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 |  A chance at rediscovery and enlightenment. I want to be a pink bubble. |
Join my movement towards a more positive existence! Become a PinkBubble too  I will (eventually) be using my blog to include daily/weekly exercises to assist me in reaching my goal of becoming 'Pink'.If you would like to join me, please let me know and I will add your name to my blog list and make sure I read your blog often. I hope you will read mine too. This way we can support each others progress and help each other in creating new ways of thinking....PINK!It is all about love and light! . ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** P.I.N.K. Positive Inspirational Nourishing Kind Positivity: As The new year looms, I am creating a new neurological path . Studies show that A positive mind anticipates happiness, joy, health and a successful outcome of every situation and action. Whatever the mind expects, it finds. Habitual negative thoughts have established neurological pathways in the brain like pathways through a forest. The more frequently these pathways are used, the clearer and easier they are to use. Pathways less frequently used, become overgrown and are less easy to travel. ~Dr. Sylvia Mills Ph.D. I am going to create new pathways in my brain, filled with positive feelings, thoughts, and emotions. I am going to learn new ways of thinking and of living. I may stumble at times and fall into the familiar pattern of negative thinking, but I will not stay on that dark and hopeless road for long. I will familiarize myself with the new path I am going to create, the one that is filled with joy and happiness . I have traveled down the same negative roads for so long, it is time for a change of scenery. I will become a Positive person. This does not mean that I will not face obstacles, it means I will deal with those obstacles in a positive and productive manner. “Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one” ~Hans Selye Inspiration: I shall seek out those that are inspirational to me. I shall seek out the company of positive thinkers, those who are lovers not fighters. I will surround myself with love and light and perhaps their vibrations will inspire me to be more like them. I want to shine bright in both word and action. I want to eventually be an Inspiration for another. “To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” ~Author Unknown Nourishing: I want to Nourish the Earth and it's inhabitants. I will learn the many ways to feed the human soul, including my own. I will educate myself and others on how to protect our planet and resources. I will not only make a change, I will be one. “Love is the immortal flow of energy that nourishes, extends and preserves. Its eternal goal is life.” ~ Smiley Blanton Kind: Such a simple concept and such a hard one for some to grasp. I will be working on reminding myself that Love and Kindness can heal almost any situation. I will forgive myself for my past and learn new ways of looking at others, especially at those who seem hopeless. I will do more random acts of Kindness. I will try to make a difference, however small, in one life everyday. “Spread love everywhere you go: First of all in your own house... let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness; kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile, kindness.” ~ Mother Teresa Follow me on my quest to be a better person. Help me if you see me falter. Read as I make the change into an enlightened person. Watch me rediscover myself. |
| Although I guess it is common to see hawks in Illinois, I have never noticed them here like I did in California. As we were driving Kat to the airport there were many hawks. chad saw three sitting together on a fence. We saw a couple flying. On the way home, i saw one who seemed unable to fly, eventually getting air...I did not see if he ended up soaring or not as we drove by too fast. I looked up the meaning of the hawk as far as animal totems go. I was told a long time ago that the hawk was one of my spirit guides. I have know, personally, that owls are one of my spirit guides but rarely take notice of Hawks. Today, there was no ignoring them. Chad says hawks are common here because of the farmers and the mice but the ground is frozen solid??? I am wondering if there is a message here. I wonder who to ask.... |
May flowers always line your path and sunshine light your day. May songbirds serenade you every step along the way. May a rainbow run beside you in a sky that's always blue. And may happiness fill your heart each day your whole life through. ~Irish Blessing I am off to the airport to drop off Kat. Saying I will miss her is an understatement. I really feel that this is her best shot at redefining herself or at least her best shot at letting go of some hurts from the past that center around this town and a couple of people in it. She is becoming more at peace with her decision and her hardest and actually only 'thing' is how much she will miss me. It is taking everything in me to not leave my husband and follow her wherever she might lead me but I have done that before. She needs to remember she deserves happiness and that she is special. She needs to remember that everything does not come easy. I am thinking selfishly right now, but I will miss her and want her here. I am going to feel so alone. I realize I have my husband but everything I know is in Cali. too bad we really dislike where I came from (the valley for those of your familiar with Cali) and can not afford to move to the more beautiful parts of the state. I will need to find real ways to fill my time. I want to move immediately (that wont happen but we can do it soon), I need to go back to working with children. I need to concentrate on improving my own situation and work on me so i show my children by example.... I am thankful for this site and another site that I belong to (but have been lax on visiting). Without having made any 3D friends here, I feel less alone, so I say my thanks to those of you that have shown support, gave love, shared your lives, hope, dreams, fears, etc. with me. You should know who you are. Kat will be fine. I want her to know she will succeed. |
