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 |  My second blog. What you get are pieces of me; my humor, my memories: be welcome. |
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MY BOOK! http://www.lulu.com/davidmac73 This picture was in the header of my first blog and I wanted to bring it back. Me and my sweetie on our wedding day....it is my favorite picture. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This is my second Blog on WDC. The first Blog, Random Thoughts, is finished and done and I loved almost every minute I spent doing it. This blog will be somewhat different than the first because I want to use this space for my humor and my memories. The humor may sometimes fall flat and the memories may, at times be boring, but isn't that the way it is with life. Please join me here and partake in these pieces of me and if sometimes you find the jokes unfunny or the memories dull, then please come back another day and maybe you will find something to your liking. After all, like my daddy always said: "Some days you get the bear, some days the bear gets you." Thank you, vivacious   for this neat new logo for my blog! Yup, this about says it all, I think!** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I thought that Independence Day was the appropriate day to put this great new siggy in my blog....Thank you sultry ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Please check out Scarlett's Newsletter for Bloggers: The Blogville News
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Thank you, Startiara  for this lovely Siggy!! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Welcome ladies and gentlemen to Freaky Friday; a most important day according to my very own convoluted calendar. For the rest of you plebian people work is what you have to look forward to today, with your weekend starting tomorrow. Not me. Today is a day of leisure, a day of relaxation, a day of contemplation. So I was sitting here doing some contemplating and picking lint from my belly button (a favorite day off hobby) and wondering what to blog about today. After all a Friday Blog should be a special blog; one which I pour a lot of time and effort into writing. Something to reward the five or six people whom I have begged, blackmailed, threatened, cajoled and wheedled into clicking on my work over and over thus inflating the already over inflated stats related to the sad drivel I call "Pieces of Me". So what can I do special or out of the ordinary for you to ponder? OH YEAH, I got it. How about introducing you to Dr. Billy Bob. I can hear the buzz of excitement now: "Who is Dr. Billy Bob?" "What character is this that has sprung-full formed-from the fertile imagination of the great Tor?" "Oh crap; what the hell has Tor done now?" HEY! WATCH IT! It would seem that almost everyone in this fast paced 21st century world in which we live is suffering from some kind of syndrome or malady or phobia and in an effort to merely fit in to society one must have some kind of "Problem". So, not wanting to be left out, I decided to have one of my own: I am suffering from I am suffering from RBG! For those of you who are woefully behind on your latest psycho-babble, RBG stands for Recessive Bubba Gene. This terrible malady has held me back all my life from reaching the heights of stardom and fame to which I was born to achieve. Hell I may start a damn Telethon to raise money for a cure....or a vacation...whichever comes first. RBG manifests itself in a physical form by taking over my brain at inopportune moments and causes me to go BUBBA on the world at large; kind of a split personality thing. My alter ego and worse enemy is Billy Bob. When this dude takes over.....LOOK OUT. You are about to get a big dose of redneck and it ain't pretty. I am always struck especially hard with this malady whenever some poor, unsuspecting, soul asked for advice of any kind. It is then that "Dr. Billy Bob" come out and takes over my body and both my still operative brain cells. Now I knew you wouldn't believe me; I knew proof would be needed to convince you of my plight. Well I just happen to have proof right here with me. My last blog I asked you all to send in letters asking for advice, to Dr. Billy Bob. Well let me tell you my mailbox was flooded with response and now Dr. Billy Bob will answer all three of them! Dear Billy Bob, I am in a bit of a pickle. My second cousin Jimmy said that you were the man who could help me with my problem. You see we recently managed to take the wheels off of our trailer. Now my wife’s mother-in-law is coming to visit. I don’t know what to do. There isn’t enough room in the trailer for me, my wife, the three kids, four hunting dogs, and her mother in law. What do I do? Signed, Cramped in West Virginia Dear Cramped, Tell Jimmy he still owes me twenty dollars and this don't get his ass off the hook! Now for your problem: First of all congratulations on moving up the social ladder and getting those dang wheels off the trailer but that is the least of your concerns. I don't know how to break this to you but "your wife's mother-in-law" IS YOUR DANG MOTHER, YOU IDIOT! Didn't you ever notice her hanging around the house when you was a little guy? She was the one what cleaned and gutted the coons your daddy shot and brought home. Look, there's a lot of things you could do, some of which would even be legal in a number of states but my best advise to you would be to introduce her to your granddaddy who owns that big farm across the hollow and let nature take its course. Not only would you be losing a mother/mother-in-law/whatever, but you would be gaining a new Grandmother. Not to mention a pretty good chance to go down in the Guinness Book of World Records as the most In-Bred family in West Virginia and by God, that's saying something! Yours truly, Dr. Billy Bob Dear Dr. Billy Bob, We have neighbors who leave their porch light on all night. It shines into our bedroom window and it keeps me awake. What should I do? I've tried politely asking them to shut the darn thing off, but they don't. I hate to involve the cops and my husband won't let me involve my Smith and Wesson. Please help. Signed, Unwilling Night Owl Dear Owl, God woman, get a dang life! Just because they got one of them little plastic swimming pools from Wal-Mart don't mean their house is a resort hotel. Put some air in your truck tires and move your dang '69 Ford truck with the camper shell on the back, out of their driveway! Oh and tell your husband to stop bothering the man's sheep too. Them are prize animals and they don't cotton to all that romantic tom-foolery during the dead hours of the night! Yours truly, Dr. Billy Bob Dear Billy, Could you explain why it's always the person who snores who falls asleep first? Signed, Anonymous Dear Anonymous, First off be WOMAN enough to sign your name or a close facsimile thereof. Yeah, I knew you was a dang wimmen just by that question. It's always the WOMAN who gripes and complains cause her poor, overworked, put upon, man just happens to excrete a little excess air out his nose during the nighttime hours. Never mind that the poor guy is probably exhausted from slaving away all day down at the local bar, trying to help out the owner get rid of his overstock of beer. Never mind that he probably spends hours out in the dark night stealing chickens just so you will have something to cook for dinner. Noooo, you go right ahead and complain! I bet you are not even aware of the scientific reasons behind your poor husband's snoring problem. You see the poor guy has no other way to expel all the hot air he is subjected to when he finally drags home all tired from the day's labors. It's YOU WIMMEN'S FAULT THAT US GUYS SNORE! So, just SUCK IT UP SUZIE! Oh and iffin the noise gets too much for you, I would suggest a nice bedroll out in the back yard for you. That way you will get all the rest you need...not sure how the dogs will take it though. Yours truly, Dr. Billy Bob **************************** So there you have it my friends. That was a prime example of Dr. Billy Bob in action. Oh and for the three wonderful readers who submitted those letters, I will be sending along 500 GPs to each of you. And just like I promised, I will closely guard your real names. Yes, I will take those to the grave with me. NO ONE will ever know that the submitters were: Solitary Man , Chewie Kittie , and Scarlett . In that order!  |
