem is good, although I wonder about your use of the words, 'I am your Juliet, you seek.' It doesn't make much sense with the you seek part. It sounds like a word is missing. Maybe something like, 'I am your Juliet, the one you seek'? Just a suggestion. And of course this is my opinion and you might not agree. You do a good job with descriptions, and emotion. You might have forced this line like this if you are trying to write in meter. I am not too familiar as of yet with all the various types of poetry formats, so if that is your goal, please ignore my suggestion. You might consider adding a comma after the Juliet on the last line, so it will be identical to the third line where you repeat the same thing. Again, just a thought and opinion. I enjoyed this piece. You wrote it using typical speech pattern of the Shakespearean days. One more thing I'd like to suggest, in the fifth line, I'd turn the second 'you' (to feel you warmth) to your (to feel your warmth) and separate the two phrases with a comma after the first you (to stand by you).
This poem progressed nicely and had a very good ending. There were no repetitions of words, oelry used information, or typos. I rate this a 3.5, for poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Thank you for sharing. Keep up the great work and have a great day.
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Hi Izabelle I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Talent Pond. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
Wow, this was a pretty interesting piece. You were very creative in using a man who hid his true self behind a beautiful mask and seduced a woman to give birth to his spawn. The woman, ashamed of what she had done, and for what she couldn't do, took her own life. I would have loved to see you do more with this. What was the monster? The devil or just a demon? How old is the woman? Was she under a spell or just deceived? What about the baby? How did it look besides yellow eyes? Did the priest get it or the wolves? Maybe it could find salvation? Things like this. The way you chose to end your story is sure to pique the reader's imagination and have them making up their own stories. Maybe something like the movie, Hellboy! Nicely done.
There are no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly used words or repeated information or other problem areas. I would not suggest changing or improving anything. The story started off very interesting and kept the reader hooked until the last second, and it would certainly get their imagination and curiosity aroused. Very good job. I rate this a 4.5, for story structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Thank you for sharing. Keep up the great work and have a great day.
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Hi hhmsdude I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Talent Pond. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
This was a very inspirational and moving poem. You express your faith, your gratitude that you are not held accountable and rejected for your sins, and you show that you have changed your ways because of your beliefs. Good work with this. I did find one line you will need to correct, should you agree that it was a mistake. There was no repetition of words, repeated information, grammatical errors, misspellings, or other problem areas. There is nothing else I would suggest changing or improving upon. Your poem flowed nicely and progressed to a very satisfactory ending.
I rate this a 4, for poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Thank you for sharing. Keep up the great work and have a great day.
I'm playing in the WATER BALLOON RELAY with THE TALENT POND!
Hi Devo I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Talent Pond. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
I really enjoyed this poem. It's very creative. I never would have guessed that you were not talking about a person, but an emotion. You did a really good job of giving the feeling a voice. There were a few lines that you need to re-read and fix. Nothing major, just a few typos that are easily fixed. The poem flows well and the title fits in great with the content of your words. There is no repetition of words or no repeating of information. You deliver the truth about depression and anxiety with a punch and show that you know it's not something we should succumb to, but we do it anyhow. Good work.
I rate this a 3.5, for poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Thanks for sharing. Keep up the great work and have a wonderful day.
Line Edits:
You will belive believe me. you CAPS You
Love, being normal,sanity Space out normal and sanity
Hi Wyn - missing III I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this port raid of 10 poetry reviews to honor your package won in "Invalid Item" This is Review 1 of 10 I'm so glad you chose my package and look forward to reading your work. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
Title
What is the relationship of the title to the poem? Is it connected in meaning in some way? Does it provide the setting or context for the poem? If there is no title, what might be a good title and why? Or what might be a better title and why? I think the title you selected works very well to sum up your poem. You give us the reasons why you don't want to be with the man and then we know, you are better off without him. I think when readers see a title like this, they might be interested in reading to see why you don't need him anymore.
Persona
Who is the speaker of the poem? To whom is s/he speaking? What is his/her message? The speaker of the poem is the writer. She is talking to her husband/boyfriend and her message is that she's taken all she can take. It's time for her to be strong and move on, without him.
