by Dr Gonzo
This is my blog & my hope, writing daily will help me see my progress and log supporters.
|I am just seven weeks into this journey, and today there came a realisation. No matter how many times I have been down this road, it is never the same. Withdrawal can come quickly and only last a few days...or it can last for weeks. Symptoms at the beginning range from panic attacks, which are so frightening, claustrophobia, terrible anxiety and the feeling that I need to run.
Luckily, this only lasts for a night or two, and then the variables kick in. Last night, even after all this time, my skin felt like someone was randomly poking me with a sharp needle over my entire body, and at night as I am trying to get comfortable, this was a reminder that I am far from being totally detoxed.
I have gotten off lightly though, and I count my blessings each and every day that I don't succumb. Knowing what the results will be if I do, which fuels my desire to continue this battle. It's a battle that is far from over, and it would be arrogant of me to think otherwise. Defeating this drug, that has plagued my life for so long, will be ongoing and may last for many more years to come.
At the moment, I am enjoying this feeling. I'm happier than I have been in a long time. I'm proud of myself and of the work I am doing. I look at myself in a new light. I'm morphing from an addict, into someone who can actually envision a future without meth. Someone who knows only too well the problematic life that choice would bring.
Seven weeks, that feels so much longer. I want to put so much more time between myself and the person I was. I have many challenging days ahead, but I am ready to face them. Every day, I am preparing my body and mind, so as to give myself a chance of finally overcoming these demons...demons that I know are still inside of me and will take any opportunity if I drop my guard...even for just a second.
Today, even with the disappointments and reservations that came, I didn't use meth, and for me, that's all that matters.