| I had a funny thought today...yeah, well most of my dang thoughts can be termed "Funny" but this was different. Like some others here in Blogville, I have begun to feel, lately that I need to do something maybe a little different with this space. I don't mean that I want to radically change anything, just maybe try a few new things ever once in awhile. Of course, knowing how my ideas usually turn into minor nightmares of startlingly huge porportions, I do this with some trepidation. Okay, here is my first little idea I would like to try out here on my blog space: Dear Billy Bob. I got this idea from the contest I just finished judging so it's not like it was original with me or anything. I found that I really enjoyed writing silly, hopefully funny replies to the letter's submitted to the "Dear Scabby" contest. So I thought: Wow, why not try it from time to time here in my blog. Now what this would mean is that you, my friends and my readers will email me some letters as if you were writing to an advice column in a newspaper. In this instance the one giving the "advice" would be Billy Bob, the backwoods, redneck, answer to Dr. Phil. Warning: Please DO NOT send in letters to Billy Bob expecting a serious reply or any real effort to solve your dang problems. I want you to think of yourself as the straight man, feeding me a serious topic which my Dr. Billy Bob will use to make some, hopefully funny replies. Oh yeah, and if you are a fan of the Politically Correct, this won't be your cup of tea cause if there is anything Dr. Billy Bob ISN'T it's Politically Correct. I won't do a Dr. Billy Bob segment each day; maybe once a week will be enough, twice a week if I get enough letters. If anybody wants to be a part of this, please just send your "letter" to me via email and in the subject line put "Dr. Billy Bob letter or something. What do you guys think? will it be fun and would you want to participate? Let me know. |
| Is there anyone who is not sick of the recurring regurgitation of the Anna Nicole Smith story? Well I was not going to comment on the whole mess; in fact I'm still not, at least not in the way you might expect. Though not a lot has been "reported" about her father, I find him to be the most interesting "character" in the whole sordid tale. I heard something the other day that was said on a major television station's news report out of Houston that made my blood boil. You see, her father lives about 17 or so miles from me and I know a few people who know the man well. He is a simple, country, man who lives in an old house well down a one lane dirt road out in the middle of the woods. He keeps to himself and has few friends but all who know him, or at least those I have talked to all say he is a kind, gentle man who just loves the simple country life and loves the solitude of living far from any kind of town or city. As you can imagine, the media, once they had hashed and rehashed all possible angles of the ANS story, could not wait to "interview" this poor man who has had nothing to do with his daughter or her mother for years. These reporters invaded the backwoods and one female reporter even tried to climb over the man's fence (which was marked plainly with No Trespass signs). Unfortunately for this latter-day Lois Lane, there were a couple of very large dogs patrolling the property which took exception to her antics. They put her BACK over the fence in a heartbeat. Now after this the reported...reporting from the OTHER side of the fence, said, in a very grave voice: "Well as you know, anyone who lives this far away from people usually has something to hide." WHAT? Is this what the rest of the world thinks of anyone who CHOOSES to live a simple life? Because the man wants nothing to do with the silly circus-like atmosphere surrounding the death of his daughter; because he has no wish for his Fifteen Minutes of Fame he must be hiding something? I have to tell you; the man is living the kind of simple life I yearn for. Not just me either, but many, many people I know would dearly love to live somewhere far away from towns and cities; to be surrounded by the beauty of nature without the unwanted sounds and sights of civilization to pollute their everyday lives. It is a sad commentary on the nature of modern mankind that they view with suspicion anyone who spurns a certain lifestyle. What was this man's biggest sin? He simply disagreed with his daughter's lifestyle and that of her mother's too and chose to remove himself to a quiet life in the forests of Texas. Does he have something to hide? I doubt it and even if he did have something he didn't want made public knowledge....so what? We all have portions of our life which we would just as soon not be made public knowledge. It's time people grew up and realized that we DON'T have a right to know everything about everyone just because we want to. Let the man live out his life in the peace which he has found. I envy him that. |
| As most of you already know, Valentine's Day has its roots in ancient times. According to Wikipedia: "On the Ancient Athens Calendar, the period between mid-January and mid-February was the month of Gamelion, dedicated to the sacred marriage of Zeus and Hera. In Ancient Rome, February 15 was Lupercalia. Plutarch wrote: Lupercalia, of which many write that it was anciently celebrated by shepherds, and has also some connection with the Arcadian Lycaea. At this time many of the noble youths and of the magistrates run up and down through the city naked, for sport and laughter striking those they meet with shaggy thongs. And many women of rank also purposely get in their way, and like children at school present their hands to be struck, believing that the pregnant will thus be helped in delivery, and the barren to pregnancy. The word Lupercalia comes from lupus, or wolf, so the holiday may be connected with the legendary wolf that suckled Romulus and Remus. Lupercalia was a festival local to the city of Rome. The more general Festival of Juno Februa , meaning "Juno the purifier" or "the chaste Juno," was celebrated on February 13-14. Pope Gelasius I (492-496) abolished Lupercalia. Some historians argue that Candlemas (then held on February 14, later moved to February 2) was promoted as