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 |  My life is a roller coaster ride, but there's beauty in the madness. |
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Ink in Faded Hues My aspirations, triumphs, and failures. Life is a beautiful mess! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ~All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes, to make it possible.~ T.E. Lawrence ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This is me, for those of you who wondered! 
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A good, hard... Uhm, yeah. Let's just stop there, shall we?SINspiration struck, and as promised, for those of you of age and capable of standing such things, here is my latest tail.....err...tale! A smutty little piece of a...ction. 
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| I really need to learn to reign myself in a bit. There is no middle ground with me and I'm never happy unless I am all in and things are "balls to the wall"...or so to speak. Be it immersing myself into characters and a story, life, love, laughter, or partying....I do it all to the extreme. Everything in excess. Is this just the need for a constant surge of adrenaline and activity or the markings of an intense personality? Why is it that there is no middle ground with me in life....and why...in those moments of still tranquility, when I find myself left alone to my own devices and bored...do I feel so forsaken and empty? *sighs* More of life's pointless questions to ponder. |
| Hmm. A few quick updates, as I am massively busy as of late, and roasting alive after cutting the grass. Much to my shock  I took 3rd place yesterday in "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  Needless to say with the outstanding quantity and quality of entries this time around, I was floored. Anndd...I am quite humbled to be listed anywhere near the other two winners. Their stories blew me away! In other news, I have once away wisked off to my own little world with my beloved twin. I think we made campfires long before they were even called that...what like ohh a decade ago! This time around is ABSOLUTELY the friggin best though. I am having so much fun that I constantly feel the need to squeeze things and shake. May this one never end!  Got news today that the anthology I am in has been published and the book will be in my mailbox within the next few weeks. Yaaay! *joyous snoopy dance* My first time in print. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Hmm...that could also be the bugs I inhaled while cutting the grass.  I'm currently working on (hold onto yer seats kiddies) an erotica piece. I know. It's just a short story, but the characters from the campfire had a mind to get together and have some fun in a more public forray. Wait....how kinky did that just sound? I didn't mean it like that. No exhibitionism in this story, I swear! As soon as I am done pounding *HA* my way through that one, I will post it up and share. I'm nice like that!  The end of the month is near and I am scrambling to wrap up loose ends...lend helping hands where needed, keep up with a few reviews, etc etc etc. Soo if you don't see me smilin' lil face as much lately, that's why. Hope you are all doing well. Best wishes and happy writing! |
| ~No pleasure, no expressions just an illusion of what should of been but wasn't. ~It's like my mind knows what's right but my heart is being stubborn and still cares. ~It's amazing how you make your face just like a wall, how you take your heart and turn it off, how I turn my head and lose it all. ~If you were to ask me how many times my heart has been broken, I would tell you to count the stars in the sky. |
| “The biggest cause of trouble in the world today is that the stupid people are so sure about things and the intelligent folks are so full of doubts.” Hey, Mara...I was thinking about this today. Me thinks it is the hot tight pants....or maybe the five inch heels. They cut off the blood flow! Not sure what Reap's excuse is. He's just...well...Reaper. Or maybe he secretly struts around in them when no one else is looking! LOL So anyway, it was an insane weekend. Sooooo busy and yesterday bordered on being hellish. The grocery store was packed and for some reason, after that whole ordeal, I got dragged right back out the door to go out to eat. My family is starting to irk me that way. I had to sit at the table for 2 hours the other night and choke down some steak...and again last night at the chicken house. Then today, my mom called and we were talking and she gets real quiet for a minute...and asks.... "You're not anorexic are you?" Whaaaat? Needless to say I was like "Jesus mom! Do I LOOK anorexic to you?" Apparently between having the wisdom tooth shift and then getting the cold from hell, I lost too much weight for their liking. She's worried...he's worried and then I end up getting sat down at the table and babysat while I eat. Bah! Hopefully I won't have to deal with this much longer and I can have a few days of peace again while he's away.There was a moment of humor on the way home. I get so tired of rubbernecking gawkers and we were driving by the lake on the way home. Tinted windows cracked, stero booming to Right Round cuz I LOVE that song...and low and behold there was another one. A confused tween this time with his hat cocked sideways on his head, his pants hanging half off...staring HARD as we sat at the stop sign. The only way it could have been any worse is if he would have turned around and walked backwards. After having the rat looking creep slow to a stop beside me this weekend when I walked to the store, I had it. I rolled down the window and proceeded to ask him what he was staring at. Snorting sounds beside me and J is literally chuckling into his fist. I huff and glance back out the window. Malibu's Most Wanted is STILL gawking. He gets the finger and a few choice words and J is then dying and cracking up beside me. Unbelieveable. It is so damn rude to stare! On a bright note, after four years, my big brother has finally slipped back into my clutches. He forgot next weekend is his birthday and readily agreed to going out with me after avoiding that for the last few years. One little birthday song sung to him in a restraunt by a few hot girls he had been eyeing and I'm like banned for life! Ahh but not this year. I'm good. They are having Bike Night at the Quaker State and Lube that weekend too...so we are going to have to stop by there so I can check out the bikers....err...bikes and enter the giveaway. Two brand spanking new hogs! Yaaaay! Hot men in leather! Yaaaaay! Have a great week! |
| Charity begins at home and justice begins next door. |
| I am starting to go through some serious Sons of Anarchy withdrawls. When is the second season going to start? When will the first season be available for purchase? I mean come on already, FX! I can't eat, I can't sleep, I'm shaky, and I can't concentrate. I need my fix! *mutters* This is worse than my Chicago Bears withdrawl durring off-season. *rocks with my blankie and cries* |
