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 |  Radio Steve, broadcasting the latest news and gossip from the asylum |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** What you read here may seem shocking, and it might even be true, so please make a comment... and then the next headline will be YOU! Mwahahahaha! |
Like most people I hear something amazing from time to time.  And I heard something on NPR yesterday...Have you ever seen the old 1930's TARZAN movies with Tarzan, Boy, Jane, and Cheetah? Which one of the four is still alive today? CHEETAH! He is the oldest known chimpanzee in the world at age 74. (Chimps typically live to about 50). He paints abstract paintings... and sells them! He is appearing on a Spanish language TV special for his birthday. He lives in Palm Springs and gets the best food and medical care possible. Dang it, Cheetah! You is a STAR, baby! (One of Cheetah's favorite outings is a trip to MacDonald's for some junk food. And you thought chimps only ate bananas!) Okay... Suddenly I am sad  because I don't get near the attention and care that monkey gets! |
| Several years ago my longtime dentist retired and I was too lazy to find a replacement until a tooth fell apart. The dentist that fixed me up rubbed his hands with glee as he examined my mouth and mapped out a "treatment plan" that would involve 8 or 9 crowns or "caps" at $600 per cap. I couldn't believe that my mouth was in THAT bad a shape since I was feeling no pain. So the heck with him and I let another year and a half elapse before finding a new dentist that a friend recommended as being "non-aggressive". I had my cleaning and exam done. Verdict: some chips in the old fillings but no decay. Come back in 6 months. MORAL: It's usually a good idea to get more than one opinion about something. Don't be a slave to mechanics, doctors, and repairmen. They all have their second homes to pay for. Are you good for the mortgage payment? |
| I'm listening to the news as I write and I hear "Iran has nuclear ambitions." That sounds sooo cool! I was just lamenting how I have no goals, no motivation... because really nothing do-able seems worthy of my talents... and then here comes this tip from out of the blue... over the RADIO (how appropriate!)... and now I see a goal that is truly worthy of me. Please don't misunderstand. I am not trying to achieve "world domination" and the abilty to push everybody around. I am not a bully! I will be satisfied with just one nuclear weapon. I think that's a modest and humble position to take. Any fewer than one nuclear weapon and I don't really think you could say that my "nuclear ambitions" had been achieved. So... Wish me luck and if you have a few grams of plutonium you can spare, then I would appreciate it verrry much. Also, everyone who contributes to this project will automatically get an exemption for one year (or more) from my "potential targets" list. |
| News Flash! -- Medicine "AMBIEN" turning people into zombies! The popular sleep aid is being sued for damages by people who claim they became "zombies" under its influence, walking around and driving cars in a trance state after taking the pill. Later they had no memory of their activities. Naturally, there are some auto accidents involved.  I wonder what would happen if you gave an Ambien zombie a bunch of cups of coffee to drink? Would they explode? Heh-heh... This is the kind of experiment that appeals to my scientific curiosity. People who take pills are like the expendable guys in the old Star Trek shows. Like the anonymous ensign who beams down on the strange new planet? ...Whew! Good thing the (whatever) killed the ensign instead of Captain Kirk. Do you take pills? Are you expendable? |
| Since I am listening to public radio right now, I'll put in a plug for it. And I am curious to know if you listen to it. From 8am to 10am is news and events - lots of interesting stuff. From 10am to 11am is Car Talk, featuring Click and Clack, the Tappet Brothers. These guys are warm, intelligent, and funny. They have great rapport with each other and with the people who call in with car questions. It's a lot more than just cars and you are guaranteed to laugh. From 11am to noon is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me! This also is a live show with a host and 3 panelists and an audience and lots of laughs. If you are intelligent and like to laugh and yet you have never listened to these shows, then I urge you to give them a listen. So... Who is already listening? And who never even knew such a wonderful experience existed? |
| I don't normally shower everyone around me with hugs and kisses. (Sorry about the "shower" part but I have a gap in my teeth and hyperactive saliva glands) However, it IS the naked bowboy's holiday and so I feel obligated to love somebody or something. I've already abused all my household appliances, so I guess you guys will have to be my love objects today. Enjoy! (I like it when someone says "Enjoy!" because I have difficulty taking pleasure in anything unless it's accompanied by the command: "Enjoy!" Must be my military training.  )Valentine's Day - The origin is shrouded in mystery, not the Shroud of Turin (that's a different controversy) but the Shroud of Cupid. Cupid was a little Greek or Roman (he didn't know) boy who was very poor and only had a ragged shroud to wear. One day he fell in love with a cute girl and said, "Baby, I loves you! Will you be mine?" She looked him over and said, "Maybe I will if you give me a gift." But poor little Cupid had nothing in the world except his ragged old shroud, so he gave her that. She took it alright, but she sniffed it and turned up her nose. "This isn't much of a gift. Thanks for giving it to me and I think you're sweet, but so sorry - it was totally inadequate to win my love." With that the girl flounced away taking Cupid's shroud with her. At first Cupid was heart-broken (and cold, because without that shroud he was naked as a jaybird). Then (after a few beers) he became very angry. When he saw the girl come into the bar, he snatched up a nearby bow-and-arrow and shot her through the heart. "That will teach you to snub me, bitch!" The girl didn't die and when she finally came out of her coma, who was there by her bedside? Cupid. "Who are you?" she mumbled and Cupid said, "I'm the guy that saved your life after you were attacked by some psycho in a sleazy bar." She was very grateful and, sure enough, they were married and lived happily ever after and ever since then a naked little boy called Cupid has been love's number two symbol. (Somehow an abstract heart grabbed the number one spot. Number three is a diamond ring, but let's not go there.) As for why Cupid's Day is called Valentine's Day... that, unfortunately, is still shrouded in mystery, but it does seem to have something to do with Al Capone, prohibition, and an illegal shipment of chocolates. |
| The "Christmas Questions" segment of Radio Steve was so popular and successful that we are going to repeat that format over and and over every time there is a holiday until finally we have drained every drop of freshness out of it. So... It's Valentines's Day! Soon. Our "heart" internal organ has been associated with "love" for so long that most of us probably believe that's where love really comes from. Which is a good thing, because who wants to receive a Valentine with a picture of a brain on it?  What is really puzzling is what a naked little boy with a bow and arrow has to do with love. Probably better not to ruminate too long on that one.  In grammar school every kid had to give a Valentine to every other kid in class. Was that some plot to promote promiscuity? Should you send a Valentine to a parent or sibling? Hmmm... tough one. Isn't that some subtle form of incest? Oops! I'm asking all the questions. Do you have a question about Valentine's Day? |
| Somebody on the radio that is playing next to my shoulder while I write this just said "catharsis". Good word! It makes a great blog topic, doesn't it? Okay, are you ready? Did you have have a catharsis recently? Would you like to have a catharsis? How often do you think someone should have a catharsis? Is there any danger of abuse? [And for bonus points, spell the plural of "catharsis" ] |
| Yeah... Exactly what is "serious" writing? I instinctively understand that everything I have ever written is NOT serious, but just what is it? How do you write it? Do you have to clamp your lips together, furrow your brow, and wear a slight frown when you write it? If you read over something that you have written "seriously" and find yourself stifling a snort of laughter, then does that mean you have to tear up that page and start over? Seriously... just what the heck is "serious" writing? |
| I like mustard. I have several different kinds in the fridge. Naturally, each type of food has it's own "perfect" mustard, right? (Stop me if I seem insane.) Okay, here's the way I have assigned my mustards to their "best foods". I was just curious if anyone agrees (or if anyone even cares that there is more than one type of mustard...) Horseradish mustard ....... beef Honey mustard ............... pork and chicken Dijon mustard ................. turkey, fish, and chicken Standard yellow mustard ... hot dogs and hamburgers Hot Chinese mustard ....... egg rolls Well? Did I do it right? |
| I'm disgusted by a TV commercial I saw last night. I make a grilled cheese sandwich now and then. Very simple. Put a slice of cheese between two slices of bread and put it in the frying pan - three minutes on each side. A moron could do it. But what do I see on TV? Smuckers is now selling a microwaveable frozen grilled cheese sandwich. Are our lives actually improved if we buy manufactured frozen cheese sandwiches, stock them in our freezers, and microwave them? Maybe one day in the glorious future we will all wear portable IV units that feed us automatically. Then we'll never again have to cook or even chew. |
| Back in Radio Steve. She just posted a comment. You remember Nico, don't you? She was that world famous mountain biker who had the most popular blog at WDC, but then she gave it all up to run off to Guatemala with a teenage sugarcane cutter. I guess you know how THAT worked out! Welcome back, Nico!!!! |
| "Campfire ladies sing this song: Doo dah! Doo dah!" We sang that in elementary school. It didn't make any sense then and it doesn't make any sense now. "Campfire ladies"? "Doo dah"? Anybody know what THAT's all about? However, I mention that only to introduce the word "campfire" to the conversation. I've been spending a lot of time on them lately, thanks to having some particularly active campfire partners at present who actually take their turns. My curiosity asks me to ask you: Do YOU have a campfire? |
| This is the time of the year when Radio Steve records your New Year's Resolutions. Radio Steve resolves to update his blog more often. Otherwise, he sees little need for improvement since he has gradually perfected himself over the years and now there isn't much left about Radio Steve that could possibly be any better than it already is. Except that blog-posting thing. That could be better. Now... What do YOU resolve to do? |
