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The place to be for positive reinforcements! |
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Hello My Sunny Pals, Welcome back to Shellyville.... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Hello Sunshine, Well I have been down but I haven't been beaten. I am on a journey of self discovery and I will find my way. I know I am emotional. I know that I let things outside of my control bother me. I am working on that. I don't like to hurt people so I wonder why I am hurting myself? Pete told me that "Shellyville" isn't real. He told me that if I live in a fantasy place I can never accept the reality of life. How funny that sounds, because without my safe place to hide. I could never live honestly. I have to have my safe place to go when my emotions become too strong. When I feel bad about myself. I need a place to go to believe again. My dreams are revealing the truth. They are saying trust your gut and try again. I see patterns of negative behavior and it scares me. I wonder at times if I will ever find someone else to trust again? Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Well I managed to get through another month. I even worked more than I expected and saw improvements in my child's life. I am forever grateful to the adults that help me with Jackson. I am so honored that he has support. I knew I was taking a risk by having him diagnosed Bipolar at age 5. I wanted it documented. I wanted the schools to know. It is one thing if you have a child that acts out but it is another when you have a child that can not control every emotion he feels. Having an independent education plan has saved us. It allowed us to meet Jackson's need and not be disappointed that he couldn't meet the schools. To be flexible and sit down and look at the situation with unbiased eyes. I took a risk but it has paid off. I am grateful to all the people that paved the way before us. It's so hard to have a child with special needs but when you have support you feel so wonderful. I still have many challenges ahead but every day I feel stronger and I see Jackson maturing. It's a good feeling. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I love being surrounded by creative minds. I get to hang out tonight in Ann Arbor at the Underground Paint and Pour studio. I guess a little does of reality is due. I have been putting myself out in the dating world and it is going well. I am just not a hundred percent sure that I can handle it still. Something always happens to my emotions when I meet someone new. I guess I get caught up in the excitement and forget that I will have the let down later. I am learning and the best part of all is that on Saturday is my 30th class reunion and I am so excited. It's been a very long time sense I have had to the chance to see some of my old friends. I am getting messages on Facebook and it makes me feel so special. Perhaps, I will always have that funny girl inside me and going back to my high school days will be a good reminder. I have aged. I have had the life I wanted to live. I have an amazing life ahead of me and I am proud of who I am. Happy day! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Well I took a practice test for the NCE and I did not pass it. It's okay that I didn't pass, because now I can see where my weak links are. I have way more to look into and define. I will pass this test next week. I am well on my way to getting this right! It's finally a sunny day and for the life of me I can't stop smiling! Good things are coming and I can feel the wind of change. I love that! Have a wonderful day! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Or those pals that are near the sun! It has been raining and cold here that I even put on my heat this morning. I can not take a cold shower! I don't like to be cold. Now that I am an adult I can do things I like. Wow that is sweet. I have for many years just felt like a kid. I was always doing for others and making the best of it. Now that I am independent, I like that the rules have changed in my favor. I have to keep reminding myself that I am in charge and I can ask and do what is in my best interest. I don't have to live up to your expectations. I have to live up to mine!! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I am still in study mood, but I need to take a break. I need to let my creative soul play. After working two days in a row at the art studio all I want to do is paint today. I am going to gather my supplies and go outside. I love painting on the patio. I just read that most activities when done outside increase mood. Hey I am all about increasing my happy mood! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I don't work very much at the art studio but when I do I love every minute of it. Last nights class was super full and a blast to work. I love working with Zach. He has an artist energy that is fun to be around. Plus, he is one very talented painter. I am impressed! He is young and already his collection of paintings are outstanding. I can't wait until he is super famous and I can say I used to work with him. Yep, someday this guy is going to be rich!! Pure imaginative talent. Something so rare when you find it. I am lucky to have walked into a situation a year ago that would bring me so much joy. Every time I am at the studio I am reminded that the artistic soul is so beautiful. I am blessed! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I recently went through a transition with my morals. Going from a stay-at-home mom to a professional has been rewarding but also confusing at times. I feel my heart gets torn because I rather be with my kids, than work. Still, I can't afford to be with my kids if I am not working. That whole catch-22 thing. I love my careers, but I love being here with my kids more. I love the relationship and bond we have. It might be a different kind of family now, but it's my family and I love my kids. I am lucky. I still have positive energy in my life. I am not sitting around feeling sorry for myself. I am being active. I am making things enjoyable. I am so excited by that. I see how being asked an unethical question has really made me bounce back harder to save my career and reputation. I am a professional. I am emotional and when I care for someone it consumes my entire being. I know now that the next time I get in that kind of relationship it will be healthy for me. It will bring me what I need and I won't be the one giving everything. It's all good! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Wow some of my life lessons suck. I have to admit I am one very sensitive soul and when asked to help a child I always say yes. Except this time. I said NO. I am learning that my soul is not made to be used immorally. I have to draw the line between my professional identity and my giving heart. I really like this strong women I am becoming. I am proud of you Michelle, even if I know you are hurting. I know that in time your heart will heal and you will be glad you managed all your challenges this summer. You rock! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I have to look at my emotions as a wall. I have to feel something change when the pressure to make him happy becomes too much. I know I am extremely sensitive to his emotional abuse. I know when he starts beating me down I feel every punch and hit. He might use words but they feel so powerful. I am working on not letting his abuse control my own emotions. To build a protective wall I escape inside my mind. Yesterday I was thinking how many drugs do I need to take? I can see myself trying to find a synthetic excuse. I don't want to rely on medications or spending money or running away to solve my problems. I want to be strong enough in the moment to deal with him. I need to put up a protective wall to block his words. I need to find some kind of way to step aside from my emotions and look at him calmly. I want to be the better person here. I want to teach him life lessons and be in control. I will always be an emotional soul. I will always be his Mom. I will always be honest with my feelings. I can't deny them. I don't want too. I want to live my life honestly. I want to express myself so that he can see that words have power. Words do have power will I be able to use them wisely? Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I am not sure if the full moon has any affect on Jackson but I am thinking it might. I mean why not? I know I get influenced by the weather. When the sun is shining I have more energy. On days like today I want to take it easy. I have to allow Jackson his emotional flows. I am content with my life at the moment and when I pass the NCE I am going to celebrate!! This is one test I am not going to flunk. I have been putting in the effort and I will know as much as I possibly can before August 8th. Life is good! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Why can't I get over him? I get a simple text and you think he sent me gold. I just don't get it. I know I need to move on. I need to find something to forget him. Having the kids here is not a big enough distraction. They are summer bums. They stay up late and sleep in. I let them because I know they have a short summer and it's a teenager thing to do. I can not rely on them being my only entertainment. I need more excitement. Perhaps I need to finish studying for my exam. I know I think too much!! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Yesterday I took the kids to Silver Lake. It was an awesome day! That lake is pure spring water and clean. So clean that Savanna couldn't handle seeing all the fish. For some silly reason I had two little fish friends that kept close and wanted to swim with me. They must know what a great momma I am. I loved it and best of all that we only had one emotional melt down with Jackson and I handled it. I wonder at times if we can break his pattern of behavior or if He does need to go away? I see some good improvements with him but he sure can back slide fast. I am working so hard on myself. I know I play a huge part in this. I am not sure why I am the emotional target for his anger. I suppose I will never really know. All I can do is control my reactions and be there for him. One step at a time. I have no plans today so I am going to let the kids decide. We might just head back out to the lake. It was that much fun! