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 |   All that remains: here in my afterlife as a 'mainstream' blogger, with what little I know. |
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The Idiotic Ideate?? Formerly: New Zenith To Hell…(all started with arc as writer here from the trials of Rising Stars to Preferred Author to WDC Quills Best Poetry Collection to the falling action I feel now that settles in a white case.) Got to hustle to preserve the best of me before fully fading on that virtual horizon glowing more brilliant with each passing day to permanent nuclear winter. if people don’t get it, I don’t need to explain it. We kill all that’s beautiful before we question it’s purpose. So many people find it easier to think in the black and the white. God forbid you get lost straying in the gray. "Whoever fights monsters should see to it…he does not become a monster.” I’ve been to the abyss and back. Not so bad. The loneliest happy person you'd ever meet, when not the saddest person who needs to be alone. In an ever-changing world, we need to handle topics at the ready. If you roll over and give in to the narrative without lending a voice of your own, you might as well hand over your civil liberties. We have voices that should connect to true conscience and spirit for honest and open discourse. Why feel so redacted? Unify on issues and put drama aside. Open minds require complete objectivity. If none need apply, question the unbendable sources for answer. If you knee-jerk react to every issue lurking out there that clutches your neck, you fall victim to your own ignorance born from a life of apathy (no doubt) in pathetic cries of injustice. Just writing what I feel without the narrative-altering mind f---ing with my head. [MY Chorus] In your house, I long to be Room by room, patiently I'll wait for you there, like a stone I'll wait for you there, alone "It amazed me how truth was often suffocated in minutes, but lies were given sufficient air to breathe indefinitely." "You are all better than you think you are, you are just designed not to believe it when you hear it from yourself." ![Merit Badge in Second Time Around Contest
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Congratulations on winning the Grand Overall Prize in [Link To Item #2164876] with your beautiful poem, [Link to Book Entry #933358]. This poem really moved me. Great writing!
Rachel *^*Heartv*^*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/group-Second_Time_Around_Contest-2164963_14.gif)    "...lasting art is never anything more than a mathematical expression of the relations that exist between the internal and the external, the self [le moi] and the world." -Jean Metzinger I'm in love with carefully chosen words, arranged just so, audible, edible, to inhale. I attempt to post new poems and epiphanies daily with some links to what inspires. I am legally blind with a rare, genetic form of glaucoma. I'm described as "end stage" after two successful surgeries, still subject to further vision loss. Cataracts complicating matters. Writing Can get strenuous but seldom deters what yearns to emerge, despite a documented history of depression and recently diagnosed ADHD and undefinable social disorders and/or PTSD. My recent poetry:
Sometimes epiphanies about my insights on writing and life and what goes on... Making sense of life is maddening. Why do I need to know, when truth may not actually exist? Learning to accept would be a better pursuit? Flailing about in my own mediocrity, hoping to bust out. I am visible. You can put a face with a name. I would like to see other writers, too. Fiction is what you write, not who you are. Reinventing myself. I couldn't continue on the path I was on and needed a fresh start. This time around I want to put the focus on writing and the world outside of this community as it affects my life. I realize now that I have been baring my chest a bit more, as when young. fake me much more boring and unliberated than the real me. A world arriving as silent as that blossom in your garden that I told you about... |
| The most discriminating person one could expect to have in their life is a mother-in-law. I have had my differences with my wife's mom, a retired elementary school teacher. But she sees right through me sometimes and never ceases to flatter me, especially on the occasion of Father's Day. Written in a card I received: "Dear Brian, I want to wish you a very happy Father's Day! You have such a wonderful family and we thank you for the wonderful Grandchildren you have given us. You do so many things with them that makes Alex's and Maddie's lives special. You especially make books come alive for them as you create so many characters in your reading. What a wonderful gift you have for this. It's given them wonderful ability to become characters as well in reading and drama. All of your playing with them has given them so many wonderful memories to treasure throughout their lives. You have been such a good example to them for enjoying life and the love you have for them has shown through in all you do for them. May God continue to guide you, walk beside you and bless you always." I cannot accept too much credit because I am paying it forward from a 'wonderful' teacher in my mother who shared her love of books and life with me. Hearing these words helps me warmly remember a woman who will walk beside me throughout life. |
