%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |
The place to be for positive reinforcements! |
|
Hello My Sunny Pals, Welcome back to Shellyville.... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Hello my sunny pals, I haven't been in the mood to write. I guess I know what I need to say is too depressing for words. How do I document the last few days? How can I describe my panic and fear? How can I express my hope and worry? What I feel is relieved at the moment but I am also exhausted. Jackson is in a new hospital. He is in White Pines in Saginaw. I have no idea what kind of care he is going to get. All I know is that we need a change in medications and a fresh start on a new direction. Hope. I have to have hope. I have to believe that they will give him hope too. He needs to smile again. He needs to know that he can change his thinking. I know it's hard. I know I also suffer and haven't been a hundred percent of what he needed. I am just a mom. I am nothing more. I worry and can say the wrong things and I can be hard to live with. Perhaps the biggest change has been within me. I am a fighter. I am strong. I am not willing to see him suffer. I will be his biggest support and I will get him back on a routine that is safe for all of us. I want him living with me again. I wonder how that will look but it has to happen. If I can visualize it, then I can see it happening. I have that kind of power. I do always get what I want...some way or another. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I have never wanted to own a cat. I have never been one to even consider it. Well, life sure can change fast. I am still not in the mood to own a cat but I am babysitting a kitten. How long I babysit this kitten depends on my friends situation. I am hoping he comes home soon and Cheyanne can go home. Ever have a day when the unexpected happens? I am filled with those recently and it gets old. I would love some good old predictability. I would like some routine and defined rules. I have to find my inner strength and make some serious changes. Right after I get done playing! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I am always so pleased when an old friend stops by. I got to see my high school sweetheart last weekend. It was just a brief lunch but it meant the world to me. Greg was as sweet and funny as I remembered. We laughed and talked like 20 years ago. It was just what my bruised ego needed. I am constantly reminded that goodness is here. I know I am under a lot of pressure right now. I know that my little fantasy life is being tested. I can handle that. I can fake it until I make it. Life is good! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sweet Sunshine, My darling Savanna is braces free. She looks so awesome and she is so HAPPY! It makes a momma proud when her kids are happy. I always dread the week before school. It seems as if all my organizational skills are needed at once. I have to get everything ready and make sure the kids are ready. I am not. I need another month. I love Summer!! I never realized how much my parents did for me. I think that is the beauty of being a child. Why worry? It's so awesome that someone else is worrying and taking care of everything. Maybe that is why this whole adjusting to single life caught me off guard. I am used to being taken care of. I am doing well with the changes. I am content with the way my life is going and know that even bigger and better things are on the horizon. It's a good day to challenge my skills. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Yesterday Savanna and I took a ride out to the country. First we stopped in Lansing at the Mega Mall. I was told this would be a great little antique mall, only it wasn't so little. We walked around for a while but the best part was Savanna kept finding all these funny masks and she would put them on and we both would laugh out loud. I had tears in my eyes. It was so funny and people were looking at us and laughing at us. The best part is that she said she loved hanging out with her mom. She thinks I am crazy and I am good with that. I haven't been feeling all that good lately. I guess I am letting every thing get me down so having some silly time with my girl was just what I needed. And a drive in the country sure helped too. We stopped at my favorite place and walked around. Got some veggies out of the garden and played with a little kitten. Over all I couldn't have asked for a better day with my girl. It's going to be a fast week. She gets her braces off today. She is super excited. Thanks God for reminding me of what's important. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I am blamed for self protection. I'm made to feel guilty for thinking of myself. I am made to feel like I am doing this as punishment or something like that. No, I am just done being hurt. I feel horrible but I am tired. I am tired of always being responsible and the target. I am tired of not having the right answers. I am waiting for someone else to step in and change. I am only responsible for what I can change. I know that I have to step back. I can't control this or always be the director. I need to let go and let GOD! Maybe he will hear my prayers today. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I am in no mood for a moral inventory. I am in no mood to hold myself accountable for my actions! Life is far too short to feel bad about something that brings joy and is natural. I might be a late bloomer but I'm making up for lost time. Wow it's a good day to get outside and have some fun. I have to work a wedding this afternoon. Yesterday, when I opened up the church a bat was stuck in the door and it freaked me out! Talk about having a moment with GOD! Poor little creature was still living but it couldn't fly. I had to sweep it outside and off the steps. I didn't think the bride-to-be would enjoy seeing a bat! I can laugh now but yesterday I had the jitters. I wonder what is it about little black bats that bring out the jeepers in me? Maybe I need to do some research...Right after I get back from my walk! