Y Ddraig Goch

Sept 17 - IT ALL

Prompt: What does it mean to have it all?

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I’m not sure what “it all” is. What are the component parts? Can I pick and choose? Is there a list? Where would I begin in getting “it all”? How do I know when I have “it all”? Can I change my mind? Is there a cut off date?

I think “it all” looking very different to each of us – and it changes over time. And I think the idea of “it all” puts too much pressure on people. Success looks very different to everyone.

When I was growing up it was alluded to that I couldn’t possibly expect to have “it all” - a family, a nice house, a career (not a job), an education. Those were the component parts I was told about. Told to want.

I was engaged very young (19 years old). I think it was assumed as soon as we were married I would start having babies and follow my military fiancé around the world. The idea that I would want to put my potential, career ahead of this plan was mind boggling to everyone. I remember my mother telling me that something would have to give – it turned out to be the fiancé. I wasn’t cut out for that life – whatever it was. I wanted something different – not necessarily more, but certain something else.

I have always been very career driven. Late nights in the office, weekend work at home with the laptop, traveling for meeting – I love it. It’s what I defined my life against in a lot of ways. My husband supported me with late night whinging sessions, cups of tea, ordering take aways. Work has become less important since I had children. The drive has dwindled. It isn’t about balance. It’s about the fact I care less. I’m less defined by work. I want to be defined by other things – like Halloween parties, and cheering my kids on.

In truth I have all the things I was told represented “it all” – I have a husband, kids, pets, a house, a career. I earn good money, have a nice car to drive. In truth, you could take everything other than my husband and kids away and I’ve find a way to be happy with my lot. So for me, “it all” turned out to be three people (the love of my life and two mini-mees), and akita (RIP Indy) and a bearded dragon. The rest of it is just nice to haves.