Blog started in Jan 2005: 1st entries for Write in Every Genre. Then the REAL ME begins
|Just realized this morning that I'm not damaged. All those times I'm feeling afloat or unimportant are just signs that I am not in the zone I'm supposed to be in. You see, I'm really supposed to be cared for.
I feel my most joyous when I am being treated to attention. It helps when I can remember to do that for myself, but I so enjoy having it done "unto me". I think where I've been trying to get realigned, so that I don't feel like an egomaniac, is to show sweetness to others. "Sweet" I think, used to be how people would describe me the majority of the time. I do remember and want to show my gratitude for all the kindnesses shown to me
I don't need a title, but I do think it helps keep me focused. Queen seems higher up than I need to be. Maybe it's why I've always liked being a daughter -- there's no outing better than my mom being the one to treat me to some loving attention. It's remembering and feeling those moments when one is so happy to be doing the job one was chosen for. I like being "the driver", "the librarian", "the shotgun", "the prom fashion show model", even "the friend of", "the mom of" or "the wife of".
When the focus is all scattered or there's too many titles at once, well that can be a mess -- give me one moment in time...I think I understand that phrase a lot better now. It's not about the moment, it's about the feeling you bring to that moment or even the memory of your last best moment that you bring to the new moment. Then you are creating the past, present and future all at once.