its replacement, but this feast was already being celebrated in Jerusalem by AD 381. The pope also declared in 496 that the feast of St. Valentine would be on February 14. Okay, thank you Wikipedia for that font of old information. So what this means is that Valentine's Day has been around longer than the Hallmark Card Company. Well that shoots down my theory. I have long held that Hallmark was a female owned company and was started just to give the women of the world another reason (like they needed one) to yell at us insensitive men. Well no matter. Up until about six years ago I was a card-carrying Valentine’s Day hater but all that has changed for me. Tomorrow I will do all the card-flowers-candy thing like everyone else but I really wanted to do more. Well today I stumbled across a quote from the movie; The Notebook which stated what I believe to my very core. In fact, I have said much the same thing, at different times and in different words over the past six years but I have never put the feelings together as did the writer of this book which became the movie. ”I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who’s ever lived; I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.” Happy Valentine’s Day Melinda.....da cards and flowers and candy will be here on the 14th! |
CC....CHECK DA STATS! I'm right up behind you now....WHO'S YOUR DADDY!!!  |
| People just naturally like to slow down on the freeway and stare at a wreck. It is human nature, curiosity...the same impulse that causes many people to watch nascar races...they want to see the wrecks. So here you are in my blog today...doing the same thing...looking at a damn ten car pile-up on the interstate. That's what I feel like right now. Today was my first day back at work after nine glorious days of doing absolutely NOTHING! I got to tell you folks, right now would be a great time for me to commit a robbery cause Davy Crockett himself would be unable to track me down....My arse is dragging behind me so bad, it's wiping out my tracks. The problem is that for nine days I stayed up late..midnight and beyond, and I slept late...nine or ten in the morning. Ahh, it was downright decadant. So last night, knowing I had to be up before daylight this morning, I retired to bed around eight PM. Unfortunately I could not make myself go to sleep until well after midnight, then I woke up two or three times before the alarm went off at five A.M. Head lowered, feet shuffling, I staggered outside, looking a lot like a Zombie in one of those horror flicks, and I made my way to my car. That's when I knew what kind of day I was going to have. It seems that sometime in the late afternoon we were visited by this huge flock (at least 500 birds) of Cedar Waxwings who attacked the China berry tree in our back yard. By the time I walked outside the next morning, my car was completely COVERED in Bird Poo...and I do mean covered. I sighed, shook my head and got in my car...couldnt do anything about it right then and besides, it really didn't look too bad in the dark. So I went to work and spent the next eight hours standing on my feet and smiling admist the inhabitants of the world of Assholes and Idiots. I LOVE MY JOB! From seven this morning until about ten I was positive that my body was going to vapor-lock any moment and I was going to drop dead while marking some bonehead's return with the little pink sticker. By eleven o'clock I had decided that I may, in fact, live through the day but I just knew there would be deep psychological scars left by my suffering. The rest of the day was a blur. Some one said I had told a snotty old lady to: "Take a long walk off a short pier." But I swear I have no memory of that. Finally it was quitting time. I was exhausted. I crawled back to the time clock and had to have assistance from a co-worked to swipe my badge through the time clock. Then it hit me...I HAVE TO SHOP NOW! Since Mel has been feeling bad, I told her I would do the grocery shopping after I got off....WAS I CRAZY!! Another forty five minutes spent trudging up and down isles...I have no idea what the hell I bought! Then I was FREE! I slowly pushed my cart out the door and into the parking lot. That is when I noticed people gathered about were I had parked my car. THEY WERE POINTING AND LAUGHING! Well when I got up to the car I dispersed the jolly crowd...." what's the matter with you people, you never saw bird crap before????" Then I looked at my car....Oh my God, it did look a lot worse in daylight. In fact my silver car was now a deep, nasty, runny brown, with splashs of white...EWWWW! I ended up going to the car wash and spending about five dollars in quarters getting the crap off my car before I could FINALLY come home. So here I sit...or what's left of me. AND THIS WAS JUST THE FIRST DAY BACK! WHAT AM I GONNA DO TOMORROW? Wait....I just remembered....Oh lord, I still got to cook dinner! Well I guess shooting myself is out of the question as I have no where near the strength required to pull the damn trigger. You folks have a wonderful day. Oh...and CC...right now there is only ONE BLOG between me and you buddy. In anticipation of the grand event of passing you like you're standing still, I have found some really great gifs to use...just for you buddy!! |
| You know I almost had it figured out, I was almost there. For the past few years we have been bombarded with scientist warning us about Global Warming and I was just about onboard with their conclusions.... 1. Greenhouse gasses...BAD 2. Polar Ice melting....BAD 3. Seas rising because of melt...BAD 4. Drought and crop failures....BAD 5. Deserts in the place of RainForests....REAL BAD! But just today I have had all my understanding turned on its ear. Today I had the misfortune of watching a show on the National Geographic Channel and you know what they were talking about? GLOBAL COOLING! ????? Just when they had me convinced that the ice was gonna melt and the world was gonna get hot, they throw me THIS curve ball......THE WORLD IS GOING TO FREEZE!! Now instead of all the ice melting...Now New York is going to freeze over and everyone is going to become walking popcicles! All the things they once said would cause the earth to heat up they NOW say will cause the earth to freeze up! WOULD YOU GUYS PLEASE MAKE UP YOUR MINDS? Just when I was planning on going into the sun-screen business I find out I would be better served by selling fire wood! How's a guy ever supposed to make a buck if you can't make up your mind on what's gonna kill us...geeze! *********************** On another subject.... As many of you know Scarlett has just finished her first blog as has zwisis. Now this has brought up a discussion of sorts on publishing your blog once you have finished with it. Both of these ladies would do well to publish their finished blogs. Both have informative, humorous entries that would make for a really interesting read. I hope both of them does follow through and get their blogs published.Another blogger who I would love to see get his blog published is ccstring. STOP SNICKERING! I'm serious, CC's blog would make a very useful tool for educators around the world. I can envision class rooms of the future where teachers pass out copies of CC's blog to their students, force them to read it, then impress upon them: "See, if you don't apply yourself in school, this is what you will end up sounding like!" World literacy will skyrocket! |