| Not if you're waiting in line for something. Then Time just sits there picking it's teeth. On the other hand, if you're having a wonderful, exciting adventure then Time suddenly decides it wants to do a sprint and try to run as fast as it can. Like watching paint dry... I've always liked that expression for a slow afternoon. When I was a kid, Christmas Eve was the longest night of the year. Sleep was almost impossible. I'm ashamed of myself now for being such a little materialist, but I just couldn't wait to get my hands on those toys. But I know other families where the kids calmly go to sleep on Christmas Eve and then get up at their regular time on Christmas morning. Amazing! Which were you? The calm kid or the sleepless kid? |
| Who knew the Radio Steve audience was so ignorant and confused? Not them... because they're ignorant and confused. Just teasing. Radio Steve listeners are wise and aware. Now for the answers to your questions...What is eggnog? ... Eggnog is a drink made by mixing raw eggs, molasses, milk, sugar, and rum. Although it's sweet and sticky and difficult to swallow, it will eventually get you drunk and fat. So if you see a skinny homeless guy, think wino. But if you see a fat homeless guy, think eggnoggo. A zeedonk? ... It's a small punctuation mark that is very rarely used. I don't think WDC even has one in stock to show you. Pink filament filled Christmas trees were invented by the glitzy pianist Liberace in the mid-twentieth century, a time of innovation and creativity in the Christmas-related arts. (1)How do you become subversive? (2)Do you get a badge? (3)Do you get gifts? ... (1)Classified (2)No (3)Yes How come Santa is immortal? ... He's not quite immortal. He's vulnerable to red kryptonite. Are Santa and Jesus related in some way? ... They are cousins. Why do we only hear about Jesus publicly during Christmas and Easter? ... Someone decided he wasn't relevant to Halloween and Flag Day, but I'm with you -- let's put the Jesus back into Halloween. Who are 'Father Christmas', 'St. Nick' and 'Kris Kringle'? ... Discredited Santa imposters who currently reside in a federal penitentiary. Are they code for the Holy Trinity? ... No, just poor unfortunate souls who thought they could run around giving out gifts and wearing the red suit without paying the franchise fee. Why do I have to sit on Santa's lap to tell him what I want for Christmas? Shouldn't he already know, since he also knows if I am sleeping or awake or been bad or good? ... I don't think you have to sit on his lap unless he knows that you've been bad, in which case he would very much like for you to sit on his lap for awhile. |
| I am suprised at the "Christmas Tree" vs "Holiday Tree" controversy. Everybody knows that Joseph and Mary had a Christmas tree. Baby Jesus would try to play with the ornaments and Mary would slap his hand and say "No, Jesus! Don't touch. Just look." In those days they didn't put the gifts under the tree, they put them in the manger. Everyone had a manger to keep straw in for feeding the oxen and also in case a newborn baby needed a crib in a hurry. It wasn't until the invention of the automobile that the gifts were relocated from the manger to the base of the Christmas tree. As we all know, the Communist Revolution occurred shortly after the invention of the automobile. Although the Communists are gone now, defeated by Ronald Regan and the Knights of The Good Empire, back in the early days of the century they hatched many evil plots to undermine the moral fiber of America. It's said that Stalin himself hatched the infamous Holiday Tree plot. So now you know the historical background of why today people still ask: "Is Christmas a holiday or not?" And: "If it comes on Sunday do we get Monday off or Friday?" And: "Are you going to ask Uncle Bob to the party again? Don't you remember what he did last year?" And many other questions... Do YOU have a Holiday Question? The "Holiday Question" segment of Radio Steve was formerly the "Christmas Question" segment before the subversives infiltrated Radio Steve, but don't worry because a counter-terrorist operation is currently underway. |
| Are tangerines fallen oranges? Are tangerines just oranges with relaxed moral values? Decadent oranges? Tangerines are so easy. Where's the struggle? Pick it up, peel and eat. But an orange... Now an orange offers some resistance. You have to work on an orange. It doesn't just slip out of that peeling and offer itself to you. You have to pull, pry, bite, and yank that bitter peeling off before you can sink your teeth into that sweet luscious citrus flesh. |
| Every Christmas Radio Steve holds our "Grant-A-Wish" program for needy blogsters. This Christmas the winner is jspinelli who will receive snow. It will be delivered as pure white flakes, but what you do with it after that is up to you. And for all you other blogsters who didn't get your wish granted this year in the Radio Steve "Grant-A-Wish" program, take a tip from Dreaming and next year wish for a weather-related item. We still have lots of rain on hand... ... Now, what do you want for Christmas? World Peace, and End To Hunger and Poverty, or one of those nifty flat-screen, high-def TV's? |
| Only one email to answer... No campfire turns due today... Now if I only had a topic... SCHOOLKID WIT I saw something I thought was clever. You know those phrases for demeaning someone's brain like "He's not playing with a full deck" and "His crayon box is missing a few colors"? I saw one new to me: "He takes the short bus to school." I had to think about it. Do you have one to share? |
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