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 |  My American Notebooks |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** When Nathaniel Hawthorne was writing, he kept a series of journals, The American Notebooks. They were part daily journal, part diary, but mostly a place for him to jot down and try out bits of writing he hadn't a full venue for yet. He kept character sketches, odd bits of conversation, and observances he wanted to remember for future writings in his notebooks. This, then, is my place for odd bits I want to remember. When you read this, keep in mind, you are rummaging through my mental storehouse. Check out:
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| I am a great planner. No really. I'm a great planner and a schemer. I am a top notch grand designer. Where I suck is in the implementation of my plans. So many never come to fruition. I want them to. I really do. But somehow, I fall by the wayside somewhere in the homestretch on a lot of them. My WIP folder is jam packed with unfinished stories and great ideas for novels that somehow haven't made the final cut. My sewing and crafts room is so stacked with half finished/half started/barely conceived projects I'm too ashamed to enumerate them. My bookcases are almost overflowing with books. Although I do better in this area, I do have a few I haven't cracked the spine on yet. I'm keeping them sectioned off so they don't slip completely into obscurity. I want to remember which I've yet to read. And yet....the knowlege of that squirrel's winter nut stash of unfinished items doesn't deter me in the least when I go out for a little retail therapy like I did today and yesterday. I went straight to my Achille's heel of shopping meccas, too. I visited a local used bookstore, two quilt shops and a yarn shop.  I'm horrid, what can I say? Stop me before I shop again!The used book store was so soothing as usual. I found some random wonderful treasures. One silly little odd ball book I bought is called "They went That-a-Way" by Malcolm Forbes. It details the sometimes strange ways in which famous people have died through the years. I know, how morbid. But utterly fascinating. I'm serious!! I promise interesting blog entries to follow regarding some of the discoveries I make in it.  At the quilt shops, I was in search of Christmas gifts. Yes, you read that right. I'm already Christmas shopping. Every year Mom, Amelia and I give each other little "gift baskets." At least portions of them are usually hand crafted. I got a beautiful hand knitted scarf from Amelia last year. Mom made me one, too. I love them both. So we try to come up with interesting and unusual things to make one another. Mom knits and beads. Amelia knits and quilts. And I needlepoint, crochet and quilt. Hey...what can I say? We are a crafty group.  Mom possesses the knowledge to do more (She can quilt, crochet and needlepoint among other things.) but knitting and jewelry beading are her true loves right now. My daughter beads jewelry as well, but not the teeny, tiny knitted beading that my mom can do. (Mom can also paint. She's just uber creative and talented. Amelia paints, too.) The funny thing is, we've all pretty much just gone out and aquired the knowledge for all this crafty stuff on our own. Like, Mom didn't teach me how to crochet. I learned how to do it out of a book. When I wanted to learn to quilt, I went down to the local quilt shop and took a class. When Amelia wanted to learn to knit, she learned how out of a book and off TV. I think Mom learned crochet and knitting the same way. Wow...sorry, big chicken there. Back to my story. I bought stuff at both quilt shops AND at the yarn shop, but I currently have roughly 87 unstarted projects sitting in this house right now.  I could start crochetting right now and do it 8 hours a day, five days a week and not use up all my yarn in two years of making projects. Same with needle point and quilting. I have five quilts in various unfinished stages. There must be at least, at least, 8 Christmas' worth of un-made crap sitting around in my sewing room to choose from. AND YET, I went out and bought new shit today and yesterday. And I KNEW IT WHEN I BOUGHT THE NEW STUFF. Why is that? Can anyone tell me?  |
| Today I took a step in a new direction. It wasn't a direction I really anticipated taking, but sometimes life is funny that way. I got a job. But I already had a job, you say? As a writer? Yeah, well..... It turns out that while I enjoy writing and I still want to be a writer when I grow up, the lifestyle of a writer doesn't really agree with me. In fact, it's a bit detrimental to my mental state. Being home all day, every day, all alone is not good for me. I am a people person; I need a lot more human interaction. I'm cracking up being alone all day. So on the advice of my psychiatrist and at the urging of my husband, I got a part/full time job. I'll work between 30 and 40 hours each week starting this next week. With the state of the job market up here it was relatively easy to get a job. I put in my application a couple of places and I got a call back from two of them. I went to an interview at one of them today and it turns out I know the girl who does the hiring there. She's the fiance of a friend from Walmart. As soon as we figured out we knew each other, she told me the interview was just a formality, I was hired. It's good to know people. They pay well and the work will be right up my alley. It's a local chain of gift stores. It caters to tourists, but locals shop there alot, too, sending Montana themed gifts out to friends and relatives. I like their product lines, being a frequent shopper myself, so it should be no problem to sell the stuff.  They have a store downtown, one in Walmart, one in the airport and in the summer they have one at the Lewis and Clark Caverns, a local state park. I will float between all the in-town stores and if I want I can be stationed at the Lewis and Clark store seasonally. I've worked with tourists before, so that wouldn't be too bad. It's a bit of a drive, but working every day in a beautiful, mountainous state park? Yeah, I could do that. Would I rather be writing full time? Hell, yes. But that isn't really an option for me right now.  Sometimes life tosses you lemons. I guess it's lemonade time for me. |
