%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |
The place to be for positive reinforcements! |
|
Hello My Sunny Pals, Welcome back to Shellyville.... 
|
| Hello my sunny pals, I asked him what he wanted and he said "Patience" It's the one stupid thing I suck at. It's the one talent or gift that I lack. I am not proud of myself for lacking patience. It's just that I am honest. I have never been good for waiting for what I want. I guess if it's meant to be than I can wait. I can put my emotional needs on the back burner? Well...Can I? I honestly don't know if I can. I don't want to hurt him but he is hurting me. I don't want to wait for something that might never come and at the same time I might lose something of value that I don't want to lose. I don't know what to trust. My heart or my gut or my silly wishful thinking? In the end I have to be true to myself. In the end I can't change for someone if I can't change for myself. I don't understand it. It's like we are the odd couple. I can't stop loving and he can't love enough. I need to ask myself what I really want and why I am willing to give patience a try. Because if I can't give patience a try then I know this is goodbye, and I am not ready for good bye!! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Thank you for your views. Thank you for keeping me here. For visiting me and letting me know that I need to write. I need Writing.com way more than it would ever need me. After six years you would think I would have got my full. I am not so sure about that. I don't think I ever will. It's about being read. It's having something to say and knowing that someone somewhere is interested and reading what I have written. I don't know who that "stranger" friend is but I am oh so grateful! You are the hidden spice in my life. You are my missing muse at the moment. I need to get back to poetry. I haven't been inspired but I need to be. I need to dig deep and listen to my heart. The words will come. Thank you for believing in me! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I remember a time when it would rain in December and it would turn to snow. Lot's of heavy white beautiful snow. I like snow in December. In fact I think that might be the only month I do like snow. I love a white Christmas. I wonder if we will get snow this winter or just more cold and gray skies. I painted my picture last night and it was fun but do you ever wish you were with someone else when your with someone? Like your missing? I had this feeling like I was out with the wrong person. It was a strange feeling. I don't often get that way. I like the company I keep. I think at this time of year I get too emotional. I get caught up in old dreams and childish wishes. I want something else than what I have. I am sure that is very normal but it is bothering me today. I have to get up and get busy I have a seminar to go to and later I get to hang out with Jackson. I wish I could help him with his own emotions. I don't have the strength but I will find it. I also do! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I am going to paint tonight and I can hardly wait! I love being creative but most of all I love getting out of the house! It's been a long week and I wonder when I am ever going to work. Honestly, my life is too unstructured at the moment. I need a full time job and not all these part time jobs and holy cow the one at the church is going to be a TON of work but so fun!! I guess it's a good thing I don't really have a life cuz my weekends are going to be a little full in the new year. I am looking forward and know that when 2013 arrives I will be ready and willing to accept all my changes and new directions. I am going into the new year with an open mind and heart. I love with all my heart and I am going to paint with every color tonight! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I have the hardest job in the world and that is parenting a scared child. It is so hard to know what to say and do that can keep his mind safe. This morning we had a meeting with his psychiatrist and dang it wasn't pretty! He mentioned that we have gone through a long list of mood stabilizers and with poor results. If this next round doesn't work Jackson is looking at Residential school. Which is basically sending him away because we can't help him. Just doing 5 days in the residential program at Havenwyck was enough to freak him out. I thought he was going to have a heart attack this morning. I have never seen him look so scared and hopeless at the same time.It breaks my heart that we are trying to help him but he feels we are ganging up on him and that we don't love him. It's just the opposite. If we didn't care, none of this would hurt so much. It is the scariest feeling to know that as much as I love my son, I can't help him. It's time that he finds his inner strength and stability. Dear God, please bring Jackson the peace he needs to stay in school and at home. I can't imagine him leaving. I can't imagine it but I would do it but the fear of losing him would be so great. I am going to do everything I can to make sure that that never happens. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, It's a cold December morning but the sun is shining. I wish I had some serious work to do but it looks like I am free for the day. I am going to plan my menu and clean up the place for my party on Sunday. I get to host the girls club Christmas party! I am so excited to share some laughs with my best friends! I am in need of some girly company. I have spent the last few weeks so worried and tense that I need to lighten up! I need to remind myself of what's really important and that is the amazing support system I have in my friends. It's my time to give back to them and spoil them with my love and attention. Yeah! I love my life!! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Love is a wonderful gift. It comes from inside the heart and soul, it builds as you grow. It shows itself in happiness and peace. My love grows warmer in the winter. I love this time of year and to celebrate Jesus and the season of giving. I am a loving person. I carry an abundance of inner strength and beauty. I give my spirit away when I meet new people and I love meeting new people. I know that I am a giver. I am learning how to receive. Last night I was touched by a gift. It was the gift of the human spirit. It was given to me in a silent moment of connection. It was pure beauty and I am in awe of my luck. Sometimes the greatest moments come in silence. It will leave you with peace. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, How many part time jobs can one person have? I know that right now I should be looking for full time employment but I love all my part time jobs and am about to pick up a third job. I was asked if I would be interested in being a wedding coordinator. I would love it! I have a very open and flexible schedule. I love "love" and all the joy and stress that comes with planning a wedding. Hey I might even get some potential new clients. LOL For me I see it as an opportunity to give back, have fun, and maybe make a little extra cash on the side. I am open to it and hopefully it will work out and that they will give the position to me. You never know! Happy Monday! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, How can I go to the grocery store with three kids and still come home with no bread? I get totally distracted when I shop with my kids. I had them running around the store and picking up items but still we managed to miss the bread. Maybe it was my silent protest to being upset that Wonder Bread is no longer available. I mean is there another soft white bread like Wonder bread? If so my kids want to know!! Dang it's not a big deal but I am a small percent brand loyal and get bummed when things discontinue. Oh well, life goes on! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I see a change coming and I knew this day was going to happen. I knew a child with his degree of problems could not be "fixed" in a week. I don't know what to do or how to make the changes but I know they need to come. For me personally, I said Goodbye to Him. I had no choice but to delete some of the negative energy in my life. If I am not going to be loved the way I need to be loved then I don't want to be messed with. It was never going to work and I knew it but dang I am going to miss him. I missed him last night. I miss him now. It's going to take me some time to move on but I will. I will toss myself out to the sea and see what I can catch. Let the flirting begin! Love, Michelle |
