%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 23:31 Yeah, I ran out of ideas for relevant alphabetical titles. I can't stay long today - I was supposed to be in bed an hour ago. I plan to wake up for the morning prayer at five and not go back to sleep. I recently heard of this thing called the 4am Club - I heard it from somebody and I think it's about people going to work at that time and still having time in the day to get on with their lives. So I thought I'd apply it to my routine. I hate waking up late but that's generally what happens if you sleep late so I'm trying to get to sleep earlier nowadays. It's from the prophetic tradition of Muhammad (PBUH) that one shouldn't sleep after the morning prayer anyway. I've had a good day today - I've stayed home all day! Yay! I cleaned the kitchen in the morning (kind of). I put out a laundry load. I did a decent amount of ironing. I am only one question away from finishing one of my college assignments! I did a tiny bit of writing. All round good day, thank God! They come around every once in a while to keep the balance, I suppose. Tomorrow is Eid-ul-Adha, the second festival of the Muslim year. It doesn't feel like it. It never feels like it. We all just troop off to my parents' place because everyone visits us there, which means my mum slaves away in the kitchen from like dawn. It's a shame what culture has twisted what should have been a day of joy into. The men...Oof, the men flit about from one house to another like...like...creatures that flit from one thing to another? I said I wouldn't stay long but it's been eleven minutes already! I'm glad I managed it today - I was thinking I'd have to give it a miss! 23:43 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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