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 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 10:22 Today's entry is about trying to find some focus or direction for my blog. An idea just popped into my head since I've been singing the character song I wrote for the main protagonist of my novel for a while this morning. Writing prose is my main thing - I will do that, one way or another. I don't really need anyone or anything to egg me on for it (well...it would be nice but...meh). As for poetry, something comes along every now and then which makes me want to bust out some of my rudimentary and cobwebby skills with rhythm and rhyme. I do my best poetry when I'm passionate about something and this usually has to be inspired by something. I could try to just write stuff off the top of my head but it flows a lot better when the muse is there. But songs...songs are interesting. They come along infrequently and, like poetry, have to be inspired by something. Not situations or in moments where the desire to write something is strong, but...I don't really know. It's weird. Both times when I've written half-decent songs (in my own opinion, of course, so maybe they aren't all that great), they just struck me. Like maybe a line that I found immediately appealing. I can't remember how I started with the Doctor Who song but it was quite sudden. I was on my way to my grandmother's funeral and. sitting in the car staring somewhat uncertainly out the window at the landscapes rolling past, I just had this sudden desire to write about the Doctor. So I did. It wasn't supposed to be a song at first - I thought it was a poem. But it had a beat to it. I loved the little chorus. So I made it a song. I don't actually write music so I always feel like a bit of an imposter saying that I write songs. After I've written one, I sing it until I find a good tune and then...fine-tune it. Kind of. The character song that I wrote for my main novel is supposed to be complete but it just doesn't seem very...good. I kept tampering with it and then the story changed too so I felt I had to correct it but then I just sort of drifted away from it. So I was thinking maybe I could use the blogspace (is that a word?) to finish it. And when I've done with that one, maybe I could start another for either another character from the same story or the Elementals. Maybe if the first draft of the novel I'm doing right now actually comes out good at all, I could write a song for one of those characters. I'm going to force it! I'm going to yank the muse out from whatever gloomy depths it dwells in and have it help me tap into my potential. 10:39 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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