%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| In keeping with my resolution to write every day, I am doing my Wednesday entry...although there are only 3 minutes of Wednesday left. I've had a pretty painful day. My back hurts bad, probably because I spent too long on the computer yesterday and have yet to receive the office chair I've been pestering my husband to get for almost a week now. Ah, well. Onwards and upwards! I've been home all day. I tried to do some writing and took my rusty old laptop downstairs with the idea that my back would be better supported on the couch and the laptop is crappy and slow and surfing the net on it is a waste of time, hence no distractions. The damn thing wouldn't turn on!  I guess it's been too long. I had a bit of a meltdown while bathing my little boy. He was being stroppy because he was tired, I was feeling stroppy because I was in pain, there was some yelling involved and then I went away and had a little cry over it. It's ridiculous. My husband was ill yesterday and he literally slept the whole day away. When I'm feeling crappy, I still have to do my bit. Gender inequalities, I tell ya! It's not quite been ten minutes but hopefully, by the time I'm done saving, it will be. Success! :D ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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