On the Kinfe's Edge - Book 3

Chapter 1

         "I had never seen the king like he was that night we left the city. He was dark, intimidating, like a demon from hell itself. I did not know at the time that following him would eventually do the same to me…"

         Those words Kole spoke that day to her put an ache so deep in Arenn's soul that she went back each day. Within a week, the king had assigned her as his personal maid. The guard had told her his story many times over the three years that had passed since then, adding detail and bits of his memories that came to him later on. She was still his maid, three years older and an adult now. Kole was still the personal guard for the king and queen. He lived in a small house just outside the courtyard. The place had become too stifling after the first year. At the moment, she was on her way to his home with fresh fruit, ale, cheese, a basket of flowers, and a large hunting dog she had bartered for. It was technically still a puppy, but it would grow to be a little smaller than the kinnett wolves that resided in the Mordin region in the eastern Lowlands. She arrived at Kole's front door, knocked once and entered after tying the dog outside.

         “Sir Kole, I'm back,” she hollered gently to let him know she had returned after leaving late last night.

         He appeared directly next to her. She gasped despite the fact that he did this every single time. The moment he heard anyone, he would cloak himself in elven magic and disappear from view. When he saw that it was her, he would appear again at her side. It startled her every single time.

         “When will you just call me Kole, milady?” He put his face next to hers while she arranged the flowers in the vase she had left on his table the night before. He had been closer over the past year. Physically closer. If she was cooking for him, he would come talk to her and have his head right next to hers. Or he would corner her to reach something while she was cleaning.

         Her heart pounded in her chest and her face flushed. “You are a palace guard. Your station is far above mine. Need I constantly remind you that it is inappropriate for me to call you simply by name?”

         “Probably. But even in certain circumstances, we were to call the king by no title at all and just be as friends.” He was so close, she felt him smile beside her.

         “Sir, Kole, that was life or death for your men and his highness. It is not the same as this.” She argued as she finished arranging the flowers and pushed them to the center of his table. She picked up the rest that she had separated and, pushing him back from her, went to his sleeping quarters and did the same in a vase there.

         He moved in close again, his lips brushing the skin on her ear. She inhaled sharply. “Is it not the same? This is life or death for me.”

         She turned around, more from being flustered than anything else. His body was nearly against her and she put a hand on the bureau to steady herself. “I… I don't understand, sir.”

         “Don't you? I can't breathe when you leave. I can't sleep. I'm lost every night when you leave me alone. I'm suffocating in this house, in my life. I'm dying Arenn!” he yelled, punching a hole in the wall. The maid jumped, her blood pounding in her own ears and her breathing fast. Her eyes darted to the door and then back to him. “Do you fear me? Do you feel the need to run from me?” A bitter, tortured laugh escaped his lips as he stepped back and ran his hands through his shaggy, unkempt hair. “Then run! Go tell Fallon that I frighten you! Have him replace you with someone that won't ease my temper or tame my demons!” He was screaming at her. The torment in his eyes was heartbreaking.

         Without even thinking, she moved closer and reached up to his scarred face. He lowered his head to meet her soft hand and she placed it on his cheek. “I won't leave you, Kole.”

         The words had hardly left her lips when his mouth covered them. His hand entangled itself in her hair and he pulled her into him. He kissed her hard, his misery, passion, and anger all melding into mind numbing intimacy. For a moment, she did not respond, fear and uncertainty causing her to hesitate. But over the last three years she had learned to love him. Angry and dangerous as he was, she loved him. And so she kissed him back, her hands holding his face before moving them to the back of his head. He pushed her back against a wall, his hand sliding down to her waist.

         She broke the kiss and put her hands up, pushing against his solid abdomen. “Kole, no. I can't. It's not right.” The large man said nothing, but crumpled down over her like a limp doll, wrapping his muscled arms around her tightly. He let out a giant heaving sigh. Tears pricked Arenn's eyes and she hugged him back.

         “I'm sorry, Arenn. I should have left you alone. I should never have brought you into my life. I know you can never stay with a man like me. You deserve so much more than I can offer you. I need to tell you that I am leaving.”

         Arenn had been holding him until now. At his last words, she separated from him and looked distraught. “What? You can't! Where would you go? Why would you leave?”