| ~ Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. ~ Seneca Thursday, my daughter bought a bottle of sleeping pills. She made sure she had 100 pills this time rather than the 50 she took last time, but this time she had no other pills to add to it. She did not come home at 3:15 like she does every other day. I knew something was wrong. I called the police, got on her myspace, contacted her friends. the word was out. I finally found her. She had thrown the pills down but.... Kat has been getting harassed at school, along with the other crap from her ex she is dealing with. It is hard for her to escape what she has done in the past. She no longer parties and her friends really do not like that. they are all partiers and while they still wanted to be her friends, they are people she did not like once she sobered up. She does not like who she has became. In the past couple of months, at least two girls have told her to go get a new bottle of pills and do it right this time. Thursday, girls she did not even know threw french fries at her in the lunch room and another girl told her to shut up (bitch) in one of her classes. She found out (again) how little her ex-boyfriend cares about her (he really doesn't care about anyone...but she thinks he does). Her birthday was yesterday, mine is today. We had plans to go to a SPA and get the full treatment. Her grades are all A's (even though it is only the beginning of the quarter) and her teachers have told me she is a changed student. She will be leaving tomorrow to live in Cali. It is not safe for her here. It may not be safe for her there without me either, but here....she does not have a chance in this tiny, backwards town. She can not escape. You can not go to the gas station without seeing at least two people you know. everyone knows you business and everyone feels the need to tell her who doesn't like her, what has been said (anything negative that is) about her, and what or who her boyfriend has done. We (Chad and I) are planning on getting out of this town (I hate it and did before Katelyn started having troubles.) We will be moving to Decatur where Chad works and hopefully there will be more opportunities to grow with a larger city. I want Kat back after that, but mostly I want her to be happy....wherever that might be. I am hoping that she can do the work to change. I am not going to be in Cali to advocate for her. Her dad is an ass and says things that are so very insensitive....I worry about her. I feel like I am losing a huge chunk of my life. I am sorry to those emails I have not replied to. I am not sure if I will be able to 'get it together' for a while. I am just so very, very sad...... so very sad.... where are the answers? I could sit here and type so much. i could release, vent. I feel unfinished yet too empty...an odd array of emotions. I want my child. I want my child with me, but I want my child well. It is too easy for people to forget that less than 4 months ago, Kat was in ICU for 3 days, lucky to be alive. Her father forgets. He does not realize or remember how hard it is to be a teen and he has not an idea of what to do with a girl. My GOD! I do not cry normally. I feel like I could cry an ocean. The tears, however, sit unshed right behind my closed eyelids. I do not know how to function right now. I am pretending like I think she is doing a good thing by moving. she is scared. she doesn't want to leave me. She told me last night she felt like there was a war going on in her head. When I tried to get her to explain, she closed up because she could not explain. she suddenly got tired. Should I not let her get on the plane? Chad says in a month, she will be wanting to come back. he thinks it will be because of Micheal (her ex). I am not sure, maybe. Why she is in love with this loser (believe me, he deserves that title for tons of reasons and usually I do not judge teens as they are still finding themselves....but). Kat has deleted all her friends off of myspace except for a couple. She has some very good friends, good kids...but there is so much negativity here.... I feel like she is moving too fast to Cali. i want to see if there is a way for me to fix this but i know I am grasping at straws. The mental health here is a joke. There would be solutions but I am afraid they might not come soon enough. I cant keep her out of school..... I guess I am done venting...I feel empty. |
| Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact. Henry James I started this blog with the best intentions. I expect to change my life but where do I begin? I feel like a scared rabbit, trapped in a dark hole, covered with snow. I feel disoriented and helpless a lot of the time. How do I change this feeling and do something? Well, I started.... I wrote my Dear Me letter for WDC. I, perhaps did not bear all of my soul but tried to be honest and whether or not I win the competition (which would of course be nice) or not, I will look at that letter at least once a week. I have been trying to find a new job. I had to take leave, actually I guess i quit, my job at the local Dollar general when Kat went into the hospital. I know they do not need people. I called Walmart. they had wanted to hire me before the holidays but I had already had planned my trip to Cali. they are laying off people right now. I am afraid i will not be finding a job easily in this small town with this horrid economy. We should be moving soon to a larger town and i hope to get a job doing what i went to college for, but will take anything. I am about to go to the local McDonalds. I do not want to do the same work I did as a teen, but really, a job is a job? At least I am working at convincing myself of that. I am starting to get very depressed sitting in my house and the weather is no help. It seems the sun never shines fully in this state. I miss having the warmth of the blazing sun. I think I will take a nap today and forced myself to go out tomorrow. Yes, i know i could forced myself today....but I am without the discipline to forced myself into action...today.... Kat is sick. She is running a fever and feels warm in the house which is registering at a lovely 65 degrees. I have to stay up long enough to let the heater repair man into my house. I hope he comes soon.... My gosh, I am just a ball of positivity today... |
| You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do. Eleanor Roosevelt After living in fear for the latter part of last year that my youngest would try and hurt herself again, I became a lax parent. I feared that if she was unhappy, she would do something stupid AGAIN. When she would confide in me her mistakes and her really stupid decisions, I would try and play the part of understanding mom, telling her of course I was not disappointed. But, I was. I told her everyone makes mistakes and that part I still believe. I am disappointed in her for continuing to make those SAME mistakes and not learning from them. I am disappointed more so in the fact that she just seems to give up on herself. I am disappointed in myself for giving her free reign to continue to act in ways that can not be helping her. Last night was not a good night. Kat has been spending the nights at a friend's house. I knew there was limited parental supervision but allowed her to stay there anyways. I would call the next day to get her to come home and would easily be talked into allowing her to stay another night. In the three nights she stayed there she was able to make many incredibly dumb decisions. I am proud that she has not touched drugs. I talked to her friend and I was told that Kat won't drink or smoke because it messes with her medication. However, Kat did other things that I feel are just as dangerous. She is acting out sexually. She slept with her ex boyfriend's best friend. When I asked her why, she told me it was because she knew that there were no feelings involved on either of their parts and she felt safe. I believe this has to do with jealousy over her ex and believe