Can We Talk 2

Time To Forgive

         Sometimes, our worst enemy is the one between our ears. We doubt ourselves and throw in the towel. We listen to all the messages received as a child how we'll never amount to anything. We're afraid to speak in public, afraid of being laughed at, afraid to fail. We're too skinny, too fat, too young, too old, too inexperienced. We don't come from a nice family. Not to mention the shame and the guilt we carry around with us. We don't measure up to our own expectations, much less mama's or coach's.

         Some of us were born as introverts. We apologize for that all our lives. The world loves extroverts, especially in high school. Some of us, especially women, but not limited to women, hate our bodies. We need to buy more creams or get Botox. We need to lose weight, build muscle, augment our chests, whittle our waists, smooth our skin, and tame our hair (or remove hair). We just aren't acceptable as we are. A few of us can't carry a tune in a bucket, or have terrible speaking voices. We make mistakes and don't forgive ourselves. We don't forgive others, walking around with big burdens on our backs. We sabotage our promotions, our relationships, our dieting, our successes, our health.


         We develop addictions to help us cope, addictions to chocolate, to soda, cigarettes, opioids, other drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, shopping, collecting, TV viewing, video games. We can make plenty of excuses. Maybe some of us were mistreated as children, or escaped poverty or war. But most of us picked up some kind of wounds along the way from wherever we learned, and worked, and raised our own families. Some messages were subtle. For instance, my mother would get frustrated and tell me the worst thing she could think of: "I hope someday you have a daughter just like you." I knew from the way she said it, it was not good. I always wanted to tell her that if she loved me she wouldn't want me to have a child as horrible as I was. I didn't say that out of fear of making her angrier. But the point is I was pretty horrible, and the worst curse on anyone was to experience me. She didn't mean it quite that way, but that's what I walked away with.

         So we go through life carrying out these unpleasant messages in our heads. I'm beginning to realize most, if not all, of us need to do a lot of forgiving. We need to forgive the ones who physically hurt us or who emotionally abused us. We need to forgive the ones who hurt us, even if they didn't mean to. We need to forgive the teachers and coaches and classmates and the bullies of long ago. we need to forgive the one who cut us off in traffic today, and the bagger who smashed our loaf of bread at the market. We need to forgive ourselves for all the times we failed, for the times we made the wrong decisions. We need to forgive ourselves for the lives we have led, for wasting time, for wasting years, for being too short or too tall, for not being "rock stars".

         The hope is that in forgiving, we lift all that unpleasantness and anger and shame and cast if off. The hope is that we will feel unburdened and light and free. Perhaps we can be more creative, or at the least, happier.