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 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 09:49 I got out of bed a few minutes ago and thought I'd do some work. My son stayed over at my brother's house last night so it's all very quiet here. In truth, I thought I'd get to lie-in a bit more (because waking up at nine thirty when the usual time is seven isn't a lie-in at all!) but that didn't happen. I'm trying to sort my sleeping habits out but one late night on the computer just erases everything. I was about to open up some college assignments and try to get something done but I thought I'd do my blog first and maybe outline some of the things I'd like to get done before tonight. Checklists are harder to ignore when there's visible proof that you had something on them, right? I would definitely like to finish up the assignment I received back, with comments telling me to make corrections (and add the two questions I completely missed out  ). And then there's the research assignment, which is just...pfft! I hurriedly did it the first time around, because I had no idea what I was doing and I was so glad to be rid of it. But now it's back! And worse than ever! The other thing to do by tonight - at least 1000 words on any story. I'm not even fussed at this point. It can even be for a story I wrote years and years ago which I have long since lost interest in. Must. Write! And then there's the usual items on my checklist - the languages, reading some Qur'an, and this blog. That's one item checked off. Great start to the day! 09:59 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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