she was acting out (wonder if I should have her tested for bipolar). I asked her if she felt bad that all her friends have had multiple partners and she had only had one. I asked her if she was trying to catch up. It was a sick joke on my part...but I did wonder. she then started talking to her ex and slept with him and was disappointed when he did the norm; he disregarded her and her feelings. She came home tore up inside and preceded to beg me to move to Cali (her dad said no...I know he does not have the tools or the inclination to deal with his daughter). She then said she wanted to stay with my sister. My sister has her own problems. Kat told me she was scared of what she might do. She told me, "Once you try suicide, it is too easy to do it again." I sat and worried and cried and then....something snapped. I have been terrible. I am sorry, she may almost be at the age where she will be on her own and I will not be able to save her from making these stupid decisions but she is not 18 yet. Chad and I sat down and talked. He told me that no one was moving anywhere without a lot of discussion. (those of you that know how much I talk have no idea how much this man can talk....lol. I am quiet compared....) I listened to him talk this time. He said I was sitting shotgun on Katelyn's drama train. He is a hardcore believer in strict, strict parenting. I have accused him of not knowing what it is like to be a parent because he is not one and that is not fair. he has been around Kat since she was in 4th grade and loves her. I had to hear him out. He convinced me (of something I knew in my heart already) that it was time to step off her drama train and stop her from boarding it as well. We spent the evening putting together a lock-box for all my pills. He joked about how if anyone asked him how he spent his Saturday night, he would tell them, "well, I made a lock-box for pills and then I went and got a movie that we did not watch and food to feed the masses". he joked about how I was spending my weekend night as well. I love him. I went and talked to Kat. I told her we are planning on moving to another town (for us, not her). I told her she was not going to spend the night nor was I going to encourage her friendship with these children that had so many personal issues of their own. I let her know I have been too easy on her. I finally told her I was disappointed. I loved her, but was disappointed in her choices. I explained that life is tough and it made me sick to hear that she was wanting to end her life because it was a rough. Life IS rough. She is a teen and she keeps putting herself in stupid situations. I am here to stop her and to make good decisions for her until she can prove to me that she can make them on her own. Life can change....it can be wonderful, it can be heartbreaking....you must live through it to grow. You just have to live and make positive choice and act positively and believe in yourself, even when it seems no one else does. I told her if she crawls through her window, meltdown and need to get away or not, I will nail it shut. If she leaves through the front or back door, we have padlocks for those doors ready to install. I have lost faith in the psych 'help' here, so sending her to the hospital is out of the question (and she fears that is what I will do). She will have a hard time at school. I am ready. I took her cell phone until she settled down and she did settle down. I told her that i will be taking that cell (and she can scream and slam her door (which will be removed if she does slam it). Text messaging and cell phones are destroying our children. they can text hurtful things without thinking and without facing that person when they say them. They are left to deal with making rash comments, much like it is easy to hurt another on the computer. You do not have to face the music until later and usually you are sorry for what you have said. Sometimes, it is just a huge mess to clean up. On the computer, with strangers, it is easy to just let that relationship go. When you do this rash texting thing and make hurtful or type confused messages, you are going to have to face those people the next day at school or work. She has school and.....she has school. She has her room and she can have friends who come here, she will not be going 'there'. I know this is not going to be easy, but I am going to stick to my guns. I have to be the parent I was to Heather (who turned out fine, but who knew that she would turn into the wonderful woman she is now during her horrid teen years). I will take my chances that Kat will run away or try and harm herself because I can not control that. I can call the police and let them pick her up if she runs away, stupidly in the snow...and I can lock her up (literally) in her bedroom if she tries to hurt herself until I find good help. I wonder if she will ask to go somewhere today..... The answer will be no! A lot of this revolves around one boy. chad said he will be going to his parent's house. I hope he meant it. Kat's existence as she has came to know it is no more. Together, we will paint her a new, brighter existence.... |
| Depression is nourished by a lifetime of ungrieved and unforgiven hurts. Penelope Sweet Winter tends to make me depressed, or should I say winter makes me More depressed. If I am to believe the quote I have posted, than it would seem that I have some people to forgive and some grudges to let go. I have always hated hate. I feel like it is the person that holds hate in their heart that suffers, not the person the emotion is directed at. I have hated very few people in my life, but I have held hate and grudges. Some of my hate might be justified, in my own mind, but that does not mean that that horrid emotion did not eat at me from the inside out. I have thought that I have let go of the hate but I wonder if I truly have... I forgive you Paul Rich. I do so for myself, not for you. I forgive you for your sins against your own family and I forgive you for the person you allowed yourself to become. It is not for me to judge you. I shall heal from those atrocities and sins that you committed against me as a child. I do not know what made you into the monster that you were. I pity you. You will not take anymore from me, emotional or physical. You will have yourself to answer to in the end and I know your end has came. I will stop myself from wondering if you are paying for your acts. It is of none of my concern from this point on. I forgive you John, Tim, Shawn. I am not sure how you can continue to live and justify what you did to me. I do not know how two of you raise two young daughters and not worry that a boy like you will defile your child. I do not wish your children to suffer from the sins of their fathers. I only hope that they are not the way you learn the lessons that you failed to learn as teenagers. I know now that I have done nothing wrong, that your acts have not defined me as a person. I will not harbor hate for you anymore. I will move on... I forgive you Dad. You did the best you could. I will never understand why you chose to die the way you did but I know that had you known how much you would have affected others with your actions, you may have decided against killing yourself. I will write my book about your death and in using my story, your story, will perhaps help another. I forgive those that harbor hate against me. I forgive anyone who has spitefully spread rumors or said negative things against my character. I can not control who likes me and who does not. I can only try and be the best person I can be. I forgive myself for being human. I forgive myself for all the times I did not place myself in another's shoes and those times I did not show compassion. I forgive myself for my shortcomings in being able to let go of hurt, instead allowing it to fester and grow like some sick disease. In forgiving myself, i can move on. This does not mean I will not falter again...it means I can take my next step free of guilt until I am only human once again. |