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I am so grateful for the many items I love so much. Coffee and friends. Beer and patios. Brothers. I went out last night with my friend Tom and I met his brother. I find it so interesting how families have similar thought patterns but raise individuals. They were ten years apart in age and a million miles away in lifestyle but underneath all the outside drama was a set of brothers that had a connection. I found it so interesting to watch the flow of words, gabs and insults. I love family. My therapist wants me to go back to my roots. He wants me to dig up some unfinished business with my twin. He thinks that many of my problems with Jackson stem from my PTSD from my brother. He is right. I don't know how brave I have to be. I am not sure what I am going to pull out of the closet but I need to make changes. I need to separate the fear from the reality. I need to place myself in a better light. Dear God please bless me on my journey to wellness. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, He leaves with me a wild mood and a million questions. He leaves me wanting more and becoming undone. He questions my motives and leaves me breathless. He acts like he doesn't care but I know better. I know deep in my heart my work here is not done. I love the way this feels. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, All seems well with the world today. I did something outrageous yesterday but it feels good today. I couldn't stay away. He consumes all my energy. He is like a negative magnet that pulls me in. I love his green eyes. I love him. I am a pretty big fool. I know my heart has been taken for a ride. I know that I love him more. Heck, I might even need him more than he needs me. Still, I know all this pushing away, trying to walk away and saying goodbye didn't feel right. Some people are drawn together by magic. As if some something beyond their control is in charge. I know in life everything we do is by choice. Still some choices seem easy and others are too hard to make. I have honestly tried to move forward. I have gone on stupid dates. I have ignored him. I deleted his number. I said I deserved better. I swore I wouldn't go back. Why? Because he couldn't be in a relationship with me? Why? Because he borrowed some money and can't pay it back right now? Why do I put limits on a real relationship? Something is bringing us together. We laugh, we soothe each others broken egos. We respect each other. I learned to trust him. I learned to love again. I learned to be vulnerable and open minded. I am not expecting anything from him but friendship and love. I know in time if we are meant to be anything more we will be. For now, I am content just to keep him close. To know that my heart needs him. That he can be my companion. He can be someone I confide in. Someone to bury my worries and share my hurts with because, he shares his heartache and trouble with me. We communicate on a real level and I need him. The best part of needing him is that he has nothing to give me. I need him for the most basic of human needs. Love, the most beautiful gift we give our friends. I am blessed. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I do like the new face book quote from Writing.com. I know the voices in my head are real. I know the stories are unfinished and waiting to come to life on paper. I go to the book store and I think I could be the author for so many of the books already in print! I am one of them. I haven't been writing lately. I have been consumed with raw emotions. When I get like that I need to cry first. Once the pure energy is gone then I can go back and pick up the pieces and write. I am so tired of being disappointed by new people I meet. I am surprised that they don't have more compassion and empathy for individuals that struggle. I know I am crazy but still, a little compassion can go a long way in having a happy and joyful life. For the friends that have hung on during my rough times I am forever grateful. I have been blessed with some sweet friends. I would like to meet and make more friends, I am just not sure I should. I think this is the time for me to slow down, step inside, and go solo. Once I am in a better place mentally I will open up the walls and go back out into the world. Until then, I am going to find some comfort inside the loving voices of my soul. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I have been on this wave of change that started about seven years ago. It seems as if the ground under me keeps shifting. I feel like I am a sand dune. Constantly being changed by the wind. I am still here, still kind of look the same but my foundation is off. I am not the solid woman I used to be. I am slowly getting it pulled together. I look back and can see my accomplishments. Life is funny! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Good thing my favorite little animal is a frog. Because it seems as if all I have been finding is toads. I am going to fully rely on God. I am done needing or wanting anything else. I took the entire day yesterday to cry. I don't feel so emotionally beat down today or maybe I am just seriously tired of crying. Either way, it's a new day and I am moving on. I don't need or want weak people in my life. I need strength and healthy. I need to believe in myself and depend on my friends that love me. I am stronger than I give myself credit. Today is a good day to remember my sweet worth. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Sometimes the only way to heal is through my tears. I have to shut down and feel every ounce of pain. I allowed myself a full day of sadness. I let the hurt wash over me and I cried. I don't know what I can do differently. I have to have hope. I have to believe that what I am going through means something. I have been in this pain before. I have felt crushed by life and moved on. I will get stronger. I will pick myself up and find the beauty of life around me. My peace of mind is so fragile but I need it. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Yesterday I had an emotional break down. I lost it. I have been trying to keep my cool together. I have been trying to make sense of everything and go on like everything is normal. My life is far from normal. It's not right to have a son, a mere child abuse me. It's not normal to have him verbally and physically attack me. It's not right to have "professional" help and not get it. I am tired of being on the receiving end of nothing. SO I expressed my anguish. I expressed my over-the-top concern. Is something going to change? It has too. If nothing else I am not holding it in anymore. If I need to vent my frustrations I am going too. If you don't want to listen to my concern then ignore me but don't deny that something is seriously wrong. I am tired of being a door stop. I am tired of being scared. I can do better and I will. I have so much going for me. I am doing the things in my life that I love. I have friends, I have a crazy family. I have myself. I will no longer allow my child to hurt me. It's not going to happen anymore. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I am not sure what has happened to Summer in Michigan? The weather has been cold and ugly. I was so bummed on my beach vacation. We only got to play at the beach one day. The rest of the time was spent inside. I feel defeated when the summer is not nice. Our winters are so long. I need summer to gather my energy up and fuel me for the rest of the year. I am just not feeling the love. I am also exhausted by the emotional trauma I live with. I need a vacation from myself! Maybe on Saturday I can take some time and gather my wits. No time now! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Well I did it! I passed the National Board of Certified Counselor's exam. It wasn't pretty but I passed. I am so happy. I never knew my brain could hold so much useless information! I am so ready to relax. If only I could find the way to handle my own personal life better. Why can't Brian tell Jackson he is being rude? Why can't he say that is no way to act to your mother? I hate his lack of discipline. I love how he always blames me for what Jackson is doing. Well here is a news flash. I am the mother. I can be crazy. I can say things out of order and not in the most polite of ways. What the hell happened to kids being kids and Parents being adults? I am pissed. I was in a great mood. I was so happy that I passed my exam. Now it feels like no big deal. I can't even handle my disappointment with my family. Life is such a roller-coaster ride! I am ready for a new ride! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Many moons ago there was a song called Blue Monday. I haven't heard it in years but the tune has always stuck with me. I am not in a blue mood today. In fact, I am at peace. I slept well. I am sucking down on vitamins to keep my immune system working! Thursday is my big test day and I know I am ready. I am thinking at this point I am not going to learn anymore. I am just going to have to remember what I already know and hope that is enough. I am sure it will be. I just need to pass it, and I know I will. I love the positive energy I carry. I am not right for everyone but I am right for me. I love who I am. I am ok with my life at this point and only want to share it with the right person. I am going to open my heart to those that deserve it. I learned that I can love. Now I have to learn how to be a friend. It's a beautiful Blue Monday! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, WOW am I happy! Last nights party was a blast! Every single person that showed up was hugged and greeted. It was fun because we didn't have name tags so you had to introduce yourself, and interact and be surprised when you were remembered. One of the best parts of the night was sitting with friends that I went to grade school with, all my old memories came flooding back. Even my first kiss with Matt Schooley in 8th grade!! We laughed all night about that!! I was not popular. I was not into sports or even that smart but I had friends that were, and friends that mingled in every group. SO tossing us all together 30 years later was too much fun! I feel so blessed! Thank you Powers!! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Oh lord if my life gets any more exciting I am going to pass out! I am not sure why I am so cursed lately. I must be manic or having a low dose of reality going through my veins. I do get excited easily and I am so happy for tonight. It's been 30 years sense I have seen some of my high school friends and I am so looking forward to catching up and talking about the good Ol' days. I also have a special date tonight after the party and I can't decide if that is making me over the edge or if I just can't handle all the changes going on. I think just for tonight it's going to be okay for me to feel like a kid! Love, Michelle |
 Log in to Leave Feedback |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