         “I do not belong here. Everything I have done… the demons of myself… I see all of it wherever I go. Whatever I do, it's always there. I can't escape myself.” The misery in his eyes caused her pent up tears to begin falling.

         The girl swallowed hard. “Where will you go?”

         “His highness and the queen saw mountains beyond the far border of Ynhilay. There are rumors of dwarves and others there. I can not stay here, Arenn.”

         She balled her hands into fists. She was not an angry person. She wasn't even prone to getting upset. She was even tempered and bubbly. Her personality so opposed to Kole's dark nature and equally concerning temper. However, she could not accept this. “So you would just leave me here! Three years and you would just walk out and leave me to start over? I will never see you again?” Her tears fell freely.

         He looked away. “I can't stay. I'm dying here, Arenn.” Her name was whispered so quietly she almost missed it.

         “Take me with you,” she choked out. “You can't leave me here.”

         Kole's eyes widened and he stared at her in such a state of shock, he looked to be in a trance. “What did you say?”

         She grabbed his hand in hers. “You heard me. Take me with you. If you leave, I'm going with you. My life is here in this house with you.”

         The man was speechless. He tried to form words multiple times, but failed.

         “Oh!” Arenn was suddenly excited. “I brought you something to keep you company at night while I'm gone!”

         Silently, he followed her outside. In front of the door a big hunting dog sat, its large ears perked at the sound of the door and its tail began to wag. A whimper came out of its big mouth. Kole glanced at Arenn and then back to the big dog. He walked over to it and the hound lifted itself onto its hind legs, matching all of Kole's six feet of height. It licked his face and dropped onto all fours, jumping in place excitedly. The guard patted its head and let the dog lick him. He untied the rope and the animal ran around his legs, pawing at him and licking him excitedly. Kole sat himself on the ground and the big hound went over and lay down, resting his big head in the man's lap.

         After taking a few minutes to pet his new companion, he looked up at the girl, still standing quietly, watching him with a smile on her face. “Thank you.”

         She put her hand on his cheek. “You are welcome, Kole.”

         The king had granted Arenn an audience almost immediately. She had the privilege of caring for the man he considered a brother and so she had nearly unrestricted access to the king and queen whenever she felt necessary. Dane took the position of the monarch's personal guard whenever Kole was absent. Fallon had made a point to give his friend as much time away as needed. Dane stood beside the king now, his hands clasped behind his back and his feet apart. He looked intimidating and protective of his leaders.

         The queen raised her hand. “Please, Arenn, speak.”

         The maid stood from her bow and put her hands together to stop them from shaking. “Your majesties…” her voice faltered.

         The king spoke gently. “Arenn, dear girl, don't be afraid. Request what you desire.”

         She cleared her throat anxiously and tried again. “Your majesties, I umm…” She swallowed and rushed through the rest of her words, closing her eyes tightly at the end. “I request your blessing on my marriage to Kole and for our departure from Kezna.”

         Stunned, the king and queen looked at one another. This was quite unexpected. Fallon felt a pang of guilt and sorrow. Kole was like his brother. He had hoped to always keep him close. He knew why he was leaving, but he assumed it had to do with him since he was the reason Kole had gone through what he did. “Your marriage?” he said.

         “Yes, your highness. I told him to take me with him, but I know he will not unless you give your blessing for us to marry. He does not think that I could love him.” She began to cry. “I… I can not let him leave without me, my king.” She felt that she needed to say more. “I do not need him to act as a good husband. I just can't live without him. But requesting your blessing for our marriage would let him know just how much I need him.”

         Calya put her hand over her husband's. “You do not need to defend your relationship to us, Arenn. We understand it well. Go. You have our blessing. I will even help you prepare. We will provide for your family in your absence.”

         Arenn began to cry anew and thanked them over and over as she rushed out of the room. Fallon looked genuinely upset. “I need to speak with Kole. Now.” Without a glance at his wife he stood and all but ran from the chamber.

         Kole was outside of his house sharpening blades and restringing a bow when Fallon walked up, his face creased with deep concern. He smiled wearily. “My lord.”

         Fallon wrapped him in a bear hug. “Brother. Why are you leaving us?”

         His friend's surprise was nearly tangible. “You were not supposed to know yet.”