| If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden. ~Claudia Ghandi I am leaving California today and leaving behind my oldest daughter and granddaughter for at least another six months. I already have cried a couple of times. It is hard leaving a child, especially. Emily will be four the next time I see her. In a short time, she will have grown so much. I worry we will not be close. I worry tonight she will ask where I am and her mother will be left to explain. Heather is taking this hard as well. We do not like 'Goodbyes'. Who does? I am very proud of my oldest daughter. She is doing quite well with school and raising my grandchild. She is a beautiful person, inside and out. I know she is 'okay' without me and that makes me happy. I must have done my job. I know she will miss me and she worries about my health. It is just a symptom of her fear of not having me close to her. In less than two years, she will move and we will all be together again. My life is waiting on the other side of today. I have so many worries about my own life. I feel so alone in Illinois, even though I have my husband. He is content with just him and I. He loves my children but is content as long as he has me. I need my children and their children. I need other family members there for support in dealing with Kat. Kat needs other members of her family when she feels she can not talk to me. I do not like her choice of friends and those are the people she turns to if she is having emotions or problems she can not deal with. I will be searching for a job. I am not sure where I will work in such a tiny town and most likely will be doing a job that is not in the field of which I went to College for, but we need the money. I will be working on myself this year. I began my blog with the intent to improve myself, my self-esteem, my ability to help others...to be 'Pink'. My intent is to finally become familiarized with myself again. I feel I lost who I was and am to being a mother, wife, worker, etc. I do not know what makes my heart sing anymore, at least what makes my heart sing when it is not connected to what someone else is doing. Of course my heart sings when my children do well or when Emily giggles, but I have lost the joy to appreciate little things like sitting alone in my own environment and listening to the birds sing. I have lost my enjoyment in drawing, in artistic expression, in dance. I have forgotten how to meditate effectively or take the time to pray. Maybe I have not forgotten, just have been too lazy or even too busy (in my head?) to do the things that make me Really happy. I am going to start making a list. I really do not know where to start. I do know when I get home, I have the pleasure of going to the doctor and getting treated for the bronchitis I developed. I have a house to clean and Kat's bedroom to reorganize, now that she decided she did not want to stay in California after all. I have applications to put in. Those are tedious, mundane things. I need to write what I will start doing to make my quest begin...the quest for self-realization and enlightenment. I am thinking I shall start with forgiveness. My next blog entry will probably be about mundane things, but I shall start to keep my thoughts concerning my growth in Rose font. I will start to do exercises and pretty much be my own psychotherapist with help from others around me and books. I shall see everyone on the other side of today. |
| The prompt was: fuel use for jets AKA air traffic I have googled this and I know there are not much as far as fuel replacement options for jetliners. They have started to try and save on emissions and fuel by changing the design of airliners, filling the planes and making less trips. I saw in SOM's blog, a comment about the wealthy and their private planes. I agree there are probably too many private planes but that includes those that are not that wealthy and have small planes for personal use. I had a friend who had one and we took a ride. It was great. It was a two seater and I never thought about emissions or pollution. I do not think many do. This is an interesting topic....I would have to do even more research to comment intelligently on it. |
| First, I have decided to add a quote of the day. It is more for my benefit than others, but if it strikes a cord with someone else that is great! Confucius It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness. I have read so many posts and heard so many opinions how the rating system should be handled. I think it something that is a matter of a personal opinion. There is no wrong or right way of going about it and there is absolutely no reason to get upset if someone is an easier critic than you are. I used to and still can get upset if someone gives me a low rating, it is all about that darn ego. I tend to be less upset if they give valid reasons for why they rated the way they did. I may not always agree with their assessment of my work, but at least there is a reason and I have the opportunity to look into how I could have improved the reading experience for them. I also do not care to just have an auto rating put on my piece without hearing why there may be a star missing, even if it is just half a star. I get many reviewers that state my piece is perfect, wonderful, etc. (not saying that the piece is or was) but then gives it four stars. Why? I asked one girl who praised one of my stories up and down, telling me it was perfect, marvelous, when will I continue the story and she gave me four stars. Fine, four stars...but with THAT review I wondered what I could have done better if it was as perfect as she said. When I inquired what I could have done to earn that last star, she told me, "Nothing, I am just saving my stars as i just got back on the site." Did the site limit stars before I came? LOL I was clueless and just took my rating and thought, 'it is the review that counts'. Isn't it? I have actually learned from quite a few reviewers. I have a couple of people I go to for 'hard core' critiques as I know they are the best at whatever facet of writing I am looking to improve upon. They are honest but not hurtful in their assessments. I want to thank them