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A collection of various short stories and poetry.
#846399 added April 9, 2015 at 8:49pm
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Night of the Living British Gangsters
A group of British Gangsters encounter a group of strangers hold up in a farmhouse.

Uses Characters from the movies Night of the Living Dead (1968) and Gangsters, Guns and Zombies

The black man looked around the corner of the store, scanning the street. “The coast is clear,” he whispered. “Still, we need to be quiet.”

“Yeah,” said a big man with a low voice. “One can never tell what might attract those things.”

“Do you think that we’ll ever be rid of those zombies, Q?” asked a young woman.

“I hope so, Cassie,” the black man said, as he looked at the members of his group – A young woman named Cassie, a big guy called Muscles, and a somewhat overweight man named Pat. Cassie had a Beretta 92FS, Muscles had a chainsaw, and Pat had something that Americans would call a 2x4. As for Q, he had a double-barrel shotgun.

“One bit of good news,” said Pat. “These American zombies are slower than those in England. Even with my bad ankle, I can outpace them.”

“I’m just glad you’re able to walk,” Q chuckled. “Takes a few weeks for sprains to heal up.”

“Well, given that we were stuck on a boat with nothing to do but fish, I think I’ve had plenty of rest.”

“I just wish that we were in Tenerife,” said Muscles. “It’s warm there.”

“The only thing that surprises me is the fact that we are in the Northeast section of United States, instead of Florida,” said Cassie.

“Why is that?” Pat asked.

“The fact the Gulf Stream should of taken us down the coast of West Africa, then over to the Caribbean, before taking us up the coast of North America,” said Muscles.

Pat looked at the big man in disbelief. “Now, where did you hear about that?”

“I read about it in a National Geographic magazine I stole.”

“Were there any naked women in it?”

“Well, sort of,” Muscles said. “They had these big black bar things going across where certain things were. It wasn’t a porn magazine you understand.”

“You guys trying to get me a mail-order bride or some such thing?” Q asked, with a chuckle.

“No,” said Pat. “But this guy’s just full of surprises.”

“As long as he’s with us, he could be the son of Santa Claus, and it wouldn’t bother me” said Q.

“In that case, Christmas has come early,” said Cassie. “Look over in that driveway.”

The men took a look, and the three grinned.

“That’s lovely,” said Muscles.

“I can’t wait to drive it,” said Q.

“Maybe we can find a paper that tells the scores,” said Pat.

“One can only hope,” said Cassie. “Of course, we’d best make sure that the thing isn’t occupied, and has plenty of petrol, and that the keys are easy to find.”

“We’d also best find supplies,” said Muscles. “I want to eat something besides fish and baked beans, like peaches, or even applesauce, or even Spam.”

“I just hope that these Yanks have tea, and not just coffee,” said Pat.

“In that case, Pat, you and Muscles see about getting supplies,” said Q. “Cassie and I will check on the vehicle. Fifteen minutes, and we’ll meet up over there.”

As Pat and Muscles went into the store, Q and Cassie went to check out the vehicle.

“Never thought that I’d be happy to see one of these again,” Q said, as he looked it over. It was an armored van, the type used by banks to transport money, lots of money.

“We’d better check inside,” Cassie said. “Someone could be in there.”

“We’ll start with the back.”

The two went to the back, and Q set his shotgun alongside the truck. “Let’s see if anyone is in there.”

Cassie stepped back about six paces, and aimed her Beretta at the door. She looked at Q, and nodded. Q quickly opened the door, and got out of the way. However, Cassie didn’t open fire. “I don’t see anyone.” Q took a look inside, and chuckled. The van had more than a few cases in it. He grabbed one, and opened it.

In it were stacks of twenties. Q looked at one of the stack, did some calculations, and looked at the other cases – at least ten of them, and felt the mass of the case he was checking out. He looked at Cassie and smiled. “How would you like to spend your share of a million American dollars?”

“What are you talking about?” Cassie asked.

“This case holds, at least, $100,000 in American money, and there’s ten cases here,” said Q. “That’s a million American dollars.”

“It’s called stealing,” said Cassie. “I’m not exactly a criminal you know.”

“Might come in handy,” Q said, as he went to check out the front. “Well, no one in here except me.”

“The keys there?” Cassie asked.

“In the ignition.”


“Almost a full tank.”

“Talk about strange,” said Cassie. “It’s like this thing was left here for us. Money, keys, fuel, and unlocked.”

“Maybe the guy was about to leave when he had to use the water closet,” said Q. “Maybe he got attacked there.”