| Funny how one situation can produce two vastly different views, depending on which side of the fence you sit on. Literally. I watched a movie last night, based on the book, The Boy in Striped Pajamas. While well versed in this dark period of history, I never took the time to look at it from the perspective of a child. The story follows eight-year-old Bruno and his family. They move from their stately house in Berlin to a work camp, where his father has been promoted to Commadant. Lonely and bored, Bruno peers out his window to see the distant work camp, which he thinks is a farm. Oblivious to what is going on around him, he thinks the children and "farmers" are a little odd, because they wear their pajamas all day. One of the most poignant moments for me was when he was talking to the little boy he befreinds on the other side of the fence. Aching for other children to play with, Bruno tells him he is lucky because he gets to be "in there and play with his friends all day." Watching this movie and seeing history through the eyes of two children who did not understand the gravity of the situation, or comprehend what was happening in the world around them, was an eye opening experience. It made me think of just how many ways this can be utilized and applied in character study and contrast. Beyond that, it was a moving tale well worth the read, or the view. Unforgettable in many ways. Two opposite sides of the fence can produce two totally seperate views. It seems mom's age old advice about taking a moment to put yourself in someone else's shoes was great advice. Not only in our dealings with others, but in our writing as well. |
Wow. I am so sorry my dear friends and readers. I regret to inform you that I will no longer be able to look over your stories or offer you any advice. It has come to my attention this morning, that I know absolutely nothing about the craft! It seems my recent publication was a major fluke, a freak accident of nature, and I should probably apologize to the publishers and ask them to remove my vile work from the anthology before it hits the press.  I know many of you are probably wondering why it took me so long to realize this. I apologize. You see, I am a little slow sometimes. I like to live in my own little world and it’s quite dark in these caves. All is well now, for my eyes have been opened. This morning, I received the most helpful review imaginable! It said: It goes on and on and on and on . . . get to the point! At the bottom, it included a generous 1 star rating. Now this being for my latest piece of drivel, I thought maybe I had lost my touch. I was curious to see what this insightful reviewer had to offer. After all, it’s never to late to teach an old dog new tricks. So, I meander over to their port, with the hopes of learning something new and exciting, a whole new way to perfect the arduous task of writing. This is where I learned that I know nothing at all. Why did none of you tell me? I found within the contents of their portfolio, the most amazing work ever. It blew me away and humbled me all in one fell swoop. Fifteen years I have devoted to learning, practicing, and trying…taking every bit of advice I have gotten into careful consideration before typing each word. I spend countless hours trying to learn more, so that I can continue to grow and improve. However, I’ve learned nothing. Now, I won’t share their work word for word, but it went something like this. Jake was so funny. Everyone wanted to be like him. All he had to do was smile and scrunch up his face and everyone would laugh. Everything he did was humorous and great. Jake was so funny. So THIS is what a story is supposed to be like! I honestly don’t know what I was thinking. I am so embarrassed!  I never claimed to be good, let alone great. But, I did think that maybe, I had an ounce…just one lil ounce of talent buried somewhere within me. It seems I was wrong, very wrong.So, I digress. All of that helpful advice nestled within that review has opened my eyes. After reading that story, it’s abundantly clear I have no clue what writing is. Please forgive me for paining you with my terrible work and for handing out shoddy advice. I never meant to do you any harm, but you know what they say….those that can’t do….. ~signed a deeply regretful, Adriana Best wishes and have a great weekend everyone! |
| Sometimes, relationships are too difficult to fathom. Things that were once golden and flawless have a way of tarnishing and developing major flaws. I feel a huge void growing between myself and the one person I love most in this world and I'm unsure how to fix it. It's eating me away bit by bit and each time I think of it, I want to cry. I know she means well, but sometimes her words cut me to the soul and bleed me dry. It makes me defensive and when I hurt, I tuck and hide, much like a frightened turtle. I feel like she is slipping away and all I can do is watch her go. Deep down I know if I go to her and tell her how I feel, she will take it wrong and things will get worse. Telling her how I feel will hurt her because she's a sensitive soul. It's been that way in the past. That or she will somehow twist it all around so it becomes my fault, when it takes two. I just don't know what to do anymore....but I need her. I need her so much right now that it hurts. I don't need her judgement or advice, but just her...being there...by my side, like she always has been. If I can no longer connect with the one person I truly felt loved by no matter what and could trust not to hurt, but to comfort, where does that leave me? A little bird, fallen from the nest. I feel this terror, this pain all too often when I think of my relationships with people. I ache to be more, to bring myself up somehow in their eyes. an Amry of one is just a phrase. There is only so much one person can do on their own. The men in my life are distant, gruff, and often emotionally unreachable. I crave their love and affection with terrible force, only to fall short in their eyes. Over the years, I've trusted the wrong people, forged strong relationships with weak people. I'm damaged. I don't trust easy. I don't open up to strangers and let them in. Once in a while, I catch myself. I'll put myself out there and then, realizing what I do, I reel myself back in like a tightly would coil that has snapped. I'm terrified of people, knowing all too well the damage they can do, and I'm scared to death to lose the few people I do have. Yet beneath it all, I want those things so badly. Relationships hurt. People have the power to wound and kill with thier words, their actions, their fists. Yet so does the lack thereof. So, I drown in a salty undercurrant of tears. |
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