| You guys just ran out of luck didn't you. Yes, it's me again and I am doing a second blog entry. Hey, get back here! Dang! I told you this morning about a new story which I am working on and it is going along very well. I have also managed to finish my article for the Blogville New which I have sent off to Queen Scarlett for her approval. Speaking of Scarlett where is she anyway? I am like all of you and am sitting on pins and needles waiting for her 500th entry so we can have a party. I think we should try to see how many comments we can leave on her very last blog entry...should be fun.Since I really don't have one main topic today, I would like to touch upon a couple of pet peeves of mine. Call this a mini-rant if you would like. First of all about Reviews. No I'm not going to gripe about bad reviews because we all do that at one time or another. What irratates me are people who ask for reviews then when they get a indepth review which calls into question their use of grammer and puncuation they have the gall to complain. I mean come on folks, if you make a mistake with your grammer or punctuation don't you want to know BEFORE you send it to an editor and look like an idiot? Personally, I never advise a writer on these subjects because I am simply not intellegent enough to know all the rules as any of you who have read one of my stories know only too well. But I have a deep admiration for those who do know about that stuff and I can't imagine ever getting upset when one of them points out a mistake. Yeah, there are a lot of bad reviewers out there but for goodness sake, let's not take someone to task when they do a good job of reviewing...it's not like you are paying them or anything. They do it to help the writer out. My other pet peeve are people who refer to Blogs as "Not real writing." Excuse me, but if a person puts the same effort into writing a blog entry and if they try to inform and entertain you with their words...then if it is done well, it is certainly REAL writing. Doing it right is a hard job, and I know this from first hand experience since it is rare when I manage to get mine right. On the other hand there are a lot of folks on this site who, day in and day out write informative, funny, and entertaining blog entries. If you want to see proof of this statement then all you have to do is click on any of those names over on the left of this page...my Favorites...they are there because they do a blog entry better than I do and they do it day in and day out. That, my friends, takes a lot of work and each one of them do REAL writing everytime they sit down to blog. There are more who turn in a high caliber of blog but I just don't have room to list them over there. So next time someone tells you blogging isn't REAL writing...slap em up side the head with a dead mackrel will ya.  |
| I finally went to bed last night around midnight and I was up by four this morning...Ugh! I had good reason to be up early though, I had a great dream....maybe it was my birthday present to me. As I have stated before, many of my story ideas come from dreams and last night I had a great one. I don't get this kind often but when I do it is quite an enjoyable experience. As always happens, the dream played out like a novel or maybe a movie. It had a beginning in which characters were introduced, it had a middle with the conflict brought into focus and it had an end, a resolution...at which point I woke up. The story was long and detailed and it spanned many years; From the main character as a young man, to just before his death at the age of 80. I am going to jot down a few notes this morning then I think I will head back to bed and try to grab somemore sleep. I figured that while I was up, I might as well do the Blog thing that way I could consentrate on the story for the rest of the day. I will take breaks from time to time and check in here on the blog page to see what everyone else is up to but mostly today I think I will try to recreate the story which came to me last night. I hope you all have a productive day today and I will read your blogs as I can. For now though...it's time to climb back into bed....maybe that story has a sequel waiting for me to discover. Wait....before you leave....I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who comes in here and reads my blog. I passed the 9,000 mark yesterday in views and I am quite excited about that. CC...if you read this...there are now only 3 blogs between me and you...I'm coming buddy, you better get ready! |
| Good morning world! Well we made it through another weekend and the earth is still spinning upon its axis so that's a good thing...right? I am happy to report that my mid-season pick of the winner of the Superbowl was right! Yeah, that's right, all the way back then I picked the Colts to take it all. Of course this choice was met with great laughter and derision by my brother Mongo. Well, who could blame him, at the time the Colts were really stinking up the place....but I had faith in my boy Payton to pull it off. Oh, and on another subject: We should all go over to Nada 's blog and give her a big "Thumbs-Up" for her great reporting skills. I know most of you read her blog about those racey coffeehouses in Seattle. Well this morning there was a report on the very same subject on the TODAY show!Well I hate to tell the fine folks over at the TODAY show, but that was Old News! We all knew about this topic already thanks to our Sunday News Girl: Nada! Okay, in the spirit of "Topic Jumping" today, I am sad to report that there was a murder mystery in our home yesterday. Had the local paper sent out a reporter like I tried to convince them to do the headlines would have read: "Big Boy the victim of fowl play". Yes, that's right, Big Boy is dead, the victim of murder, most foul! The sad thing is, I was not even aware of the dastardly deed until I heard a startled yell from the dining room: "OH MY GOD, BIG BOY IS DEAD!" Mel's voice carried just the right amount of accusation, like she thought I should have known this already. Hey, I was busy putting a new short story together, how could I know? What? Did I hear one of you ask: "Who the hell is Big Boy?" I can't belive you had to ask. I thought everyone knew Big Boy. Okay, let me explain.... Big Boy started out life as just your run-of-the-mill Goldfish, swiming around in a big tank in the Wal-Mart Pet section. Then Mel found him and yanked him out and brought him home. Now that should have been the end of the story but, like most of the non-human residents of my home, Big Boy had something unique about him. In his case his uniqueness was: One Hell of a Growth Spurt. Within a month or so, this tiny little goldfish had grown to Moby Dick porportions! At the time of his unfortunate demise, Big Boy was about seven inches long and weighed in at close to a quarter pound! Thus his name: Big Boy. Now Big Boy was a friendly behemoth, he just spent his days swiming around in the large aquarium, playing with his much smaller neighbors and just enjoying life in general. Whenever we would walk up to the equarium, Big Boy would always swim up to the glass and greet us. We would lift the top to feed the fish and Big Boy would come to the top and take the food