“Now that would be really strange.”

“What’s that?”

“To be killed while using the WC.”

“I suppose,” said Q. “Still, there’s plenty of movies involving gangsters that shoot their targets while they are on the toilet, especially American ones.”

“Hard to believe that they were once one of our colonies, back when England had an Empire,” said Cassie. “They drive on the wrong side of the road, drink coffee instead of tea, and they talk funny.”

“Maybe so, but I’d like to meet up with some living people,” Q said. “Even if they were American.”

A while later, the four were on the road, with Q driving the van, stocked with plenty of food in the vehicle’s storage compartments.

“It sure is nice to have wheels again,” said Pat.

“Then this should really make you happy,” Muscles said, as he handed the man a newspaper that had been hidden in his coat.

Pat looked at him, with a puzzled expression, as he took the paper.

“I found it in the newsstand by the registers.”

“If nothing else, maybe I’ll find the scores to some game,” Pat said, as he began looking for the sports section.

“Hey Muscles, could you get me a can of peaches?” Cassie asked.

“Sure thing,” said the big guy.

Meanwhile, at a farmhouse some miles down the road, Ben was taking stock of the supplies that he and the others hold up in the place had managed to scrounge up. After a week of being trapped inside the place, things between him and Harry were at a boiling point. Tom, who was barely a man, struggled to keep them from coming to blows.

“Here is the situation,” Ben said. “We only have two or three days worth of food left.”

“What about weapons?” Judy, a young woman, asked.

“Maybe thirty rounds for the rifle, twenty for the revolver, and ten Molotovs,” said Ben. “Luckily, we still have other things we can use – hammer, tire iron, knives, and that sort of stuff.”

“I just hope that we can hold out,” said Tom, as he looked out the window. Some of the dead were wandering around.

“I still say that we should get into the basement,” said Harry.

“The basement’s a deathtrap,” said Ben. “We only go down there if there is no choice.”

“At least my daughter’s alright,” Harry sighed. “Helen and I have been worried since she fell and hit her head, when we escaped from our car.”

“Do you think that we could get to it?” Ben asked.

“Get to the car? Possible,” said Harry. “However, it’s on its side, and I doubt that we could get it right side up, or running for that matter.”

Ben sighed at this. “Just as well. Barbra’s in no shape to travel.”

“So, we’re stuck here for another night?” asked Judy.

Ben nodded. “For the time being.”

“Too bad your plan for the truck didn’t work,” said Harry. “Tom and Judy were lucky to get out of it when it caught on fire.”

“Don’t remind me,” Ben said, as he looked out the window, at the burnt out hulk that was left of the truck he’d used to get to the place. “They’re keeping their distance for now. As long as we stay quiet, we should be fine. Tom, keep an eye out. The rest of us, let’s try and get some rest; it will be dark in a few hours, and they’ll be more active then.”

A few hours later, Ben awoke to a sound. “Do you hear that?”

“I hear that too,” said Harry. “I hope it’s what I think it is.”

Tom pulled back a curtain. “It’s a truck!”

“What kind?” Ben asked.

Judy rushed to the window, and took a look. “A bank truck.”

Harry chuckled. “That’s rich. The bank coming to bail us out.”

Ben walked to the window, and took a look. “I don’t think those guys are from the bank.”

Outside, Q and the others got out of the truck. “Are you sure you saw movement in that house?”

“I’m pretty sure,” said Pat. “Something moved that curtain.”

“Might want to check it out,” Cassie said, as she checked her pistol.

“Alright,” said Q. “Me and Cassie will take a look. Muscles, you and Pat watch the van.”

“Be careful Q,” said Muscles. “Sometimes people in this country are not as friendly as us. In fact, they make Grandma look like an angel.”

Q chuckled at this, as he double-checked the shotgun. “Thanks for the warning.”

“My Nana was old, okay,” said Cassie, as she and Q began walking towards the door.

“Did I say something wrong?” Muscles asked, as he looked at Pat.

“You shouldn’t speak ill of the dead,” said the slightly overweight man. “Even if she was a racist.”

“What about Tony, Steve, or Danny?”

“Steve, he was crazy, but he did care for us. Danny, I just feel sorry for him; poor kid didn’t deserve to die like that, what with him being gutshot, then coming back as one of those things, and then getting shot in the head,” said Pat. “As for Tony, fuck him. The shifty bastard was going to steal the women’s food, and leave them with nothing. We may be thieves, but there are certain areas where one has to draw the line, and leaving women to be helpless is one of them.”

