Life with an Addict

The guilt

Sometimes I feel as if the guilt is smothering me. I should have stopped him a long time ago. I'm guilty of all the times I trusted him when I should have realized that by refusing him access to money it wasn't him I didn't trust, it was the disease. It just always seemed easier to give in instead of entering into a lengthy battle with him that would always leave me drained.
I feel guilty for allowing my children to suffer because of his illness. I should have been stronger and not given up until I had won the battle. I was simply too blind to see what it was doing to them.
The greatest guilt comes from wondering if maybe somehow I've caused him to gamble. Maybe I make him miserable and he gambles to forget his problems at home. Sometimes I feel as if everything I touch crumbles beneath my fingertips and can't help but wonder if I've done the same to my family.