from our hand....yup he was one friendly fish. Unfortunately it was this friendilness that proved to be his undoing. After Mel discovered his poor body floating belly up in the tank we surveyed the crime scene using all the expertise we had garnered from our many hours of watching CSI. The first thing I noticed was that the small trap door at the top of the tank had been pried loose and was lying on the floor. The next set of clues we noticed was suspicious set of wet paw prints leading away from the aquarium. I followed said prints into the spare bedroom and found the culprit. It was our cat, Little Shit. She tried to act all innocent but she could not explain away two soaking wet front paws, a wet head, or the tale-tale fish scale which was caught on one whisker. BUSTED! The way I figure it, the only reason she did not do away with the body was because Big Boy was just too big for her to lift out of the tank. We figured that, in the end, it was Big Boy's friendliness that proved to be his undoing. Little Shit probably worked the top door off the tank, at which point Big Boy, thinking another meal was in the offing, swim up to the surface to say "hello"....the rest was pretty much a case of nature taking its course. We have not yet decided upon a suitable punishment for our killer cat, though I have already cut out her fish-flavored cat food. No use tempting fate since we do have a few fish left in the tank. Well that's it for me today. Time to get back to doing Vacation Stuffage. |
| I had not heard from my good buddy PlannerDan in quite some time so I decided to jump in the car and drive up to Dallas and check on him. Well it was a lovely drive of only four hours which was okay since I am on vacation after all. Mel and I took our time and enjoyed the scenery leading into North Texas. Well when we got to Dan's house we parked and walked up to the front door. I knocked but no one answered. Funny, his big ole truck was sitting in the driveway so I was pretty sure he was home and it was too early for him to go to bed, so I peeked in the front window. You can imagine my shock when I spotted his dog, Max sitting in Dan's recliner, holding a cold beverage in a long neck bottle, and watching a football game on the television. I quickly called Mel over to the window and showed her this strange sight. Max was not sitting in the chair like a dog but rather he was sitting upright as a human would sit and he was holding the drink in his paw.....MY GOD, HE HAD DEPOSIBLE THUMBS! Mel said "Something's not right here." The girl has an awesome grasp of the obvious, doesn't she. I took her by the hand and led her around to the back yard. We both looked over Dan's fence and got our second surprise. There was Dan and his lovely wife Linda out in the back yard running around and playing with a big yellow ball. Dan kept grabbing it in his mouth and running with it while Linda would chase him. Okay, this was seriously weird. Right away I knew what I had to do. "Mel, it's time to cash in those damn frequent flyer miles we been saving up. This is an emergency!" She agreed and we jumped in the car and headed to the Dallas airport where we booked a flight to Ojai, California. Once we arrived in LaLa Land, we rented a car and drove straight to Nada 's house.Even though Nada greeted us warmly when we arrived, I could not help but notice all the boxes sitting around in her front yard which she had been busy arranging when we drove up. So, I asked her what's up with the boxes? "Oh these things? Why I am about to have a yard sell, I'm getting rid of all my shoes that I have collected over the years. I have decided that I hate shoes, in fact I plan on going bare foot for the rest of my life!" "Uh...okay," I stammered. Yes the weirdness had reached all the way out here to California! "Nada, where is Hubby, out by the pool catching some rays?" Maybe it was not too late to stop the weirdness, I thought. Maybe Hubby would still be normal. "Oh my God," Nada exclaimed. "Hubby getting in the sun? Tor, what's wrong with you, you know Hubby hates the sun. He is inside the house taping covers over all the windows." Well I had heard enough. Weird had taken over here in a truly large way. I grabbed Mel's hand, we said our quick good byes and headed back to the airport. Our next stop was Montana. We had to check on partyof5dj, I had a bad feeling about this. Sure enough we found poor party. He was in his booth he had set up at the Farmer's Market and he was busy arguing politics with some poor conservative Republican. Party's hair was long and he looked like he had worn the same clothes since the Nixon administration. He was wearing a head band with a peace symbol on the front! When he spotted me and Mel he waved excitedly. "FAR OUT, DUDE! It's really groovy to see you two!" I couldn't help it, I threw up on another old hippie who happened to be passing close by and I grabbed Mel and away we went. As we left the Farmer's Market I heard Party yell: "Peace, man. Come again!" In the car, headed toward the airport, I turned to Mel and said: "Honey there's only one thing left to do." "What's that, Tor?" "Who is the WEIRDEST person we know?" "Well that has to be ccstring, of course." "You are right, so that is where we have to go. If the weirdness can change that goofball then it has certainly taken over the world!" So off we flew, to the state of Maryland, in search of my little weird buddy, CC. Just like before, everything SEEMED perfectly normal when we landed and got a car. We drove out to CC's little home in the woods only to find him gone. Mrs. CC told us he was at work. Now that was a good sign that everything was normal...CC always works. She then suggested that I drive over to his job to say hello. Well since I had no idea how to get there she said she would go along to show us the way. So we all loaded into the car and away we went. I thought we were home free, everything would be okay now but that feeling was crushed when we reached what Mrs. CC said was our destination. WE WERE PARKED IN FRONT OF THE UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND!!!!! "What the heck are we doing here," I asked her, "has CC taken a groundskeeper job at the college?" Mrs. CC smiled at me and said; "Oh you are so silly, Tor. You know very well that CC is the new Dean of the Science department here at the University. He is probably giving a lecture on Quantum Physics right now. We can wait for him in his office." It was at this exact moment that I woke up screaming! So now you know why I am up so early on a vacation day and why I have finished blogging for the day. Now if you will excuse me, I'm gonna drink what's left of the rum and get my ass back in bed.....god I hope I don't dream again! |