Muscles nodded at this. “You got that right. It wasn’t right for him to leave Cassie and Grandma with nothing. I actually like Cassie; it’s nice to have a woman’s touch in the gang.”

Pat chuckled. “Just keep an eye out.”

Back inside the house, Ben took another look through the window. “Two of them are approaching. Get ready, just in case.”

“Hey! Is anyone in there?” came a woman’s voice.

Ben opened the window. “What do you want?”

“For one, if you want out of the farmhouse, and leave the area, we do have a ride,” said a man.

“What makes you think that we want a ride?” shouted Harry.

“Because your truck is over there, smoking,” the man said. “That sort of implies a failed attempt to escape.”

“He has a point,” said Tom. “Besides, we all want to leave this place.”

Ben sighed. “Can your truck take an extra seven?” he asked. “We have a sick woman and an injured girl in here!”

“Muscles! Can we take seven more?”

“I think so,” said another man. “Some will have to sit on the floor though.”

Ben looked at the others. “What do you think?”

“I’ll be honest, anything’s better than staying here,” said Harry.

“Their offer seems fair,” said Tom

“They talk funny,” said Judy.

“Maybe they do,” said Ben. “But, they are living, and are willing to give us a ride. Let’s get the others, and get out of here while the offer is still on the table.”

“What about the weapons?” Harry asked.

“We’re bringing those,” said Ben. “I’m not foolish enough to leave without them.”

A few hours later, Ben and Q were keep an eye out from on top of the truck, while the others were busy cooking food.

“I never thought that I’d appreciate the smell of Spam being cooked,” Ben said, as he looked towards the fire. “I never really liked it.”

Q chuckled at this. “I know the feeling. It’s funny, the things we miss when you don’t have them, like a nice soft bed, a roof over your head, or even a hot meal. Such things are good for moral, or so I’ve heard.”

“There’s one thing I’d like, a good night’s sleep,” Ben said. “Ever since this started, I’ve been having bad dreams.”

“About the dead?” Q asked.

“Worse, actually,” Ben said. “The first night, I dreamed that me and Harry really went at it, and I had to kill him, the dead got in, and everyone got killed. The next had these English chaps, no offence, who seemed to look like they belonged to the late 19th century or something. Then, there was one involving these elephants, all covered in armor and weapons. Then there was one involving these guys from Georgia. Finally, and this one was really interesting, one involving those fast running dinosaurs, the raptors, or whatever. In all of them, everyone got killed.”

Q gave a low whistle at this. “In that case, I hope that you have a good night’s rest, when someone else relieves us.”

“Thanks,” said Ben. “I could use one.”

===The Battle===
(The following is a dream, but shall be treated as real. In this instance, the meeting between the two groups is less than friendly.)

Q’s Gang x 4

NotLD Survivors x 4

Q looked out the windows as he drove the armored truck. The American vehicle had taken some practice getting used to, but he’d gotten the basics down. He looked at the mirror, looking at Pat and Muscles sitting behind him. He then glanced at Cassie, who was sitting beside him.

“Keep an eye out,” he said. “I want to sleep in a nice comfy bed tonight, and not in this truck.”

“That place up ahead looks alright,” said Cassie.


“I think she means that farmhouse,” said Muscles. “Over there, down the road on the right side.”

Q took a look out that way. “Why don’t Americans build things like we do?”

“Because then they’d still be British,” Pat said, as he took a look. “It’s not a mansion, but it will be nice to sleep in an actual bed.”

“I suppose we could take a look,” Q said, as he turned the wheel. “Be careful.”

Meanwhile, in the farmhouse, Ben and Harry had gotten into another argument.

“I say we go to the basement!” Harry shouted.

“I’ve told you that the basement’s a deathtrap,” Ben shouted back. “One way in, one way out! It’s not like there’s a backdoor to the outside!”

“Guys, take a look,” Tom said, pointing out the window. “Someone’s pulling into the driveway.”

Ben took a look. “It’s a bank truck, and there’s people in it. They’re armed.”

“Maybe they’ll be nice enough to give us a ride out of here,” said Judy.

The three heard some rustling, and turned to see Harry pull a revolver out of a desk, along with some bullets.

“What are you doing?” Ben asked.

“I’m not taking any chances,” said Harry. “I’m getting my family out of here.”

“Maybe if we ask them, we can-”

Harry pointed the revolver at Ben. “I told you; I’m not taking chances.” The man then ran up the stairs.

“If he comes down, I’m going to kill him,” said Ben as he grabbed the rifle.