| "There has been much emphasis on the audacity of hope, and hope as the energizer of dreams and visions, the warm glow, the bright ray. ... Perhaps it is time to also reflect on the atrocity of hope. I have come to see it as wasteful and unproductive. ... It intervenes in the process of reckoning with the present with clarity about things as they are; it presents itself as a companion of the "miracle," where we expect outcomes without our play/agency. It keeps us wedded to our particular hypothesis. It asks of us to put our faith in specific possibilities regardless of probability." Very long, sad, but illuminating story: http://www.cnn.com/2014/06/14/world/asia/malaysia-airlines-families-narendran/in... |
"Ol' 55" Well my time went so quickly, I went lickety-splickly out to my old '55 As I drove away slowly, feeling so holy, God knows, I was feeling alive. Now the sun's coming up, I'm riding with Lady Luck, freeway cars and trucks, Stars beginning to fade, and I lead the parade Just a-wishing I'd stayed a little longer, Oh, Lord, let me tell you that the feeling's getting stronger. And it's six in the morning, gave me no warning; I had to be on my way. Well there's trucks all a-passing me, and the lights are all flashing, I'm on my way home from your place. And now the sun's coming up, I'm riding with Lady Luck, freeway cars and trucks, Stars beginning to fade, and I lead the parade Just a-wishing I'd stayed a little longer, Oh, Lord, let me tell you that the feeling's getting stronger. And my time went so quickly, I went lickety-splickly out to my old '55 As I pulled away slowly, feeling so holy, God knows, I was feeling alive. Now the sun's coming up, I'm riding with Lady Luck, Freeway cars and trucks, freeway cars and trucks, freeway cars and trucks... http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/tomwaits/ol55.html |
Everything she knows about truth, about beauty: a severed flower from its stem, the frog she captured from the pond, the baby bird that fell from its nest, trapped by her ever loving arms; the blossom wilts in ample water, the neglected frog withers alone, spared not by her kiss, while the little robin learns to fly, because mommy and daddy know what's best. |
Whenever I get a bump in traffic, I know I've had something featured in a newsletter. After a little investigation, I found my poem "Hidden Flower"  [E] was featured here:http://www.writing.com/main/newsletters/action/archives/id/6313-Religion-vs-Spir... |
Just got the email today that the site will be shutting down at the end of the year: May 14, 2014 You are receiving this email because you have been identified as either an active or inactive Helium Publishing community member. NOTICE: The Helium Publishing 360 sites will be available on a read-only basis effective May 21, 2014 and will continue to be available on a read-only basis until December 15, 2014. During this period, if you have an existing Account, you will continue to have access to your Account and accrue potential earnings, but you will not be able to add more content to the Helium Publishing 360 sites or create a new Account. If you have attained the Minimum Payout Threshold, which currently is set at $25.00, we strongly encourage you to withdraw your earnings because the Helium Publishing 360 sites will terminate on 12/15/14 and you will no longer have access to your Account. Dear Helium Community, After eight years and well over one million articles, we regret to announce that Helium Publishing will be closing. Here are the key dates that impact you: May 21, 2014 - the Helium Publishing 360 sites will become "read only" and no article changes or revisions will be possible - no new work can be completed or created in the Helium Network dashboard - new member registration for Helium Publishing 360 sites will cease December 15, 2014 - advertising revenue share will cease - you will no longer be able to access your Account - all 27 of the Helium Publishing 360 sites will shut down and your articles will not be available via the microsites - access to the Helium Network dashboard and your ability to retrieve your Helium Publishing articles, message others, and request payment will be terminated What about my earnings? Your Account will be accessible until December 15, 2014 so that you can view and (if applicable) request a final payout. Your tax ID and a valid PayPal account are required to process and receive payment. Details about accrual and earnings can be found in the FAQs, available in Announcements and in the Helium discussion forum. What about my open assignments? The workflow portion of the Helium Network will be disabled on May 21, 2014, and you will not be able to work on any assignments. What happens to my articles? You may download your work by following the instructions available in Announcements and in the Helium discussion forum. What if I have questions? You'll be able to reach us through the Helium HelpDesk and Helium discussion forums. In addition, an FAQ is available in the discussion forum and in the Helium Network dashboard. For many of you, Helium Publishing has been more than a place to hone your writing skills; it's been a place to call home, a community to connect with friends and like-minded creatives. Thank you for making Helium a nurturing space for new and emerging writers. It's been an amazing and gratifying journey, and we're grateful you were part of it all. Good luck in your future writing endeavors. Very sincerely, The Helium Publishing Team |
