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A blog for my MHWA group dealings and anxiety issues I deal with. |
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The Anxiety of Life When my anxiety gets the better of me, writing, even just a few lines about it, seems to help. So here is where I will start posting things when my world turns upside down.  Sometimes, someone who is broken doesn't want to be fixed, just to end up broken again...
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. I totally understand the need to check upon him, I used to do that as well, but one day I just realized it is time for me to move on because, obviously, they moved on from me as well. And it is the most wonderful feeling in the world to not feel any need to know what is happening with them or anything else about them anymore- not happiness, not anger, not annoyance, not sadness, not craziness... nothing at all. Utterly dead inside. In one of the previous topics in mental health forum, I mentioned how if we still allow to feel something for a person who hurt us (even happiness for them) we still allow them to be part of our lives while they shouldn't be. I used to feel happiness for people who hurt me, happiness to see them having a good life, but then I said to myself fuck this weird shit! While they are happy with their little families I'm over here trying to prove how good I am because I forgave all hurt they gave me while, actually, I was still crying at night when no one could see me. And then I just stopped feeling, killed myself for them from the inside, and that was the most wonderful thing I did for myself. 
. That's just horrible. 
.