Susie's

Feeling Broody

I've just returned from the clothing department and having a cuppa,
I've also just realised that I've still got the huge pair of knickers in my handbag so I must make sure I return them tomorrow,
I've been having a giggle in my head thinking about Alessia telling everyone last night about them over dinner, she had us all in fits of laughter,

But at the moment I feel sad,
Earlier a young woman who was pushing a double buggy asked me where the children's clothing was,
I looked at the two young twin girls while I directed the woman to the children's section,
I felt upset and broody, I wanted another baby to keep my bloodline going,

I'd known Lisa from the age of six and she'd always wanted us to have a baby together which we have with our daughter Tulisa-Rose,
But she's always refused to have another because she's scared it might be a boy,
She doesn't want a boy in the family,

When we were growing up she was over the moon she had a boy friend who wanted to be a girl,
She loved dressing me up, the fact we looked like twins, I enjoyed playing with her dolls etc,
But she wouldn't allow me to change my sex and become a girl mainly because she wanted us to have a baby,
So I remained physically male thinking we'd have two or three children,
Obviously that's not happened and we've just got Rosie,

I can't complain about Lisa really because I've enjoyed every moment with her but I do have occasional thoughts that I've missed out on becoming a girl,
How it would feel, the experience of having a vagina and real breasts,
Yes it upsets me and in private I do shed a few tears,

But that's water under the bridge now,
I've also started wondering why she's quite happy for me to get intimate with Emma,
I've been told by Emma she's had her menopause so probably won't get pregnant and we now don't use condoms,
But maybe that's why Lisa allows me to be with Emma hoping she will get pregnant and have a baby boy,
It's confusing because that goes against Lisa not wanting a boy in the family,

And, do I want a baby with Emma?
That would mean I'd have three children with three different mothers,
I think I'll just carry on as I am,
If things happen they happen,

Ok, I've just over an hour before its time to go home,
I've a couple of jobs to do first and then I'll wait for Alessia and Catherine and finish.