here and now for encouraging me to continue in my growth as a writer without making me feel like I was less of one than they are for my lack of current knowledge of certain aspects or rules Thank you!I am a generous rater. I know many people have been published here, but that does not mean to me that that are not fallible or that they are suddenly editors because they published a book. There are many ways to get published and some publishers are just too eager to take whatever comes to them, many times not even asking for editing. We are not discussing what constitutes being a true published author though....we are talking about ratings I am learning how to write, again. I have been out of practice and am currently enrolled in a class for punctuation and comma usage. This stuff was taught in 3rd grade. I write and have always written to purge. I write so others might feel what I am feeling. When I am rated and reviewed, I want to know how the reader felt. That is my main objective in asking for reviews is to know how my writing affected the reader. It is also helpful to know if things are misspelled and such. I cringe when I visit one of my forums I used to frequent and look at my posts. I posted without thought to typos (I am typo queen) or how the finished product would look. There, people saw through the spelling mistakes and typos and responded to the writer. Here, I have learned to pick up these small mistakes-for the most part. A perfect rating means that you think an item is ready for publication(according to many). I will give a five star if I do not notice any mistakes and I love the piece. Who am I to say whether or not a piece is ready for publication? Like I said, I think almost everyone can be published somewhere. Depends on what the e-zine or magazine is looking for, where you submit it, etc. I feel justified in rating work with no spelling or grammar errors, that I immensely enjoyed, with a perfect score. I tend not to rate lower than average on any given story. You average writer in society writes with errors. I may offer ways for them to change or 'fix' their stories or poems (with what limited knowledge I have-I am NOT an editor) and will tell them to please mail me so I may read and rate it again. I shudder to think how many could be authors are turned off of WDC because of some of the harsh reviews they get here. Some of these authors are also young teens. I TRY and review carefully. I do not want to turn anyone off to writing. This site is not called 'Good Writers.com' but with a little love and support, these people can become better writers. When the subject of a story is something I disagree with, I can still stay objective enough to rate and review it. If I can not, I walk away from the piece. I had someone recently read a poem of mine. It was actually written and inspired by a native American friend of mine (and will be published in her book once final editing is done). She obviously missed the point of the poem.
In this poem, I am talking about a person who is comfortable with themselves. They can stand on their own morals, never falling to the elements around them. They feel the beauty within themselves as well as realizing that while they are indeed beautiful, they are one of many. lalala Anyways, this person actually wrote me a review that said: This poem made an interesting read for many reasons. Firstly knowing your extensive community and group involvement I would never have associated you with this poem. That aside this poem makes good use of imagery but the problem I have is that the imagery doesn't support the theme you are trying to express. When I think of trees I think of ecosystems and how each tree is supported and influenced by the surrounding trees. Maybe if you said "Like a single tree standing on its own" etc but every tree doesn't stand on its own. Sure it grows singularly but its entire future is affected by the environment. I love that you feel so confident that you aren't afraid to speak highly of yourself. Here, she misses the point. Trees roots are not intertwined. But what really got me is her barbs at me thinking highly of myself. She does it again: "Like the sun that shines emitting it's own bright light fueling itself through secret prayer I shine a brilliant glow" Some people may not like that or consider it arrogant but I commend you. No one should feel like they can't love themselves. All I can say to this is OMG! LOL I have had many people review this and not one called me arrogant. The poem could be written for anyone. We are all truly beautiful in my eyes, or at least have the potential to be. I do not find any of my poem to be vain...especially considering that it was written about another  When I review, and I hope you do too, I take into consideration that perhaps it is just I that have missed the point, that I do not know everything. I have many faults, one being terrible, terrible punctuation. i get fill and feel mixed up all the time and yes, I know the difference. Does this mean my work is not worthy of being read or even written? No. The same goes with any person who wants a chance to tell a story. I think this site was founded wanting to encourage other to Write on! not tear down. We, as fellow humans, should want to help another tell their story...whatever it may be. We should reach out and show people the resources offered here, the classes, the poetry groups, etc. I am so happy I found WDC as I have become a better writer in less than 6 months. If I continue growing at this rate, who knows what I might be able to produce. This is not vanity, this is a possibility....and not only for me, but for everyone. I just ask, rate as you would like to be rated. I do not ask you to give empty praise but to be honest and thoughtful. I challenge myself to do the same. |
| HAWK MOUNTAIN BIRD SANCTUARY The hawk is one of my spirit guides. I have always looked to the skies and when i see one of these beautiful birds, I know there is a message there, especially when I see more than one or one that comes very close to me. This sanctuary is located in east-central Pennsylvania. It is is the world's first refuge for birds of prey. It is a protective grounds for all birds of prey. They offer guided tours and are open year round. I feel sad that there are needs for this kind of 'protective custody' for an sort of animal or bird but it seems man is sometimes intent on killing off certain species due to various reasons. If you would like to check out this awesome place or learn more about it, please go to: http://www.hawkmountain.org/ |
