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For the avoidance of doubt... Yes... I definitely have an opinion... |
 Welcome to my Blog!! Having an opinion is better than not having a thought of your own. I have many of both.... Pull up a pew and grab a hot, steaming mug of your choice. |
| Prompt: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." Plato *** There is very little point in being mean to someone ā ever. It does nothing other than potentially upset or hurt that person or make their day worse. It rarely makes you feel better. And if it does, it is usually only a temporary gratification ā it never lasts. It says more about you than them. We are not the central character in everyone's story, only our own. We do not know what someone is dealing with. Even when our friends and family confide in us there will be things we donāt know, fully appreciate, or understand. My husband occasionally gets frustrated when I refuse to take the bin out at night. Or go to the shops. Generally, when the sun goes down, I am not leaving my house. I get anxiety about it. Heart palpitations. Iām running through the very elaborate plan in my head to get to the bins, to the curb, and back to the house safely - in one piece. My overactive imagination in is overdrive with what could be lurking in the dark ā and how to defend myself. There are scenariosā¦ many scenariosā¦ My husband knows why. Heās fully aware of my history. Weāve talked about it many times because it impacts many different areas of my life. But even still, there are times when he doesnāt fully grasp it, or itās not at the front of his mind (itās like he forgets until he is reminded). He knows why but doesnāt feel it ā and honest why would he. But even on a base less, we donāt know what is happening in someoneās life. We donāt know if that mother who looks dishevelled dropping the kids off at the school gate has been up all night with a sick child. And even if she wasnāt how does it affect us in any way. The colleague who isnāt pulling their weight on a project or doesnāt seem as switched on as usual ā maybe their parent is ill or they had an agreement with their spouse, or the gas bill has come in and they are wondering how the hell they are going to make it to pay day ā you know the everyday trials and tribulations adults go through at some point. Maybe the person who was a little short/rude to you ā is still grieving or is having a tougher day than normal. And even if they are just being and an arsehole ā you being one back isnāt going to make the situation better ā it is more likely to make things worse. Iām not saying we should be kind at any cost. We need to have boundaries to protect ourselves and others. There are times that being kind can and has put individuals in danger. There is a difference in being kind and being someoneās metaphorical punching bag, just like there is a difference between being rude and just being the bigger person and walking away. There are situations where just ānot being rudeā is the right answer. We are entitled to ask if that colleague is okay to support the project still, or if they need help with it, or an extension? It is okay to walk away from a situation instead of blindly offering help. Because these things have an impact on us and other people. We are not entitled to know the details of why they are struggling. But we also canāt offer assistance unless we know it is needed or wanted. And most people struggle to ask for help. Itās a balance. In general, being kind costs very little. It does no real harm. Treating people with compassion should be normal behaviour, and yet it seems to be a trait we are losing at a staggering pace, particularly when people do not fit into the predefined pigeon-holes society seems obsessed with creating. So, I agree with Plato in that āeveryone you meet is fighting a hard battleā, but I also believe that sometimes it is better to walk away than to try and be kind.  |
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