| Got side-swiped last week in a pick-up game. Five days later, I could barely walk. Got no sympathy at work. Decided to be a warrior, rather than point out my inability to sit or contort my torso in any way. Wasn't pleased by the spot check report of my work from five days ago. My wife works with a neurologist who suggested double the daily anti-inflammatories. Figured it was back related, even though it was my hip that got clipped. The pain eventually travelled from my right quad to hamstring and back of knee before I started feeling numbness in my foot during work Tuesday. Within 12 hours, the Naproxen had relieved nearly all my pain. I could walk up and down steps with more than one leg's power. I could stand from a sitting position without effort. And, I got a good night's rest. Now that 24 hours have passed, I'm tempted to quit this remedy because I feel fine and want to see if I can stay off medicine. I can start up again if there is a flare up. I want to get back to basketball. Not patient enough to put in core work right now. That means I'll be injured again, within the month. I lack discipline, but try to make up for it with clueless desire. |
| I will say things in writing to a person that I would not say to someone in person. Does this make me a coward or does corresponding through social media allow us greater access to expression? Now, I will say there are limitations. Inflections, gestures, tone and some of the give and take in certain scenarios are missing. There are certain intimacies that cannot be duplicated in words. The beauty of it for a writer is to try. Can we find the right words to move another? There is power in these conveyances, if we can strike a chord with a reader. I long for those internet embraces. I will be the first to admit I have shortcomings, but am learning every day the impact my words have had on others. I know humility and I know love. It is a bittersweet mix. |
| I'm always intrigued by old stories from my hometown. Was doing a bit of digging today and found a very unusual story. Reporters back then wrote like they were giving first hand accounts, seldom using attribution. Though this piece is published in Kalamazoo, I suspect the information was either taken from a local paper or reporter. It almost reads like fiction. WHIRLED IN A SHAFT Fatal Injuries to Two Mill Employes at Iron Mountain Iron Mountain, Mich., July 8--Kim Harvey, a millwright, with a man named Price for an assistant, was engaged in repairing a pulley in the Metropolitain Lumber company's mill, when the machinery suddenly started. Harvey's clothing was caught, and he was whirled around the shaft. In one of the revolutions his feet struck Price, who was on a beam above, knocking him some distance. Price struck on the floor squarely on his head and received injuries that may result in his death. Harvey continues to revolve around until every article of clothing excepting one shoe had been stripped from his person, when he dropped to the floor. Strange as it may seen, none of his limbs were broken, his injuries being of an internal nature. He cannot live. -Kalamazoo Gazette, July 9, 1898 English was like a second language in an area packed full of immigrants. I remember visiting homes as a paperboy where old women only spoke German or Scandanavian and being told by my friends, their neighbors or grand kids, that they never wanted to learn English. The stories of lives lost in mining accidents in our area are quite sad and yet a way of life. Makes me think of the old movies where people struggled to make a few bucks to feed their family, even if it meant life or limb. My grandpa worked in the mine until he went on disability in 1933. He inhaled a good amount of stuff in his lungs that made it difficult to work underground again. He came to America in 1893 at the age of 15 and settled in Iron Mountain. Second from right, Grandpa in the very old days at the bar where I learned to drink. ** Image ID #1202876 Unavailable ** |
| And the first day back at the gym...every part of me is struggling to function, except for the surgically repaired shoulder. I took a diet pill and nothing else (three pieces of candy) and went to the gym after Jen helped me briefly stretch the shoulder. I think my legs would have benefitted, too. I had time to warm up. All old guys at start, none by end. Told a few people brief explanations for my absence. Played good at start, though very few touches. Made a three and finished that game with a post up make. My shooting wasn't bad. Didn 't suck on D, though they could have blown by me if they dared. Stripped the ball a few times and hauled in a few boards, but couldn't move like I want. The gluts, quads, knees (no patellar straps) took greatest hit. Generally weak and sluggish in efforts to move. Showered and writing here, but will take it easy for awhile. Maybe, play again Monday when the younger ones are back at college. |
| I'll have blood shot eyes if I stay up tonight and watch the first of the tetrad, that is, the first of four blood red moons over the northern hemisphere during the next 18 months. And there's a little story about a biblical prophecy about the end of days connected to this. http://www.greenbaypressgazette.com/article/20140413/GPG0101/304130349/Look-up-B... |
| I get it. Watching a character struggle with self-doubt is a turn off. We want our flawed hero to be optimistic because we are on a fence of our own. We read for escape and not to be dragged back down into the morass that we elude on a daily basis. Conflict-resolution becomes a sticky subject to tackle, because a writer wants to implant his own insecurities to supplant in the escalating action. To be honest with ourselves, there are few true supermen and their stories are seldom dramatic like the struggles of a loner who yearns to fit in. Maybe, one that picks up that sword to battle the white page and hope that someone will respond to the visions in words spilled forth. The separating line between fiction and reality is a clear division, but one that this writer wants to blur a little more each day. I spend x amount of time with the distraction of a good tale and x amount of time surrounding myself with a support network. But, when you cannot control the ratio? A lot of time alone leads to delusion. May happy times lie ahead in the words with good friends and our readers. |