| Like I said in my last entry, yesterday was my little brother's birthday and next thursday will be my own birthday. That's right, we were born exactly one week...and five years apart. As always happens, each year, I celebrate his birthday then I always turn my thoughts to my own impending aging and what it means to me. This year is no exception. I have been blessed to walk this earth for 57 and soon to be 58 years and I have seen some sights. Never one to be a featured actor upon the world's stage, I was nontheless an enthusiastic "extra" in this drama we call life. I managed to live through one war and see a couple of more "actions" come and go. I haved loved and been loved in return. I have fathered five wonderful children, each of whom I am largely proud of. I have had many friends and enemies alike and I have always believed the old saying: Judge me for my enemies as well as for my friends. I have never, in all those years, been regarded as rich but I have been comfortable a time or two. I have been destitute and, without the aid of family, would have been homeless and on the street. In either case, I have found that these things are only fleeting conditions and I have learned not to judge a man by his material gains nor to hold those same things against him. In my years I have accomplished some humble victories but I still have one shining goal which has remained out of reach....to be published. Maybe it will come and maybe it won't, that is not for me to worry about. All I can do is all anyone can really do....just keep trying. How many more years will I have to walk upon the stage is anyone's guess; It could be one or it could be 50 but it really does not matter. What matters is how I spend those years and what I do with the time I have. So now that another anniversary of my entrance upon the stage of life is upon me, what shall I do differently? Nothing. Not one thing. I will continue to be who I am and I will play my part, happy in the knowledge that I am where I should be and I am voicing the "lines" I was given. The one thing I must say though is that this past year has been enriched for me by the fellow "players" around me here on WDC. You have all made my life fuller, richer and more complete with your friendship and there is no way I could ever repay you for what you have done for me. So let me just close by lifting my coffee mug to each of you: "Here's to my friends...Thank you." |
| Feb. 1, 2007, a damn good day. What makes it so good is that today marked my last day of work...MY VACATION IS NOW OFFICALLY UNDERWAY! That's right, boys and girls...I have nine days of freedom from labor ahead of me and now all I have to do is figure out how I am going to spend said time. That ought to scare the bejesus out of ccstring, don't you think. At any rate, I am off work for nine days and I hope to make these days productive in the writing dept. Who know, I may even come up with a new short story. Today is important for another reason other than my vacation. Today is my little brother's birthday. Now I poke a lot of fun at my brother but in truth he is a very important part of my life. After all, he and I are all that's left of our original family unit. My brother is a man of many names...mostly due to me, but that's not something that he can prove in a court of law, thank the gods. I have written about him in my blog a few times and on those occasions I always refer to him as "Mongo" which is his current nickname. I gave him that name after we watched the movie "Blazing Saddles". Remember the Alex Karras character, and the farting contest around the campfire? THAT'S MY BROTHER! It was almost as if the part was written with him in mind. Not only did I start calling him Mongo, but I immortalized the nickname in a series of letter's to a friend in the Newspaper game who used them in his weekly very funny column. People all over the state of Texas became very familiar with Mongo McClain and his rather dubious exploits! In fact there came a time when Mongo and I traveled to Dallas to visit this friend at his Newspaper office. We walked in the building and a lady seated at the reception desk asked us our names and who we were there to see. Once I told her, she stared at my brother intently then squeeled loudly: "Oh My God, you're Mongo, aren't you!" My brother tried to bolt from the office but I restrained him. Now of course "Mongo" isn't his real name. He grew up being called "Ricky" or "Rick" as he grew older.....but that's not his real name either. Nope. Ricky is not even close to his real name. So, you might be wondering, why did everyone call him Ricky? Well that's easy....I TOLD THEM TO! You see, when my mother had the bad grace to get herself knocked up and then proceed to bring home this little pink, craping, crying, bundle of flesh, I was the tender age of five. Now at this particular time in my young life I had one hero....Ricky Starr. I am sure few of you have ever heard of the guy but he was a huge star of the Southeast Texas Wrestling circuit. I lived and breathed everything about the guy. Heck if I could have reached the gas and brake pedals of our family car I would have driven to Houston and become this guy's stalker. Well, I took one look mom's little "surprise" when she brought him into our home and I put my foot down. "If we HAVE to keep it, then we will name it "Ricky". Mom tried her very best to explain to me that the baby already had a name but I would have none of it. So, she and dad gave in....my little brother was, from that point onward, known as "Ricky". As a matter of fact, I don't think there is more than two or three of his closest friends who even KNOW today that his name is something other than Ricky. So there you have it. My brother is a man of many names. Oh, I hear you...you want to know what his real name is. Well tough! Not this time. Maybe I will let it slip in another blog entry. For now...Happy Birthday, Mongo, Ricky...my little brother. |
| Yesterday Mel got the results of her medical tests and we were shocked to find out that she was perfectly healthy! That's what the nurse who called told her: "According to the tests there is nothing wrong with you." Well you can imagine our confusion because, believe me, this girl was hurting. I know this because I happen to know that she has a tolerance for pain that is greater than mine and I have been told mine is considerable. So when she goes down, I know something isn't right....but the tests said....so what were we to do? Well today Mel went back to the doctor for a follow-up visit and she discovers that not all the tests had come in when the nurse called her. There was this one last test...it came in today. The doctor told her that according to THAT test she has Chronic Mononucleous (sp) which was triggered by the Epstine-Barr Virus...at least I THINK that was what he said. Bottom line is this thing has no cure, she will suffer with it the rest of her life. The good news is that most of the symptoms can be managed with medications...which she stocked up on today. On the lighter side, the doctor gave her this news in a very subdued, apologic tone...trying to break the bad news to her gently. But my girl just smiled at him then threatened to hug him, which confused the poor doctor. She explained it to him this way: "Yes, I know this is supposed to be bad news, but can you understand that KNOWING what is wrong is far better than thinking that maybe I am losing my mind and imagining the whole thing. Now I know what it is and we will deal with it!" Lord I love that girl....she is a tough one! So now we know and know we can set forth a battle plan to keep the dang desease at bay. She can get on with her life...and I can help her. What more can we ask for? |