Diction
Which words, in particular, are most effective in the poem? Why? What does a particular word make you think of? If words are not effective, how are they not effective and what are some alternative choices the poet could consider that would strengthen the meaning of the poem? I think if you take out the repetition I have marked below, the poem would be stronger. It already flows nicely. I can not select just one set of words that works best. They all give a great impression of a woman fed up. She starts out slowly, describing her thoughts, then as she progresses, her anger comes out more and she becomes demanding and strong.
Imagery
How effective are the images in the poem? What senses does the poet appeal to? Do any of the images evoke emotional responses in the reader? If so, what is the effect? There are no imagery used but it does not affect the poem. This is all about the struggle a woman makes to get away from her life and start new, without the man who's bringing her down. This poem elicits sympathy for the woman's situation, pride and happiness that she has found the courage to do something so difficult as to leave someone she's been with for a while.
Rhythm
How effective is the meter or syllable pattern if used? Is it done to reinforce meaning? Is it regulated well or is it awkwardly forced? What improvements can be made? The rhythm of this poem is very good. It flows well, with a consistent rhyme that does not falter. The lines do not feel forced and the writer has used creativity in her rhyming selections
Rhyme Scheme
If a rhyme scheme is used, is it regular? Does the poet employ slant rhymes or approximate rhymes? Does the rhyme enhance the meaning of the poem or detract from it? Why? The rhyme adds to the poem's emotionalism. It's a consistent AbAb pattern right through to the end.
Structure
Consider the overall structure of the poem: the stanza form, line breaks, punctuation, etc. Does the structure seem artfully made or is it just what happened and lack consideration of purpose? The overall structure of the poem is very good. It breaks in appropriate sections and does not sound odd or forced.
Theme
How important is the theme? Does it illustrate a universal truth? What idea is the poet sharing with the reader? The theme is a woman wronged finally getting the guts to get away from the man pulling her down. It's a situation I have personally went through, as I'm sure many people have. I felt like she read my mind and had a camera in my home when I went through this situation. She summed up every single thing I went through. I'm very impressed.
I rate this a 4.5 for poem structure and entertainment combined. The two lines below are the reason I deducted half a point. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Nicely done. Keep up the good work. Thanks for sharing. Have a wonderful day.
Happy Writing,
Sara
Line Edits:
I didn't believe what they said about you.
I refused to hear what they said. These two lines have a repetition of the word 'said'. It stands out a bit, in my eyes anyhow.
Hi Ryan Graham I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
Nice poem. You kept a consistent rhyme and this had a good rhythm. You used some creative choices for your rhyming words and nothing felt forced. The words flowed smoothly and ended on a good note. There is nothing I would suggest changing or improving. There are no grammatical errors, typos, misspellings, overly used words or repeated information or other problem areas.
I rate this a 4.5, for poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their story affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Nicely done. Keep up the good work. Thanks for sharing. Have a wonderful day.
Hi sojourner I'm happy mommy and I'm doing this review as part of Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers. Please remember all comments, suggestions and corrections are merely my personal opinions, given in a gesture of encouragement from one writer to another. These are in no way a reflection of you as a writer but myself as an editor. I hope you can embrace this review with the nature it's been presented and find something positive to take from it.
I enjoyed this story about a man who's lost his faith in having a good, happy life, because he was jilted at the alter by the woman his parents arranged for him to marry. He finally agrees to attend a brothel with a guy from work only to run into his missing bride as she works as a hooker. He makes a phone call to save her and realizes he's ready to move on with his life and be happy again.
Although your plot line is really good, you had some issues with run-on and unstructured sentences, past/present verb tense shifts, and grammatical errors. You need to have someone take the time to do a line by line edit. This will help you figure out what you need to work on. I personally offer such a service, for a small fee. The link is here if you'd like to check it out. "Invalid Item"
Hope you find these helpful. I rate this a 3.5, for story structure and entertainment combined. I rate it so low because you had a lot of technical issues. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their story affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. Keep up the hard work. Thanks for sharing. Have a wonderful day.
Happy Writing,
Sara
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for story/poem structure and entertainment combined. I feel it's better to rate for a combination of these two components rather than just entertainment alone, so that the writer can see how their item affected the reader as a whole, at that moment. 