The Anxiety Of Life

The Best of Times, The Worst of Times

Thinking back, when has your mental health been at its best? When has your mental health been at its worst? What caused these highs and lows? Have you noticed any trends in the state of your mental health? How do you use the history of your mental health to get yourself through lows and maintain highs?

I hate to admit that the very best of times for me not having any anxiety was when I just didn't give a shit about anything or anyone anymore. That's not to include my kids because I have and will always care about them, but little that they do gives me anxiety. Of course, I worry about them just as any 'normal' parent would. I just don't have excessive worries about them.

When I'm at my worst is when I open myself to others and start to care about another's feelings, cares, concerns, etc. Also, when something I don't agree with or don't like, happens, I tend to have anxiety. Like for example, at my job, if there has been some people not getting along, or people not doing their jobs, anything negative, I tend to get anxious. As well, if I find out we are having a meeting at work, I tend to get anxious about what I should say, how I should say it, or if I should say anything at all. (Most of the time I end up not saying half of what I played out in my head to say.) I've even written it down in hopes that the anxiety would at least lessen.

I've noticed that while during the day, I do have anxious moments, but most of the time I can distract myself enough to make it stop. But at night, it is much more difficult to distract myself. I can be dead tired, but my anxiety will be so bad I will be up more than half the night with the what if's, should I's, did I say that the right way's, did I take that the way they meant it to be or was there more they weren't saying's? Were they sarcastic or serious when they said this or that's? Ughh and so many other questions, worries, concerns...

In order for me, right now, to control any highs or lows would mean I would have to give up on myself and the ones I have chosen to care for and love, as well as quite a job that I like, not always, but most days (it's the people I work with not for that gives me anxiety).



Shhh. Whisper.....