| Can you believe it...two years on this site and someone has finally made the fatal error of asking ME to be a judge in one of the many contests here. That's like asking someone with Palsy to transport Nitro by hand....you just know there is gonna be a lot of distruction at some point in time. Hopefully, the fact that there are a few other REAL judges might offset whatever unintentional damage I might inflict. If you get the time, please check out the contest, here is a link:
Alright, before you say it, I agree...what else would a contest be called that had ME as a judge but "Dear Scabby". I would love to see some of you go over there and join the fun. I can think of a few right off the top of my head that would stand a good chance of winning the thing cause, as we all know, some of the most twisted people on the site reside right here in Blogville! Oh and on a last note: CC, if you decide to enter the contest, please let me know ahead of time so I will be able to translate your entry to my fellow judges!! Now, I am way behind on my reading and commenting so I better close this thing down and get busy....See you around Blogville! |
| Wahooo! My ship has come in! I am strutting in tall clover! I have come into some money!! It would seem that Wal-Mart has reached a settlement agreement with its employees for past overtime which they "forgot" to pay....don't you just hate it when that happens? Anyway, I was off on Friday and Saturday and when I came to work today I discovered that on Monday I would be able to pick up my check...my portion of the settlement. Oh what to do with the money? I am considering maybe a vacation getaway for me and Mel, maybe a trip to the South of France or maybe one of those South Sea Islands I read about all the time where all the women wear them grass skirts...wait...maybe not, Mel bought a new frying pan. Then again I have had my eye on this beautiful, new bass boat. I might just use my proceeds for that. Well all of the above thoughts ran through my head today as I pondered what to do with this unexpected windfall. Then, this afternoon, before going home I checked with the manager as to the amount of said Big Check. Are you ready for this? $1.00....minus all the normal taxes which are taken out of the paycheck...for a grand total of .47. That's right...I'm gonna get not quite enough to buy a soft drink from the machine in the breakroom! Welcome to my life! |
| It is nine-thirty in the morning here and the house is so very quiet. Mel and my fur babies are sleeping in and I have the rest of the house to myself. The thing is, when it is this quiet, I have a hard time consentrating on just one topic for my blog so what you get today is a large number of "chickens" running around loose. The first thing that I felt moved to write about this morning is my very favorite treat. I have one food source that is my sinful, decadant, indulgence and that is Pork Skins! Yes, that's right, Pork Skins....ambrosia, food of the Gods, and just a damn nice snack. I have no idea if you folks in other parts of the country even have access to this wonderful packaged snack or not, but here in Texas, as well as most of the South, Pork Skins are King. What I like about them is it don't take too long to read the list of ingredients: "Pork skin and Salt". Yup, that's it, just a plain and simple fare which enlivens the taste buds and brings about a general feeling of peace and well being...ahhhh! This is the time of day....when the puppies are asleep with Mel, that I can best enjoy this treat because Mollie, our black Lab loves them as much as I do and she constantly begs for them when she is awake. This makes it impossible for me to fully enjoy the treat cause I hate sharing them! The thing is, Mollie is a food whore! I swear the dog looks like a black bowling ball with a head and four little legs, she is so fat. The dog has no pride when it comes to food and she will do ANYTHING for a snack. When we feed both dogs I have to stand guard over her because of her habit of wolfing down her food in two bites then trying to chase poor Sherman away from his so she can have it too. Of all the food she loves though, Pork Skins are her favorite. She can be laying in the next room, sound asleep and can actually hear me pick up the bag. The sound of the rustling paper bag brings her instantly awake and she is by my side in a matter of seconds with her mouth hanging open, tongue lolling out and this wanton look of craving plastered upon her fat little face. Shhhhhhh....let's not wake her shall we! Oh look, a chicken! Yesterday Voxxylady did a really good entry on an upcoming smoking ban in her county. I agreed with her ideas even though I am a smoker. The thing is, if the Federal or State governments were really serious about stopping smoking then why don't they just make it illegal?After all, cigarettes are addictive and a form of drug as much as marijuana. In fact I think cigarettes are even more addictive, so why not put them in the same class and ban the sell of all tobacco products? I know that would do it for me. I would not risk a jail term to smoke them. I will tell you why they will never do it. State and Federal government rake in too much money from the sell of these products to ever outlaw them. A pack of cigaretts without the state and federal tax added would cost about fifty cents instead of the almost five dollars they do now. You think they want to give up that money? Not likely. Besides, who would they then tax to make up the shortfall? As I said in the beginning of this rambling, no one topic, blog entry, the house is quiet and Mel and the puppies are sleeping in. Well you see there is good reason for that. My two dogs, both a hundred pounds, have one most favorite place to sleep....IN MY BED ON EITHER SIDE OF MEL! The moment I get out of bed to grab my first cup of coffee, the dogs move in with all speed. By the time I come back to the bedroom, coffee in hand, they are both firmly entrenched in what was ONCE my bed. Now even though I own a king sized bed, it is not even close to being big enough to hold all of us...comfortably. So that is why I am sitting here rambling....They ousted me from my bed so I gotta bother somebody and you folks are a likely target. Wait, wait....before I go....I just heard on the TV that Bollywood is becoming popular over here. Bollywood is India's answer to Hollywood. I'm sorry but I hate musicals in English, so how can anyone sit through musicals in Indian? It seems that most of their movies ARE musicals too. On the other hand, they HAVE to be better than reality TV. |