         “I assumed as much. But Arenn came to Calya and I and asked our blessing for her to marry you.” Fallon smiled despite his grief at losing the man that was a brother to him.

         Kole dropped his sword in the dirt. He remained silent. Fallon allowed him his space. “She… asked to marry me? It was her decision?”

         “It was. Now tell me… why? Why are you leaving? Can you not bear to be around me anymore?”

         The guard turned quickly to face his king. “Never. I regret that I'm leaving. You are also a brother to me. I can not stay in this land or the Lowlands. Everything reminds me of what I've done.”

         The king pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. If only his blessing could heal wounds of the soul. “Then where do you plan on going?”

         Kole sat on a log and pet the dog that ran up to him. “You once told me about the Knife Edge Peaks beyond Ynhilay. I'll go there. If I could just ask you for help in requesting access to cross over the Ynhilay Mountains.”

         “If you feel you have to go, I will help in whatever way I am able. I do hope you change your mind. But I know better than anyone that these demons never leave us.” Fallon embraced him again. “I will see you at your wedding, brother.”

         Kole ran his hands through his hair and looked at his dog. “You need a name.” he paused, then jumped to his feet. “I need a haircut.” He wrinkled his nose. “And a bath. Let's hurry up and get ready.” He spoke to the dog who happily wagged his tail and trailed at the man's heels as he went into the house. He bathed before sliding the shears Fallon had left with him into his belt, and rushed to the hall.

         The great doors of the throne room were opened to Kole as he was admitted to see the king. “My lord, I have a great favor to request of you.” Fallon raised an eyebrow as his friend held up the shears and a sympathetic smile crossed his face. “I don't look like a good husband. I can not marry Arenn like this. Will you help me as I once helped you?”

         Calya stood behind Arenn, a smile on her face as she waited for Fallon to bring Kole. The nineteen year old girl stood nervously, looking everywhere, trying to calm her nerves. She knew how tumultuous the king and queen's marriage had been because of the baggage the king carried with him. She did not have higher expectations for her and Kole. She was marrying him because she would never get the chance once he left. She did not even care if she was making the wrong decision. She knew he would not come back, even for her. Where is Kole? she asked herself, looking back at the queen anxiously. Calya put a reassuring hand on her arm with a sympathetic smile.

         Kole threw a vase of flowers against the wall. Fallon heard the crash from outside and kicked in his door, causing the dog outside to pull against its rope aggressively. The barking was loud and angry and another vase came flying down the hall, hitting Fallon in the arm and smashing on the floor as he blocked his face. “Kole! Come out!”

         A moment later, the young man appeared next to him, blood on his hands and arms. “Why are you here, Fallon? I could have killed you.”

         The king dismissed him. “Relax, brother. You know better than that. You are skilled, but remember who taught you.” He leaned down to pick up a large piece of glass off the floor. “And I am here to bring you to Arenn who is still waiting for you to show yourself and marry her.” He tossed the shard away after looking it over.

         The dog continued barking in front of the house and both men looked out the broken window and yelled for him to shut up. The big hound whimpered and lay back down. “I'm not going. I can not marry Arenn.”

         Fallon spun him around. “That is the wrong response. I will not allow you to leave her waiting there while you run away from the best thing you still have in life. Calya saved me in more ways than I can count. If you leave Arenn you will regret it for the rest of your life.”

         Kole punched through another wall in his small home. “And if I don't leave her, she will regret it the rest of her life! What then, Fallon?” His anguish was displayed on his face. “I ruin her life no matter what I choose! If I leave her, I ruin her life now and if I marry her, I ruin her life later! Why did you give her your blessing? Do you think so little of her?”

         Fallon moved a step closer. “No. I think so highly of you. You think she will stay here while you leave her behind, Kole? She loves you more than Calya loved me when we married. Calya would have let me leave. She will follow you until you accept her.”

         The younger man tore at his hair. His wedding garments which had been crisp, clean and breathtaking were now wrinkled, dirty, and spattered with blood. “This is not the man she should be marrying.” He indicated his appearance.

