My Right Patella Recovery

I Never Thought...

A broken bone could hurt so much. The pain is about to make me go insane. I am worried that the pain will last longer than the pain meds that I have left.

I am doing everything the doctor has told me to do and more. I am trying to do slightly more than he is asking me to do because I really don't want tto lose any motion that I had previous to the accident.

My biggest fear at in terms of my physical health and walking in general is losing the ability to do so. You see, I did not learn to walk until I was 3-years-old when my Dad taped my hands on the Mattel Toys Tuff Stuff Shopping cart that at the time was still being researched to see how children liken the product. What he did was put some bricks in the basket and then stood behind me and pushed me ro walk forward. This was one of the best things that my Dad did for me when I was very young and still living at home. My Mom of course was sitting on the porch cry, I was told, believing in her heart that he was hurting me. She quickly changed her mind when I started to walk.

Now, I fear losing the very independence I was given when I was taught how to walk. With my cerebral palsy in my right arm as well there would be no way for me to use a regular wheelchair thus either using a moterized scooter or wheelchair. This would be a major blow to my ego. I like to have time alone and thus that to would be taken away to some extent if I was not able to walk.

And, How would I take care of my children. Especially my daughter who needs me more than ever right now.

So for now I am working hard on recovering all the muscle mass and abilities as I can. My main goal is to be able to go roller skating again next year around this time. I will not let this injury win my physical abilities. So I must do everything I can to prevent any lose of range of motion and muscle mass, what little I have in the first place.

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I am more myself in solitude. For in solitude I am myself.
-(c)Melia Benjamin, August 2000

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