| First of all, an update on Mel: We are now awaiting the results of a bunch of tests. She is to call the doctor Monday to get some of the results. So, until we know more, there is nothing for us to do. She is still exhibiting the same symptoms which caused us concern but I guess there are no quick answers nor quick fixes. All I can do at this point is try to lessen her stress level. On the subject of medical issues and health; Am I the only one who freely admits that I am a hypocrite when it comes to health issues? By this I mean that as far as a member of my family is concerned, I will do whatever is necessary, I will move heaven and earth and I will spare no expense no matter how far in debt I have to go, in order to see that they receive the best of medical care for as long as is necessary, even if the illness is terminal. But, when it comes to myself, I have a very different outlook. On a personal level, I have a very simple idea about illnesses; If I get sick I have two choices, either I get better or I die. I refuse to go to a doctor unless threatened with bodily harm (which Mel has done) and if I do go to one, it will be to merely get a diagnosis of the illness. If I ever contract an illness which is terminal I will forego treatment and use whatever time I have to the best of my ability. I refuse to become a burden, either financially, or physically, to my loved ones. Now I do not come by this belief easily. Over the past 25 years every member of my family which has passed away did so as a result of cancer so I have had plenty of time to stand back and watch examples of what a devastating decease can do to a family. I am well aware that most people do not hold this same belief. I know there are members on this site who are dealing with cancer now, or have had loved ones who have been struck down by the decease and they do not agree. I understand that and I applaud their own efforts to do what they feel they must. These thoughts are just mine, there is no right or wrong to them. These things are just what I would do, or to be more accurate, what I will do if and when I am faced with the choice. Maybe my decision not to fight something like cancer to the bitter end stems from my experiences of the past. Most people fear death but I don't...not any more. Once upon a time I came face to face with death. I was at the point where I knew that death was imminent, within seconds away and I accepted its arrival. With that acceptance came a curious peace of mind which I had never before experienced, nor have I ever experienced it since. I'm going to die. Okay. It was all good. I lost consciousness. Funny thing happened then, I woke up on a hospital ship....go figure. Ever since that time death has held no fear for me but becoming a burden to my loved ones has. I can not abide the thought of bringing them to financial ruin and emotional wreck while watching me go downhill. I decided a long time ago that when I was faced with the choice, I would take what my Aussie friends call a "Walkabout". I will separate myself from family and simply walk away. Maybe to see some of the country I have not yet seen. I would do the dying alone, hopefully on a mountain top where I would get a great view of this land as the last sight I take with me into the next world....not a bad way to go. Now I understand that many of you, if not all of you will think this is a horribly selfish thing to do...to shut out family and loved ones in my final days. Maybe so, but in the long run I will be saving them a lot of pain. Again...this is just my opinion and I would not expect anyone else to either advocate it or condone it. We all have to make our own choices. We are all given one birth and we all owe one death. I will simply not fight it when the collector comes to my door. ************************************ Now, on a final note: I believe, after reading the comments to a previous blog entry, that it is the consensus of belief that for me to bump my blog up on the page by artificial means is considered cheating. So, with that in mind, I will no longer do this. It has come to my attention, however that for those who have rotating pictures in their blog header, this constant bumping up is done automatically by the site...is this cheating? I may have to get me some of those rotating picture thangs! |
| Did you ever stare at your blog space and suddenly realize that you had absolutely nothing to say that anyone would want to read? Well that is me today. If truth be known, that has been me almost every day this new blog has been up and running but somehow I just keep ignoring the fact and banging out words on the screen. Mel called me a short time ago and told me she was coming home early from work and that she had made a doctor's appointment for tomorrow. Mel has a very high pain tolerance and for her to feel bad enough to come home from work early is the same as me being bed-ridden with some ailment...it's just unheard of. So yeah, I'm worried about her. So what is this entry? Is it a bald faced move to keep the month blue? No, not really since I have already missed three days this month, that is sort of by the boards, as they say. Is it just an effort to keep my blog on the front page? No. Seriously, I am competive but not to that extent...believe me. So why am I writing? Maybe it's because I am sitting alone in the house right now and it is quiet...to quiet. Maybe I need to just type the words because I am beginning to worry so much about my baby. She has been my Rock for almost six years now. Nothing ever gets her down, nothing ever fazes her, for long....and now she is hurting. I heard it in her voice when she called. Okay, I'm done. This has been a nothing blog entry so move along to some of the good ones. I just needed to put things down in words and get them out of my head. Thanks for listening. |
| My last blog entry about death garnered quite a few very in-depth comments. It even got one comment where the reader said that my blog rating kept them from replying in the manner they really wished to do. That had me scratching my head. Look folks I was writing about the nature of death, our response to it and how death can be a very useful tool in the writing of fiction; either as a main plotline or a subplot. I never meant to espouse any singular religious belief in the writing of the entry. What I believe is just that: My belief and as such it is a private matter for myself alone. The way I figure it, either my beliefs are right or they are wrong and that question will be answered when I die, as it will for all of us. Until then I am not going to argue with anyone else's beliefs on the subject. Now as for the subject of death being used in a story, well here are some examples of what I was talking about. This is not an attempt to garner more views or reviews of these stories, this is just a few examples of my own weak attempts to include death as a plot line....nothing more. So if you find yourself with absolutely nothing else to do and are the least bit interested, then go give them a look and don't feel required to either review or comment...that is up to each of you.
********************************** Now, on another subject. Have you all been noticing the Population explosion which has struck Blogville? We have a ton of brand new bloggers around here folks. The total has gone from just over 1500 to 1630 the last time I looked. A curious byproduct of this growth on the blog page is that your blog does not stay on the front page much longer than nine hours and then it goes to page two. I have discovered that when my blog is about to do that, I can go to the "edit" feature and when I hit "submit edit" it puts my blog back up to the top. Now I do this because many people who might read my blog, might not get around to even looking until after it has gone to the second page and if they don't have my blog in their favorites (which most don't) then they will never see it. So if you want to keep your blog on the front page longer just use the "edit" feature. Okay, that's all I have today. If any of you get the chance be sure and check out some of the really good, new bloggers who are gracing our Blog page and give them a warm welcome to Blogville. |
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