| DEC 30: RE: Literature ... Blog about your favorite author/ novel/ non-fiction -- current read. I am currently reading a book my daughter bought from the used book store by Judith Spencer. The title of the book is 'Suffer the child'. It is true story about a child who suffered great abuse from a mentally unstable mother and developed multiple personalities as a direct result of heinous acts committed. I am not sure if I believe everything in the book. It is hard to imagine that something so obvious would not be noticed, but then again...there are many cases of extreme abuse that goes unawares until a child dies. My favorite authors are V.C. Andrews (before she died and a ghost writer took over) and Jean M. Auel who wrote the Earth Children's series. I currently have one hardcover first addition in my collection. I am impatiently waiting her last book. This woman has got to be in her 80's now and she takes ten years to write each book. I am so afraid she will die and someone else will have to finish her books. That would be a shame and evident in the writing, much like it is evident that VC has not been writing books with her name on it for years. I am open to reading just about everything. I used to read shampoo bottles while in the bathtub or on the toilet. I would read cereal boxes while eating breakfast...I just read. |
| I was asked to blog about: Your take on saving money on staples, rising prices (etc.) I have found it very necessary to start cutting coupons. When i was younger, I was embarrassed by them, silly I know. I now find it a game to see how much I can save. I also frequent a freebie site where I get free items like toothpaste, deodorant, shampoo samples and sometimes full-sized products. I can try out cereal and snack bars before I waste my money on it and find I dislike it. If anyone would like the site address, please mail me after I get home on the 6th. I would be glad to give it to you. It is awesome for finding out the latest deals as well. I think in today's economy, we are foolish or very wealthy not to start to try and save on staples or any items we want or need. My mother is married to a man who as an orthopedic surgeon pulled in a quarter of a million a year (I believe this is before taxes, alimony to his first wife etc.) and they still are extremely thrifty and considered penny pinchers. I think this is wise of them. While my mother does not have to worry about coupons, I know she does buy in bulk, watch sales and generally takes good care of her money. they will not hurt in their latter years and that is a good thing. I hope that we can all come together and help each other learn to save in these trying times. Co-ops are great. There is a place called Angel-food Ministries that buys food is mass bulk and sells them at discount to families or individuals. A chapter just opened up near us. I love it! I think they have a website that you can check to see if they are in your area. A chance at rediscovery and enlightenment. I want to be a pink bubble. |
| Dec. 28th prompt is: You've a big date with a celebrity. (Who?) he or she cancels. Now what? Now, yes, I know it is not the 28th. Forgive me as I am a little behind. To answer this question. I used to have the biggest crush on Richi Sambora from Bon Jovi but he has sort of lost his appeal for his public behavior plus he lost his magic and his hair. I do not have a problem with men losing their hair but when they try to 'thicken' it by using tons of product and teasing it up in some nest of yuck, I do not find it sexy. So, Richi is out. Now, I love Sam Elliot. He is a little, okay, way older than I am but I am one who likes to go to bed early so perhaps he would be just my speed. He is a man who ages gracefully. But he calls to tell me that even my early bedtime is too late for him. Since I do not feel like celebrating new years at noon so he can take his afternoon nap, I must find another date. Now, I know that you all may think that Legolas is a fictional character and not a celebrity but in my mind he is very real. You see, I do not find the actor who played him to be sexy or appealing and I am just sad that Sam is such a old fuddy-duddy, I will have my dream date in my dreams. I will keep those dreams to myself as my husband gets very jealous or my school girl comments regarding this fairy boy I actually think Chad should be happy that I no longer have the life-size cardboard cutout of Aragorn in my kitchen. My daughter bought me the life sized replica of another of my 'crushes' (again the movie char not the actor). Aragorn was covered with many red stained kisses. Me and my girlfriend took tons of pictures with him. he actually looked quite real in the photos. Aragorn was abandoned when we moved out of state. *sighs* I do not have a life-sized Legolas (who I prefer over Aragorn) so I will celebrate my New years with my husband who is actually in some ways, many ways, the man of my dreams and fall asleep and have my romantic, but secret interlude with Legolas later A chance at rediscovery and enlightenment. I want to be a pink bubble. |
| I have a lot of catching up to do. "WDC Frontliners Group"  asked me about my views on Mountain Top removal. Okay, I do not think people should cut off these poor mountain's heads! Seriously though.... Wiki says: Mountaintop removal mining (MTR), often referred to as mountaintop mining (MTM), is a form of surface mining that involves the mining of the summit or summit ridge of a mountain. Entire coal seams are removed from the top of a mountain, hill or ridge by removing the overburden above them, leaving a flat plateau or a gently rolling contour. The large amounts of overburden is moved into neighboring valleys. It is most closely associated with coal mining in the Appalachian Mountains in the eastern United States. The process involves blasting with explosives to remove up to 400 vertical feet of mountain to expose underlying coal seams. Excess rock and soil are often dumped into what are called "holler fills" or "valley fills." After active mining has been completed all disturbed areas of the mining operation are required by Federal law contained in the Surface Mining Control and Reclamation Act of 1977 (SMCRA) to be reclaimed as one of several post-mining land use options. I am not sure how I feel about this really. We need coal for fuel. I would love to go back to the past and learn from the natives who did not blast mountains apart to keep warm or to run factories, cars, etc. The truth is we live in a world that uses these resources. I am not sure what other option there is and would love for someone to come up with one that is easily put into action. I know there are 'greener' ways of doing things (coal is used for only one half of all heating and electricity), but the human race has been brought up and conditioned to get ahead by any means possible, destroying the earth very easily for their personal gain. Think about the gold rush that happened in the early years...ever since white man came to this country, they have been tearing it apart... I feel sad that not only are beautiful mountains being destroyed but we are using explosives (toxic) to blow them up. There is dust and soot that rains down on towns when these mountains are being blown up and this is also toxic. Soon the world will be flat, without vegetation, and people will continue to be poisoned. When will it all stop??? What happens when all the mountains and coal is gone? Then will we startto really look for other means to fuel our country? |