| I've been rereading my first blog, from the beginning, and remembering what I struggled with and how optimistic I was starting on the path here. I became disillusioned, as I am sure many have, because my expectations were not met. I yearn to find a place in this internet dungeon where I can envision a glimmer, just a crack of light to help me escape. I want to get back what little innocence I had when I started here and begin again. Just doesn't seem like I will find what I am looking for here, maybe nowhere. Embrace those newbies and let them know they are loved and don't quit on them during their awkward phases and struggles for worth and recognition. Expect people to be a little unreasonable. Be patient and help them understand, if you truly are angels. Unconditional support will help them see, while I still cope with this self-imposed dark hole I put myself into. |
| I had a break through this morning thanks to the sermon in church. Found some words about John Wesley that I can apply to my life. I have been living in the flesh and not in the spirit. Whether or not I am accepted by god, which it feels I am not, I can be more spiritual. That means appreciating life again and stop stressing over the details. I just need to do what makes me happy. I could appreciate more time with the kids and find a balance that does not include wiling away the hours in places I am not welcomed with open arms or lifted high on shoulder for the things I know I do well. Got to find my voice, then my audience and preach! Okayyyy, need to tone it down a bit. I was blessed by a good mother and corrupted by a soulless, loathesome man whose approval I never won. You would think over ten years after his death his influences on me could be unshackled. I could live by my own convictions that could fill this soul daily. Need those little deposits in the bank, a therapist once told me. Well, I'm not earning any dividends by wasting my time with trivial, mind numbing endeavors. Time to move on. No seriously, I need to get up and go now. Take my feet off the couch and go live life. Outdoors, it's nice out? I'm going to get to it. Starting a checklist that starts with Find Your Will. |
| I'm in the bath again. The waves are washing over me, trying to take me out to sea, I've tethered myself to the mast. Wish me luck as I sail aimlessly on this lost sea. Want to wash ashore in some forgotten paradise. Alone with nature is what I plead. I want to medicate, but I'm a big boy now. Learning to deal with these emotions with the chemicals in this vessel is all I require. I hate what I become and that few can comprehend why I am me. It's hard to seek love, earn it, keep it because the monster wants to kill the Dr. Jekyll inside. I'm sorry to those I have wronged.
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| I've decided I need a place where I don't feel compelled to be politically correct and chose the current internet den of iniquity Twitter. Don't know where I am going with this, but for now the more humorous 'rant' side of me that separates from the writer in me (sometimes). It's already an odd mix. Bringing two of my worlds together in a sense. Going by bron glaedrfly...for now. Since I'm not famous enough to be known by one name...or be known. If you are new to Twitter or thinking of joining, make your 17th tweet a haiku (use #thweet to tag) like I did. Or senyu. https://mobile.twitter.com/glaedrfly/ |
| Your paper words blaze Char them all down to the ground A fresh voice crackles Took a few words jotted down on notepad and turned it into a haiku. Originally wrote: 'Set fire to words on paper Char them all down to the ground Your voice is too distant.' I changed the ending to provide a result rather than further the theme. Unrelated, I'm sure, I had written in the column, "save on medication & alcohol." Oh, now I see the math to support that logic. Must have been doing taxes again! Oh, and..."polar vortex winter apparel fluctuations." Winter clothes closet is a mess! |
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In the Falkland Islands, internet is very limited and very expensive. The place I'm currently staying only lets me use it in the middle of the night, so when I have to get up at 3 am to check my texts (no cell service to the US here unless I'm on the internet) or WdC, I don't do nearly as much as I used to. 
I currently have 2 very long emails I still need to get to from several days ago. Anyway, I miss everyone, but I also miss sleep, so there's that. 
Have you spoken to the doctor about your vision problems lately? I know there are special glasses for it because I have to wear them to read much ever since the brain injury. It's part of why I now only listen to audiobooks instead of reading regular books. It took 8 years for anyone to diagnose it because I have a brain injury and while one might think it would be obvious to me that I see double, it wasn't. Partly, my brain does a fair job of compensating. But also, partly, you use your brain to realize and understand that the 2 images you constantly see are double vision and something you should mention to your eye doctor. Since my brain was damaged, even basic things like that can escape me. 
I never once thought to mention it, even with annual eye exams in the Army and an exam every 2 years at the VA. Though, in my defense, since it happens in something like 41% of people with a brain injury, it should have been discovered by an eye doctor much sooner. 
I know doing that activity is a CRAP TON of work. But you made a difference in lives, not just his, but for all the people he's reviewed since. 
Well done! 