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I feel so blessed by the love of my ex-husband. Yes, you can say that is crazy. You can tell me I should have stayed married and all that but it wasn't the way my life was suppose to turn out. I am just lucky because the man is turning out to be an awesome father. It took a stupid divorce and a career change for him to see the big picture. It's okay if it cost me my home because I gained something more valuable. A real parenting partner. For those parents that have children with special needs. I feel your pain and struggle. That kind of stress is painful on a couple's relationship. Especially if one parent is baring most of the responsibility of the parenting. To form a bond that is healthy for both parents is a struggle. I couldn't do it while we were married but I sure have it now. Brian deals with facts and I deal with emotions. BOTH are needed when raising kids. I love how we have found the balance and that despite the insanity that we living, we are both supportive. Thank you God and Brian. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I did my thing today. I did a review. I haven't been reviewing in a long time. I know as a Mod, that is not cool. I don't give myself the time to read or review. I look around and I love this place. I love it but know I am not putting my time here. Where is my time going? Have I wasted away the day? I can be so lazy at times and summer is perfect for lazy. I have it down to a skill. I tell my kids I make crazy and lazy look good! My plate is full of questions but few answers. I need to take a few days and seriously study for my NCE exam. It's coming up and I still do not feel prepared and that is crazy. Too much is at risk here. I will focus soon. I always do. I find a way to make the things in my life that matter the most happen. I am loving this summer!! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, What would you consider good therapy? Is it talking to someone or doing something healthy for yourself? For me, it's avoiding bad decisions. I have been on a crash course of dating. I always think I can handle it but I can't. I make poor decisions that get me in trouble and places I shouldn't be. Like in the face of a dog. I couldn't do anything about the dog bite, but I could have avoided the whole date. Maybe, I just don't know how to be alone? Or, I like to be spontaneous and have fun? Either way I need to check myself and see where my true motivation is coming from. I am beginning to realize how much I pick up and carry the energy of other people. I do have multiple personalities and I am constantly changing to fit my environment. Perhaps that is not being true to myself, but I think it is. I know how I need to behave in public, in the world of work and play. I think I do know how to be alone. I have been alone for many years. I keep my thoughts to myself. I don't argue or confront conflict. I adjust my moods to sooth my fragile ego. I am hoping someday my ego is not so fragile and I can stand on my own! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Knowing that we can be friends is helping me. I will never have him the way I want him to be. He is not my guy but loving him and being away is healthy for me. I will always love him. I learned that my heart didn't die after my divorce. I learned that I could love freely without caution and lord knows I needed caution with him. I still need caution but at least I am not angry anymore and I am working on those ugly jealousy feelings. I will get stronger every day and now that my closure happened, I feel complete. Today I can concentrate on working and putting myself on the back burner. I need that. I need to take a break from thinking and go have some fun at work. It's going to be super hot and humid today. Being inside is the only way I am going to enjoy it. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I had to go back if only for one more time. Next time, he will come to me. I needed to see him. Man was I scared. I don't like not knowing what to expect. I was happy and sad. He looked good but his life has not gotten better. Maybe my life can move forward now. I can be alone and be single. I can concentrate on my health and my emotions. I will always love him. I love all my ex's...some just more than other's. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, It's going to be a wonderful hot sunny day. I don't have one single plan to enjoy it other than a walk to church. I will embrace the reality of my life. I live here and I am alive. I made changes that needed to be made. I am still growing up and becoming who I want to be. I will find what I need, God will guide me. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I have always felt at times that I have a few different personalities going on. Yesterday, it was confirmed! I have a public image, I have a wild side, and I have a side I reserve for my true friends. When being called out on it, I froze and felt very uncomfortable. I am learning so much about myself. I am coming out of the deep fog of change and seeing myself. I have to concentrate on me now. I am only as good as the company I keep. I am only as good as what I do for myself. I need to concentrate on myself. My career and my personal health. My single journey is a minute by minute adventure. I do love myself. I know I have to make some positive changes and I am proud of who and what I am becoming. My past got me here today. I am proud of my hurts and pain. I am proud of the way I handle myself and I know that I will get where I am going. One day I will have it all again making sense. Love, Michelle |
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