| Today we went to the museum and saw the new King Tut exhibit. It was cool, but we were a little sad about it. I mean, I guess I'm kind of naive, because I thought it might have at least a few of his actual treasures in the exhibit. (Silly me.) But no. It has some really well done replicas. The jewelry was the the most realistically reproduced. (You could tell the other was just gold painted wood and what not.) It was still interesting and they had all sorts of neat little plaques telling about each piece and where the real one was really exhibited. (Most were in the Cairo Museum, the London Museum or Private Collections.) I think the alabaster lamps were my favorite, though. There were some beautiful ones. Most were themed around lotus blossoms. You filled the open cups with fragrant oils and then dropped loosely coiled, braided wicks into them that you would light. (I'm sure there were floating...somethings...that held the wicks in place or at least to keep the lit end afloat.) One of the lamps had two smaller lotus blossom handles that you filled and lit and then the central larger, much deeper blossom was carved in such a way that when it was filled and lit, a picture shone through the opaque sides of the lamp. It was gorgeous. Did y'all know that Amenhotep, Tut's father was married to Nefertiti? She was Tut's step-mother. Amenhotep was considered a heretic because he turned his back on the polytheistic gods of his predecessors and established a monothestic religion based on worship of Aton, a sun god. Tutenkamen's birth name was Tutenkaton - he changed it at nine years old when he took the throne after his father's death. His advisors - his chief one was Nefertiti's father - advised him to return to the old ways. He spent his short reign trying to return the Kingdom to the ways of his ancestors. He was married to his half-sister, Amenhotep and Nefertiti's third daughter. In what was a common practice of the time, the girl had already been married to her father and probably bore him children.  Tut and his young wife had two stillborn daughters, both of whom died of severe birth defects brought about by the fact that they were so inbred. The fetus' were both preserved and buried with their father.Tut reigned for only nine years. In 1968, a forensic examination of the mummy led experts to believe that the young king was killed as a result from a blow behind the left ear. However, the skull was the best preserved part of the mummy, other wounds might have been missed. I think it's pretty clear that he was murdered, though. He didn't have a particularly spectacular reign. He didn't do a lot. He built no fabulous temples or edifices such as the Sphinx or the Giza Pyramids. Why is he such a watch word in today's society? Any child can tell you who King Tut is. Tut's tomb when found in 1922 by Carter was the first royal tomb ever found intact, unlooted by grave robbers. But even that is a lie. The young king's tomb WAS in fact looted, probably within weeks or more of having been closed. All of the perfumes and ungents in the tomb had been robbed in antiquity. In some of the perfume containers, the robber's fingerprints were preserved. But they got no farther than the outer chamber. All of the inner chambers were intact. And that was an unprecedented find, making Tut into something of a modern day celebrity after having sat in obscurity for 3000 years. |
| I wish they had a drooling zombie emoticon. Cause that's what my daughter and I look like now. D & D has us completely sucked in. We've bought all the paraphenalia. Ok, maybe not ALL. But as much or slightly more than we understand. We've got a Player's Manual, a Dungeon Master's Guide, a Monster Manual, and an Item Manual. We also bought some Dungeon Tiles and a Basic Players Kit as well as the Starter Kit. The Player's Kit and Starter Kit came with some really cool plastic miniatures.  They are cool to act things out with when you are playing. We bought some pewter minis to paint ourselves for our main characters, too. So far all we've done is primer them. We are a little nervous about painting those tiny features, but I think we may tackle it tomorrow. The paintbrush is SOOO small. Fewer than 20 hairs. We have a blue dragon miniature. We aren't advanced enough to kill him yet, so we haven't played with him. But MAN are we looking forward to it, cause we are both pretty sure he will have really cool treasures. We each take turns being the Dungeon Master and the other person gets to be the Adventurer. The Adventurer gets to take two characters in to each situation (Because sometimes it takes two people to kill a monster.) I am discovering that being Dungeon Master is as much fun, if not more fun, as being the Adventurer. It's basically writing. You make up the Adventure; you decide what the treasures will be; you decide what the monsters are and where they go; you decide so many things. It has been a real boost to my fantasy writing! After we play a level, I often want to run downstairs and write the adventure down as quickly as possible. But mostly? It's so fun to play with my daughter and know that she is getting as much out of it as I am. We are still learning so much of it, so sometimes we stumble around in fits and starts, but we are having fun together. And that's what counts the most. |
