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4th installment of "Perspective" |
There are people who ask the question "Why don't you decide to quit?" It's simple really. I can't. I woke up a wife, I didn't grow into the role, I didn't fall into a habit or a way of life. I woke up one morning a wife, proof of that found here, and that doesn't die with disloyalty, dishonesty, lack of communication or a desperate wish that it did. I loved being married. I loved being a wife. It doesn't change with an affair, emotional or otherwise, as I've experienced both. It doesn't change with the fickleness of others. I'll be in this camp, if for no other reason than I believe in Love. Believing that love with some TLC from the ceiling, will find a way to build here, grow here, flourish here. People ask me what happens after? If the divorce goes through and he wants to start over as friends? I don't have answers for that. I want to say that being friends doesn't warrant the same focus and attention as a wife to her husband might, and as such, I'm not sure it'd work that way either. How we could build on this wasteland if there wasn't that kind of commitment I feel is necessary to build on a wasteland. I want to say that I'd still be a wife and he'd still be a husband and those things wouldn't change with a piece of paper either to consummate it or desecrate it. That it's in the heart and in the mind. But then I ask myself, how could I willingly enter into a relationship with someone I knew so intimately, that they'd let their marriage end instead of trying with every fiber of their being to save it. Why would I do that to myself twice? Hard to say. I guess we'll find out. |