| Hello, Power and control and I am losing it. I don't have much to begin with right now but it sure is slipping away. I was in a 2 hour meeting this morning with Jackson's school and they sure do love that kid. They have put in place many options to help him, now if he could only learn to help himself. I don't think he is "improved" or better or anywhere close to getting back to understanding what his role in life is about. I still see the defiance and absolute refusal to get it. It's damn scary what is happening and I am a huge part of the problem. I totally lost my cool again with him today. I seriously need a higher dose of happy pills. I have to get my personal life in order. I have to get security. I have to figure out what my role in life is about. I am slowly making improvements but it sure takes a long time to grow up!! I am working it! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, When I moved out of the house I left behind several boxes some furniture and my amazing Christmas collection of purple tubs. Several purple tubs. Now that Christmas season is looming near I am thinking about those tubs and if I want to move them here. I don't have the room for 10 tubs. I don't have the heart not to have my decorations either. I am torn between loving what I have and leaving behind my favorite Christmas items. I know I will bring them all over here and open every single one and only put out half of what I have. I know I have too much. I know I do. I love everything to do with the season of Christ. I have been collecting Santa's and snowmen for years. I have things from when I was a little girl and some of my mom's favorite items. I love the holiday's and really want to get back to the joy of celebrating and entertaining this year. I will be hosting a few parties and I am excited. I am starting to feel a lightness and joy in my heart. It sure helps that Jackson is out of the hospital!! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I live with unrealistic expectations. I live with a fantasy dream life that I cannot maintain and it's freaking me out! I want my dreams to come true. I want the happy ending and the never ending love story. I want you to understand my emotions. I want you to understand that my son is the life of my soul. I want you to realize that when he is hurting, so am I. I don't know how to deny you access to my heart. I will have to find a way to build my walls up once again. I am going into hiding. I am not going to be vulnerable when I am in this kind of pain. I might have thin walls but I have a hard head! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I love a good night sleep! I went to bed early and stayed in bed all night. Trust me, that is a big deal right now. I don't sleep well when I am worried so to get a good night sleep was like getting a gift of gold. I let my mind and my worries go. I did have some strange and interesting dreams but nothing too bizarre to wake me up! I often wonder about the strange symbolism in my dreams but figure it's there to either teach me a lesson or give me an idea of what's coming. I am not sure I am ready for what is coming! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I won't get to see Jackson now for another 4 days. I am not all that happy about it but I understand he needs to get well and he can't do that if he is stopping his progress for family visits. Still, he is only 11 years old and I miss him. I miss him and I love him. I want him to get better but dang it. I also want him in my loving arms. I can't protect him anymore and he is growing up! Ugg is this what they call growing pains? I need to keep myself extremely busy this week so I don't freak out. Man I will be doing lots of praying!! Have a wonderful day and love with all your heart! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Yes, today is my birthday but I am not in the mood for celebrating. In fact I don't understand the way I feel at all. I have always loved my birthday and am grateful for my life. I don't know how to be happy when my son is in the hospital. He is in Havenwyck and it was 6 years ago when he was diagnosed with Bipolar. It has been some of the best and worst years of my life. I have seen a mental illness change a life. It has been a wonderful ride but lately the road for Jackson was getting dark and ugly and he needed help. I don't mind that he is where he needs to be. What bothers me is that he even has to be there in the first place. I was never given enough wishes. I would have wished this all away. I would have done something different. I don't know what but if I could have speared Jackson I would have. I will try to find peace today. I am not going to celebrate. I am not going to party or have much fun. I will just stay calm until I can visit Jackson for an hour tonight. I am lucky that I even get to see him today! Thank you God for my life and the love I have in it! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Happy Thanksgiving! I am so grateful this year for my family and friends. I am so happy that I can celebrate this day with my sisters. I look forward to my sister Nan cooking our Thanksgiving dinner. She has been doing it for almost 20 years, maybe even longer. I love it and let the food coma begin! Happy Thanksgiving! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I am not sure I can contain my worry anymore. I am not sure that I can keep pretending everything is okay. I want it to be. I wish it was. I can only do so much with my thoughts. Jackson needs help that I can't give him. He needs a place to go so he can have intensive therapy. Some place safe and secure and able to address his anger and power and control issues. I can talk to him all I want but he is not hearing me anymore. He needs something different. All I ask God is that you can provide an answer that will help us. I need some serious direction. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Have you ever been told you look famous? That someone knows you but you have no idea who they are? It has been happening to me a lot recently and I am not sure why. In a variety of different ways strangers have been telling me they know me. It's been kind of odd. I am not famous. My picture is not all over the Internet. (well kinda it is) but still, it's not that I have a public image. I think it's my personality. I must have one of those smiles or looks that is friendly. I like that. I am going to have to see if I can make some money off of that some way! It's all good! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I am not sure why I get so cranky sometimes. I seem to be a little on the edgy side and it's not fun. I need to let go of the things I am worrying about. It's not like I can make things change. I can only go with the flow. Most of this is about my expectations and disappointment. I am upset with him and letting it get me down. I have to let him go. I have to move on to my happy place. It's all good and the love in my heart will be rewarded with more love! Love, Michelle |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