Every neighborhood has one. Ours popped out early this year. I still have snow in my flowerbed and the yahoo across the street is out mowing his freaking yard.  Good Lord. It's brown and dead, buddy. Vanna, can I buy a clue?  Every year it's the same thing from this idiot. He mows his yard two or three times a week. This thing is more immaculately groomed than the greens at Pebble Beach. On Sunday mornings at 7 blessed am this jackass will be out on his zero radius mower blasting the whole neighborhood with his lawncare endeavors. Bastard.I also suspect he waters more than we are allowed. We are on year round watering restrictions - You are allowed to water on odd or even days (depending on what your house number ends in) and only from 7 am - 11 am and from 5 pm - 11 pm. That's it. No midday watering and no overnight watering. But, for some reason, in the dead of summer when the rest of our lawns start looking scorched and dead, this guy's lawn still looks like an Irish meadow. Whatever. Bastard. And if he's not mowing, he's edging it. And he's not a very good edger. He always hits the concrete with the stupid edger. ~shudder~ It's like fingernails on a blackboard. ~sigh~ I forget every winter about how much I loath this guy. And to top it off, he's a used car salesman. He just has NO redeeming qualities. |
| I've always taught my daughter the truth of that statement. The jocks may rule in school, but it's the geeks who will inherit the world. Just look at Steve Jobs, Bill Gates and Stephen King if you don't believe it. And that's just a quick and small sampling of the geeks out there in charge of the world. To the furtherance of my daughter's geek indoctrination, and at her request, she and I have been learning how to play Dungeons and Dragons. Yeah, we are geeking it up big time. We bought a big Dungeon Master book today and some figurines to paint. We are gonna take turns being the DM and building up our characters. We are excited. I know....go ahead and point and laugh. We are geeks and proud of it. She is currently combing through her friends at school to see if any of them are geeky enough to join us in our new endeavor. So far she's coming up emptyhanded. Not a lot of geeks in her school. It's a nerd-free zone, I guess. Man, not back in my day. Back then we had'em coming out our ears. I couldn't have swung a dead cat without hitting 6 or 8 of them and I went to a REALLY small school. I was never invited to play D&D though. I'm not sure why not. Maybe I wasn't a big enough geek back then. Hmmmm.... Maybe I'm only now coming into my powers. Maybe I'm a late bloomer. Probably I'm just a good Momma and if my kid wants to be a geek, I'm willing to geek out with her. |
| When I was sick last week, I caught up on calling my relatives. I don't know why, but I always do that when I'm sick. Those people must think I'm always sick because it's the only time they hear from me. I guess it's because I'm slowed down and bored. I can't really do anything else. I don't feel up to housework or what have you, I am just sitting around being bored. So I always feel the need to reach out and touch someone. One of the people I called was my aunt - my mom's only sister. I've broached the subject of having a family reunion with my mom's family before, but my mom and sister always kind of pooh-pooh the idea. Not that they are against it, just that they think it would be too much trouble to organize or coordinate or something. Well, I did an end run around them and told my aunt about the idea. She thought it sounded like a great idea! My grandmother's family already has a get together every year in June, but that includes all of Mamaw's sister's families and all the third and fourth cousins and what not. I'm not interested in all those folks, I told my aunt. What I envision is JUST Mamaw's family. My aunt and her kids, my Mom and my siblings and our kids, and Mom's and Auntie's brother and his kids and their kids. (Did y'all follow all of that? I'll wait while you read it again and sort through the relations. )I told her we could have it the same weekend as Mamaw's family reunion and even attend it en masse but then come back to Mamaw's house and do our own do. The men can cook brisket and the women can make all the old reunion favorite foods. Mexican salad, pink salad, spaghetti salad....yum. I haven't had some of that stuff in years. It's the kind of food you ONLY have at family reunions. Why is that?My aunt asked me why the big push for a reunion and I started crying. I couldn't help it. I told her my reason. It's because I haven't seen my brothers and my sister all together since my Daddy's funeral seven years ago and I don't want to wait until someone else's funeral to see them again. It's been that long since I've seen my cousins, too. And let's face it, my grandmother isn't in the best of health and she isn't getting any younger. Besides, if my father's death taught me anything it's that you don't know who might get hit by the beer truck tomorrow. Life is a funny thing. You never know what tomorrow holds. Anyway, when I told her that, my aunt started crying, too. So we sat and had a good cry together. Family is good that way. So, she's gonna coordinate things down in Texas and I'm gonna try to round up my far-flung family. (Mom's family is the worst, everybody else lives in Texas. We live in Colorado, Maine, Montana and California. ) Because of that, we are gonna wait until next year to have the reunion. My sister and I need more lead time to get plane tickets and time off of work for our husbands.The only other thing is worrying about being in Texas in June. LOL The heat may kill me! |
| I'm not sure if it's the tamiflu or the cough syrup, but I have had some kind of funny reaction or interaction with one or the other. I'm almost well, so I've quit taking both. The other night, I woke Hubby , telling him that there were people in the house. Scared the bejeebies out of the poor man. Then I pointed to three non-existant people standing over me. One of whom had large shining teeth in a scary alligator mouth. The rest of the night went about the same. It was a long night. I didn't tell him, but another night we were watching TV and I suddenly realized that the TV was made of pink foam and that the people in it were alive and were talking directly to me. I think I'll not take those meds again if I don't have to. Bad Mojo.Of course I haven't been writing either. I'm feeling guilty and useless. My daughter is having spring break this week. So she's having friends over. That distraction isn't helping me much either. Although, when you aren't writing, one excuse is as good as another. And I'm most definitely NOT writing. I'm feeling quite sluglike. ~sigh~ I'm off to start some laundry and maybe make a grocery list. Then I can be fat and sluglike. |