         Fallon rubbed the back of his neck, trying to find a way to convince his friend to keep going when he noticed Kole disappear. He's going to run. The king turned and raced through the house and out the back door, tackling the half-breed to the ground. He appeared again, fighting off the older man. The bigger man held down his arms and straddled him. “You think I can't find you like that?” He yelled at Kole under him. “Stop running, Kole. I will drag you there myself if you do not man up and go get your wife!” His anger was beginning to burn now. He was screaming at him now. “You started this with her and now you want to run. She knows you better than anyone except me.” He stood and hauled Kole to his feet, dirty and scuffed up. Yet he still tried to break free. “As your king, I order you to finish what you started or you will be detained indefinitely for defying your king. Now, Kole.” Fallon's voice was low and menacing.

         Kole dropped his head. Despite being like the king's brother, he still respected him as his king above all else. “Yes, your highness.”

         It broke Fallon to see the man he considered his brother so defeated. Even still, he took him by the collar and pulled him around the front of his home. The dog barked and then whimpered. Kole put a hand on the animal's large muzzle to reassure it as he followed his lord out to the field.

         Arenn stood unable to stop the tears from trickling down her cheeks as she continued to wait for Kole to appear. She had waited two hours already and was convinced he had left without her. Calya looked concerned as well now. And then, as if summoned by their grief, Fallon appeared, nearly dragging Kole behind him. The queen gasped, glaring at her husband in disapproval. He deposited Kole before the women and backed up a step, nodding to his wife, a playful smile on his lips. The man stood there, wedding clothes filthy, blood covering his hands and spattered up his arms. Dirt covered his tunic, bruises were starting to appear on his skin and his cropped hair was dusty just like his trimmed beard. Arenn stared in surprise and then her face lit up with the most dazzling smile Kole had ever seen. He relaxed slightly and took her hands. Fallon stood in front of them and performed the ceremony. It ended quickly, and as Fallon spoke the last words, Arenn waited, silently perplexed, while Kole looked uneasily at her. Reaching up and taking his face in her hands, she pulled him down to her and kissed his mouth so deeply, it stole his breath. The guard lifted his new wife from the ground and kissed her passionately back. She giggled and squirmed to get down.

         When she approached the king and queen, they were in a heated discussion. “This is how you bring her husband to her wedding, Fallon? What is wrong with you?”

         Fallon rubbed his cropped hair, watching dirt fall out. He looked down at himself. The back of his forearm was sliced and bleeding, he was covered in dirt and Kole's blood, and his tunic had ripped during the struggle to get control of Kole. He gave a small shrug. “Did you expect much different, Cal? It's Kole. Have either of us ever shown up at the same place together without looking like this?”

         “This is their wedding, Fallon!” Calya was enraged.

         Arenn stepped forward and bowed. “You highnesses, I know Kole better than anyone. He came exactly as I expected. I already guessed he would try to leave. And I can assume my lord prevented him from doing so. Thank you, my king.”

         Fallon smiled and nodded. “Go. Be together.” He wrapped an arm around his wife and started walking away.

         Kole pulled Arenn back to him by the waist, kissing her again. He pushed her back into a tree trunk, his hands sliding down her sides.

         Arenn looked up at him and smiled. “I love you, Kole.” Then she grabbed his tunic and allowed herself to be pushed down under him in the grass.

         As Calya and Fallon walked, the king explained everything. His wife felt somewhat ashamed of herself for her reaction. Fallon was still getting dirt out of his hair and beard when they came back to the courtyard. “He is terrified of hurting her. He feels a little betrayed by us for blessing their marriage. He thinks we are the reason her life will be ruined.”

         Calya was silent for some time as they walked side by side. “Did you have to recruit him back then?”

         Surprisingly, Fallon was not angered by her question. He recognized that she was only asking for the reassurance that his pain was a necessary evil. “It is the greatest regret of my life. He begged so consistently, proved his skill many times over, Ventris spent so long trying to convince me. If only I had realized how much he idolized me, how much he did not understand the reality of my life… if only I knew that, I never would have. I destroyed the man who became a brother to me. I can never fix that.” he genuinely looked heartbroken. Calya assumed it probably bothered him even more because he had killed his biological brother and in finding a new one he killed the other brother's soul. She could not imagine their pain and torment, even now.

         “I am sorry, Fallon. I should not have asked.” She looked at the ground uncomfortably.

         The king spun her to him and kissed her hard. “Do not apologize. I love you.” Just then, Trayzer came running out of the doors to the hall. Fallon picked him up and put the boy on his shoulders as they walked back inside.