| "WDC Frontliners Group" asked me to blog on: Political correctness of using term: "Christmas" I am not sure what to say without offending anyone. Christmas to Christians is about Christ's birth. Christmas to many different countries and culture can mean something entirely different. Okay, This is so off topic but when I was looking up the meaning of Christmas trying to figure out what it meant to different cultures, I came across this from the Bible: '"Let the women keep silent in the churches; for they are not permitted to speak, but let them subject themselves, just as the Law also says. And if they desire to learn anything let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is improper for a woman to speak in church." 1 Corinthians 14.34-35' Wha???? *shudders* I will just let ya all chew on that a while. I will refrain from telling you all what i feel about hat but wanted to share it. I would love to hear what YOU think about it. Now, that being said, Christmas is not political. It has nothing to do with politics or the Government. I believe that it can mean different things to different people and people are FREE to celebrate it in any fashion in their own homes. I am just so bothered by the above statement that I would like someone explain how that is something 'My God' would say and if you believe your God would say that, Why? |
I am going to go shopping today. We did yesterday and I found the most incredible Tye-dyed dress. Unfortunately, the bust did not fit me at all  It did not even cover enough...well it did not cover enough. I was thinking about having Heather sew a new top, it is basically triangles sewn to a skirt. She does not have her sewing machine ready and I am not sure I could find matching material. I considered just buying it and tearing off the top and using it for a skirt. i still may. i did not want to pay the cost of the dress only to rip it apart. We are going to thrift stores today. yeah! I love finding vintage clothing. I usually wear pajama bottoms and hoodies with my uggs or furry boots, but I do have some very nice 'office' clothes. I have very little 'happy medium' clothes I am either a slob (not really) or dressed for business. oopps...the Emily is up. Off to feed her her daily cheerios! Well, she did not even touch them. I guess Cheerios have finally began to lose their appeal after 9 days straight. She must ask for them out of habit. Now she is drinking eggnog. I am trying to keep it together as I figure out whether or not Kat should come back to Illinois with me. She is really not in a 'good place'. I am not sure what to think about her and her choice of friends. Rumors are being spread about her sleeping with boys and the boy she liked actually listened to some rumor her 'enemy' spread about her. Rumors happen, but this kids then called her a retarded cunt, whore and a bunch of other names. I must admit, I got on her myspace and let this little boy have it. The same girl that told this boy this lie (yes, I know it is a lie as I checked her myspace and she had mailed the boy she supposedly slept with and asked him why HE was spreading lies) also told Kat to go and try 'it' again' meaning attempt suicide again. I would ask how in the world kids could be so cruel, but then again, look at some adults. Kat is angry with me for intervening and I do not blame her...but I am just not sure that Pana is the place for my kid. I am not sure there is a place right now for Kat. My wish would be to put her in a protective bubble (a pink bubble?) and let her stay there until she can handle cruelty and the petty jealousies, but then she may never come out of that bubble. I can not stay in Cali and she does not want to move from Pana, which I do not understand completely. I know she doesn't like change......I am confused. Kat has started keeping her true feelings to herself for fear I will send her back to the hospital. I won't do that as long as she is honest. She is turning 16 on Jan 15th. She has been so difficult, lying, doing crap she shouldn't, but then again she has raised all her grades in school and is disgusted by her friends who drink. Her 'hero' is her older brother (my step-child) who is a big pothead.... I need to talk to her today.....seriously. I only want what is best for her. I just do not know what that is at this time. |
| In a recent newsletter, these wise words were printed and struck a cord with me. They are words from someone's wise Grandfather. 'Whatever you choose to do, do that which makes you want to hum from within. When that inner self is satisfied, then even bricklaying becomes an act of infinite pleasure, just getting the bricks just so, arranging them in even rows, making a sturdy and attractive facade, it matters little that people pass it by without comment. The birds will settle on it, the children will clamber on it with glee, boys will lean on it and gaze at the girls who pass, and the bricklayer will feel a pride in being a part of all that goes on.' The author of the newsletter, a lady I greatly admire, added this: 'What makes you smile? What creates that warm glow on your cheeks and that burgeoning music playing chords down your spine? Reviewing? Poetry? Reading? Forum interacting? Contests? Helping others? Do what you do on site with a song in your heart; care not who hears or doesn't.' Wise words and ones that I am taking to heart. I have decided to I am not going to stop my crusade to become PINK, I am not going to allow drama to follow me and bait me. i am not going to stir the pot by responding to it. I shall just do those things that make me hum within. Being a member of WDC, with the very special friends I have made, makes me hum. I do not want to hear anymore if people do not like me, I will just hum louder if you try and share any negativity from others. I do not care. Ignorance is bliss. I have come to the realization that not everyone is going to like me (yes, i have some issues with that I am working on....LOL) and that I only need to love myself. If I love myself, others will as well and if they do not, that is their problem, not mine...not any longer. I am becoming PINK people! LOL Let me envision myself the lovely color of cotton candy and colored poodles I apologize, again, one last time....for bringing drama or concern to anyone, anywhere, anytime, anyhow but now...onto beter things. We all falter but my friends were there to pick me up and turn me around. I thank you! |