Thank you all for your well wishes.  and lots of (((Hugs)))And , I started out writing, but didn't do so well the last two days. I was out like a light. Down for the count. The pharmacist warned me, but not hard enough!! Yikes! That cough syrup is wild stuff. I would spend all day feeling groggy and hung over and then take a new hit each night. But I will say this for it. It REALLY works for coughing. I spent the first day reading and sleeping. But I'm going to have to re-read the book I read, because I don't remember any of it! And I spent yesterday drowsing in front of old Bob Hope movies on TCM. They had several in a row. I love old movies. I thought I was going to have to go to the doctor today, because I was still coughing really bad all day yesterday, even with the meds, but last night I must have turned a corner. I haven't coughed once this morning. My head is all cleared up, too. Yea!!So now I have the doubtful task of digging myself out wordwise. I'm 1500 words down. Yikes! I may just write today's and then work my way up to the rest. One funny story before I go write. Last night (or early this morning) I shook Hubby awake and told him he was snoring. (He hasn't been wearing his mask while he's been sick.) Then I kicked Bear off the bed. She had been sleeping right up against my legs, I guess. Then I told Hubby that a 200 pound chicken had been laying on me. Then I went right back to sleep. I don't remember any of it, but Hubby laughed and laughed when he told me about it earlier today. Poor Bear. This site is starting to get to me I guess if I'm dreaming about 200 pound chickens!! |
| it's the flu. But I still came on to write my 500 words today. Yea, me. ~cough, sniffle~ I got about 30 minutes of sleep last night because I was up coughing and hacking and generally trying to die. Hubby got a generous 2 hours of sleep. Go, Hubby. As he left for work this morning, he leaned down and gently kissed my cheek and murmured, "Go to the damn doctor, I can't take another night like last night." Can you feel the love? I could. So hopped up on Alka-Seltzer Cough and Cold and my asthma inhaler and running on NO sleep, I wisely operated a motor vehicle and took myself to the doctor this morning. Go, me!! When I got there I had a temp of 103 and the doc asked me a bunch of questions about how long EXACTLY had I been sick. ?!? Ummm, since Sunday around noon, why? Well, apparently, if you have the real live influenza bug they give you an anti-viral for it. No shit. I've heard of anti-biotics and I've got to say I was kind of hoping for one because I was pretty sure I've got some kind of resperatory infection. BUT, you only get this Tamiflu thing if you come to the Dr. within the first 48 hours of getting the flu. Hot dang. I made the cut off. So, he gets this extra long Q-Tip and pokes it way the hell up in my right nostril. I'm not kidding, I'm pretty sure he was tickling my brain. It made my eyes water. Then he repeats the procedure for my left nostril. Gee, thanks Doc. Then they rush the gunky thing off to the in house lab to check to see if I'm positive for flu. Yup. He was a nice guy and wrote a script for Hubby, too. My daughter didn't get one, since she was Typhoid Mary and gave us this crap. He also gave me a nifty cough syrup and some cough pearl things that keep you from coughing in the day time. The pharmacist saw the cough syrup and warned me, "Do NOT try to drive or DO anything within 12 hours of taking this stuff! This is some heavy hitting cough syrup. Take it at night and the other stuff during the day, or you will lose track of days!" Its got Vicodin in it. Got to love those cough syrups with the good narcotics in them. |
| My daughter has given us the crud. I just came back from throwing up. Sorry...TMI, right? She is forever bringing back some horrid disease from school and saddling us with it. I spent last night praying for death. I knew it would be my only release from the horrible aches and pains being visited upon my poor body. Hubby has it, too. He says that her bringing home these illnesses all the time is a really good argument for home schooling. I'm starting to agree with him. I did come on and clean up the 85 emails I have had sitting in my inbox for several weeks. So...sorry if you were waiting to hear from me. What can I say but, I suck. We actually did watch a really interesting program about the Plague yesterday on the History channel. It was called (catchily enough) "The Plague." It told about the progress of the disease and the final death toll. I was . I couldn't believe some of the stuff I learned.Did you know?  The plague began in 1347 in Mongolia. It was carried to Europe via trade routes in the Mongol Empire which was spread across most of Asia.There is still some debate over what exactly the Black Death WAS. Most scholars believe it was Bubonic Plague spread by infected fleas on rats, but some scholars believe that because of its virulency it had to have been anthrax or some other agent.There is also some debate over the final death toll. Some scholars believe only 1/3 of the population was wiped out, but many believe it was much higher. As much as 50% of the population or 15 billion people. During the three years that the plague ravaged Europe and Asia, some cities lost between 400 and 600 people A DAY. Can you imagine that? Imagine the block you live on. Imagine losing half of all the people on your block. Imagine people just stacking dead bodies at the curb like you put your trash out every week. Imagine burying half of your household in a mass grave because there wasn't time or man power available to dig individual graves. "How many valiant men, how many fair ladies, breakfast with their kinfolk and the same night supped with their ancestors in the next world! The condition of the people was pitiable to behold. They sickened by the thousands daily, and died unattended and without help. Many died in the open street, others dying in their houses, made it known by the stench of their rotting bodies. Consecrated churchyards did not suffice for the burial of the vast multitude of bodies, which were heaped by the hundreds in vast trenches, like goods in a ships hold and covered with a little earth." -Giovanni Boccaccio |
