This is my book of poetry that I hope to eventually publish with photos.
|Walking down the dusty street, feeling their eyes,
The judgment they offer with no moment of rest,
I try to ignore the pain that courses through me.
I carry my treasure, my prize, the one item of value in my life,
I know my worth and lack thereof,
I know how I'm viewed and where I'm left.
I know that I am behind, my veil long since removed,
I know that all see through me, refuse to see the woman beneath.
But not Him.
I know that my failures shine brightly in His light,
But the light is not harsh nor is the brightness painful to my soul.
I know that my loss is viewed blindly by all,
Though they do not admit that they see only vice and sin.
I know that I've fallen like an angel from grace,
Realize that I have never been an angel and grace is foreign to me.
I know that I've forsaken the gift placed in my hands,
Though I did not realize its worth until I had sold it so cheaply.
It matters not to Him.
I feel the weight of my sins,
As heavy as the alabaster in my hands,
And I take a steadying breath,
Before I rush through the doors.
I stand behind Him and weep,
Tears of love and wonder and loss,
Tears that hurt my soul and cleanse my heart,
And peace overflows at His nearness.
I kneel at the feet of Him.
I weep and break my offering,
Precious ointment poured forth,
Mixing with my tears as I caress His feet,
I use my hair to rub the oil into His skin,
My most precious gift I pour onto Him,
Yet it feels as though it is not enough,
Will never be enough for the One who saw me,
Not a woman of lost worth and forsaken promise,
But as one valuable to Him.
The kindness that fills His eyes when He spoke,
The way He looked at me every time He saw me,
The touch of His gentle hand as He comforted me,
The soothing flow of His voice as He spoke to me,
All these things make up the wonder that He is,
As I weep at His feet and I wipe up tears and ointment,
Mingling to create a fragrance worth far more than before.
Is it possible that its worth increased solely due,
To the goodness within Him?
They speak to Him and I know their words are of me,
I listen only to the song rising softly in my soul,
I listen only to the breathing of Him as I weep deeply,
For I have felt a touch light as a butterfly upon my heart,
And my breathing is uneven, my heartbeat rapid and strange.
Is this love? Is this how it feels to belong to Him?
How I can be worthy of His love I know not but I worship,
Simply, unashamed and unrestrained I pour out the oil and tears,
Longing to honor Him.
He speaks and is so gentle in His way, ministering to Simon,
I listen to the softness of the Man who is so strong and fierce,
Whose love is poured out with every movement and word,
Upon those who listen, those who sit at His feet and are still.
My tears have slowed as I kiss the feet of the Man that holds my heart,
Though I know I am unworthy I do not feel that He looks at me as such,
"Your sins are forgiven. Your faith has saved you. Go in peace." He says,
I weep and cling to the One that has lifted the heavy burden from me.
I weep and cling to Him.
Even as the life of my past rises up to meet me I am assured by His promise,
For I know that He is more than even I could ever understand mortally,
And someday I will be able to see Him once more, face to face,
And worship Him boldly with praises while I stand surrounded by His grace.
Could it be that He has loved me all along, long before I laid eyes upon Him?
Could it be that He has chosen me among the others to bring His glory to light?
Could it be that He found my simple offering worthy enough to honor Him?
Could it be that he sees a beauty within me that I have long believed passed?
Could it be that I belong to Him?
Through my ointment poured forth I worshiped Him, the One who loves,
Through my praise uttered in tears I honored Him, the One who saves,
Through my joy I told others all about Him, the One that delivers all people,
Through my darkness I ran to Him and found the Light that never goes out.
I pour forth my ointment to You, my Love, all the days of my life,
I shout my praise in tears and in gladness, my Beloved, with all my heart,
I tell others about You and Your love, my Shepherd, unashamed and unrestrained,
I stand in Your light and rejoice, my Golden One, always without fear or doubt.
I kneel at the feet of my Jesus.
Saved me, forgave me, and now I believe, I belong to the King of kings.