%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |
A blog for my MHWA group dealings and anxiety issues I deal with. |
| Write about something you wish you could tell someone, but can't. Almost on a daily basis, I find myself wanting to say something to someone, but can't. Most of the time it's because it would cause drama or would be a waste of time to actually do. Just not worth it. But as of late there is one person I would love to sit down and write to them and tell them everything that is on my mind. My ex-husband and it's my fault that things are coming to me that I'd really love to let him have it. I check on my exes on social media, just to see what they are up to. It's not that I'm wishing bad upon them, but then again, with the thoughts that run through my head when I see that they've updated their statuses or posted something, I do, especially if it's negative, which with my ex-husband has been. It angers me when he posts something about his kids, sayings like, "I will always be there for my kids no matter what if they ever need me or want me," or the "I'm a great dad," posts. I want to immediately make a comment about how that's a lie because he hasn't been since the day he went to prison and even before that and not even since he's been out of prison. He contacted me after he got out wanting to know if his kids wanted to talk to them, they said no, so that was that. Did he offer to help me buy things for them, has he offered to help in any way? NO! They said no, so he just went on with his life. I'm doing just fine without needing help from him, but it still would have been the right thing for him to do, to offer. I'm not the one who locked him up for 5 years, he is. He wants to come off to everyone that he has changed, that he found religion and he's a better man. I know better. He's no different from the day he went into prison. He's always been able to fool everyone, but not me and not his kids. He's a sick motherfucker and always will be because he doesn't think there is anything wrong with how he treats other human beings. He now posts things about how he forgives or thanks those who have hurt him in the past, blah blah, blah. Motherfucker is the one who did the hurting. Nooone hurt him! He's also posted things about how he wished he could find someone who would love him. He had that, I did love him until I couldn't handle the abuse anymore. He's been talking about being depressed because he's going out of his way to show people attention, yet no one is responding or showing any back. Again. I want to comment on why that is or why he doesn't deserve any kind of attention. I guess I shouldn't be like this towards him. I've moved on and I'm mostly happy with my life now, but because of the way he treated me I will probably never be fully happy because of all the trust issues his abuse and shit caused. I actually hope he dies alone and miserable and that is just so very wrong of me to wish on anyone. I want to be vindictive and tell everyone that knows him or works with him just what he went to prison for. He recently said he was getting his own duplex which he will own in 10-15 years and I want to take that from him, I really do, and that's wrong... I shouldn't care about what he does from now on, I shouldn't care if he's miserable or happy, but I do and I don't know how to change that. Letting go of all the hurt and pain he has caused me, just isn't in me and I don't know that I ever will. Then last night I had a dream about quitting my job and I woke myself up, then lay there for 2 hours telling myself (and my boss) all the reasons why I quit. Ughh I'm gonna be tired later today.  Shhh. Whisper..... |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