| Friday was Field Trip Day at our house. I've been cooped up in the house getting cabin fever and Hubby had to make a long car trip, so he invited me along for the ride. It was fun. He went in early and then called and gave me about 45 minutes lead time before he came and got me. I had time to get up and get my 500 words in, get dressed and pack a bag and some lunches. Anytime I go anywhere I pack emergency supplies. By that I mean a book, my writing journal, my asthma inhaler, my cell and a small thing of baby wipes. That's the bare minimum. That will get me to the store to buy lottery tickets. For a LONG trip, I needed more. I needed snacks, waters, a magazine (my new Scientific American just came in the mail!), my camera, and Kleenex - he never has any in his work truck. I also packed us some PBJ's and some apples. No good road trip is complete without a picnic lunch. We stopped and completed lunch with chips and also picked up some cherry pies for breakfast. That and Frappacinos. Hubby knows how to travel in style.It was a beautiful sunny day. Gawd, I've missed the sun!! For most of February, we've had low temps and about 1/2 inch of snow every other day. When it's not snowing it's overcast and threatening to snow. Now...don't get me wrong, I love winter and I love snow, but I have to admit to a little seasonal depression. After a full month of this type of weather, I get a little jittery for the sun. When the sun goes down at five o'clock day after day, I start to hibernate if Hubby doesn't watch me. But Friday was just beautiful. It was warm and toasty in the truck, too. When we stopped and Hubby did work things, I read ("Sir Thursday", it's number four in the unfinished "Keys to the Kingdom" series by Garth Nix -YA fantasy, excellent series) , but I would also close my eyes and hold my face up near the windshield, following the sun's rays like a sunflower in the summer. It felt so good on my skin. It was nippy outside, upper 40s with a little wind, but inside even with the truck off, I was comfy in the sunshine. We ate our lunch on the trip back and I had to stop and use the ladies room at a rest stop along the way. It was a nice one. (Sometimes they are grimy and yucky. ) We read the Historical Marker there. It was something about Lewis and Clark. There are tons of those scattered around up here. I counted and there and back we saw five bighorn and 39 mule deer. There was a herd of twenty-five of them in a field. The rest were just scattered here and there. It was wonderful to just be driving along and point them out to one another. Hubby was also wonderful and we listened to the new JD Robb (AKA Nora Roberts) book on CD, "Innocent in Death". Now, normally, Hubby wouldn't read a Nora Roberts book if you held a gun on him, but he's kind of into the book now that we've listened to so much of it. I asked him if he minded if I finished it myself and he got a little huffy. He said we'll just finish it at night before bed. He's so cute.I suppose that was the best part of Field Trip Day. I spent the whole day with Hubby. We didn't really do anything. He was working the whole time. His people were calling him on the phone and on the radio, but...we were together. It's good to be in love. Hubby says we may have more Field Trip Days coming up. I hope so. |
| If y'all haven't heard about it, there is a real movement around here for folks to be writing consistently every day. There seems to be some real debate going on whether blogging counts or not, and I fall firmly in the camp of it depends. It depends on how you use your blog. Mine personally changes from day to day. Some days part diary, some days part confessional, some days part fiction proving ground, some days just flat out billboard for my other stuff. Most days it's some mishmash combination of all of the above and more. That's why I named it my American Notebooks. I have no idea from one minute to the next what I might put in here. (Take that sentence...I didn't know I was gonna write that til I did! )But seriously, in January I entered the onsite contest "Dear Me," I have it somewhere in my port. If I were more energetic or this entry were really about it, I'd provide a link. But I'm not and it's not. What it is about is writing consistently. In my letter to myself, I promised to write 500 words a day, every day, all year long. Someone with more gumption and better math skills than me can work that out exactly, but it comes out to alot of words. (Trust me. )Toward the furtherance of this goal, I have signed up for Joy  's group "Invalid Item"  . I'm pretty excited. I had hopes of using it as a proving ground for my novel. A place to make sure I worked on it every day. And I may, yet, do that. But not today. Today I did something totally unexpected. I shot from the hip. It felt good. Writing au natural. Look, ma, no net!So for the next while, I'm hooked here solid every day. Butt in chair. For at least 500 words. I found today that when I finished those 500, more just naturally flowed out of my fingers. I'm hoping it's that way every day. I saw a couple of you guys in there, too. Good luck, guys. |