| I have found for every person that (openly dislikes me) there are about 5 that do not. The count can be lower or higher depending on my mood and my interaction with the public. I know I have PMS moments and also that words get confused, especially on the internet. I read a blog this morning and I was surprised that I was not on this person's blocked list. LOL. She obviously liked to make petty jabs at my disease. You see, I suffer from logorrhoea. It is not a laughing matter. I just can not shut up. If talking to me on the phone, you must be able to talk over me, suffer those that speak in a long drawn on drawl....sorry Actually I do not suffer from this ailment (I just looked it up and it is quite serious and I feel bad for those that REALLY can not shut up). The fact is, I talk a lot, I talk fast and it is one of many shortcomings. My real friends (especially those in real life) understand this and actually love me in spite of it--actually in some ways, some of my friends love this about me. This person also had to have sent a spy because she is blocked. I have admitted any wrong doings and that was pretty much all about me sticking up for myself. I may be a little self-involved at times. I tend to focus on myself unless someone is in trouble, but then again...i think I do a pretty good job at making others feel good about themselves. so...blah on her blog. LOL BTW...I would advise this person to NEVER EVER call my house again. Lose that number. I did not take petty shots at you and could let loose a lot more about you if I wanted. Stop talking about me and I shall do the same. You are non-existent to me as of now.Coming back to California and not feeling so alone in a strange little town, around family and friends, I was able to let go of the petty crap shot my way. I know that the offenders believe that they are right and they are in their heads and I am right in mine. I have my friends and they have theirs. I do not begrudge them any of life's joys because they do not like me and personally, I do not care for them. I won't go around trying to make their existence on a website icky. I have also regained a picture of who I was before the move and the events that plagued my life half this year....it made me a little batty. I am leaving the site for a while. I have some obligations of package donations and such I have to take care of and then I am off to seek real life for a while. I have no doubt that I will keep in contact with certain people through email, phone calls or other correspondence. When and If I return, any people that do not like me, what I stand for, etc . can go suck on a pickle. After you are done with the pickle i hope you find that directing any energy on me in negative ways will be a waste of your time. Write about me in blogs, speak about me behind my back, but keep it out of my face. I do not like Ugly. I tend to want to live blissfully ignorant of anyone's dislike of me. karma will catch up to you and if it doesn't, more power to ya. What I plan on doing when I get home is joining a gym, getting a job (had to quit for a while due to some life circumstances), start my business, and then will focus on my writing. I will write again. I will actually be keeping a blog. I tried blogspot but it was odd. I will have to see if I can navigate it and decorate it. I really love this blog here....heck who knows I might be back once in a while to let my friends know what I am doing. In the meantime. Keep you heads high, show love to many, capture as much joy out of life....and know you are special. |
| While the dust settles and til the air clears I might just disappear but my heart remains here It is hard to walk away from something you love, even if you have known it only for such a short time. I signed on for this site never imagining how important it would become to me. I not only rekindled my love for the written word, but I learned so much about myself. Perhaps the biggest surprise was the connection I built with a few people on here. I felt I was at home, like I belonged as I became more and more involved in this site and the activities. I grew as a writer and as a giver of knowledge as I reviewed others work and added my thoughts about what the wrote. i learned from some of the best poets and was challenged by other great writers. These people became my family and WDC, quickly, became 'home'. I may have been zealous in my pursuit to take in all that this site had to offer, running quickly to each interesting group or activity. I may have striven to be the best I could be and that may have made me some enemies. I was confronted by people who questioned my motives and some who even started talking about me to others, jading their view of me. I watched as some people listened to others and turned away from me, even though I knew not what I did...ever, to anyone of them to cause such spite. I started to stick up for myself and found that my words could be so twisted, whether it by one's wrong interpretation or the receiver of those words unwillingness to see how they might have been wrong. I suffered through a suicide attempt of my youngest daughter. As she lie in ICU for three days, I went to a friend I 'met' here for comfort. It was such a terrible thing to have to live through and if not for this wonderful soul...I may have been alone. This was not something I wished to share with too many people in my 3D world. For a couple of months, my daughter was my muse and all I could write about was her. I had a place to write though and the support of a community of strangers. My mission here was to reach out to others in any way I could. I would see someone with a 'sad siggy' and would mail them without knowing if they would be receptive or not, as that is what I would hope for. I ran from auction to auction and activity to activity relishing in the creativity of the people who created them. I would offer to help whoever I could. I was unable to work after the hospitalization of my daughter, I had to be home in case something happened....this became my haven. My haven has turned into somewhat of a hell for me right now. I want people to know I am no better of a person because I reached number 1 one month on the review boards (yes, it was a goal), nor am I better than anyone because I have a higher number than some in recognition, if that were the case then that would mean anyone with higher recognition was better than me. I really hope those who feel this defines them as a person comes back to reality. You are not an excellent person inside because you talk a good game or you have many letters dedicated to you in your port, you are not the better person because you gift people stuff or hold a yellow, blue, or even purple case. You are not above another because you feel your have more WDC friends. This site is not a competition. It should be everyone working together. If someone succeeds and perhaps surpasses you at some point in any of their endeavors, why not be happy for that person? I am sorry, but my own worth is not determined by Your successes or failures. My self worth is defined by Me. I set goals for myself and I strive to be a certain type of person. I am not infallible by any means. I stumble and fall often. I get up though and forgive myself, make amends if need be, and walk on. |
| I have decided that I am going to finish my book. as my new profile bio states, WDC inspired me to love writing again. i have a story to tell. Now it is about figuring out how to tell that story in a way that many may relate to and perhaps gain insight or feel connected.... I need to figure out how my layout will be. I do not think my book will be a large one. I think the intro is what I have to worry about most (for now). I have a couple of different choices. anyone peeking in here want to help me choose? I know I am being watched  some of you have told me so.... |
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