Outside, Pat noticed someone at one of the upstairs window. “Hey look, there’s someone in there.” He limped forward, using a 2x4 to help him walk. “Hey buddy, could you let us rest here for the night? Might take you with us in the morning.”

However, the man threw a bottle that had a burning rag in it. The bottle hit Pat, the contents splashing all over him, catching the overweight man on fire, and to panic, as did the others.

“Stop drop and roll mate!” Muscles shouted, as he and the others ran over to try to help their friend. However, the flames proved too much for Pat.

Q’s Gang x 3

“Those bastards!” Muscles started up the chainsaw.

“Cover him!” Q said, as he fired a barrel from his shotgun at the man in the upstairs window.

Harry ducked to the floor, the pellets missing him. “You missed me!”

Cassie then started to fire her pistol. “You’re going to pay for killing our friend!”

At this time, Muscles was at the door, and was busy sawing through the door.

“This isn’t good!” Tom said, as the three downstairs watched the chainsaw doing its damage. Soon the strangers would be inside.

“That fool had to stir up a hornets’ nest,” Ben said, as he aimed his rifle. “Get back!” He began firing the rifle. After three to five shots, the man outside fell, as did the chainsaw. “About time,” Ben said, as he reloaded the rifle.

Q’s Gang – 2

Q glared as he watched his friend fall to the porch. “Cover me,” he said, as he finished reloading his double-barrel shotgun. He ran up to the door, and fired both barrels, catching Tom in the chest on the other side.

NotLD Survivors – 3

Q kicked the door down, as Cassie came up behind him, and fired a shot at Judy, who had tried to swing a tire iron at him.

NotLD Survivors – 2

“Thanks,” Q said, as he finished reloading the shotgun.

“Look out!” Cassie pushed Q to the side, only to be killed, as several bullets entered her body.

Q’s Gang – 1

“Cassie!” Q looked, and saw a white man with a revolver coming down the stairs. “You bastard!” He fired both barrels, catching the man in the chest.

NotLD Survivors – 1

Q went to check on Cassie, and began to cry. “I promised your Nanna I’d take care of you.” He stroked her face once. Then, he put down the shotgun, picked up the Beretta, and walked inside the place, having heard some more footsteps. “You might as well come out! You and your friends killed my friends!”

“That was Harry’s doing,” came Ben’s reply. “He’s the one that started it. And you killed my friends too!”

Q kept walking, keeping his eyes open. Suddenly, another man, another black man, popped from around the corner, and fired at him with a rifle. Q managed to get behind a sofa, and returned fire with his pistol. The two continued to exchange until they both ran out of bullets.

Ben started to reload, while the intruder searched himself for another clip for his handgun. Thankfully, it seemed like the intruder didn’t have another. This didn’t stop the intruder though, as he threw it, managing to hit Ben in the hands, forcing him to drop his rifle. The intruder then jumped over the sofa, and charged, right into him, and the two crashed into a table. The intruder got up, and started to kick Ben in the head.

“This is for Pat!” Q shouted. He kicked the American again. “This is for Muscles!” He kicked again. “This is for Cassie!”

Ben was in danger of passing out from the repeated blows, when his hand grabbed a hold of something. Swinging with what he could muster in that moment, he heard a satisfying sound of bone breaking, and the intruder screaming as he fell next to Ben. Ben swung the object, again, and again, each time hearing the sound out bone breaking. Soon enough, the intruder was silent. Ben took a look at the object, it was the hammer he had used to try to board up the place, now covered in blood and brain matter.

Q’s Gang – 0

NotLD Survivors – 1.

“This is no Sunday school picnic,” Ben muttered, as he passed out.

A while later, Ben woke up, with a pounding headache. He managed to get to his feet, and walked over to the rifle, finished reloading it. He then walked around the place, taking care of the few creatures that had managed to get inside. Then he came across the stairs, and saw the body of Harry open its eyes. Ben aimed, and fired.

“I told you that I was going to kill you if you came down,” said Ben.


Q woke up with a headache.

“Are you alright?” Ben asked.

“I didn’t sleep the greatest,” said Q. “Had a nightmare.” He then looked over at a still sleeping Cassie. “Her Nanna was in it.” He then looked at Ben. “What about you?”

“Not the greatest, but better than I’ve had in almost a week,” said Ben. “Managed to win in one of my nightly battles.”

Q looked at the American. “I hope we weren’t in it.”

Ben chuckled. “It was a crazy dream anyways.”
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