| Every day when I come on to WDC, out of habit, I check two forums automatically. I check "The Writer's Cramp - Poetry Week" and "Daily Flash Fiction Challenge" . I don't enter them often, just when the prompts really grab me. Yesterday, the Cramp's prompt REALLY grabbed me. Robert Waltz  put it out there. It was: Take one of your favorite songs and write a story or poem related to it. You can have your characters discussing the song, tell it from the point of view of the singer, or a fan meeting the singer, or anything along those lines. Be creative! Limitation: You may quote no more than FOUR LINES of the song within your item.For some reason, that just really spoke to me. I've blogged before about how important music is to my writing - I have to have the right music playing in order to write. But it's important in the rest of my life as well. Bipolars often have strange symptoms that are unexplainable. Doctors can't really fix them, they just hope the meds that they put us on help with them. Hallucinations are one of the symptoms. Usually when bipolars have them, they are visual. In the middle of a manic episode, a bipolar will see things that aren't there. Ghost images, flashes of light, auras, what have you. I have auditory hallucinations. I hear things that aren't there. Mine are very specific and completely unexplainable. I hear what sounds like a radio turned on in another room. Depending on how bad the episode is, that's how loud the radio is. Most of my life has a soundtrack. Usually it's quiet and soothing....sometimes it's loud and damned annoying. Does it bother me? Not really, I've had it all my life. I thought everyone just always heard music in their head. I never thought to mention it to anyone for years. So, when the prompt came up, I thought immediately of my "Invalid Entry" entry. And in about an hour, I had written "Invalid Item" . That's what happened to me on that wild night. A couple of my reviewers thought it was a fiction entry. I guess that's a compliment. |
| I've been home now for almost two months. I was sick for part of it, so I don't count that, but for the last month, I've been living as what I would call a "real writer." By that I mean, writing for a living. Not that I'm making a living at it. Not that I'm making any money at it, right now. But I am writing every day. Some days go better than others. Today for instance. I got up, got myself some Chai and breakfast and came downstairs and ate them while I wrote what I call my morning pages. I have very vivid, easily remembered dreams. So each morning, I've been writing them out. They may not be Pulitzer Prize winning material, but they prime the pump and one day, I may pull a story out of the stuff I write down. Besides, it's theraputic to sit and write each scene as closely as I can remember it. I think it also helps me to learn to be a more descriptive writer. Each scene is like something from a movie that only I have seen, so I have to write what I saw. In all the books on writing I've read, they say that's the way to write. Especially action scenes. After I wrote that, I answered my email and took care of my real mail. (I interspersed this all with small house chores like laundry and loading and starting the dishwasher.) By then it was time for lunch. Which I ate at the computer while I read blogs. Now, I'm writing this and then the afternoon will be spent working on my novel. Then my family will be home and it will be time for dinner and family time. I might get on a little later for more blogs or writing, depending on my mood and what the family is up to. I've been reading a new book the last few days. It's really helped me with my novel. I was getting frustrated and stuck again and I couldn't figure out why (because I've already written the stupid thing once! ). It has really helped me, though.
He has an impressive list of published books (fiction and non-fiction) so he knows what he's talking about. He takes you through novel writing from idea conception to the publishing process. He talks about getting an agent and multi-book contracts. It's very thorough. He talks about laying the groundwork of a novel - the foundation. That's where I'm shaky. I don't have an outline for my book. I keep wandering off the main story line. So, I've stopped work on the book and I've gone back to lay some of the basic groundwork properly. It's helping me immensely. I got a two drawer filing cabinet from Walmart (it's one of those wooden ones that you assemble yourself) and I've begun organizing my work. I have files for submitted works and story ideas in addition to my finished works. I'm slowly printing out my port here on WDC and putting it in the files. I'm embarrassed to say that before now, alot of my work only existed here onsite. I didn't even have a copy of it on my computer. Yeah, yeah. I've already yelled at me!I guess more and more, I'm treating my writing as a serious thing and not a hobby. That has been a hard concept for me. To take myself and my art seriously. I'm taking baby steps. Slowly but surely I'll get there. |
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| Many of you may not know, but Hubby is a poker player. A serious amateur poker player. Mostly he plays No-Limit Texas Hold-em, but I think he plays other stuff too online. We envision a day when Hubby is a professional poker player. Touring the tournaments and making a living just playing poker. It's a risky life and I'd like to hit the lottery first - just as a fall back option. But I do believe in him. He's a great player. Recently I've convinced him to start going out to play in live local games. (Montana has casinos and poker rooms.) He usually plays online, but I think the face time of live games is important. There are nuances of the game you get the feel for in live games that you just can't get in online rooms. He reads all the books and the tips from the pros and we watch a lot of it on TV. Being surrounded by it so much, immersed in it you might say, I have to admit to a sort of curiosity about playing myself. Could I play? So, Hubby, being the cute and sweet man that he is, made arrangements with one of the online places he plays at for me to get an account, too. (You have to put in a special request to have two accounts open in one household to prevent any impropieties.) I'm only allowed to play with their play money, but I've been playing quite a bit. I only play AFTER I have written, because I can totally see myself getting caught up in it. I enjoy playing alot, and to be totally honest, I'm not half bad! There's a thrill to pushing all in with Aces, and praying you don't get beat on the flop. It's a rush when you suck out against the best hand on the river and take down a monster pot. Learning the vocabulary is half the fun of Hold-em. I doubt I will go down and play for real money with Hubby at the local poker parlor, but it's fun to play for play money. In the meantime, maybe some of y'all will see me over at PartyPoker.net....I'm ChewieKittie. And I'm the one kicking your butt. |
