The New Visions Blog!⏳

Letting go of expectations and my past.

Well last post was honest but it doesn't matter. People don't want to know if you have problems.

Today I was going through it badly over seeing the truth that people don't like me.
Sis said " You should have known decades ago that people are like that and how can you not know those people weren't your friends or family."

I'm really hurting right now but will have to figure out how to deal with it.
I'm trying to figure out how to keep my portfolio going after I die. The problem is there's no one right now that I can ask to contact SM and provide a death certificate when the time comes.
It's crazy I've done so much good for people all my life and yet ( besides a couple of friends that I can count on but not for this)

My grown children are pathetic and after the phone calls this week I'm still reeling.

One called after five years to know what to do, since my other one showed up at her house.
She was afraid she might die on her couch.
We told her call an ambulance. And told her how we were trying to help her these past few years, while she was in prison. Sending her books and paying to text her and doing everything to help her get on her feet. She was doing better on medication but as soon as she gets out, stopped taking it and would rather be homeless than have to " follow the rules at the shelter that was helping her get a job and life together.

She left her son in another state and we've been in touch all these years. If someone didn't adopt him we were going to drive from Oregon to get him when he turned 18 and aged out from the foster system a few years ago.

He's doing great and has been working for over a year at the same place. He does work on video games and even with his Asperger's has become a miracle over the years.

It's all in God's hands.
If I was younger and had better health, I'd maybe join a Convent like I wanted to ask a child.
I'm fighting depression and wondering if my writing is worth saving.