| I'm glad I'm not the husband. I mean sure being the wife is no real picnic sometimes, but I guess I'm just used to the crap jobs of being the wife. Like cleaning the bog and the dog vomit. Sure, nobody else wants to do those, but, hey...once you master your gag reflex, it's no big. I don't even mind being the official spider killer in our family. (Even if that's traditionally the job of the husband.) And making a grocery list and successfully shopping each week can be a challenge, but it can be fun, too, if you stalk people. (And don't forget the lettuce for the salad you were gonna make for dinner tonight - like I did today. )But being the husband means crap jobs like...shoveling the snow and ice each day. Ewww. Who wants to stand in the cold and do that? You also have to change the oil if you are the husband. Mine knows the difference in 5W-30 and 10W-20 and why it matters if you buy the wrong kind for the car. And which oil filter goes in the car and which goes in the Expedition just by looking at them. The wife doesn't gotta know that kind of crap. The husband does. He also has to get all grimy changing it. And mowing the yard. That makes your legs and feet green and itchy. And people -I'm not naming names here - bitch at you if you run over things - like dog toys - on their good riding lawn mower. ~sigh~ Or if you accidentally leave snake graves in the lawn when you are finished. (You know those thin, unmowed strips...they look like little burial mounds for snakes. ) And don't get me started on the weed eater. That thing is just a death trap on a long stick!Being the husband also means you gotta know how to do stuff like fix holes in the dry wall. Or install ceiling fans. If someone held a gun on me, I couldn't install a ceiling fan. I'd electrocute myself! For Hubby it's a quick little two hour project. Easy-peasy. Whatever. And even if you don't know how to do something Home Improvement-y, you can either figure it out or bungle through it convincingly. (Kinda like most wives with casseroles. They might not be pretty, but they are usually edible.) I think it sucks being the husband, though, because as the husband you are duty bound to muck around in yucky places like the attic and the crawlspace. ~shudder~ Even if you don't like spiders and your wife won't go in and kill them for you. You just gotta man up and get 'er done. I think it says so on the union card. I HATE our crawl space. And I wouldn't go into our attic after a full set of first edition Agatha Christie's. They could rot up there for all of me. But I think my husband feels that way about the bog and dog vomit. And cooking dinner indoors. At least on my union card if I don't feel like cooking dinner, it says we can call Dominoes. |
| I had a lovely Valentine's dinner with my husband last night. We encountered a really rude couple while we were out, however. It was really pathetic. I was upset with both the rude couple and the restaurant staff. To the point where I don't want to patronize the restaurant anymore. And it's one of our favorites. Here's the scene: We had 8:30 reservations, but got there about 8:15 - we left early because the roads were a little iffy and the restaurant was about 20 minutes away. Once we got there, there was a huge line of people not seated. (About 6 couples and then another larger party in the bar.) So, Hubby went to the head of the line to check in and let them know that we were there and that we would wait in the bar. (They only have a cramped little hall to wait in and it was already crowded.) He waited several minutes for a hostess to come and when she did he tried to give her our name. She just nodded and said she knew we were there. A party of two. She didn't check us off of a list or anything. She just nodded and said ok, and that she knew we were in the bar. Hubby said fine and since we were early and it was a little chaotic, we went and sat in the bar out of the way. But we noted the couples who were waiting. We got sodas and played a little video poker since most of the bar itself was taken up by a rowdy party of younger folks who were smoking and drinking shots. At 8:45, we took our drinks and went out and sat in the hallway. We noticed that new people were there, people who had come in after us. So...we sized up the situation and realized that if we wanted to get seated, we'd better get in line. We sat on the little bench provided and chatted with some of the other couples in line. Between all of us, we knew, more of less, what order we had come in. Then a man and woman in their late forties came in and did what Hubby had done when we got there. They walked up to the head of the line, presumably to check in with the hostess when she once again surfaced. The woman had that middle age Sunday school teacher look to her and the husband wore a little felt Alpine hat. He looked like a college professor. He even had the little salt and pepper, close cropped beard of the uber-liberal. He was dressed like he had stepped out of the pages of LL Bean. So, as we all stand there, the hostess comes in and tries to take the middle age couple in before all of us. (Some of us have been there over 30 minutes now.) Several of us stand up and say, "Wait a minute, wait a minute. They aren't next, there is a couple in the bar that's been waiting over an hour. They were an 8 oclock. These people just got here. There is a huge line in front of them." This middle age couple was just going to go in! Knowing that we had all been sitting there waiting!! Some people have more nerve than a toothache. The hostess got a little huffy about us calling her out. But, hey...right is right. When she came back from seating the 8 oclock couple, she turned around took middle age couple next!! We were all hot. At 9:15 we finally got seated. At 10:15 we finally got our food. The food was very yummy and we decided that they were probably at least two people short-staffed, so there was some justification. I had King Crab legs and steak and Hubby had steak and lobster. Mmmm! Here's my definition of true love, by the way. When the bread came, I sliced it for both of us, because Hubby has a bread slicing deficency. (He winds up crushing it.) When my crab legs came, they were really big and poky, so Hubby cracked them for me. Because I'm a wuss. (That's why I usually prefer snow crab to King crab.) Hubby also gave me a bite of his lobster. It was tasty. That's true love.I also wanted to say thanks to everyone who sent me Valentine cNotes. I loved them. |
| Today was a weird day again. Not because of my mood, because that seems to be evening out, but because of the fact that I'm a straight up dork. ~sigh~ I accidentally backed the Expedition into the garage door again. It was pretty bad this time. I couldn't get the door the rest of the way up or down and I was late. So I unloaded Bear and the rest of my paraphenalia and ran to the snow covered car with crossed fingers. I basically jammed Bear into the freezing car and fled the scene of the crime. (We were late for her grooming appointment.) And she thinks Mom is a lunatic. BUT....I did call and report myself right away. "Honey? I'm sooooo sorry." "Oh, gawd. What'd you do now?" (I swear I could hear the man's eyes rolling. )"Well, um....I sort of backed into the garage door again. It's pretty bad this time." "()&*)^%%$$#" I got Bear dropped off and then went to the library to do some research. While I was in the library (where you aren't allowed to take your cell phone, so I leave it in the car) he called me six times from home. He'd gone home to survey the damage.When I got in the car I timidly called him. "Yes?" "~SIGH~ I know what you are doing wrong. I'll explain it to you when you get home. You know what? Never mind...I'll just fix it so you can't do it any more. And honey?" "Yeah?" "Start looking behind you before you back anywhere, please. Don't just trust the garage door to be out of the way." "ok." So I finished my errands in town, which included picking up a flashdrive for my computer. Have you guys seen these things? It's a tiny little....stick...thing that will hold an entire novel's worth (or more, I guess) of memory on it. Mine has a little lanyard so that when I'm not using it I can hang it on my neck. I got it for two reasons. I travel between our main computer and Hubby's laptop quite a bit. With this doohickey I can carry my novel back and forth. Also, in a knee quaking, sheer panic moment, right in the middle of a chapter, my computer announced that it was out of memory and that everything I was working on would be lost. WHAT!? Turns out it was nothing, but it scared the bejeebies out of me. It was just one of those "I want you to run Disk Cleanup and Disk Defragmenter" things. Still. Scared the hell out of me. ~shudder~ Not my baby! I figure at about $40 for 2 GB of memory, these little flashdrives are worth it. I'll just get one for each new major novel I'm working on. I'll write it off on my taxes. So, my day worked out for both of my flash driving. Hubby says the only damage from the garage door incident is the rear window washer sprayer for the Expedition. I ripped it off on the garage door - which he managed to torque back into shape. (It was bowed out really bad. Good thing Hubby is strong.) I wonder what one of those things costs? |
| I don't talk alot about it in here (maybe I do, I don't know ), but sometimes I have trouble with my bipolar. This week is one of those times. I haven't been sleeping or eating well. I also haven't been a very nice person. My family hugs me a lot when I'm like this and just generally puts up with me (I don't know why!). Today, for instance, my daughter and I went and did the weekly shopping. (I didn't want to, but we needed meds and milk.) I turned to her at a stop light and told her, "I really want to rev the engine and bring it up to ramming speed." She looked at me blankly for a minute and then said, "I wish you wouldn't. I don't want to have to tell Daddy." When we were in Walmart, I wanted to run screaming through the aisles yelling Xena war cries at the top of my lungs slashing at people with a yard of cold steel. ~shrug~ Maybe it's me, although I suspect Tor has moments like that, too. Last night I was awake until 4:30 am. I had taken three prescription strength sleeping pills. (One is supposed to do it, but I'm allowed to take two. ~sigh~ What can I say, I was desperate.) My problem is that between my med cocktail and my bipolar, I HAVE to eat every 8 hours and I HAVE to sleep every 12-14. If I don't, bad things happen. Last night by the time I finally zonked out, my hands were shaking like someone with Parkinson's and the right side of my face was twitching like a palsy victim's. But my mind....my mind was racing like I'd taken a pound of No-Doz. It's like my hamster not only can't get off the wheel; it's trying to win the Indy 500. Once when I was manic like this, I was up at 3am alphabetizing my spice cabinet and scrubbing my kitchen floor with an old toothbrush. I would have started new projects (crochet, knitting, quilting, needlepoint) but my hands were shaking too badly. When I'm like that, they are shaking even too badly to type. It's just not pretty.It's also one of the reasons a lot of bipolars self-medicate with alcohol. If you drink enough, it acts as a depressant and you can sleep. It worked for me for years. Sorry this is a bummer entry. I'm kind of having hell. But I'm working through it. If that damn Xena would just go away. LILILIILILILILILIILILILILIILILILIILILLIIIII <---------Xena warrior cry. |
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